


Magnetized

by kathyswizards



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Deserved Better, But only a little, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Eventual Romance, Everybody Lives, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Friends to Lovers, Gingerrose - Freeform, Like ten years, My Big Fat First Order Wedding, No Episode Nine, No Underage Sex, Pining, Pre-Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Protective Ben Solo, Rey (Star Wars) is Nobody, Rey deserved better, Rey is Not a Palpatine, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Teacher-Student Relationship, The Force Ships It, Time Skips, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Very Very Slow Burn, Young Ben Solo, Young Rey, nix - Freeform, no palpatine, no underage anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-31
Updated: 2020-07-07
Packaged: 2020-10-04 08:36:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 156,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20468138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathyswizards/pseuds/kathyswizards
Summary: The bond didn't begin at Ahch-To. It didn't begin on Starkiller Base. It existed much, much longer than that...As powerful darkness reaches across the galaxy to engulf young Ben Solo on the peaceful planet Chandrila, a powerful wave of light washes over the forgotten junkyard world of Jakku.A life is created. A bond is formed: Two powerful children are linked across countless light years. As the years pass, their bond draws them ever closer, no longer two lost, lonely souls, but two halves of a love so durable it will change the course of the galaxy and right the wrongs of a thousand generations.





	1. Ben - Age 9/Rey - Conception

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KriffingHell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KriffingHell/gifts).

> This is an AU of my AU, [_Darkness, Take My Hand_](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14194050/chapters/32718297).

I can see it in your eyes  
You're a spirit I recognize  
Feelings I cannot explain  
And I don't even know your name

Do we only live to die  
Or is it that our hearts are magnetized  
And our worlds collide for a reason…

[Johhny Hates Jazz – _Magnetized_](https://youtu.be/7dvuv_KPFJk)

**Ben – Age 9**

**Chandrila**

The Voice had always been with him. There were other voices—Mama, Dad, people nearby—but those all went along with the people. The Voice was only in his head, and since it wasn’t his own voice, that meant it had to be somebody else. He didn’t know who. Just that it was always there, talking to him, telling him things.

But this was the first time the Voice talked to him in his sleep. It was louder now. Stronger. Maybe because of the way he’d felt when he went to sleep.

_You’re angry, child_, the Voice said. _You’ve been treated unjustly._

Dreaming, Ben stood in the woods watching what happened this afternoon all over again.

“Brant _hit _me. With a _stick_,” he said. “A _lot_ of times. And he’s _bigger_ than I am. Was I just supposed to let him keep hitting me? After what he did to the squall?”

The agonized screams of the little animal ripped through his dream. He clenched his fists and tried to make them go away. There was the blood, the way the little creature writhed and flopped and twisted, trying to escape the stick skewering it to the ground.

_And yet you are the one punished_, the Voice said. _You were simply protecting yourself, trying to protect a small, helpless creature. _

Dark anger welled into Ben’s chest. It was suddenly hard to breathe. “They all acted like I was _trying_ to break Brant’s stupid back. I _wasn’t_. It’s not like I _meant_ to throw him that hard. He was hitting me! It’s not fair.”

_No, it isn’t. Would you like to make it so they can never be unfair again?_

“Yes.”

_Get up. Go into the kitchen._

Ben opened his eyes to his dark bedroom. Was he still asleep? He felt funny, sort of far away from himself, like he was still dreaming. Maybe he was, then.

He got up, padded across his bedroom floor and down the hall. The house was completely quiet. Even the droids were on standby. In the kitchen, moonlight and streetlight danced across the floor and counters as the wind moved the leaves of the trees outside.

Ben stood blinking in the uneasy dimness, wishing he would wake up. He didn’t like this. It was scary. It wasn’t _right_. He reached out through the Force. That helped a lot of times. He could feel the life outside the house. The Voice was only a thread of darkness that wove through his thoughts.

_Do you see a knife?_ the Voice said.

Ben looked around. “There’s a vibroknife on the recharger.”

_That will do. Take it._

Ben wanted to ask why. He wanted to ask what he was supposed to do with the knife. But the darkness tangled up his thoughts.

He crossed the kitchen, the floor smooth and cold under his bare feet. He had to hop up on a countertop, the way Mama scolded him not to do, to reach the knife. He unclipped it from the charging bar and hopped down again.

_Now go to your parents’ bedroom_, the Voice said. When Ben started to put the knife down on the counter, it said, _No, take the knife with you._

That seemed wrong. Ben hesitated, straining to wake up.

_Be still, child_, the Voice soothed. _Soon such things won’t matter. Now do as I say._

Darkness eased through him, quieting his struggles. The Voice had always been his friend. It cared about him and understood him better than anyone else. Ben left the kitchen and crossed to the wing of the house where Mama and Dad’s room was.

_Careful now_, the Voice warned outside their bedroom door. _You mustn’t wake them._

Ben used the Force to make sure the door didn’t make noise when he opened it. He often pretended to be a hunter when he played in the woods—that was how he ran across Brant torturing the squall this afternoon—so his steps on the carpet were silent now.

Mama and Dad were two long lumps under the covers. He couldn’t see it in dark room now, but in his mind he could see the beautifully embroidered comforter with the vivid blues and soft yellows and gentle pinks of a cloud-filled sky. Dad had given it to Mama before Ben was born. _A little leftover piece of Alderaan I happened to run across_, he’d said as Ben smoothed his small hand over the intricate, silky threads.

_You know what you have to do_, the Voice said. _Use the knife._

Plasma hummed along the blade as Ben activated the knife. The blue glow lit the soft curve of Mama’s cheek, the dark tumble of her hair on the pillow. The bristles on Dad’s face reflected tiny sparks of blue.

Ben stared down at his parents, the soft hum of the blade interweaving with the sound of their breathing. “What am I supposed to do?”

He didn’t speak aloud, only in his mind. He learned a long time ago not to talk out loud when he talked to the Voice. He didn’t like people thinking he was crazy just because _they_ couldn’t hear it.

The darkness wrapping his thoughts grew prickly. _Put an end to their heartlessness. _The Voice was annoyed._ It will have to be the throat. Just two quick slashes, and it will be over._

Ben stiffened. “What?”

_ They were so unfair. So unfeeling. The took the part of a bully and torturer over their own son. They shamed you in front of everyone. They left the authorities to question you before even tending to your wounds. I know how you suffered! Would any caring parent do such a thing to their only child?_

“But Dad and Chewie—”

_You know your father is afraid of your power, your strength. Your own **father**. He was only attempting to mollify you, for fear you’d do to him what you did to the bully. Your mother’s only concern is for her reputation. _

“No—” Ben began.

_Yes_, the Voice interrupted_. You know it’s true._

It was. Ben had heard Dad’s thoughts when he learned what happened: _Why couldn’t he just hit the guy like any other kid?_ He couldn’t hear Mama’s thoughts, but he sensed her deep dismay. And the way she’d looked at him… Even thinking about it made him cringe.

“But I—”

_You did nothing wrong today_, the Voice said. _The guilty must be punished. Injustice must not be allowed to stand._

Ben’s guts were a knotted mess. The dream was turning into a nightmare. He just wanted to wake up, no matter how awful everything was in real life, no matter how much trouble he was in, no matter how many people looked at him like he was a _monster_.

In his dream, Ben slowly turned his head to look at the knife in his hand. The darkness in his mind twined with his own anger, burning outward from a knot in his chest and down his arms. He remembered how good it had felt to use the Force to throw Brant into that tree, how satisfying Brant’s scream of terror and pain had been. How _strong_ he’d felt.

If he did what the Voice said, he could feel that way again. No one would ever hurt him again. No one would chew him out or lecture him. No one would make him feel small and strange and disappointing. No one would say, _You know better, Ben; How could you, Ben; I’m ashamed of you, Ben_.

He looked back at Mama and Dad, peacefully sleeping in the blue glow of the vibroknife.

If he did what the Voice said, he _would_ be a monster.

Ben jerked awake. He blinked hard, looking around to see where he was.

He was in Mama and Dad’s bedroom. A vibroknife hummed softly in his hand.

“No!” he shouted aloud. “No, _no_, **_NO_**_!”_

He sensed Mama and Dad startle awake before they shot upright in bed. Ben was already running out of the room. He flung the knife away, in the direction of the kitchen.

_Boy, stop! _the Voice commanded. _You must—_

“Go away!” Ben shouted. His voice echoed through the house. Lights blinked on behind him now. “Go away, go _away_, go **_away_**_!_ Leave me alone! I hate you! You’re _bad!_ Don’t you ever, ever talk to me again!”

Reaching for the Force, he slammed his mind shut. The dark tendrils that wound through his mind shriveled and fell away, parasitic tentacles cut off from their source.

The darkness that reached across the galaxy for him flailed in frustrated rage. It brushed Leia as she scrambled up and pulled on a robe. She shivered and shrank away, instinctively reaching for the Force to shield herself and her family. The darkness blindly careened away, groping for a mind that had suddenly vanished from its perception.

Leia rushed out into the hallway, following the raging storm that was her son’s horror and fear.

**Rey – Conception**

**Jakku**

The Force always seeks balance. As powerful darkness tore across the galaxy, an equally powerful wave of light was triggered. It sped outward, finally washing over the junkyard planet of Jakku.

In the wreck of the star destroyer _Inflictor_, a man and a woman were celebrating in the oldest way. They’d uncovered a stash of booze and rations deep in the collapsed rooms of the officers’ deck. The woman, small and thin, had scraped past crumpled bulkheads and crushed beams before finally spilling into a surprisingly intact corridor. A mummified body, still in uniform, lay crumpled on the floor in front of her. Kicking it aside, she went to work with a prybar and a handheld electrotorch to open up a passage for her partner. They spent hours going through the officers’ quarters, an untouched treasure trove.

Now, bellies actually full for a change, flying high on good fortune and some Imperial general’s well-aged liquor, they fumbled each other’s clothes off there on the General’s bed. The bed was tilted at the same angle as the rest of the wreck, but since it was tilted toward the wall, it just meant they were well-braced as they groped and wrestled and pumped, the dark, dusty space echoing with grunts and moans of pleasure.

Theirs was an arrangement of convenience. The man got a clever helper able to get into spaces smaller than he could (plus an enthusiastic lay whenever he wanted one), and she got to share in the fruits of his hauls.

His hauls were almost always good. Everyone called him Hound. And Hound had a knack for sniffing his way right to the best stuff. For the woman, Gilee, life was a lot better with Hound than it had been before.

A couple months after the celebration in the General’s quarters, Gilee told Hound what had happened that day. She knew what would come next—she’d be on her own about two minutes later. If she was lucky, she could trade something to get the thing taken out of her. If she wasn’t, she had two choices: join one of the brothels in Niima Outpost, or die. A pregnant woman couldn’t keep herself by scavenging for very long, and no partner wanted to take on that kind of burden.

Hound surprised himself. He always got rid of women when they got pregnant. Not his problem. Nothing to say it was his, anyway. This time, it was different. This time, he knew. This time, he stuck around.

He didn’t know why. He didn’t know why he made her stop the spirits and spice. He couldn’t say why he worked extra-hard to make sure she had enough to eat, or why he made her stop working when she got too unwieldy to crawl around the wrecks. He stopped scavenging himself and turned to trading, using his smooth tongue and uncanny charisma to charm the best deals out of buyers and sellers alike.

If you asked him why, he’d tell you it was because hey, the kid was half his, and besides, he was curious to see what it’d turn out like.

The truth was every time he looked at that woman with his child growing in her belly, it seemed he saw brilliant light shining out of her. In all Jakku’s hopelessness and despair, he couldn’t bear to see it put out.


	2. Ben - Age 10/Rey - Birth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is for KriffingHell, awesome reader and great inspiration. Thanks for being so angry that Ben wasn't able to follow through on his plan to rescue Rey.
> 
> Since the first chapter was so short, I decided to post this one sooner. Thank you for all the love you sent already. You guys are the best!

**Ben - Age 10**

**Chandrila**

Something had happened that day—that night. Leia’s usually quiet, serious son had changed. Now he was grim and silent, like he was haunted by something, something worse than having seriously injured another boy.

_That_ had been bad. It’d taken all her considerable skills to smooth it over. It helped that the other boy had confessed to torturing a small animal and beating Ben with a stick before Ben… Well, before he defended himself. And unfortunately, Ben had a habit of never doing anything by halves. In his mind, he was perfectly justified in using the Force to throw a boy who tortured animals and beat smaller children into a tree.

To anyone who called Ben a menace, Leia quickly retorted that _her_ child wasn’t the one who displayed several classic signs of psychopathy. That had been enough to shut down any such talk.

It was the night afterwards that made her stomach clench in cold dread. Waking up to Ben’s screams in the night was nothing new. Finding him in hers and Han’s bedroom was more worrying. When she found the vibroknife lying in the hall afterwards, she knew something was very, very wrong.

She couldn’t bring herself to tell Han. But she began to watch Ben much more closely.

He only came out of his room when forced to now. He wouldn’t make eye contact. He barely ate. He’d always been a thin boy; now he was gaunt and haggard.

She’d been attending as many meetings as possible remotely, by holo. Still, some matters demanded she be physically present—especially when she was trying to convince certain willfully blind senators that Empire 2.0 wouldn't be any better than Empire 1.0.

As Leia stepped into skylit foyer of their home, T-2LC whirred out to greet her, taking her coat and bag.

“Thank you, Elsie,” Leia said. “Where’s Ben?”

The droid carefully folded Leia’s coat over her shining plastoid arm. “In his room, ma’am.”

“Has he eaten?”

“I alerted him to both breakfast and lunch, ma’am, but he declined to eat. He didn’t accept my offer of his preferred healthy snacks, either.”

Leia pressed her lips together, trying to ignore the cold lump in her stomach. “I’ll go drag him out.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Elsie replied. “I’ll see to the evening meal. Perhaps that might tempt him. The crispy noodle salad with spicy azel dressing, do you think?”

Leia sighed. “We can give it a try.”

She made her way through the house to Ben’s room. The door was, of course, closed. She knocked and called his name. At his muffled reply, she opened the door. She scanned the room for signs of his mental state.

As always, it was tidy, his bed made, his models of starfighters dusted and arranged in a neat line. That was Ben’s own doing—he didn’t let the droids do more than vacuum his floor, and he supervised even that. _I don’t want anyone messing in my room_, he explained when she asked.

He sat at his desk in front of the window, the window open on the clear, breezy afternoon. Not dark, nothing neglected, which might make her suspect depression.

A datapad lay on the desk by his elbow. He watched her warily. Holding in a sigh, she sat in a chair near him.

She decided to start easy. “All caught up on your studies?”

His lips compressed briefly. “I’m three months ahead.”

Of course he was. “What’ve you been studying?”

“Astrography. The genesis of the Clone Wars. The _Beltan_. Some pre-algebra.”

Leia nodded. “The _Beltan_ is one of my favorite pieces of classic Alderaanian literature. A little bloody, though.”

Ben nodded. No hint of a smile. He’d sense she didn’t come to ask him about his studies. She might as well get to the point.

“Elsie said you haven’t eaten today.”

“I was busy.”

“Too busy to eat.”

His gaze slid away. He nodded.

“Ben. This has been going on for months. What’s wrong?” He opened his mouth to reply. She knew what it would be. “Don’t tell me ‘nothing.’”

“What do you want me to tell you?” he said with a flare of temper.

She leaned forward. “I want you to tell me what’s wrong. I want you to tell me what happened. This can’t continue. If you won’t tell me, I’m going to have to take you to see someone.”

His gaze flashed pure betrayal. The boy’s eyes were more expressive than any achingly emotive Alderaanian ballad she’d ever read.

“No, Ben,” she said, reading that eloquent look. “I don’t think anything is wrong with you. I think you’ve been upset about Brant Tomen.” She named the boy he’d Force-thrown into the tree.

Ben was sensitive—too sensitive, in Leia’s opinion. He’d have to toughen up if he was going to survive the life he’d face as the son of Leia Organa. As prince of Alderaan, he’d always be in the public eye, always on display. She tried to remember herself at his age, but all she could recall was the frustration of wanting to _do_ things, but not being allowed.

“I won’t lecture you any more about that,” she continued. “You already know everything I’d tell you. But I know something happened that night. Something that scared you.”

His gaze fell to his hands. She watched him twist them together in his lap and forced herself to wait quietly.

“A nightmare,” he finally mumbled.

“Like the ones you’ve had before?”

He shook his head. “When I woke up, I was in yours and Dad’s room.”

Her mouth went dry. She remembered the wave of darkness that had swept her as she got up.

She wet her lips. “What about the knife?” she asked, quietly and evenly.

Pure horror blazed through his eyes. He breathed hard, his hands knotted so tightly together his fingers turned red and white.

“I _won’t_. I won’t _ever_ hurt you and Dad.” A tear tracked down his cheek. He rubbed at it angrily with the heel of one hand. “I _love_ you.”

His anguish beat at her through the Force. It drove her to her feet, made her cross to him and wrap him in her arms. “I love you too, sweetheart. That’s why I’m worried about you. If something is happening, something that scares you—”

He clutched her almost painfully tight. “No. I stopped it. I shut it out.”

By his words alone, he was talking about whatever scared him. An unexpected memory washed over her, and a chill prickled down her back. Something he’d said when he was little—_Do you hear it too, Mama? The Voice? Be real quiet. Listen. Hear it now?_

He’d stopped talking about The Voice two or three years ago. She’d assumed it was something ordinary, an imaginary friend like many children had, one he’d eventually outgrown.

Now she wasn’t so sure. She remembered now how some of the things the Voice told him had seemed disturbingly…adult.

Ben abruptly pulled away. “Come on, Mama. Let’s go eat dinner. That’s what you came to get me for, isn’t it?”

Leia didn’t question how he’d known—she’d long since gotten used to his reading of surface thoughts. She also perfectly aware that he was trying to divert her. But if it got him to eat, she’d let him do it.

She smoothed his black, shaggy hair back from his face. “Okay, sweetheart. We can talk more later.”

He nodded and let her shepherd him out of the room.

* * *

It was hard keeping the Voice out. Ben could feel it tapping at his mind all the time, trying to worm back in. If he didn’t concentrate on blocking it, he had to concentrate on something else. It didn’t matter what, as long as it was taking up his attention.

But at night…

The whispers crept in at night, stroking the dark places inside him.

Ben didn’t sleep much. Not for a long time after That Night. He spent the hours after everyone had gone to bed with his calligraphy set, drawing the fanciest letters he could, making little drawings of trees and birds and flowers, doodling elaborate designs. He only laid down when he was so exhausted he wouldn’t dream.

Maybe it was his imagination, but sometimes it seemed a little better lately. Sometimes when the darkness seeped under the door to his mind, rising higher and higher until he thought it’d drown him, a little spark of light popped on.

It kept happening. He started watching for it—that tiny flicker like a minmin bug, the ones that danced in blinks of green and orange on warm summer nights. Whenever the darkness tried to suck him under, he’d cling to that tiny little bug of a light. Somehow, it always kept him afloat.

* * *

When Mama decided to do something, nobody could change her mind. Not Dad, and sure not Ben. So when she decided he needed “see someone,” that meant he was going to see someone.

So now he sat on a bright blue chair in an office with a therapist. Artwork featuring cute animals hung on the walls. In the corner, toys peeked out of an open box. Ben sat on the edge of his seat and bounced his knee, trying not to think about how mad he was and what he could do to keep from coming back.

The therapist was a little bit Force-sensitive. Nothing like Mama. And _nothing_ like Ben. Just enough to let her sense people. Ben didn’t think she even knew it—she just thought she was especially good at her job.

She was sensing him now. Ben didn’t like it. What he felt wasn’t any of her business. He shoved her touch away.

The doctor jolted back in her chair. Blinking hard, she raised a hand to her head.

“You okay?” Ben asked, mostly concerned, but a little spiteful, too.

“I’m perfectly fine, Ben,” she said. “Thank you for asking.”

_Liar_, Ben thought.

The doctor said to call her Delia. She chatted (tried to chat) with Ben a few minutes. It was supposed to make him more comfortable. It didn’t. Now she got down to business.

“Your mother said nightmares have been bothering you. Would you like to talk about them?”

Ben tensed. “No.”

“Sometimes when you talk about something that bothers you, it makes the problem not seem so big.”

Ben just stared at his fingers working at each other in his lap.

Delia made a brief note on the datapad on her knee. Her thought whispered past him: _withdrawn, uncooperative_. She let the silence stretch a few, long moments.

She finally said, “Your mother said you used to talk about a voice you heard. Do you still hear it?”

His gaze jumped up to hers. “No.”

“You used to, though?”

He glared at her. “You think I’m crazy, don’t you?”

“I think something is bothering you very much,” she said. “I’d like to help you, if I can.”

Ben was tempted to ask if she could make the Voice leave him alone. He’d already done his own research. He knew what she’d do—she’d give him drugs. If she gave him drugs, he wouldn’t be able to shut out the Voice.

“You can’t help me.”

“Maybe I can—if you give me a chance.”

He locked his hands on his knees to hide his shaking. “No.”

No one could help him. No one. If anything was going to get better, he’d have to take care of it himself.

* * *

An insistent chirping dragged Han up out of sleep. He pushed the covers off and fumbled out of bed, his half-asleep mind telling him some alarm was going off in the _Falcon_.

Leia was quicker. She already pulling on a robe as she strode across the room.

Han woke up enough to realize, no, he wasn’t on the _Falcon_. He was in his and Leia’s bedroom.

Running a hand down his face, he hurried across the room to her. “What’s going on?”

“The security system alerted.”

Oh. Yeah. She’d had it installed a couple of months ago. Han thought it was over the top, but she said she didn’t like some of what was being said in the Senate. Han had a feeling her worries were much closer to home.

It made him kriffing mad, that she wouldn’t even tell him what worried her. No, she always had to take care of everything herself. He didn’t even get to protect his own family.

At the control panel set into the wall, she suddenly gusted an exasperated sigh. “Oh, for— _Ben_.”

She turned in a whirl of silken robe.

Han peered at the security screen long enough to see a dim image of Ben lying on his back. On the roof.

Grinning, he caught her arm. “Go back to bed, sweetheart. I got this.”

“_What_, in the name of—”

“I did the same thing when I was a kid.” He steered her back to bed. “He’s just stargazing. I’ll go talk to him.”

Han kicked on shoes and padded through the house to Ben’s room. Sure enough, the window was open. He went to it, stuck his head out and saw it—a nice, convenient angle of roof.

It’d been a long time since he’d done this. Carefully, he climbed out the window and across, onto the roof tiles. Ben was lying higher up, close to the peak of the roof. He’d pushed up on one elbow, his surprise clearly visible even in the dim light.

“Dad, what—”

“Your mother called off the security droids. No one’ll bother us.”

Ben stammered.

“You forgot about that, huh?” Han said. “It’s okay, kid. We’ll reprogram the system. You’ll be able to come up here without getting stunned.”

Ben was scrambling up.

Han waved him back down. “Mind if I join you?”

Ben crouched halfway to his feet a moment before lowering himself back down. Wrapping arms around knees, he nodded. Han carefully slip-stepped across the roof to his side, then eased down on his back, gazing up at the stars. The lights of some ship streaked past overhead. Finally, Ben lay back down, too.

A cool night breeze smelling of moonflowers teased at Han’s hair and nightclothes. An eelbird called in the trees, _skritch-skritch-skritch-WOOO_. Han shifted, away from a tile’s ridge digging uncomfortably into his shoulder blades. He didn’t remember rooftops being this painful when he was young.

After a few minutes of silence, Han said, “Whatcha lookin’ at, kid?”

Ben pointed to a spot about halfway to the horizon, just above the tree line. “That.”

Han translated Chandrila’s constellations into a navigation map in his mind. “The Western Reaches. Not a lot out there.”

“There’s a light.” Ben held out his hand spread-fingered, as if warming it. “You can feel it.”

_**You** can feel it_, Han thought. _Not me_.

Ben slid him a glance and pressed his lips tight. “I can feel it.”

The hair on the back of Han’s neck rose. _He’s sensitive, Han_, Leia always told him. But he’d swear the kid could read minds.

Ben sighed.

Han had made a misstep, even if it was only in his mind. “We could go there sometime, check out the scenery. What d’you think?”

Ben sat up straight. “We could?”

“Sure, why not?” Han sat up too, suddenly excited about the idea. “It’s been a while since we’ve gone exploring. We could stop at Kashyyyk, check up on Chewie. See if he wants to come along.”

Ben threw his arms around him. “Yes, Dad! Please, let’s do it!”

Something in Han eased. It had been a long time since he’d seen Ben happy and excited about anything.

He should’ve taken him away after the incident with Tomen’s sadistic little shit of a son, no matter how much Leia insisted that _none of them_ were going to _run away_. Han hated seeing people look at his kid like some kind of monster or freak. _Hated_ it. If Han had caught the other kid beating Ben with a stick, _he_ would’ve thrown his bullying little ass into a tree. Chewie felt the same way. Except Chewie’d rip the little bastard's arms off.

He gave his son a one-armed hug, ruffled his hair. “I’ll talk to your mom in the morning. It shouldn’t be hard to convince her.”

Ben sprang to his feet, tugging on his hand to urge him up. “Come on, Dad. Let’s go in and plan the route.”

Han laughed. “In the morning, okay? We’re supposed to be asleep.”

Ben nodded eagerly. Han was pretty sure the kid wouldn’t be getting any sleep tonight.

**Rey - Birth**

**Jakku**

Pregnancy and childbirth were a risky proposition in a place like Jakku. Any little problem, and that was it for mother or child—or both.

Hound found an old Imperial physician for when it was time for the baby to be born. He made sure there were women to show Gilee what to do afterwards. Now, as he gazed down into his child’s round face and bleary eyes, he decided it was worth all the wheeling and dealing and finagling.

“What are we gonna do with it, Hound?” Gilee whined. “How’re we gonna feed it? I still can’t scavenge with this…this _thing_ dragging at me.”

He gave her a sharp look. “She’s not an ‘it.’ She’s a ‘she.’ And you got everything she needs for now. Don’t worry about scavenging. I been making sure you got enough of everything. I still will.”

The baby squirmed in Gilee’s arms, mewling softly and waving her tiny hands.

“What d’you want to name her, Gilee?” Hound touched the baby’s hand. She grabbed his finger and held on tight.

“I don’t care. You name it.”

Hound stiffened.

“_Her_,” Gilee corrected quickly.

He didn’t understand her. Couldn’t she see how bright and beautiful their child was? Couldn’t she _feel_ it?

“Rey,” Hound said. “Like the sun when it first peeks up over the edge of the desert. When it’s all just bright gleams in the sky, before it gets hot and cruel.”

Gilee looked up at him, her eyes wide. Hound smiled back at her until he felt what was behind that look—not wonder, but…dismay.

The baby’s little face screwed up and she began crying.

“What’s wrong with it? Why’s it making that noise?” Gilee thrust her away. “You take it!”

Hound scooped Rey up, gathered her to his chest. _You_, he wanted to say_. She’s crying ‘cause of you_.

“All this is new,” he said. “It was all dark and quiet, where she was before. Now everything’s bright and loud and sharp. She’s scared.” He stared until Gilee met his eyes. “Just like you, Gilee.”

She dropped her gaze again, hunching in on herself. As Hound cradled Rey to his chest, her cries diminished to little whimpers. Her tiny hands waved vaguely, as if reaching for something. He gazed into her face again. Her squinting, uncertain-colored eyes couldn’t focus yet, but he felt her attention wander upward.

Not on him. On something far away.

Looking up, Hound stretched out his own senses. There was nothing. Nothing but blazing white sky.

He caught it then, the briefest flicker through her unformed mind, a fleeting impression: _Dark_. _Want_.

Yeah, that’s right. Just like he told Gilee.

But Rey wasn’t reaching for Gilee. She was reaching for that empty sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how often I'll be updating. For some reason, this story is going much slower than my last one. It might (probably?) won't be weekly, but it should be regularly.


	3. Ben - Age 11/Rey - Age 1

**Ben - Chandrila**

It turned out it _was_ hard to convince Mama to let him go on a trip with Dad. Mama wanted Ben to keep seeing the therapist. Dad and Mama argued. Ben heard it. He couldn’t help but.

“If you keep treating him like something’s wrong with him,” Dad said, “he’s gonna start believing it.”

Ben was out in the garden under the window of Mama’s office. He’d heard a bird hit a window, and ran over to see if it was okay. It lay among the glassy-leaved mirrorbushes, a trillo. Its tiny beak was open to show its pointed tongue as it panted.

“Something’s troubling him, Han.” Mama’s tone was impatient. “Can’t you see that?”

Gently, Ben gathered the trillo into his hand. It drew in its head and wings until it was only a ball of green and blue feathers with an ivory beak poking out.

There was a beat of silence from the window above. “I don’t have the Force, Leia. It doesn’t mean I’m blind. If he’s troubled, it’s because everyone treats him like a cross between an armed bomb and a rathtar.”

“_You_ treat him that way,” she shot back. “Your own _son_.”

Very gently, Ben smoothed a finger over the surface of the ball. He could feel the trillo’s heart pattering like a tiny motor.

Silence again. When Dad spoke again, his voice was farther away. “I’m not good with this Force stuff. I’m used to dealing with things I can see and touch. What he did to that Tomen kid…”

“He was hurt and angry,” Mama said quickly. “He was protecting himself.”

“You think I don’t know that? Boys get in fights. No big deal. Except with him, it is. He should be able to just be a kid, but he’s got all this power. Kids aren’t supposed to be…to be _powerful_.”

“It’s our job to show him how to use his power.”

“Yeah, sure it is. But you gotta let him be a kid, too. Take the _pressure_ off, Leia. Let him forget about the Force and being prince of Alderaan and what everyone thinks.”

“Are you talking about Ben, or you?”

“Maybe both. Don’t make him keep going to the therapist. He hates it.”

“It’s for his own good. He needs to talk to _someone_, and he won’t talk to me.”

“Except it’s _not_ doing him any good,” Dad said. “He’s miserable. He’s not gonna talk to some head-cracker any more than I would.”

There was a chilly moment of silence, then, “What do you propose?”

“He lit up when we talked about taking the _Falcon_ out. You should’ve seen. Let him go.”

Mama muttered something about _piece of junk_.

“What’ll it hurt to try?” Dad was wheedling now. Ben could just see him in his mind, the crooked grin on his face. “You keep saying you want to teach him to be a leader. Well, let him get out and see the galaxy. Let him see the way people really live. He’s all locked up in a gilded cage here. Let him out for once, Leia.”

The Force rippled with Mama’s emotion. “I worry about him—”

“I know you do, sweetheart,” Dad broke in. “Trust him. How else will he learn to trust himself?”

Ben touched the littlest spark of Force-healing to the trillo. In a blue and green flash, it launched itself from his hand and went flickering across the garden.

“Are you running one of your cons on me, Han Solo?” Mama said sternly.

“Depends. Did it work?”

She gusted a sigh. “Fine. Go on your trip. Nothing else has helped.”

There was the smack of a kiss. “I’ll let you tell him. Let him think it was your idea.”

Ben jumped up and ran. In that moment, he was more grateful to Dad than he could ever remember.

**Ben - Kashyyyk**

Ben hadn’t been to Kashyyyk since he was little and Chewie had carried him on his shoulders while Ben pretended to be a bird flying high above the treetops.

Chewie couldn’t come with them, but Ben was happy to spend a few days running up and down the wooden avenues built high in the wroshyr trees’ branches and spend the nights surrounded by the rumbling warmth of Chewie and his family.

When he was little and Mama was busy with her Senate duties and Dad was busy getting his pilot’s school going and the only company Ben had for days on end was droids, he’d begged Chewie to let him come and live with him. Chewie had lowered himself to the floor, pulled Ben into his lap and just held him. As Ben burrowed his face into his shaggy fur, wormed his small fingers into it, he could feel Chewie’s gentle refusal.

He never said it aloud, though. Ben was grateful. It gave him room for hope. It left him a way to pretend that one day, if only he waited long and patiently enough, he’d go to Kashyyyk and live in the treetops like a Wookie, and he’d never have to be alone again.

Now, sitting on the wooden deck of Chewie’s home and swinging his legs over the abyss of green leaves and blue air and shimmering white mists, he pretended he was home and not just visiting.

But then there would be no _Millennium Falcon_, and no going to find the light he could _still_ sense, even though they were farther away than before. He might’ve never been able to go find that light until he was grown up.

And would it even still _be_ there, still waiting for him after all those years?

Ben jumped up and ran to find Dad.

* * *

“Okay, kid,” Dad said. “Where to now?”

Ben, in the _Falcon’s_ pilot’s seat, reached out his senses. There was the light, still tiny, though it felt bright enough to cast shadows if only it was something that could be seen with the eyes.

Touching the controls as familiarly as Dad ever did, he slowly swung the ship around. Kashyyyk was a marbled crescent visible at the starboard edge of the _Falcon’s_ faceted viewport.

Too excited right now to be sad about leaving, Ben pointed straight ahead. “_There_.”

Dad squinted at the navicomputer. “Huh. Well, most of the galaxy is between here and there, but that’s still toward the Western Reaches.” He squinted at Ben this time. “You sure about this?”

Ben nodded once and stared hungrily out the viewport, into the pearly spill of stars across space.

“Ohhhhhh-kay then,” Dad said. “You’re in the pilot’s seat, kid. Set our course and take us to lightspeed.”

Ben bounced in the seat and studied the navigation screen. Corellia was straight ahead, Hosnian Prime not far off. But they were both Core worlds, like Chandrila. What he sensed wasn’t in the Core. More systems scrolled past, with names like Botor and Daupherm, Kitel Phard and Jakku. He’d read about Jakku, of course, where the last battle with the Empire was fought.

He pursed his lips. Well, the only thing to do was start with the closest and work their way out.

Ben put in a course for Botor.

**Ben - Takodana**

The light wasn’t at Botor. Huffing out an unhappy breath, Ben reached to set new coordinates.

“Wait a minute.” Dad put a hand over Ben’s. “We’re not far from Takodana. There’s an old friend there I wouldn’t mind catching up with. We can head there and, you know, triangulate.”

Ben felt Dad’s impatience. He was more interested in the “old friend” than in triangulating…but triangulating wasn’t a bad idea.

He sighed. “Okay.”

Grinning the way he did when he knew he’d gotten away with something, Dad traded seats with Ben, set the new coordinates and pushed the slides to send them to lightspeed.

They didn’t talk much as they flew. Ben felt Dad’s attention shift his way a few times. He was sad to see Ben sitting in the copilot’s seat and not Chewie. Ben understood. He wished Chewie was with them, too.

They dropped out of hyperspace above Takodana’s blue and green striped orb. The light wasn’t here, either. Ben didn’t expect it, but he hoped. Sometimes the Force could surprise you like that.

Dad landed the _Falcon_ neatly. When he strapped on his blaster, Ben knew what kind of place they’d be visiting.

At the base of the _Falcon’s_ boarding ramp, Dad opened his mouth to speak.

Ben sighed. “I know. Don’t tell Mama.”

Dad’s mouth closed. He gave an uneasy shrug. “Uh…yeah.”

Ben just nodded and followed Dad down the ramp.

Lush, green woods surrounded the landing field. They walked the well-traveled path along the lakeshore toward a great, dark castle whose spires rose above the treetops.

To the west, the Force rippled. Ben turned, caught a glimpse of a fleeing figure trailing wisps of pale, tattered rags, a girl’s frightened face turned back toward him. A powerful impulse to _go, get her_, gripped him. He took a step—

He stopped. A huge form dressed all in black—cloak, boots, hood, mask—strode after the girl. Ben recoiled when a lightsaber ignited in a black-gloved hand, a spitting, crackling eruption of red blade.

The Force rippled again and the girl and hooded man disappeared. Only the woods remained, breathing cool, moist stillness and muted green light.

Dad’s hand was on his shoulder. “Ben? What is it?”

What was it? A vision? He’d never had a Force vision, though he’d heard about them. What was the Force trying to show him? The past? The future? A future that would be, or could be?

Ben didn’t take his eyes from the spot where the girl and the man had vanished. “Nothing. I thought I saw someone. In the woods.”

Dad squinted into the woods, then sideways at Ben. “No-o-o-o-o. No one there. C’mon, son.”

Ben dragged a little, staring back over his shoulder into the trees. Takodana suddenly assumed much more importance. The Force was trying to show him something here.

Rooted deep into the Force through sheer _age_, the castle rose in front of them. Ben tilted his head back and back, his gaze traveling up spires that seemed to converge against a crystalline blue sky feathered with clouds. In the courtyard ahead stood a statue of an individual of some species he’d never seen, its arms open in welcome. Banners and pennants in every color sporting dozens of emblems swayed lazily in the soft, damp breeze.

Dad stopped him at the bottom of a flight of steps that led to a huge, armored door. “Listen, Ben. When we’re in there—don’t stare.”

Ben pulled himself up. “I don’t _stare_.”

“Son…” Dad’s mouth gave a wry quirk. “You _always_ stare.”

Ben gave an annoyed huff then nodded.

Dad clapped him on the back. “Okay, then. Let’s go.”

No matter how much he wanted to, Ben didn’t stare. Instead, he reached out with his senses to take in the castle’s dim interior. Gaming tables. Loud laughter. Heads leaned together in clandestine deals. Women in slinky costumes hanging on rough-looking males. The heavy, cloying scent of burning weed and infrequently washed bodies hung thick in the air. This was _definitely_ somewhere Mama wouldn’t want him to be, but it held its own forbidden allure.

Music clinked and burbled, background to the hum of voices, the rattle of gaming cubes, the whoops of triumph as someone won at some game. A woman’s loud voice cut over them all:

“Han Solo!”

Everyone in the room fell silent, turning to stare. Ben hunched his shoulders.

Looking sheepish, Dad raised his hand in a half-hearted wave. “Hey, Maz.”

The varied beings filling the dim space shuffled aside as someone made their way toward them. A small, yellow-skinned being who matched the welcoming statue outside soon stood in front of them, eyeing them shrewdly through huge goggles. Maz, Ben guessed.

Ben felt her brush him through the Force. Unaccountably, his ears started to burn.

“Who’s this?” Maz said.

“My son, Ben.” Dad set his hands on his shoulders. “Mine and Leia’s.”

Maz’s eyes went wide behind her lenses. “That explains it.” She studied Ben more closely. “Inherited the family jewels, I see.”

“Um,” Ben said, adrift. “There aren’t many left anymore.”

Ben could feel Dad’s agitation. Dad gave Maz a slight shake of the head and his thought flitted across: _He doesn’t know_.

_Know what?_ Ben thought, burning with curiosity. He’d learned a long time ago not to ask, though. He wouldn’t get an answer. If he just kept quiet, watched and listened, he had a better chance of finding out.

Ben couldn’t read Maz any more than he could Mama, but her expression changed to disapproval. “A conversation that’s a little overdue, isn’t it?”

“Leia worries,” Dad explained.

“No doubt,” Maz said.

“So,” Dad said with the air of someone changing the subject. “I’ve been out the loop for a while. Can I buy you a drink?”

“Why not.” Maz turned and gestured for them to follow. “Come on.”

That was when Ben felt it—someone watching. Malice. Hostility. He stopped. Eyes narrow, he looked unerringly toward what he sensed.

A man sat at a table with two others, drinks and half-cleared platters in front of them. One was well-dressed—too well-dressed for this crowd—with pale, slicked-back hair that brushed his high collar. Rings adorned his fingers, and a silver collar with a single stone that flashed the yellow of flames encircled his neck. He didn’t seem to notice Ben’s gaze, his own fixed on Dad. Slowly, Ben turned to face him fully.

“Ben,” Dad said. “What I told you.”

“But Dad, those—”

“Come on.” Dad’s voice wasn’t sharp or loud, but it was uncharacteristically firm.

Ben turned and went with him, the men’s gazes like heat on his back.

He stayed tense and wary. Dad and Maz talked about people he’d never heard of while Ben scanned the minds nearby: Smugglers making deals. A card sharp sizing up a mark. Pirates gloating over spoils. A spy exchanging information with her contact.

He didn’t sense the hostile men now. Maybe they’d gone away. But the uneasiness coiling in his belly said they hadn’t.

Dad and Maz talked on. Ben sat only half-listening, trying to figure out what to do, increasingly uncomfortable. _Trouble!_ the Force screamed at him. _Get out!_

“Dad,” he said, very low. “We need to leave.”

Irritation tightened Dad’s face. “Ben,” he began, warning.

Maz spoke first. “No need to worry, Ben. There are rules here.”

She pointed a long, thin finger at a sign affixed to a stone column nearby: _**NO FIGHTING**_. The same message was repeated in the galaxy’s common languages.

“Whatever you sensed,” Maz said, “everyone here knows they better follow that rule.”

“Not everyone,” Ben said.

Maz cocked her head.

“Okay.” Dad put his hands on the table and pushed to his feet. “We’re taking a walk.”

Dad was mad. Ben didn’t care, as long as it got them out of here. He stood too. Dad clamped a hand on his shoulder. Maz only watched as Dad hustled him back through the tables of drinkers and gamers and amused stares. Ben scanned for the hostile men.

They weren’t there.

Dad didn’t speak until they left the castle’s courtyard. “I don’t know what your problem is. Whatever it is, you can worry about it on the ship until I’m finished here.”

That made even more alarms go off. He needed to stay with Dad.

“I’m sorry, Dad,” he blurted. “I’ll be quiet. I promise. Okay?” He set his feet on the stones. “Let’s just go back now.”

Dad’s hand was a vise on his shoulder. “You had your chance.”

“Dad! Those men— You didn’t see— Something bad is going to happen!”

Dad gave him a sharp look. “Is this…Force stuff?”

Ben nodded hard.

Dad rubbed his mouth and glanced around them. “You sure?”

“Yes!”

He could feel Dad debating.

“Okay,” he finally said. “I still want you back on the _Falcon_. Let me settle up with Maz and I’ll be right there.”

Ben had begun to nod with relief. At those words, the relief evaporated. “No! I need to stay with you.”

Dad didn’t argue, just kept marching him back in the direction of the landing field. “You need to stay where it’s safe. I can handle myself.”

“Han Solo,” a voice called behind them.

Ben spun. Dad just flicked a look back over his shoulder, his brows raised questioningly. He turned casually, an equally casual hand on his hip above his blaster.

“Gannis Ducain,” Dad drawled, that familiar crooked smirk on his face. “Long time no see, buddy!”

Ben didn’t need to turn to know four more men stepped out of the trees behind them.

He reached for the Force.

* * *

_Gannis _kriffing_ Ducain_, Han thought. Of all the luck. One of these days he’d learn to listen to the kid, no matter how much his Force huwu made his skin creep.

He felt Ben tense as footsteps scuffed the path behind them. Three? Four men? Definitely more than two. He gave Ben a glance, half warning, half reassuring.

“Don’t ‘buddy’ me, Solo,” Ducain said. “You owe me. Big. Don’t think I’ve forgotten.”

Han eyed the other man: the immaculate blond hair, his expensive shimmersilk shirt, all the flashy jewelry. Didn’t look like he was doing too badly.

“_Owe_ you!” Han said, lading his voice with outraged shock. “For what? We were partners in that deal. I lost my ass, too. Doesn’t mean I like it, but it happens in business sometimes.”

Ducain folded his arms. Han shifted his weight to one leg but kept his hand near his blaster.

“Except _my_ part in the partnership was to provide funds,” Ducain said. “_Your_ part was the goods. You didn’t deliver, _buddy_.”

“You knew the risks,” Han shot back. “Put a pack of Black Sun gunboys on your tail and see if you do any better. The best I could do for both of us was to get out of there without getting caught. You didn’t want Black Sun knowing what we were up to any more than I did.”

Ben’s glance back told Han the other men had stepped into the open. The air around him suddenly prickled like the moment before lightning strikes.

You didn’t knock around the galaxy for some thirty years without learning to recognize trouble. Ducain and his boys were that, but every instinct Han had was screaming that Ben was the real danger.

Han glanced down at him. The hair on the back of his neck rose. His boy’s eyes were dark and deadly where they fixed on Ducain. Putting a hand on Ben’s shoulder, Han felt by the steely tension in his muscles how close he was to doing…_something_.

_He’s your wildcard_, said a sly voice at the back of his mind. _Take advantage of it_.

The thought curdled in his middle. He gave Ben a warning squeeze. Ben flicked him a sullen look, but the crackling aura of menace receded a little.

“Come on, Ducain,” Han drawled. “Let’s not do this in in front of the kid. You tell your goons to back off, we’ll go back to Maz’s and talk this over like reasonable businessmen. I’m sure we can work something out.”

Ducain sneered. “Worried your boy will find out what a cheating, lying swindler you are? Should’ve thought about that before you brought him here.”

Ben stirred aggressively. Han tightened his grip, though it had to be hurting by now. If Ben decided to do something, nothing Han could do would stop him.

Han straightened, narrowing his eyes. “Better a cheating, lying swindler than a guy who makes himself feel big by scaring _kids_.”

Ducain laughed. The sound echoed through the woods. “_Good_ one, Solo! Cut me right down to size with that.” The laughter faded, leaving only a sly smirk. “You know, you’re right. I think we can work something out.”

Han nodded for the other man to go on but didn’t relax.

“I know exactly what’ll settle things up.” Ducain nodded in turn then gave Ben what might’ve passed for a kind smile. “Don’t worry, youngling. Your daddy’s safe from me.”

His hand half-raised, Ben just glared. Han suppressed a shiver. _He_ knew what that raised hand meant. Ducain…didn’t.

“What’ve you got in mind, Ducain?”

Ducain just nodded again. “You’ll see, _buddy_.” He winked. “Nice doing business with you.”

He sauntered past Han and Ben. Han put himself between Ducain and Ben, his hand on his blaster the whole time. Ducain’s thugs fell in behind him, then they all disappeared around a curve in the path. Han waited a while longer, then let out a breath. Ben’s hand stayed up a moment more before dropping.

Ben turned to him, all dark, accusing eyes in a pale face. “He was going to hurt you. _They_ were going to hurt you.”

“He wouldn’t be the first to try, kid.” Han held out his arms and gave a crooked grin. “But here I am.”

Ben only frowned, unmollified. Just like his mother.

The howl of thrusters came from beyond the trees, a ship climbing hard. Han glanced up automatically. He froze. Everything in him seemed to turn to carbonite, cold and agonizing.

Han cursed and ran.

* * *

Ben didn’t catch up to Dad until the landing field. He didn’t want to believe what they’d seen. But it was true. The _Millennium Falcon_ was gone.

Ben scanned the landing field, his gaze traveling over jumpers and sloops and shuttles and other freighters. His eyes came back to the patch of ground where the _Falcon_ should be. Empty. Nothing but the familiar indentations from its landing gear. He stared, a knot gathering in his throat.

_I know exactly what’ll settle things up_. This was what the man, Ducain, had meant: the _Falcon_. The _Falcon_ was payment for whatever debt Dad was supposed to owe.

Dad paced up and down in front of that empty space of dirt, cursing. Ben felt the same, but he only stood swallowing down tears.

The light. Now he’d _never_ find it.

Pressing his lips to a flat line, he clenched his fists. “I could’ve taken care of them. If you’d let me take care of them, this wouldn’t’ve happened.”

Dad rounded on him. “I don’t need my eleven-year-old kid to protect me!”

The blow was so sharp and deep he didn’t feel it at first, only a sudden breathlessness. The next instant, the pain hit.

Ben breathed hard, wordless, his fists clenching and unclenching.

Dad’s face changed when he realized what he’d said. “Kriff, kid. Ben. Come on. You know I didn’t mean it like that…”

He reached for him. Ben snatched himself back, out of reach.

“Ben…” Dad said, pleading.

He whirled and ran into the woods. His father’s shout echoed behind him.

The green light under the trees deepened to green twilight the farther he ran. He followed a twisting path between moss-furred boulders. He could still hear his father’s voice behind him, but it echoed strangely so he couldn’t tell how close or how far it was. He stopped and scanned his backtrail, his hand on the rock beside him. Slowly, he backed up, watching for pursuers.

He wanted _away_. He didn’t want anybody _ever_ to find him.

Turning again, he scrambled up a slot between boulders and dashed off into the trees again.

He ran a long way before a stitch in his side slowed him. The woods stretched all around, each direction much like another. The air was heavy and fragrant with the smell of leaf mold and growing things. Small creatures chirped and whirred and scurried in the undergrowth. He wasn’t afraid. He couldn’t get lost—not with the Force. And he didn’t want to go back, anyway.

He found a moss-cushioned branch, clambered up and sat with his legs dangling as he caught his breath.

Anger and pain stormed through him. He bowed his head and tried to breathe around them, struggling with tears.

_Ah!_ For the first time in many months, the Voice came whispering into his mind. _At last!_ _My dearest boy! There you are. I’ve been so worried!_

Stiffening, Ben scrambled to shove it out of his mind. “Go away! I told you I never want to talk to you again!”

He would’ve jumped down and run again. Running wouldn’t let him escape the Voice.

_But why? _the Voice pleaded._ What have I done?_

“You know what you did!”

_But I don’t. You must tell me_.

“You—you told me—” he spluttered. “You made me—you tried to—tried to make me kill my mom and dad!”

_Oh, no, no, dear boy! I was afraid of this. You’re confused. I never did any such thing_.

“You did! You told me, get up, get the knife. You told me, go into their room. I remember! _I remember!”_

There was silence for a minute, then, _I understand._ _Of course that’s what you remember. But you were dreaming, my boy. You were having a bad dream. I only tried to wake you_.

“That’s not true!”

_It is. You were angry. Don’t you remember? They’d treated you cruelly, and you went to sleep with your anger_.

Ben thought back. That was what happened, but… “It doesn’t mean I wanted to _kill_ them!”

_No, of course you didn’t. They’re your parents. You love them. It was only a dream_.

He remembered how strange he felt when the Voice started talking to him that night. Like he was asleep and couldn’t wake up no matter how hard he tried.

“I was in their _room!_ I had the knife in my _hand!”_ He shuddered, sick. Tears started streaming down his face. His breath caught, caught again. He ground his knuckles against his teeth to stop the sobs.

_I know_, the Voice purred. _I know. You mustn’t blame yourself. You thought it no more than a dream_.

Ben swiped at his eyes. “You _told_ me—”

_You must believe me, my boy. It was I who awakened you in time_.

“No—”

_Yes_.

Was that _really_ the way it had been? That night was a horror he couldn’t help reliving again and again. He hated it—hated _himself_. What kind of monster would want to kill his own parents…just because he was mad at them?

“Then I— That means I wanted to—”

_You mustn’t be so horrified_, the Voice soothed_. You had good reason to feel angry and resentful. Dreams are a safe release for such feelings. I’m grateful I was there to stop things from going too far_.

Ben struggled in his mind. “You helped me? Really?”

_I’ll always help you, dear child. I’ll never turn away from you, no matter what happens. I’ll always be here for you_.

Maybe… Was the Voice was right?

“Why?” Ben whispered.

_I’m powerful in the Force. Much like you. Who else can understand us, but another like us? I can understand you the way your parents will never be able to._

Sniffing, Ben wiped his wet face. “Who are you?”

The Voice had always seemed a part of him. That night in his parents’ room had shown him different. All the months he’d closed his mind to it had shown him it came from somewhere outside him.

_My name is Snoke_.

_Snoke_. Ben mouthed the name but didn’t say it. “Where are you? I hear you, but I can’t sense you through the Force.”

_Where doesn’t matter. Only that we will always be able to speak. I promise, I will always watch for you. I will do everything in my power for you. But I can’t help you if you close your mind to me_. _I’ve been quite desperate all these long months you refused to hear me_.

Ben frowned. He wouldn’t have made himself sick trying to keep his mind closed if he didn’t have a reason. Would he?

_You need time to think_, Snoke said. _I understand perfectly. I’ll leave you for now_.

The presence in his mind faded, leaving him alone with his own—very confused—thoughts. Ben pulled up his knees and hugged them tight, rocking back and forth.

It had been so hard keeping the Voice—_Snoke_—out. Had he done it for nothing? Snoke always seemed so wise, so knowing. Whenever Ben was angry or hurt or confused, he always had just the right answer.

Why did his answers today feel so wrong?

Ben went round and round with his thoughts, more confused than ever. The woods were dimming around him when he felt someone through the Force, someone coming toward him.

Maz.

He thought about running again, or climbing a tree so she couldn’t reach him. Somehow, he didn’t think it would do any good. So he sat and swung his legs and waited until she appeared, a tiny, wizened figure materializing out of green twilight going to blue.

Stopping in front of him, Maz folded her arms and peered up at him through her huge lenses. “A lot of people are looking for you. I’m sure you know that.”

Ben twisted his lips to the side.

“Your father is more upset than I’ve ever seen him.”

Ben just gave her a sullen glare.

“What do you plan to do?” she said. “Stay here?”

Ben shrugged.

She studied him again. “Do your parents take up all the words in the family?”

He snorted an unexpected laugh. “Yeah.”

Maz’s thin lips curled up in a smile. “I thought so.” Without asking, she hopped up on the branch beside him. “You can stay with me, if that’s what you want. You have to work, though. Clean tables, carry trays. That sort of thing. I might be able to talk your father into it.”

“It’s illegal for kids to work,” Ben said.

She slid him a look. “Maybe in the Core worlds. Out on the Rim, many children have to work to survive.”

“What?” he said, shocked.

Maz gave another considering hum. “You should ask your father sometime. He knows.”

He gave her a skeptical look, though he could feel she wasn’t lying. “Did he—?”

“Ask him.” Her lips pursed consideringly. “If he’s still here.”

Alarm shot through him. “He wouldn’t leave me!”

“_You’re_ the one who ran away,” Maz pointed out.

Ben slithered down off the branch and stared up at her, narrow-eyed. “You’re just saying that to make me go back.”

She quirked a smile. “Should I have told you about the gleenix that slithers out at night and burrows its head into a sleeper’s exposed flesh to suck him dry? The ones about this long?” She held her hands about a meter apart.

“Now you’re making things up!”

Maz hopped down in front of him. “Maybe a little. You might be too old to scare that way.”

“Yeah,” he said, insulted. “I am.” He stormed back the way he’d come.

Maz trotted to keep up with him. “Worked though, didn’t it?”

He only gave a disgusted huff.

When they got back to Maz’s castle, his father was pacing back and forth in front of the gates. He grabbed Ben and hugged him tight, his hand fisted in Ben’s hair. Even though he didn’t say anything, Ben could feel how sorry he was. How much he wished he could take it back, what he’d said.

He couldn’t, just like Ben would never be able to forget it. And Ben knew exactly what was going to happen when his mother found out about the _Falcon_. Dad knew, too.

Ben felt sorry for him, so he hugged him back. “It’s okay, Dad,” he whispered into his father’s chest. “Don’t worry. It’s okay.”

**Rey – Age 1 - ** **Jakku**

Gilee went back to the spice and spirits. Hound never caught her doing, but he knew why there suddenly didn’t seem to be as many portions as there should be.

Disgusted, he stood staring down at her as she blinked vaguely out across the shimmering flats. She sat under the awning outside the old cargo container Hound had traded for to make into a shelter. A Jakku mansion, better than what three quarters of the people here called home. The sun shining through the awning cast an orange glow over Gilee and the baby, who she completely ignored as the child sat banging a capacitor shell on the ground.

He ran a hand down over his mouth. He was going to have to make her a deal.

“Listen, Gilee,” he said. “I’ll get you your junk. But you pull your weight, hear?”

Gilee looked up him blearily. She’d already done, but she wasn’t so far gone she couldn’t understand. “What’d’ya wan’ me t’ do?”

“You’re gonna stay clear enough to shine up the parts real good before I trade ‘em. And you’re gonna watch Rey. You’re gonna watch her right. Like your life depends on it, because it does. If anything happens to her, you’re gone. I mean it, Gilee. No question, no argument, no warning.” He leaned over her, putting every bit of persuasion he had into his voice. “_Gone_. You got me?”

Some of the haze left her eyes. She nodded hard.

She wasn’t much, but she was better than nothing. Rey was too little to leave alone, and too little to bring along while he worked.

Gilee stuck to the deal. Mostly. Hound still worried. When he came back to the shelter one day and Gilee’s scream cut the air, he expected the worst.

It was a scream of pure terror. Rey’s scream came the next instant, high and just as terrified. Hound threw down the ration packages and spitted bloggin he carried and ran.

He found Gilee pressed against one wall of the shelter, still screaming, her eyes wide and wild. Rey, on the floor, screamed too. Hound swooped in, scooped up Rey and held her out, searching her little body for injuries. Her face was red and wet with tears, her mouth and eyes stretched wide. She was rigid with fear, but he couldn’t find a mark on her.

“What happened?” Hound shouted.

Gilee just pointed at Rey, sobbing incoherently.

Tucking Rey against his shoulder, he patted her back and soothed her. Her fear ebbed and her screams turned to more normal crying.

“_What. Happened?”_ Hound demanded.

“She—she—she—” Still pressed against the wall, Gilee gestured wildly at Rey. “The…_flask_. It—it—” She put her face in her hands and wailed.

He strode to her, grabbed her arm and shook her. “Stop blubbering, woman. Talk!”

Gilee shrank away to the length of her arm. “Keep her away from me! She’s a freak!”

Hound narrowed his eyes dangerously.

“She was reaching for it. The flask,” Gilee blurted through tears, gesturing at the table. “Thirsty, I thought. Then it—then it—”

“_What?”_

More stammering. “_It floated!_ Right off the table! Into her hands!”

Hound looked. There was a metal flask on the floor where Rey had been, a splotch of dark, wet ground.

He shook Gilee again. “What’d you take?”

“Nothin’!”

He just stared at her, still gripping her arm.

“Nothin’ that’d make me see things like _that!”_

Propped against his shoulder, Rey had finally settled down. He adjusted her in his hold so she rested in the crook of his arm.

On impulse, he held out a hand. “Gimme the flask,” he told Gilee.

She edged around him, picked the flask up off the floor and handed it to him, not coming any closer than she had to. She scuttled back after she had.

“Rey,” he said and held up the flask. “You thirsty, Sparkle?”

She pouted a minute, wary, then held out her hands for it.

Hound didn’t give it to her, just held it, waiting to see what would happen. Rey babbled and waved her hands, clearly wanting it.

The flask…_jerked in his hand_. Startled, Hound let go.

It drifted into Rey’s plump little hands.

“I told you!” Gilee shrieked. “I told you! She’s a freak! Get her out of here!”

Rey started crying again. Hound strode across the shelter to the bleating woman. He wanted to hit her, but that would scare Rey. And she’d already been scared enough for one day.

“_Shut up_,” he hissed, not loud but enough to get through to Gilee. “You’re scaring her.”

“Scaring—her!”

He jiggled Rey and shushed her. “What’s wrong with you? She’s just a baby. If you’re scared so bad, then go. I won’t stop you.”

That shut her up fast. He could see the calculations running through her brain—where else was she going to find a place? Who else would feed her and get her junk?

Hound turned away, repelled. “Come on, Sparkle. Let’s get you a drink. You don’t have to cry anymore.”

He didn’t know what it was, what she did. He didn’t understand it. There was only one thing he knew for sure.

“You’re my special girl,” he whispered to her. “Don’t let anybody tell you different.”

Rey waved her flask and babbled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided that in this story, at this time, Maz knows who Ben's grandfather is, although the galaxy at large won't discover it for another 12 years. Han might've let it slip at some point, or since Maz seems to know and have a lot of things one wouldn't expect (Anakin's lightsaber, anyone?), it wouldn't be too much of a stretch to believe she might have this information, too.
> 
> Chewie is the galaxy's best uncle.
> 
> And so the break with Han begins. 😥


	4. Ben - Age 12/Rey - Age 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished a long, important chapter, so I get to post this one. Yay! I'm trying to stay a couple chapters ahead, because I tend to end up tinkering to get things right. Sometimes what happens in a later chapter can make me go back and change things.
> 
> Thank you, dear, faithful readers, so much for your wonderful, inspiring comments and kudos! They give me life and reason to keep writing.

**Chandrila**

Everything changed after the _Falcon_ was lost. When he was home, his father snapped and snarled like a hurt animal.

_When_ he was home. Which he wasn’t. A lot. Even when he was, Ben had the sense his father was avoiding him.

Ben sensed anger, shame, guilt, resentment. Thoughts flickered through his mind when Ben was near, thoughts his father quickly snatched back and smothered before Ben could catch them.

Ben, hurt and puzzled, struggled to understand. He didn’t. Finally, he worked up his courage one day and followed his father down the hall to the speeder garage before he could leave again.

“Dad?” Ben called.

His father stiffened, then turned slowly.

Ben wet his lips. “You okay?”

Han gave a dismissive wave. “Yeah, yeah, kid. I’m fine.” He didn’t meet Ben’s eyes.

Ben held his ground. “You don’t seem fine.”

His father’s blue eyes suddenly blazed into his. “No? Wonder why that is?” He gave another wave, as if to wave the words away. “Never mind. Look, I gotta go.” He looked as if he meant to say more, but then turned and disappeared through the door.

Ben stood looking at the closed door a long moment. A yawning hole opened in his middle. Yes, his father was avoiding him. No question about that now. 

_He blames you for the loss of his ship_, Snoke whispered.

Ben didn’t reply, just turned and walked back to his room.

_You can sense it_, Snoke said. _Why deny it?_

Closing the door behind him with the Force, Ben dropped onto the edge of his bed. “He’s upset.”

_He loved his ship more than he does his son._

Ben dropped his head in his hands, clenched his fingers in his hair. “You don’t know. You’re not in _his_ head.”

_No_, Snoke said. _But it isn’t always necessary to read thoughts. People can be very transparent_.

Ben _could_ read thoughts, and _he_ didn’t understand. “You don’t know,” he said stubbornly.

_We’ll see_. Snoke’s voice faded away.

Not long after that, Ben did see.

His mother and father had always squabbled. Ben didn’t like it, but he was used to it. It was just how they were. One of them always sure they were right and the other one was stubbornly refusing to see it.

Now, it was more than squabbles. Now, it was shouting arguments.

He was in the kitchen pitting windcherries for the luffa cakes Elsie was making. It was peaceful, repetitive work, something to keep his hands busy. The aroma of baking luffa cakes beguiled him with sweetness.

His parents’ shouting voices echoed down the hall. Ben hunched his shoulders, concentrating on the sun-yellow fruit between his fingers, the sticky juice running over his fingers, the tart-sweet scent.

Hurt and fury buffeted him through the Force, suddenly too strong to ignore. He found himself running for the door without deciding to.

“Master Ben!” Elsie called behind him.

Ben ignored the droid, following the churn of emotions across the living room and down the hall to Mama’s office.

Her shout met him halfway there. “How _dare_ you! How dare you blame a _child_ for your chumheaded mistakes!”

Ben froze, everything in him shuddering to a stop. The next instant, pure rage blazed through him.

He stormed down the hall, flung out a hand and blew the door open with the Force. It slammed back against the wall, split and rebounded. His mother and father spun, his father’s hand going for a nonexistent blaster.

“It’s not my fault!” Ben shouted.

He swept his hand to the side. Everything on his mother’s desk went flying. Glass shattered and plastoid cracked against the wall. Mama and his father ducked instinctively.

“I tried to tell you! I _tried!_ You wouldn’t listen!” He swept his other hand. Chairs and a table tumbled. “I could’ve stopped them. _You wouldn’t let me!”_

Ben slammed a fist downward. His mother’s desk groaned. The legs buckled first, then the whole thing crumpled.

Mama was suddenly in front of him. Her hands gripped his biceps painfully. “_Ben. That’s enough_.”

He breathed hard through clenched teeth, his fists clenched, too.

“Are you finished?” Her voice was ominously level.

Ben sensed a towering stillness in her, like a landslide a breath away from roaring down over him. From his father he sensed—

Fear. His father was _afraid_.

Ben jerked his arms loose and backed up. With one last look at his father, he turned and fled.

He ran outside, into the garden. He felt like running away. He _should_ run away. His heart beat painfully, like someone had stuck a knife through it.

The garden sloped down to a lake edged by weeping trees. The wind blew, and the drooping branches whispered darkly. The golden afternoon shining around him felt like betrayal. Ben ran to the trees, parting the curtain of leaves and ropelike branches to enter the cool, green cave inside. Breathing hard, he crossed to the trunk and sank to the ground. He buried his face against folded knees and forearms, hiding the tears that burned down his cheeks.

Snoke’s voice whispered into his mind. _I’m proud of you, my boy_.

Ben sniffed and clenched his jaw.

_You don’t believe me?_

“You’re proud of me for yelling at my parents and destroying my mother’s office?”

_I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. I’m proud of you for showing your strength, for not being afraid to show what you really feel_.

“My father’s afraid of me now.” His voice broke.

_When has he not been?_

“Not like this. He was afraid of what I can do. Not of _me_.”

_You have great power, Ben Solo. People will be afraid of you. It’s nothing to regret_.

“Why should they be?” Ben shouted. “I don’t hurt anyone!”

Then he remembered Brant Tomen, and the tree he’d thrown the other boy into.

_Yes_, Snoke purred. _Exactly_. T_hey know what you could do, if you so wished_.

“Ben?” Mama’s voice came from just beyond the curtaining branches. Her slim hand parted them and she stepped through, glanced around. “Who are you talking to?”

Ben rubbed his eyes, still traitorously wet. “No one. Myself.”

Settling cross-legged across from him, Mama studied him a long time. Ben ducked his head, burrowing his fingers into the cool soil. She was sensing him through the Force. He wondered if she could sense Snoke. If she could, what did she feel?

“Your father doesn’t really blame you for the _Falcon_,” she said at last. “You know that, don’t you?”

Ben raised his head, glaring. “Yes he does. He’s been trying to stay away from me. He can’t even look at me.”

Mama sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “He’s grieving, Ben. Grieving people don’t think rationally. He had that ship more than half his life—longer than he knew me, almost as long as he knew Chewie. He’s grieving the way he would if Chewie died.”

Ben knew how _he’d_ feel if Chewie died. “But it’s just a ship!”

“It’s an old, dear friend,” Mama said. “It’s gotten him out of more tight spots than you know. Got us _both_ out. He’s lost a part of himself with that ship. He feels vulnerable. He feels like a failure.”

“He should’ve listened to me.”

“He knows that. That’s why he can’t look at you. He knows he was wrong.”

Bitter tears pushed into Ben’s eyes again. He scrubbed them away. “Now I’ll _never_ find it.”

“Find what, sweetheart? The _Falcon?”_

“The light.” Realization dawned. “Dad didn’t tell you? That’s where we were going.”

Mama shook her head. “What light?”

He looked up, through the flickering ceiling of leaves. “I can feel it.” He gave his mother a glance, half cautious, half hopeful. “Dad can’t. Can you?”

“Through the Force?”

He put his hand on his chest. “Here.”

Mama looked thoughtful. “How long have you felt it?”

Ben shrugged. “I don’t know. A while.” _Since I blocked Snoke out_. But he wasn’t going to tell his mother that.

“Does it seem to be…calling you?”

He nodded once.

“But it’s _light?”_

He nodded again.

“Not dark,” Mama muttered, then said aloud, “You’re sure?”

“Yeah.”

Mama pursed her lips and stared off into space. The branches around them hissed and whispered. A leaf drifted down, landed on Ben’s hair. He picked it off and twirled it, the stem cool and slightly sticky between his fingers.

Finally, Mama stood and held out her hand to him. “Come inside.”

Ben opened his mouth to argue.

“I know you don’t want to, but you can’t hide from your problems, Ben. You have to face them, no matter how uncomfortable it is.”

Ben heaved himself to his feet and stomped in Mama’s wake into the house. When he got there, he discovered there was one less problem to face.

His father was gone.

**Rey – Age 2 - Jakku**

The sun was down but heat still radiated from the desert floor, the still air doing nothing to dispel it. Hound sat under the awning, going through his inventory. Gilee was supposedly cleaning up a carbon-scored ionization filter. Mostly, the part dangled unattended between her slack fingers. Her face was just as slack, gazing out into the purpling twilight at nothing. She hummed tunelessly, rocking back and forth. Hound looked away, disgusted.

Rey was happily picking through one part after another—a fuel balance regulator, a pressure distributor, a reactant injector, a transpacitor. When she got to the transpacitor, she threw it. It hit the ground with a hollow crunch and rolled.

“Bad!” she pronounced.

Hound heaved himself out of his sling chair and went to retrieve it. “This one’s no good, huh, Sparkle?”

He took it back into the shelter to study more closely under the light. Nothing he could see, but as he ran his thumbnail over the housing, it caught on an invisible crack.

Hound stepped outside again, crouched down by Rey and ruffled her fine hair. “Good catch, Sparkle! Thanks!”

She laughed and banged the regulator on the ground.

When Rey had started throwing parts, Hound thought nothing of it. _It’s what kids that age do_, he’d been told. _They like to see what happens_.

It didn’t take long before he realized the parts she threw had some problem or other—a cracked housing, seized bearing, faulty circuitry. She’d saved him some bad trades and angry customers.

Gilee made a couple of passes over the filter with a burnisher before her hands hung limp in front of her. Hound narrowed his eyes. She was too fuzzed for the amount of junk he got her. She had to be getting more somehow. Scavenging again, or selling herself?

He opened his mouth to ask when Rey suddenly started wailing. Gilee yelped and swung around, her eyes wide, bleary and alarmed. Hound knelt beside Rey, took her hands in his.

“Did you get a metal splinter, Sparkle? Let me see.” He turned her grimy little hands over in his rough, carbon-blackened ones.

“Him hurt!” Tears streaked Rey’s face.

Hound pulled her into his lap. Gilee muttered something. He ignored her.

Rey sobbed. “Him _hurt!” _she said again.

Hound abruptly stopped his search for injuries. “Who’s hurt? Where?”

“Him _hurt_.” She smacked her hand against his chest. “Here.” She smacked his chest again. “Hurt _here_.”

“She does it all the time,” Gilee broke in, surprisingly lucid. “Talks about _him_. ‘Him hurt. Him mad. Him sad.’ And there’s no one _there_. Freak,” she muttered.

A cold breath prickled down Hound’s neck. “Who, Sparkle? Can you show me?”

Rey’s face screwed up and she shook her head hard. He could feel her frustration.

“Someone at Niima Outpost?” he said. “One of the scavengers?”

Still crying, she patted his chest again. “Inside.”

In that moment, Hound understood: Rey was like him: she could sense other people.

Gathering her to his chest, he took her out into the desert, where Gilee couldn’t hear.

Lowering himself to the ground, he leaned against the cool side of a boulder and jiggled her. “I know, Sparkle,” he murmured soothingly. “I know what it’s like. Like all kinds of people are inside you, right? You can feel everything—me, your mother, everyone around you.”

She sniffled and hiccupped against his shoulder. He didn’t know how much she understood. If she could feel him the way he felt people, she might understand more than he expected.

He felt from her again what he’d felt when she was a newborn, what he continued to feel from her every once in a while: _Dark. Want_.

The uneasy prickle breathed across his shoulders again. This wasn’t like what he did. This was something else, some kind of…_connection_. To what?

No, not what. To _who_.

He searched her, trying to understand what she felt. He could almost see it, a thread that wound around her, reaching out farther than he could sense.

He wished she had the words to explain. He wished he could see into her mind…if her baby thoughts would even make any sense.

Patting his chest again, she said sadly, “Him hurt. Make better.”

“You will, baby.” He wiped the tears from her face and kissed the top of her head. “You make things better just being here.”

**Ben – Chandrila**

C-3PO got on Ben’s nerves. For one thing, Ben couldn’t sense him. It was why he didn’t like being around droids much. They acted and talked like people, but they weren’t present in the Force. Talking to droids always made him feel off-balance, unsure. Like a kid playing make-believe with people who weren’t really there. Except they were.

“You’re a prince, Master Ben,” Threepio droned in his precise, fussy way. He was giving Ben his daily lesson in comportment. “Equal in rank to planetary governors, presidents, kings and the like. When you meet such personages, it’s proper that you greet them with no more than a dip of your chin.”

Ben sat backwards on a chair in the library, arms folded over the back, chin propped on his arms. Threepio had fussed and fidgeted, trying to make him sit properly, but Ben wasn’t in the mood. He _hated_ comportment lessons.

“Prince of a planet that’s been an asteroid belt for the last thirty years,” he muttered, kicking at the edge of the rug.

“Yes, a terrible, terrible day,” Threepio said. “But you remain heir and future leader of all Alderaanians. As long as they survive in the galaxy, you will remain their beacon, even as Princess Leia is. It will be up to you to ensure that your people are remembered and honored.”

“I don’t care about being a prince. I want to be a teacher,” Ben grumbled. “Or a naturalist.”

He’d wanted to be a pilot, like his father. He didn’t care much about _that_ anymore, either.

Threepio fluttered. “I’m certain a prince might still be a teacher or naturalist,” he said quickly.

Ben eyed him. “Do I make you nervous, Threepio?” he said, half curious, half irritated that he couldn’t tell for sure.

“Nervous? I?” Threepio babbled. “Certainly not, Master Ben!”

Ben straightened his arms, leaning back. “I break things sometimes when I’m mad, but I’ve never hurt a droid. Ask Elsie. She’ll tell you.”

He wondered if Elsie had already told Threepio something to worry him. Threepio got on Elsie’s nerves, too. _Pompous windbag_, she’d called him.

“Indeed!” Threepio huffed. “I hardly need to consult with a housekeeping droid. I’ve been in the family much longer than she has.”

“Mama says you’re a family heirloom.”

She’d also told Ben, _Be patient with him. It’ll be good practice for you_. Ben wasn’t noted for his patience.

Threepio puffed up, if a droid could puff. “Indeed I am! Your grandfather restored me when he was just a child.”

Ben frowned. “I didn’t know Grandfather built droids.” It didn’t fit with what he knew about Bail Organa, Viceroy of Alderaan and consort of Queen Breha. He thought Grandfather had been a writer and artist when he wasn’t being a politician.

“Oh, yes! He was an extraordinarily gifted mechanic and pi—” Threepio abruptly—and shockingly—shut up. “Oh, dear!” he wailed. “Oh, dear!”

Ben cocked his head, intrigued. “A pilot?”

Threepio clutched his head. “What was I thinking?” With a whine of hydraulics, he waved his hands. “No, no, I’ve said too much already. Pay me no mind, Master Ben. An unfortunate lapse of my databanks. I’ve had my memory wiped more than once, you know. I get confused. Most inconvenient.”

Understanding dawned. “Oh. You were talking about Anakin Skywalker.”

“You—you know about him?” Threepio stammered.

“Mama told me when I asked why she and Uncle Luke have different names.” Ben shrugged. “He died when they were babies. Different families adopted them.”

“Yes. Yes, exactly.” Threepio nodded eagerly. “Goodness! What a relief.”

Ben wondered why it was supposed to be a big secret. Mama hadn’t acted like it was one when he asked.

The Force shivered with a half-familiar presence. Ben jerked his head up, reaching for it. It felt a lot like Mama, but more forceful. More concentrated. It had been a long time since he’d last felt it, but he hadn’t forgotten.

“Uncle Luke,” he said. “Uncle Luke is here.”

Threepio turned to the door. “Wonderful! Come, Master Ben. Let us go meet him!”

He tottered quickly across the room. If he’d been human, Ben would’ve thought Threepio was grateful for the interruption. Ben kicked the rug a couple more times, staring at the door Threepio had disappeared through, then swung out of his chair and followed.

Sure enough, there was a commotion in the foyer—a clatter of footsteps, a babble of voices.

Threepio’s rose above the rest: “Master Luke! How good to see you again!”

Ben made his way along the hallway, driven more by manners than enthusiasm. Uncle Luke intimidated him a little.

“Where’s Ben?” Mama asked.

Ben, watching the flurry of Elsie taking Mana’s coat and bag, Threepio obtruding himself on everyone, stepped forward. “Right here, Mama.”

Uncle Luke stepped from behind Threepio, grinned and clapped Ben on the shoulder. “Ben! Look at you! You’ll be taller than me in a couple more years.”

Ben just nodded. It always felt weird, seeing adults he hadn’t seen in a long time, like meeting a stranger he was already supposed to know. Uncle Luke didn’t tower over him as much as last time he saw him. He’d grown a beard, too, lightly salted with grey, and wore dark Jedi robes. Ben didn’t try to sense him through the Force. Luke would know if he did.

Mama took Ben’s hand and gave a reassuring squeeze. She must’ve sensed his wariness. To Luke, she said, “Let’s have lunch. I want to hear all about your travels.”

One thing about having a talkative family was that Ben didn’t have to say much. He could just sit quietly and wait for people to forget he was there. He learned all kinds of interesting things that way.

Of course, it didn’t work out that way with Mama and Uncle Luke. They were always _perfectly_ aware of him. But he didn’t mind listening to Luke’s recent adventures. It was even more fun when he and Mama started reminiscing about the adventures they’d had before Ben was born. Like when Mama had been captured by some Hutt gangster on Tatooine and made into a slave, and how she’d strangled the Hutt with her slave’s chains. He would’ve _loved_ to’ve seen that.

It had been raining as they sat at the table and ate and talked. Now the sun peeked out, shining long, nearly horizontal streamers of light through heavy clouds.

Luke gazed out the window. “I always forget how beautiful Chandrila is.”

“Ben,” Mama said. “Why don’t you take your uncle and show him the lisson den you found.”

Ben suddenly realized Uncle Luke wasn’t just here for a visit. He cast Mama a betrayed look. She smiled, but there was a hint of warning in her dark eyes.

Ben pushed out of his chair and got up. “It’ll be wet.”

A sparkle of humor showed in Luke’s eyes. “I think I’ll survive.”

Ben made his way to the utility room where he shrugged into a coat, pulled on boots and led Luke outside.

“I think Leia was trying to get rid of us,” Luke said, swishing through wet grass. The hem of his robes was soaked. “I don’t even know what a lisson is.”

“It’s a small crepuscular animal that preys on fish and waterfowl,” Ben explained.

“Whoa!” Luke said with a laugh. “You got me at ‘crepuscular.’”

Ben felt peculiarly proud that he knew something his great Jedi uncle didn’t. “That means they’re active at dawn and dusk. They have special structures on their feet that allow them to skate across the surface of the lake when it’s calm. It’s really something to see. Like magic.”

He headed toward the lakeshore, leading Luke toward a dark copse of trees. He stopped at the edge.

“Lissons are very shy. We have to be quiet.”

Luke nodded seriously.

He eyed the dripping branches and leaves. “We’re going to get wetter.”

“After you,” Luke said with another twinkle.

Ben led on, water dripping onto his hair and down his collar. He expected to hear Luke crashing after him, but there was absolute silence. Glancing back, Luke was right behind him. His surprise must’s shown on his face, because Luke grinned. Ben faced forward again.

_Of course Uncle Luke can use the Force to keep quiet, same as I do_, he thought, annoyed that he’d been surprised.

The lisson den lay in a knot of tree roots facing the lake, invisible from this angle. When he’d found it, Ben had felt it through the Force. Now he silently turned to Luke, pointed to the twist of roots and sank to the ground. Luke sank down beside him.

Ben was used to waiting patiently and silently. He discovered that Luke was just as patient and silent, watching the hidden den. The slatey water visible beyond the trees showed that the clouds had gathered again in an early twilight. Ben squelched his excitement, forcing himself to breathe slowly as he reached out with the Force.

A head peeked above the ground. The next moment, a sleek, slim, grey-furred body followed. The lisson raised its head, scenting, but the breeze was off the water, keeping their scent from it. The lisson’s mate slipped out next, two graceful creatures with backswept crests of darker hair and long, feathery tails. They seemed to flow down the bank and out onto the water where they glided over the surface on their long, splay-toed feet.

Ben watched, as enchanted as the first time he’d seen them. Luke watched too, just as enchanted.

A fish jumped where the tip of a lisson’s feathery tail flicked the water. Quick as a blink, the lisson whipped around to seize the fish in its sharp-toothed mouth.

At last, it grew dim, the hunting lissons only gliding shadows over water gleaming with the sky’s last light. Ben sighed, unfolded himself and moved away.

Luke didn’t speak until they came out by the lakeshore. “That was really something to see,” he said quietly.

“I’m glad they came out. They don’t always.”

Luke gave a knowing smile. “Not without persuasion, eh?”

Ben ducked his head and muttered, “I just told them it was safe. I wanted you to get to see them.”

“Thank you,” Luke said.

They walked along the lakeshore, pebbles crunching under their boots. Ben stopped now and then to skip stones across the lake’s surface, gleaming like polished pewter. A nool called, its low, haunting voice echoing across the water. Ben opened his senses. The peace around him was almost as soothing as the little spark of light he sensed far away.

Luke’s voice slid into the twilit hush like a breeze parting a curtain. “It’s been a long time, Ben. How are you?”

Ben’s peace instantly evaporated. _This_ was why his uncle was here. It was why Mama had sent them out alone together.

He stuck his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders, trying to think what to say. Because he’d better say _something_.

He finally settled on, “My father is gone a lot.”

Luke nodded. “Leia told me all about that…about the _Falcon_.” He was silent a few steps, then added, “She said something was bothering you before that, but you won’t talk to anyone.”

Ben slid him a resentful look. “They think I’m crazy.”

“Come on, Ben,” Luke scoffed.

“You think I don’t know?” Ben said.

“You’re not crazy. I told Leia so, too, if you want to know.” Luke turned a look on him that made him squirm. “But I think you’ve been struggling with something. Something you can feel through the Force.”

“I took care of it.”

“It doesn’t look that way to me.”

Ben pressed his lips tight. He had a bad feeling he wasn’t going to be able to wiggle out of this conversation—not if Mama brought Luke all the way here for this.

“It’s something dark,” Luke persisted. “I can sense it.”

Ben shrugged. “He’s always been there. Ever since I can remember.”

Luke’s blue eyes sharpened. “_He?_ Do you know who?”

Ben realized his slip. “Don’t tell Mama,” he blurted. “She’ll think I’m crazy for sure. I looked it up on the holonet. People with mental disorders hear voices.”

Luke’s gaze came back to him, startled and appalled. He grabbed Ben and pulled into a tight embrace. “Oh, Ben.” His voice was rough. “You aren’t crazy.” Luke held him away again. “You know as well as I do the Force lets us perceive things other people can’t.”

Relief surprised Ben. His uncle believed Snoke was real. A part of him had been afraid he was only in his mind. He nodded, suddenly and humiliatingly close to tears.

“What does he say?” Luke said.

Ben looked at the ground. “He told me my father blames me for the _Falcon_. He said people are afraid of me because of my power.”

Luke looked really angry. “You’ve been dealing with something alone no kid should have to fight.”

“He said he’ll always watch out for me,” Ben protested.

“He’s preying on you, Ben. He’s saying things to make you feel alone and afraid and angry.” Luke put a hand on his shoulder. “We didn’t know. We’ll help you. We’ll do everything we can.”

Ben shook his head. “You can’t help. He’s always there. I shut my mind for a long time. He was waiting for me when I couldn’t do it anymore.”

Luke tightened his grip. “How long? How long did you shut your mind?”

Ben shrugged again. “A long time. Months? It was—” He swallowed. “It was hard.”

Luke’s eyes widened. He dropped his hand. “Shutting your mind for any length of time is _debilitating_, Ben. The fact that you could—” He broke off.

Ben struggled not to squirm. All he wanted is out of this conversation. The more he said, the more the adults would want to _do_ something. It would be like the therapist, but worse. He knew it.

“It’s better now,” he assured his uncle.

Luke looked at him like he knew it was a diversion. “Leia said you talked about a light,” he said. “That Han was taking you to find it.”

“I can feel it. Can you?” Ben asked hopefully.

Luke stopped and closed his eyes. Ben could feel him reaching out. When Luke touched him through the Force, Ben forced himself to leave himself open.

At last, Luke opened his eyes. “I can feel it in you, like a star shining through dark clouds…” He frowned. “What is it? Do you know?”

Luke’s face was growing dim in the fading light. Ben didn’t want to talk about Snoke, but somehow, he didn’t mind talking about the light.

“It’s out there.” Ben waved a hand at the stars beginning to gleam out against the indigo sky. “I don’t know what it is. I only know it makes me feel—” He stopped.

“Makes you feel what?”

Ben swallowed hard. “Like I’m not alone,” he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben's behavior had to be baffling to everyone around him. Until they found out about Snoke whispering into his mind, I think his parents would've been afraid he had some kind of mental disorder. And the worst thing about it-- Ben would've known this.
> 
> I had to think for a while about what Ben knew about his grandfather. Obviously he knows Luke is his uncle, and obviously he knows about his mother's upbringing. At some point, he'd be old enough to recognize the mismatch. I finally decided they'd tell him pretty much when Obi Wan told Luke. And presumably the rest of the galaxy thinks Anakin died before his kids were born, with no link to Anakin being Darth Vader. I can imagine Ben's only question would be why Luke and Leia were separated, because in the context of the cover story, it wouldn't make sense. They might have to get creative with that answer.


	5. Ben - Age 13/Rey - Age 3

**Ben - Hosnian Prime**

The comm on Leia’s desk chimed. “Han Solo is on the comm for you,” Ben’s voice said.

Leia’s lips went to a thin line. “Put him through, please.”

She didn’t miss the fact that Ben never called him “Dad” anymore. In private, it was “my father.” In public, it was either “Han Solo” or “your husband.” That deliberate distance pained her.

A holo of Han flickered to life above the projector in her desk. The communication warned her what was coming. The look on Han’s face confirmed it.

“Leia, I’m sorry—”

“You won’t be here,” she broke in.

He made a rueful face. “I’ve got a meeting with some people. I can’t miss it.”

“Some people” meant people she wouldn’t approve of. She made a face of her own. “Han—”

He waved her argument away. “I know, I know. But if you think I’m just gonna sit back while some…some _parasite_ dicks around in my kid’s head—”

“A parasite strong enough in the Force to reach him across the galaxy,” Leia said. “That’s the sort of thing for Luke to handle. Not you.”

She knew she was insulting him. But she’d rather see him hurt and angry than dead. The only reason Darth Vader (she still couldn’t think of that…that _butcher_ as “father”) hadn’t killed him on Bespin when Han shot at him was because Vader intended to use him as bait to flush Luke out of hiding.

“Luke has to find him, first, sweetheart,” Han said, unruffled. “He doesn’t have my contacts.”

Leia leaned her head in her hand, then raised it again. “Be careful.”

Throwing his arms wide, he grinned. “Hey, when am I ever not careful?”

“Always,” Leia said drily, said her goodbyes and ended the connection.

She lowered her head to her hands again, massaging her temples. When Luke had told her what Ben had been fighting all alone all these years, she’d made a resolution. Ben wouldn’t be alone anymore. Not one more day.

She’d steeled herself for Ben to argue with her proposal. She’d ended up feeling guilty instead. He always seemed so independent, so self-contained. He didn’t seem to need anyone, not even friends (Leia had to admit some concern on that front). His undisguised eagerness showed how lonely he’d been. How starved for parental attention.

Smoothing her hair, she stood, crossed her office and opened the door. “Ben.”

He looked up from the datapad in his hand. Three more were scattered across his desk. He made a fine Senate intern—careful, quiet, discreet, diligent. He was good enough there were some tensions in the office with the staffers and older interns.

He didn’t ask questions, just waited for her to speak.

Leia put on a smile. “How would you like to come with me to the party tonight?”

Anger flashed through his eyes. “My father won’t accompany you.” It was a statement, not a question.

She bristled. “If you knew what he was doing, you wouldn’t take that attitude.”

She spoke freely—the office was empty. The others had gone home for the day.

“Yeah,” Ben said. “He’s looking for the _Falcon_.”

“No. He’s looking for the person who’s been tormenting you.”

Ben just stared a long moment. “Is that what he told you?”

Anger of her own flared. “Are you saying your father is lying to me?”

Ben had the good sense to drop his gaze. “No.”

“Then what?”

He raised his eyes again. “Nothing, Mother. I’m sorry. I was wrong.”

She was almost vibrating with anger. With an effort, she pushed it down. Months. _Months_, and Ben still hadn’t forgiven Han. She had a sick feeling he never would. Ben was relentless in his feelings. And who knew what poison was being trickled into his mind?

“Wrap everything up,” she said, deliberately gentling her voice. “We need to go back to the apartment and get ready.”

* * *

_Your father leaves his family to shift for themselves once again,_ Snoke whispered. _Such obligations must be difficult for such a man_.

“Mother doesn’t need anyone to take care of her,” Ben said.

_Yet how shameful, to have a husband only in name_.

Ben didn’t argue.

_I wonder that your mother can defend him_.

“She loves him.”

_Love_, Snoke sneered. _Look how weak and foolish it makes people_.

Ben didn’t answer.

_You disagree?_

“Maybe it does,” Ben said. “What’s it matter?”

_It matters a great deal when there are sources of strength better suited to people like you and me_.

“Like what?”

_Passion. Freedom. Triumph_. _You’ve felt them, have you not?_

Ben twitched a shoulder. “Yes…”

_Then you know I’m right. You are always at your most powerful when you allow your passions free rein_.

Ben changed the subject. “I have to meditate. I’m going to be around a lot of people soon. It’s hard if I don’t center myself.”

_Ah, yes, meditate on the light the way your Jedi uncle taught you_, Snoke mocked.

Ben meditated on the light, but not the way Luke taught him. When he meditated, he reached out to that little light he sensed. Sometimes, it reached back, sparkling and happy and open.

_The light is weak_, Snoke went on.

“No,” Ben said, thinking of how that little light uplifted him. How when he touched it, his worries and unhappiness tattered away. Snoke must not sense it, either. If he did, he’d never say it was weak.

_Your uncle fears the power of the dark. He’s instilled his fear in you_.

Ben bristled. “I’m not afraid of it. Dark, light—they’re both the Force. They’re both equal.”

Snoke didn’t seem to have anything to say to that. _Indeed_, he said at last. _We shall see_.

His presence faded from Ben’s mind.

“Ben?” His mother’s voice drifted back to his bedroom. “Are you ready yet? We have to go.”

Ben hurriedly shrugged into his coat, straightened his sleeves and went to meet her.

* * *

Ben opened the door to the automatically-piloted speeder for his mother and closed it behind her. When he’d settled in the other seat and the speeder purred away from the curb, she spoke.

“You watched the holo of the session today?” she asked. “What do you think of Demmin Prout?”

“You know I can’t tell anything without proximity, Mother.”

She waved the words away. “You can read body language, tone of voice, what’s said and not said, just like anyone else. Don’t let your abilities become a crutch.”

Ben sighed silently. Why shouldn’t he depend on his abilities? It was like expecting her to go into a room blindfolded and deafened and figure out what was going on.

Ben answered dutifully, “He talks too much about himself. Everything is about him. He’s the best at everything. He knows more than anybody. I don’t think he’s half as good as he says he is.”

His mother’s smile gleamed out. “Very good, Ben.”

The praise warmed him more that he liked to admit, especially after she’d just scolded him.

“My only question is,” she went on. “Is he really incompetent, or does he only want to seem that way?”

Ben cocked his head. “He’ll be at the party tonight?”

His mother’s smile glinted now. “You bet.”

Ben just nodded. He had his marching orders.

* * *

Drink in hand, Ben stayed close to his mother at the party, that way the thoughts of the people she spoke to were focused on her. It also meant he had to endure the usual share of condescending comments: _Only thirteen? You’re already taller than your mother!_ And, _Are you planning to be a Senator like your mother?_ Or, _What a fine boy! You must be so proud of him_.

He liked the ones who talked like he wasn’t there, or was too young to understand anything. It meant they paid less attention to him.

The Czerialan senator was hosting the party. The décor in her spacious home was as white as Czerialan hair. Cut glass adorned everything, from the chandeliers and sconces to wall hangings to sculptures. Rainbows sparkled over walls and guests alike. Chimes tinkled, background to the murmur of voices and clink of glasses.

Ben dipped into the thoughts around him. He could almost see the invisible nets of alliances and opposition, the weaving and splitting of associations. There, the senator from Sullust drifted away from her Abednedo and Mon Calamari colleagues to test the ground with the senator from Kuat.

As Mother had suggested, he watched Demmin Prout closely. He was a tall man with a small, neatly-trimmed mustache, large hands and a high forehead, not particularly good-looking, but with a strange kind of charisma. Like a neutron star, he seemed to pull people into his gravity field. Ben could grudgingly see how people might take his grandiose claims seriously.

The flock of captivated sycophants in his orbit at the moment dispersed as two hardline Centrists glided up. Prout beamed.

Ben could feel the two Centrists’ contempt and cunning and sense of superiority, Prout’s preening pleasure. It was clear enough what was going on—they were flattering him, stroking his oversized ego.

Ben sipped his icewine and filed the information away to share later.

As his mother talked to this person and that, he became aware of attention on them. One hand in the pocket of his slacks, the other around the cool glass of his sweating drink, he turned to find the source.

Demmin Prout.

Ben dipped into his mind. The next instant, he snatched himself back, shocked.

There were hardly any clear thoughts there, just images and emotions.

The emotions were hunger and lust. The images were of his mother.

Ben’s heartbeat ramped up, fury running through him like electricity. The liquid in his glass rippled, the ice tinkling against the sides, either from the shaking of his hand or the Force—which, he didn’t know. Taking a deep breath, he swallowed hard, trying to swallow down the thick, heavy thump of his heart.

Prout began to make his way toward them. Ben didn’t take his eyes from the man, not even when he stood in front of Mother, smiling at her as he spoke. When his mother introduced him, Ben barely had the presence of mind to dip his chin politely. With Prout this close, the images were so clear Ben had to deliberately close his mind to them. Heat burned up his neck to his ears.

It took every ounce of control to keep the Force from answering him. Still, the liquid in his glass rippled steadily, a shivering vibration. He stared at Prout, warning, letting him know he was watching. Prout noticed. Oh, yes he did. He only gave Ben a patronizing smile.

Ben almost missed the man saying to his mother, “…I’d love to discuss it with you, if you have a minute or two.”

Ben opened himself enough to see exactly what Prout planned.

_No_, Ben thought and gave the glass in Prout’s hand the briefest, tiniest push with the Force.

The glass slipped out of Prout’s fingers, hit the white-tiled floor and shattered, splashing bright red-orange liquid over his slacks and shoes.

Cursing, Prout brushed futilely at his clothes.

Ben watched for one satisfying moment, then said, “I’ll get something to clean it up.”

His mother’s eyes on him were narrow.

The sound of breaking glass and Prout’s exclamations had already attracted attention. People around them stared, and a few muffled titters sounded. A serving droid rapidly wove its way toward them through the other guests.

The droid took charge. “Not to worry a bit, sir,” she said to Prout. “We’ll get everything sorted directly. If you’ll kindly come with me.”

Ben brushed Prout’s mind again. There was nothing there now but anger and embarrassment, and what he’d like to do to the overgrown whelp staring like an idiot even now.

He tore his eyes from Ben to give Mother a smile. “Excuse me, Senator Organa. I’m afraid we’ll have to continue our discussion later.”

_Not if I have anything to do with it_, Ben thought.

His mother murmured something appropriate and sympathetic. When Prout moved away with the droid, she casually steered Ben to a quiet corner.

“What was that, Ben?”

His heart beat hard again, but for a different reason this time. He sidestepped the question. “I don’t like him.”

“I could sense that,” she said dryly. “Any particular reason?”

He clenched his jaw. He would _not_ tell his mother what he’d seen in the man’s mind. “He’s vile,” he finally said.

“Of course he is. Loudmouth braggarts usually are.” She studied him long enough he had to keep from squirming. “Did you find out anything useful?”

Ben relaxed. She might’ve sensed his disgust and rage, but not his flick of the Force. The party went on around them, the buzz of chatter and burble of muted laughter enough to give them privacy.

“Anyone who tells him nice things about himself, he loves,” Ben said. “Anyone he thinks is weaker—” He stopped.

“Well?”

The anger rose again, thick in his throat. He swallowed it down. “He’ll try to bully them.” He hesitated. “Take advantage of them.” His voice came out rough.

His mother eyed him shrewdly. “He thinks I’m weak?”

Ben ground his teeth. He nodded once.

“But you know better,” she said.

He nodded again.

“Good.” She patted his arm. “So he’s a tool,” she said, changing the subject back to Prout. “I thought so. A few people I know think he’s a brilliant strategist. I was pretty sure he was only driven by his ego. So who’s stroking it and why?”

Ben opened his mouth to answer, but she waved him silent.

“No, later,” she said. “If we keep our heads together much longer, people will be sure I’m up to something.”

Ben returned her grin with a little smile of his own, more pleased to be here than he had been before.

**Rey – Age 3 - Jakku**

“Rey!” Hound called. “What are you doing? Get back here!”

“Something here, Dad!” Her voice echoed in the dark compartment she’d crawled into.

He braced a hand on the bent strut that framed the opening. Like him, Rey had her own knack for finding things. Often, they were the kinds of things that caught a child’s fancy—a holo of a family party; a music box; an officer’s bars; a piece of scrap in an interesting shape.

“I don’t care,” he said. “It’s dark in there.” His own headlamp only illuminated bobbing specks of dust.

“I not afraid of the dark.” Her indignant protest was a little farther away. “I _like_ dark.”

Hound ran a hand down his face. The kid was a born scavenger. Fearless. A little too fearless sometimes.

“I know you do, Sparkle. But I don’t want you getting lost. Or hurt. Come back. Right now.”

“I not get hurt.”

A frantic flutter started in his chest. He’d started taking Rey along to the wrecks because he figured she was better off with him than Gilee. Gilee was good enough—barely—to get the stuff he brought in ready for trade. But he didn’t trust her with Rey anymore. Not the way she was afraid of her. The way—

The way Rey’s uncanny abilities revolted her. Now he was conjuring all the reasons she would’ve been better off with Gilee at the shelter.

Rey must’ve sensed his agitation. “Wait, Dad. I almost got it…”

There was a slide, a bang, then a plume of dust clouded the beam of his light.

“Rey?” he called, then more frantically, “Rey!”

He pulled a prybar from his belt and attacked the opening.

“It okay, Dad!” her voice called. “I get it! It under the metal, and the metal fall and make a loud noise, but I get it out!”

Breathing hard, Hound waved the dust away and peered into the darkness. After a moment, Rey appeared, her grime-smeared little face stretched in a brilliant grin, her hazel eyes bright with triumph.

“Look, Dad!” She thrust out a hand.

A necklace dangled from her grubby fist. It glittered in the light of his lamp—platinum, since it wasn't tarnished, with a starburst of pink and yellow stones. It could’ve been junk jewelry, but the way the stones glittered after the heat of the ship’s entry into Jakku’s atmosphere, the dust of decades, he knew it wasn’t.

Hound sat down hard on the buckled deck. “Oh, Sparkle!” was all he could manage.

She crawled through the opening, so covered with dust she was all one color, hair, skin and clothes. “Somebody _love_ it. I feel it here.” She put a hand on her chest. “It for Mama. She love it, too. She love it, Dad? Will she?”

He pulled Rey into his lap and against his chest. “It’s beautiful, Sparkle. I know she’s never seen anything so beautiful. Yeah, I think she’ll love it.”

* * *

Gilee loved the necklace all right, but not for the reason Rey intended.

Gilee’s eyes lit with pure avarice. “D’ya know what we can get with this? Credits! Somebody’ll give us real credits for this!”

Hound looked back. Rey was engrossed in picking through their spoils for the day.

He leaned close to Gilee. “When Rey found this, the first thing she said was that you’d love it. She wants you to have it, Gilee.”

Gilee frowned.

“She found this, she’ll find more,” Hound soothed. “Just keep it. Wear it. Make your kid happy for once.”

Gilee peered at Rey where she sat in the tumble of starship parts. “She’ll find more?”

“She’s got my knack. If she knows it’s what we want, yeah, she’ll find more.”

A cunning look flitted across Gilee’s face, then she smiled. She ducked her head to put on the necklace. “Rey, look! Look how much Mama loves the pretty necklace you found!”

Rey looked up and clapped her hands, beaming. She jumped up, ran to Gilee and threw her arms around her legs. “I happy, I happy, I happy!”

Gilee awkwardly patted her head, her face softening. “I’m glad, baby. You did good.”

* * *

Hound stood in the _Ravager’s_ vast hangar, looking up. The ceiling (what had once been the flight deck) was lost in darkness even the powerful hand light he held couldn’t pierce. Rey held onto his pant leg, looking up, too.

“Something up there,” she said. The space was so huge it swallowed her voice. Not even echoes returned.

“Yeah,” Hound said. “I feel it too, but I’ve never been able to get up there. Nobody has. Whatever’s there…” He shook his head appreciatively. “It’d make a real fine haul.” He ruffled Rey’s hair. “Come on, Sparkle. We’ll find something else just as good.”

He started toward the old lift shaft, turning to make sure Rey was following. She still stood looking up, a frown on her face. After a moment, she raised a small hand toward the ceiling.

The sound of metal groaning came from the darkness high above. There was a sudden screech, a crack, then a loud twang.

Adrenaline spiked through him, cold and breathless. Hound lunged, scooped up Rey and _ran_.

A thunderous roar filled the hangar. Something fell behind him with a deafening crash and clang, and a cloud of dust and metal flakes exploded into the beam of his light. Rey hung on tight around his neck, squealing in fear. He had long enough to worry he’d completely lost his bearings before the noise subsided into groans, clanks and pops. Clutching Rey tight, Hound turned.

His beam swept a toppled AT-AT walker, completely intact from the transparasteel command module to the feet crumpled under it. He stared at it, trying to make sense of where it had come from.

“I sorry, Dad!” Rey blubbered into his ear. “It fall! I want it to come down. I don’t want it to fall!”

Hound breathed hard, her words reeling through his mind. He tried to speak. Nothing came out. He tried again. “You made it come down?”

“I feel it up there and I want it to come down and I don’t want to smash us. I hurt you, Dad? I don’t want to hurt you.”

His legs started wobbling. He sank to his knees as they buckled.

This wasn’t making a flask float. This wasn’t like sensing people, or knowing where to find the best stuff.

This was something else.

Rey patted his shoulders. “I sorry, Dad. Did I do bad? I sorry. Don’t be scared.” She was crying again, tears glistening on her face in the harsh light of his lamp.

“No, baby. No, you didn’t do bad.” His voice came out shaky and thin. “You did real good. The best.” He took a breath. “But listen. You can’t tell anybody. Not even Mama. You know how scared she gets when you do things like this? Well, it’ll scare lots of people. This, what you just did, it has to be our secret. Just you and me. Nobody else, understand?”

Her eyes were huge, her lips trembling. “Okay, Dad. It bad?”

“It’s not bad,” he reassured her, stroking her hair back from her face. “I promise. It’s special. It’s just like when we find a good haul. We have to keep it secret so nobody tries to take it away from us. Right?”

She stuck her fingers in her mouth and nodded. She took her fingers out of her mouth long enough to pronounce, “It a secret.”

“Right.” He pushed to his feet on shaky legs. “Now come on. That’s a fresh wreck. Let’s get the good stuff before other scavengers come.”

**Ben – Hosnian Prime**

Ben startled awake. His eyes flicked around his dim bedroom—the familiar furniture, his starfighter models, the shadows of clothes through the partially-open door of his closest sketched in tones of grey by the streetlight that filtered through the blinds.

Disoriented, he sat up. He’d just been in a huge, dark space smelling of metal and oil and dust, a crumpled Imperial walker picked out in a beam of bluish-white light. The Force eddied around him strangely, almost as if someone had been using it. Who could've—? He brushed it, alarmed—

And touched blazing light.

The light! _Here?_

His heart hammering, he reached out to it.

**Rey – Jakku**

Rey gasped. Elbow-deep in the AT-AT’s control panel, Hound wrenched around.

She crouched in one of the pilots’ seats, a Pilex bit driver ready to hand to him. Staring straight ahead, her eyes wide and mouth in a little “O” of surprise, she said, “He here!”

Hound straightened to his knees and peered out the viewports, scanning for any sign of a light that would announce they had company. “Who? Where?”

She waved a hand upward. “Him! He live in the sky, in the dark where it nice and cool and, and, and comfy, like a shady place. Sometimes I feel him inside, but he _here!_”

Closing her eyes, she held out both hands as if reaching for someone.

**Ben – Hosnian Prime**

Ben caught his breath and froze. The light poured over him like spring sunlight. Closing his eyes, he opened himself. The light rushed in, filling the dark places in him with warmth and joy and wonder.

**Rey – Jakku**

The untouched AT-AT was Hound’s best haul in months. He stripped as much as he could before their light and water ran out, loaded the speeder until the repulsors groaned, then quickly cached the rest in the rapidly darkening desert.

He smacked palms with Rey after he lifted her into the speeder’s passenger seat. “Good job, Sparkle!”

She grinned and returned the praise, the way they always did. “Good job, Dad!”

Hound swung into the pilot’s seat, gunned the engines and sent them flying across the dim landscape, the dust that plumed behind them glowing faintly in the light of the bright band of stars that stretched across Jakku’s sky.

When they returned to the shelter, Gilee lay on her back under the awning, staring up at nothing. Hound passed her with only a glance as he unloaded the haul. Rey, trotting at his heels, stopped by her mother.

She was used to seeing her this way, so Hound was surprised when Rey cried out, “Mama!”

He turned back to see her crouched by Gilee.

“Your necklace gone!” Rey said. “Dad, somebody steal Mama’s pretty necklace I found!”

Hound dropped his armful of salvage. He’d known this was going to happen.

He went and crouched by Rey. “Somebody must’ve taken it off her when she was fuzzed,” he lied.

Better than telling her Gilee had sold it for her dose of junk.

Rey’s brows went down and her fists clenched. “I find them. They won’t do it again.”

Her anger rippled around him like heat waves.

Hound rubbed her back soothingly. “We just have to hide everything we find from now on, right? That way nobody will take it away from us.” Especially Gilee.

Rey’s little face was still black as a sandstorm. “They better not!”

“They won’t, Sparkle. I promise.” He ruffled her hair. “Now go sort out our haul so I can get it stowed someplace safe.”

She stood fuming a moment more, then spun and stomped away to dig through the salvage. Hound watched her a moment, seething on her behalf.

He turned back to Gilee. Elbow on knee, he bent and whispered, “That’s it, Gilee. You had your chance. You’re not getting one more flask of spirits or one more grain of spice from me. From now on, you want junk, you’re on your own.”

If Gilee heard him, she didn’t show it. She’d understand tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure, guys: I don't have kids. I have been doing research on developmental stages for each year, but if you see anything wrong for kids of Ben and Rey's particular ages, please feel free to let me know in the comments.


	6. Ben - Age 14/Rey - Age 4

**Ben – Hosnian Prime**

At the back of a roomful of squabbling senators, Ben sat with his eyes fixed on his datapad.

The squabbles were always the same: each of them thought they were right. The others simply needed convincing—or manipulating. Ben listened patiently with both ears and mind, sorting them all out.

His mother surreptitiously rubbed one temple. The others in the room wouldn’t notice it, but Ben did—he could sense his mother’s frustration.

She straightened. “I move we take a short recess. I think we all need it.”

There was a chorus of relieved “seconds” from around the room.

Senator Chell Neloc, the committee head, looked sour. “Very well,” he huffed. “We’ll reconvene in two hours.”

A buzz of conversation rose in the room as senators stood, followed by staffers and secretary droids.

Ben watched Senator Neloc, the object of his mother’s frustration, file out with the rest. At last, the door whisked shut, leaving them alone.

Massaging her temples again, his mother sighed heavily. “What does he want? We negotiate and negotiate, compromise and compromise. Nothing makes any difference.”

“He obstructs because he can,” Ben said. “He wants the Senate to fail. He wants it to be seen as weak and ineffective.”

His mother raised her head. “You’re kidding me.”

Ben only looked at her.

Unexpectedly, she slammed a hand down on the table. He jumped.

“Damn him,” she snarled. “He’ll ruin everything, everything we worked and struggled and bled for. For what?”

“Power,” Ben said. “To show he has it.”

His mother glared across the room for a long moment. He could feel her reining in her temper. Finally, she pushed out a breath and slumped back into her chair. “I need caf.”

Ben was instantly on his feet. “I’ll get it. And a pastry.”

She gave him a wan smile. “And a pastry.”

He followed in the wake of the others. Clutches of senators and staffers stood in the hall, murmuring together. Ben strode past, furious on his mother’s behalf.

He knew how hard she worked for the Senate. He knew what she’d done to help bring peace to the galaxy. It wasn’t right. One man shouldn’t be able—be _allowed_—to undermine everything she’d done.

He was still seething when he reached the Senate commissary. It was crowded, the buzz of conversation filling the air. As he approached the counter, he saw him. Chell Neloc, speaking with the Ubardiani senator, the other man regal in his traditional gold and scarlet robes, a beaded kofia atop his tight, black curls. An idea burst on Ben.

Abandoning his errand, he drifted closer, finally stopping an unobtrusive distance from the pair. Far enough to be polite, close enough to be noticed. He waited.

Ben knew Neloc was perfectly aware of his presence, but the man wasn’t in any hurry to acknowledge him. Ben tamped down his anger and kept waiting. Neloc might’ve tried to ignore him for the full two hours, but Ben’s persistent, quiet presence eventually persuaded the Ubardiani to take his leave.

Ben stepped forward. “Senator Neloc? Senator Organa sent me to ask if she might have a private word with you before the committee reconvenes.”

Neloc looked at Ben like he was something he found on the bottom of his shoe. “She doesn’t have anything to say that will change my mind.”

“Shall I relay that you aren’t interested in hearing her proposal, sir?” Ben kept his tone mild, detached and polite.

He could feel Neloc wanting to refuse, but curious to hear what Senator Organa was offering.

Finally, he heaved a long-suffering sigh. “I won’t have my time wasted.”

“No, sir,” Ben said, and led the way out of the commissary.

In the hallway, indirect light glowed at the junction of walls and ceiling. A carpet patterned with the swirling arms of the galaxy stretched underfoot. Ben walked a little ahead of the senator, neither of them speaking.

When they were alone in the hall, Ben broke the silence. “Senator Organa only hopes you’ll allow the bill to advance to the floor for a vote.”

“I’ve already made it clear I won’t,” Neloc snapped. “Not until I see a bill worth voting on.”

Ben stopped, forcing Neloc to stop, too. The man bristled at his forwardness.

Ben stepped close. Reaching for the Force, he raised a hand. “_You will allow the bill to advance to the floor for a vote_.”

Neloc’s outrage drained away, leaving him blank. “I will allow the bill to advance to the floor for a vote.”

One corner of Ben’s mouth quirked in a small smile. “Thank you, Senator Neloc.”

Ben turned and headed back to the commissary for his mother’s caf and pastry, leaving Neloc blinking dazedly behind him.

* * *

After the committee adjourned, the drive back to the apartment passed in a blur of lights against what passed for the darkness of a city night. Still stunned and mystified, Leia keyed open the apartment door. Ben, quiet as always, hadn’t attempted to break in on her distraction once.

C-3PO, who had come with them from Chandrila, now clattered up to take Leia’s coat and bag. He chattered about messages. She answered automatically, still trying to make sense of what had happened in the committee meeting.

_Chell Neloc had voted to advance the bill to the full Senate_. When he had, complete silence fell in the room. Every senator on the committee had stared at him in disbelief. But no one had looked more surprised than Neloc himself. As if he’d just betrayed himself in the most publicly humiliating fashion possible.

Leia lowered herself onto the sofa. Ben sat at the other end, watching as a service droid offered a glass of emerald wine. She took the glass and sipped, staring absently across the room.

“Are you okay, Mother?” Ben eventually said.

With an effort, she roused herself. “Yes. Yes, fine, Ben. Just…” She gestured. “Knocked off my feet. I’d pretty much resigned myself to watching that bill die in committee.”

Ben fidgeted. “Are you happy?”

“Happy? I guess I am. Or will be once I get over my surprise.”

He sat back, tension going out of him. “Good. I thought you would be.”

Something about the way he said it… She focused on him. “What do you mean?”

He leaned forward again. “You said he’d ruin everything you’ve worked for. Now he won’t.”

“No?” she said warily. “Why not?”

He looked smug. “I made sure of it.”

A chill trickled down Leia’s neck. “Ben. Did you…” Her mouth was suddenly dry. “Did you do something?”

“I told him to vote to advance the bill.” The pride that radiated from him was painful.

She felt like she’d been plunged into freezing water. She couldn’t breathe for a moment. Horror struck, quickly morphing into rage. She surged to her feet and stood over her son, fists clenched.

“How dare you!”

He flinched back as if struck, his eyes going wide.

“How _dare_ you use your power that way!” She could barely get the words out, spluttering as she never, ever did. “How dare you force your will on someone who can’t fight back!”

He straightened. Anger flared into his eyes and his fists clenched on his knees. “Why not? That’s what he was doing.”

“He did what the rules allow! The people of his planet voted for him to represent them. That’s what he was doing.”

“He was _bought_,” Ben said scornfully. “The people didn’t get a choice.”

“You have no right, Ben Solo!” she spat. “I don’t care what you see in his mind. I don’t care if he’s corrupt through and through. You have no right to impose your half-baked ideas of fairness on others. No matter how despicable his motives, he was working within the system.”

Ben pushed to his feet, taller than her by half a head. A dusting of fine, black hairs darkened his upper lip. The strong angles of a man’s face were beginning to show through the softer lines of the boy’s. She hadn’t noticed before. She did now.

“Then the system is _stupid_,” he snarled, his voice cracking as it so often did now. “I don’t know why you even bother. It’s useless if people like Chell Neloc destroy things just because they can.”

Leia’s temper cooled, but not her anger. She stared coldly up at him. “Other people believed that way. Do you want me to tell you who? _Emperor Palpatine_ and _Darth Vader_. _They_ thought their vision for the galaxy was best. They forced the galaxy to its knees for it.”

Ben actually took a step back.

“That’s what I spent my life fighting,” she said. “I never expected to have to fight it in my own son.” She whirled away. “Leave me alone, Ben. I can’t look at you right now.”

She heard him breathing hard, little catches to his breath. She didn’t care. Let him feel the full weight of her disappointment and disgust. He needed it.

After a moment, he slunk away, betrayal trailing behind him like acrid smoke.

* * *

Eyes tightly closed, Ben braced his hands on the windowsill, his forehead pressed against the glass. Too hard—much harder, the glass would shatter. He almost couldn’t find it in himself to care.

_Your mother rejects your efforts on her behalf_, Snoke murmured. _After she practically asked you to intervene_. _She rejects **you**_.

Ben didn’t feel like crying this time. He felt like _destroying_. The window rattled in its frame. His bed and chair tap-danced across the floor.

_Come, dear boy. Why so devastated? She has always disapproved of your use of your power. She has always admonished you to restrain yourself. She will always demand you neuter yourself, cripple yourself so as not to inconvenience those lesser_.

“She said he’d destroy everything. I was trying to _help_.” His voice cracked on the last word.

_Of course you were. But your motives mean nothing. The results you achieve mean nothing. Only that you remain a tame, unthreatening child. What will she do when you grow into your power?_

“It isn’t fair. That senator just wanted to prove that he could force everyone to do what he wanted. Well, I showed him he couldn’t. I made it so everyone else has a voice. How is that wrong?”

_Precisely_, Snoke said. _It isn’t. You were simply…what is the phrase? Leveling the playing field_.

Ben pushed away from the window, dropped onto his bed. “She said I’m like _Darth Vader_.”

_Is that so bad?_

“Yes! He destroyed Alderaan! Billions and billions of people, everything that lived there! The whole galaxy hated him. I don’t want to be like him!”

_But my boy, **you** have that kind of power—or would, if you would allow yourself_.

Ben clenched his fists on his knees. “I’d never use my power like he did. _Never_.” He slumped. “But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I try—” His voice quavered and he stopped.

_It is difficult to have true power, my boy. Power must be used, or the gift is wasted. If you make mistakes along the way… Well, that is part of being young. You will learn_.

“But I didn’t think _this_ was a mistake! I thought I was doing something good!”

_Your only mistake was in revealing what you’d done. There are times to reveal your strength…and times to take quiet action_.

Ben frowned. “I don’t like lying. It’s…low.”

His father lied all the time. And look where it got him.

_You’re good at keeping things to yourself. That’s all you need do. Follow your instincts. Do what you feel best. Don’t let rules and maxims restrain your actions. You’ll soon find your proper direction_.

Snoke’s voice faded from his mind.

Ben dropped his head in his hands. Again and again, he saw the look on his mother’s face when she realized what he’d done. He heard the disgust in her voice, felt her anguish when she told him she couldn’t stand to look at him. But Snoke said he hadn’t done anything wrong.

Why then did it feel like he had?

**Jakku**

Jakku’s sole cantina was a salvaged freight container, conveniently located on the opposite side of Niima Outpost from the constable’s office. The place was dim, loud and rank with the smell of spirits and the stink of unwashed bodies. Spacers came for a little time in real gravity, breathing real air, and locals came for whatever deals could be made. Hound sat at a blaster-scarred table for the second reason.

He’d just closed a deal with a spacer for a full sensor array and deflector projectors when a nearby conversation caught his attention.

“I saw Lord Vader up close one time. Terrifying. All in black—armor and cape and helmet that looked like something out of a nightmare. Never wanted to be that close again.”

Hound glanced just long enough to see that the speaker was a battered old man with missing teeth and a blaster scar like a crater in his cheek. He wore a stormtrooper’s white breastplate and bracers, streaked black with carbon scoring.

“No, it’s true,” the old trooper answered some question Hound couldn’t hear. “I saw him just…” He paused, demonstrating. “…hold out a hand and throw this one general across the hangar like he was no more than a toy. Never even touched him. It looked like magic to me, but everyone said he had the Force.”

All of Hound’s attention was on the man now. He sipped his drink, listening hard.

“You’d never say it was just some crazy religion if you saw the things he could do. It was power. Real power, like nothing you ever seen before. I can tell you, we all stood up straight to attention and kept our eyes to ourselves when he was around. That was one time I was glad I was just a conscript, not an officer.”

Hound snagged a couple of drinks from a power droid repurposed as a server and sauntered to the oldster’s table. Conversation stuttered to a halt, but Hound slid the drink in front of the old man and himself into the empty seat next to him.

With a charming laugh, he held up his hands. “Yeah, eavesdropper. That’s me. Worst crime you can do in a place like this, but _this_ story…I _got_ to hear more.”

The old man eyed him. His companions, a hulking Tarsunt and squat, squint-eyed Blarina eyed him just as suspiciously.

“You want a story?” the Blarina said. “I can give you one more believable than his.”

Blarinas were infamous for their tall tales. Hound shook his head and grinned. “This Force stuff. That’s the story I want to hear.” 

“Like I said, an old religion,” the Blarina sniffed. “The Empire mostly wiped it out.”

The old trooper nodded. “Said it was seditious. They leveled the temples around the galaxy and killed all the Jedi for plotting to overthrow the Emperor.” He glared at the Blarina. “But I’m telling you, it was more than just an old religion. It was doing things normal people can’t do.”

“Like what?” Hound said, careful to sound only curious.

The oldster wriggled on his seat and leaned forward. “Like moving things without touching them. Choking the life out of a man without laying a hand on him. Stopping blaster bolts with just a hand.”

The Tarsunt gave a massive snort through his wide nostrils, sending a not-so-fine mist across the table. “Saw that too, did you?”

“No, but a lad in my squad did. He was on guard duty on Bespin when some fool tried to shoot Lord Vader. Vader just swatted the bolts away like swatting a bloat fly.”

Hound didn’t know if he was excited or queasy. Moving things… _That_, he’d seen. Killing someone—

His Sparkle would never do that.

“You sure your mate wasn’t tooling with you?” Hound said.

The trooper met his eyes, dead serious. “Thought he was. Until I saw the things Vader did that day.”

“That was the Force?” Hound said. “That’s what they worship over in Tuanul village, isn’t it?”

The oldster shrugged. “Bunch of fanatic wannabes, if you ask me. Never heard of any of _them_ doing anything like Lord Vader could.”

“You go there, just make sure you approach real calm and cautious.” the Tarsunt said. “They’re not welcoming of strangers.”

Hound laughed. “Who is on Jakku?”

But he was already planning a trip to Tuanul. With the things Rey was doing, he needed to find out what he could about the Force.

* * *

Gilee was sweating. Her mouth was dry and tasted like something’d died in there. Her skin was starting to twitch. Next she’d be seeing worms and creepers crawling out of her skin.

She hurried through the tents and lean-tos of Niima Outpost, brushing past junk dealers and scavengers and hired muscle. Finally, she spotted him—Tarak Shu—his ruddy face with its long jaw the only thing exposed under the layers of multicolored wraps he wore.

He was talking to a spacer, a woman too clean in her loose trousers and shirt and wide, fringed sash to be anything other than a supplier. Gilee jittered just out of earshot, a heartbeat away from rushing in and grabbing Tarak’s gaudily wrapped arm. Finally, the two parted. With a gasp of relief, Gilee darted forward.

“I need some, Tarak,” she panted. “Bad.”

He gave a smile that revealed crooked teeth. “You always need it bad. But you’re into me deep, Gilee. I can’t keep doing you favors. All my other customers’ll want the same, then where’ll I be?”

She abruptly let go of his arm. “It’s all Hound’s fault! He promised he’d make sure I have what I need.”

Tarak cocked his head. “He’s been doing pretty good lately. Trading some real fine stuff. Get a little of that, you don’t have to worry.”

She hugged herself. “I can’t. He hides it all. Doesn’t give me _anything_ anymore.”

Tarak made a regretful noise. “Too bad. If he did, I know you’d be good for whatever I give you.”

Gilee straightened. “Yeah! Yeah! He will. I know he will. He’s got plenty. He’ll have to pay you back. I’m his kid’s mother. He’ll have to!”

Tarak nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, I think you’re right. We can take it out of the cut he owes Unkar Plutt.” He chucked Gilee under the chin. “Come on, pippy. Let’s get you set.”

Almost weeping with relief, Gilee followed him.

**Ben – Hosnian Prime**

Things changed after the incident with Senator Chell Neloc. Ben still acted as a Senate intern, but his mother no longer asked him to read people. She kept him closer than ever, though. He would’ve been pleased and proud a few months ago. Now he only felt shamed and degraded, an unpredictable cur kept on a short leash.

When his father arrived one day, Ben was in his room studying. Feeling his father’s presence, he raised his head. His father wasn’t happy about something. In fact, he was very, very _un_happy about something, wishing he wasn’t here, wishing he was anywhere else.

Ben frowned. His father already knew what had happened with the senator. (_Good_, his father had thought when he learned about it. _Sounds like he deserved it_. Ben was unexpectedly relieved.)

Ben wondered if he’d said it to his mother. Maybe. There seemed to be more shouting matches than usual lately when his father came home.

Eventually, Ben heard the sounds of footsteps and voices—his mother and father and, of course, C-3PO, who always had to be in the middle of everything.

He cocked his head, listening. The Force roiled with his father’s disturbance. It seemed like a good reason to lie low, but after a minute or two, a tap came at his door.

“Master Ben,” C-3PO’s prim voice came through the door. “Your presence is requested in your mother’s office.”

Ben pursed his lips, trying to ignore the churn of foreboding in his gut. “Be right there,” he called back.

He stalled a moment. He took a drink of water, put his desk in order, looked out the window into the apartment’s small garden terrace. Finally, he crossed the room to obey his summons.

His mother’s office in the apartment on Hosnian Prime was more professional and less personal than the one on Chandrila. There was only one precious Alderaanian weaving on the wall, and lots of certificates and flatprints of his mother at various official functions.

What Ben was focused on now were his mother, sitting straight and formal in one of the office chairs, her hands folded over her knees, and his father, pacing back and forth. As the door whisked shut, his father raked a hand through hair and looked up at Ben, misery clear on his face.

Ben’s pulse jumped and stomach knotted. He stood silent, watching, waiting, and trying not to show his dread.

His mother smiled and made a gesture of invitation. “Ben, sit down.”

He didn’t sit down. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, son,” she said. “We just have something we need to discuss with you.”

He looked at his father. Han’s gaze slid away.

“Go ahead,” Ben said.

His mother’s lips went flat with annoyance, but she quickly smoothed it away. “You’re at the age where we need to begin considering your future. You have powerful Force abilities. That will need to be taken into account.”

Ben nodded, wary.

“You don’t seem reluctant to use them. I’ve done what I can to guide you and help you learn to control them, but—”

“Is this about that senator?” Ben broke in. “I didn’t mean—”

His mother held up a ringed hand. “I don’t doubt you had good intentions, Ben. That isn’t the point. The point is, I don’t think I’m equipped to continue to advise and educate you.”

Ben blinked. His mother never admitted she was incapable of…well, anything. “What do you mean?”

His father finally spoke. “She means she thinks you need someone to teach you how to use the Force.”

Something in Ben leapt up. The clench in his stomach eased. “Okay.”

His mother and father shared a look he couldn’t quite read.

“Your Uncle Luke has been putting together a school for Force-users,” Mother said. “For Jedi. We’ve spent a lot of time talking, all three of us, and we’ve decided Luke’s school will be the best place for you.”

Ben’s breath stopped. “What? No! I don’t want to be a Jedi! I want to keep helping you. I want—”

“We’re beyond what you want, Ben.” His mother was all steel. “I realized that after that committee meeting. I wanted to believe that you could live your life like anyone else. Well, like the life my son and the heir of Alderaan would lead. That just isn’t possible.”

Ben clenched his fists, breathing hard. He could feel the Force responding and snatched himself back. That would absolutely, positively not help him. “It’s my life! You can’t just decide what I’m going to do! You can’t just…just lock me away like some kind of monster!”

“Come on, Ben,” his father said. “We don’t think you’re a monster. But you need to learn more than what we can teach you.”

“_You_ aren’t happy about it,” Ben threw at him.

His father raked a hand through his hair again. “No, but I don’t have a better idea, either, kid. This is the best we could come up with.”

“Teach me to be a _Jedi_,” Ben spat. “A monk who isn’t supposed to care about anything except the Force.”

“Luke says you’ve been struggling with darkness,” his mother said. “I’ve felt it in you, too. I have since you were a baby. Learning to be a Jedi will help you with that.”

“I don’t need help!” Ben was perilously close to tears. “I need everyone to just _leave—me—alone!” _He spun, ready to storm from the room.

His mother’s voice stopped him. “You can’t run away from this, Ben. You _will_ be going to Luke’s school. You made the choice yourself with your rash, ill-considered actions.”

He turned back. “I _didn’t_ make the choice. Because _no one ever asked me_.”

“Now you know how Senator Neloc felt,” she said coldly.

Ben wrenched the door open with the Force. It gave an agonized screech. What he did—or didn’t do—didn’t matter anymore.

* * *

They didn’t waste time packing him up. Before the day was over, Ben was in a speeder with his mother on the way to Hosnian Prime’s spaceport.

She hugged his unresponsive frame at the bottom of the boarding ramp of his father’s new ship, a modified Nabian ambassadorial skiff, gleaming and sleek and everything the _Falcon_ hadn’t been.

She stepped back, but didn’t let go. “Ben,” she said, real regret in her voice. “It’s going to be a long time before we see each other again. Let’s not part this way.”

He looked down at her, so full of rage and hurt he thought he’d explode. The reality of his situation crashed down on him. He flung his arms around her and hugged her until she was gasping.

“Please, Mama,” he whispered. “Please don’t send me away. I can’t—I can’t—”

Somehow, she managed to extricate herself. She took his face in her hands. “Yes you can, son. It’ll be fine. Luke will take care of you. You just have to give it a chance.”

Her eyes shined with tears. Ben didn’t know if that made it better or worse.

He just shook his head. He couldn’t talk.

_This was wrong_. Everything in him was screaming how wrong it was. The _Force_ was screaming it. This wasn’t what he was supposed to do. But nothing he said did any good.

She stretched up and kissed him on the forehead. “May the Force be with you,” she whispered. “Always.”

His father put a hand on his shoulder. “Come on, kid. We’ve got flight clearances. Time to go, or they’ll make us wait on the deck another hour or two.”

Ben let him steer him up the ramp and onto the ship. He watched his mother until the hatch closed, shutting her from view.

He stood staring at the closed hatch, his father hovering awkwardly behind him.

“You can plot the course,” Han finally said.

He turned to see the pain in his father’s eyes. “Are we going to escape somewhere they’ll never find us?” It was one last, hopeless plea.

A ghost of the familiar crooked smile lifted his father’s lips. “If it was up to me, yeah. We would.”

“But it’s not.”

“Ben—”

“You know what I can do. No one would ever take another ship from you. No one would ever threaten you. I wouldn’t _let_ them.”

His father suddenly looked old. He put a heavy hand on Ben’s shoulder. “Yeah, I know. Don’t think I’m not tempted. That’s why I know your mother’s right. Stay with me, kid, and you’d be the terror of the galaxy for sure. I just can’t do that to you.”

All Ben’s protests died unspoken.

**Jakku**

The trip to the Force village of Tuanul was no casual jaunt, with it there way on the other side of the Graveyard, past Kelvin Ravine. Hound had thought long and hard about what to offer the villagers. Clothes, he finally decided, and medicine. The kinds of things people couldn’t find scavenging. He’d done some sharp trading to get the best he could find.

Now, skimming past the shipwrecks standing stark against the amber and sapphire glow of the twilight sky, Hound was pleased. The head of the Church of the Force, a gentle Abednedo named Ilco, had agreed to see Rey and teach her the ways of the Force.

Hound wouldn’t leave her alone in Tuanul, of course—she was too little. But with the kind of salvage the two of them were bringing in, he could afford to take off a few days at a time while they taught her—especially now that he wasn’t trading for Gilee’s junk.

He was just cresting the rise above the shelter when a pack of speeders roared out of the dimming desert. Hound swung hard to one side to avoid the closest before he realized they were all around him. His heart beating hard, he throttled back and they all closed in, their lights pinning him like a skewered bug.

Blasters drawn, they slid off their speeders, a menacing group dressed in robes and wraps and masks and goggles. Hound thought for an instant about doing something crazy, like running them down, but quickly discarded the idea. If they didn’t shoot him, Rey and Gilee were still at the shelter, easy prey.

He put on a disarming smile. “Oi, fellas, what’s—”

The words died on his lips as Unkar Plutt’s massive form heaved into view behind the others. Hound’s stomach sank. Plutt stumped forward.

“Hound,” he said in his phlegmy voice. “’The best trader on Jakku.’ That’s what they call you, did you know that?”

“I maybe heard it a time or two,” Hound said, grinning. He knew the game. Pretend everything was all friendly, and sometimes everyone was convinced.

“’Ask for Hound. He’s got the best stuff,’” Plutt went on. “You know what that means? It means I lose out.”

“You get your cut,” Hound said. “Just like we agreed.”

“Do I? Your woman brought Tarak Shu a real nice piece of jewelry. I don’t recall getting a cut of that.”

Hound struggled not to grind his teeth. “That was a gift. To _her_. If she gave it away for junk, it’s not my doing.”

Plutt nodded slowly. “Maybe. But it seems your haul’s been awfully good lately. Makes me wonder what else I don’t see.”

“So, what? You want to renegotiate?” Hound made a show of looking Plutt’s goons up and down, then swept a hand around to indicate the empty landscape. “It’s a funny time and place for it.”

Plutt bared his little peglike teeth in what passed for a grin. “Maybe it’d be more comfortable at your shelter, with your woman and little girl.”

Hound’s friendly façade was quickly crumbling. “They’re no part of this, and you know it.”

“But they are, Hound. Your woman’s run up a big tab with Tarak Shu. And your little girl…” Plutt stuck his thumbs in his wide belt. “Your haul’s way up since she started going out with you. Makes me wonder who it is finding all that good stuff.”

Ice pulsed through him. Hound was _not_ going to let Rey become part of this conversation “If Gilee’s into you, she can work it off. I do my part. Take it up with her.”

Plutt laughed. “You trying to shove your fuzzed-out junker on me, Hound? Try again.”

“What d’you want?”

“I want what I’m owed,” Plutt said.

Hound quickly calculated. There was no way out of it. “I got a stash.”

Plutt shook his head. “I’m sure you do. But salvage has to be sold before it’s worth anything.” He leaned over Hound, menacing. “You’re going to get me credits.”

“Credits!” Hound laughed. “Where am I supposed to get credits on this junk heap?”

Plutt stepped back, stuck his thumbs in his belt again. “That’s your problem. I’ll give you till tomorrow afternoon. Till then, your woman and little girl stay with me.”

“You can’t—!” Hound flared.

“Figure out a way to pay me, Hound,” Plutt broke in. “It’ll go a long way to make sure I don’t get tired of their company.”

Plutt turned and lumbered back to his speeder. His thugs did the same. Another moment and they’d all roared off again, streaks of light across the darkening desert.

Hound didn’t waste any time—he jumped into his own speeder and opened the throttle all the way.

It didn’t make any difference. When he got back to their shelter, Rey and Gilee were gone.

* * *

Hound never dealt so hard in his life. It was all he could do to force himself to think and plan, bargain and finagle. He had to keep it together, for Rey. He had to.

In the end, it all came down to one, terrible deal. He wasted half the morning trying to work out something, _anything_ else. There was nothing. Nothing but the very worst thing he could do.

_No_, he reminded himself. The _second_ worst thing.

He presented himself to Plutt at The Concession Stand just as the sun reached its height. “_Concession Stand_,” Hound thought bitterly. How aptly it was named.

Staring Plutt in his beady eyes, Hound shoved a credit chip across the counter. “Your credits.”

Plutt slapped a big, mitt-like hand over the chip and slotted it into a chip reader. He shook his head. “Not enough, Hound.”

Hound’s guts turned to lead. “That’s all I got. Everything I got.”

Plutt grunted. “Not everything.”

“What d’you mean?” Hound said.

Plutt told him. Hound lunged through the little window and wrapped his hands around the junk boss’ blubbery throat. Shouts came from around him, then three sets of hands were dragging him off.

Hound kept lunging to get at Plutt, spittle flying as he cursed. “I’ll kriffing kill you! I’ll tear your rotten liver out and feed it to you, you kriffing blobfish!”

“It’s an easy choice, Hound. Take the deal, or I'll put you and your family in a hole in the desert.”

Hound glared, panting. “I want to talk to them.”

“I’m sure you do,” Plutt sneered.

The grate in Plutt’s window rattled down with a bang. Plutt came out of the booth and led the way, waddling under the awnings and past the meager booths of the Concession Stand’s bazaar.

Hound, marched along by Plutt’s three goons, ignored the curious, fearful, pitying stares that followed them.

He found Rey and Gilee under the archway at the landing field, another of Plutt’s masked thugs standing guard. Plutt nodded and the others let Hound go.

Gilee let out a sob and flung herself at him. Hound grabbed her and shoved her away.

“This is all your fault,” he snarled. “And by R’iia, Gilee, you’re gonna help fix it.”

“But Hound, I—”

“No,” he broke in. “You’re gonna know what you’ve done. What I’ve had to do to fix your mess,” he said. "I had to sell us as crew on a smuggler. To pay off _your_ debt.

Her eyes went round. “Hound, no—”

He cut her off again. “It wasn’t enough. Plutt wants more. You know what else he wants?”

Still glaring at Gilee, Hound knelt and held out his arms to Rey. Gilee gasped a sob and put her hands over her mouth.

The thug holding Rey by the shoulder let go. She ran to Hound, burying her face in his neck.

“Did they hurt you, Sparkle?” he whispered.

“Scared,” she said into his shoulder. “Mama’s more scared,” she added.

“I know. I’m sorry. Don’t worry, I’m going to fix it.”

He picked her up to carry her out of earshot of the others. The goon started to follow, but Plutt held up a hand, stopping him.

Hound sat down on a box and held Rey in his lap. “You’re my brave girl, aren’t you?”

Rey, probably sensing his agitation, stuck her fingers in her mouth, something she hadn’t done for a while. She nodded.

“You’re not afraid of anything, so I know you can be brave now,” Hound’s voice went unsteady at the end. He stopped, cleared his throat. “Me and your mama have to go do a job on a ship. Mister Plutt promised to take care of you while we’re gone.”

She went rigid in his hold, her eyes going wide. “No! No, Dad, please! I wanna go with you and Mama. I can help. Don’t I do good when I help? Let me help, Dad, _please_.”

Tears filled his eyes. He turned his head to wipe them on his shoulder. “I can’t, Sparkle. It’s what I wanted to do, but me and Mister Plutt talked, and you’re safer if you stay here. I don’t want anything to happen to you. It’ll only be a little while, I promise. Then you and me’ll be back together, just like always.”

“Mama can go do the job on the ship,” she said hopefully. “You can stay with me.”

“The job needs both of us,” Hound explained.

Plutt’s thug walked over and poked Hound with his blaster. “Time to move,” he growled.

Hound shoved the blaster’s muzzle away. “Yeah, yeah.” Sliding Rey off his lap, he stood.

She clung to him, crying. “Please, Dad, please!”

He picked her up again. “Where’s my brave girl? Where’s my Sparkle who’ll crawl into dark holes that scare even me?”

She gulped and sniffled her way into…well, not calmness, but at least not wails.

He let her down once more, took her hand and walked back to Gilee. “You got anything to say to your kid?” he asked her.

Gilee just stared, her lips trembling. Hound stared her down. Finally, she sniffed, bent and patted Rey’s head. “Be good, baby, and do what Unkar Plutt says. You’ll be fine.”

Rey’s face was wet with snot and tears. “Okay, Mama. I will,” she said in a small voice.

Hound knelt down again and hugged his daughter tight, choking on tears of his own. “I love you across the galaxy and back,” he whispered into her hair.

“I love you across the galaxy and back a hundred boojillion times,” she whispered back, starting to cry again.

A huge, meaty hand grabbed Rey’s arm and dragged her back. Hound lunged to his feet, ready to put a fist through Plutt’s ugly face. The whine of a ship’s engines broke in on his rage. One of the crew shouted from the boarding ramp.

There was no more time.

He got right in Plutt’s face. “You better take good care of my kid, Plutt,” he hissed, “because I’ll be back for her sooner than you think. If I find you haven’t, I’ll gut you and leave your stinking Crolute carcass for the ripper-raptors. Don’t think I won’t.”

Plutt did something Hound had never seen before: he mouthed like the blobfish he was.

Grabbing Gilee by the arm, Hound strode to the beat-up, two-engine shuttle, Gilee whining all the way.

At the boarding ramp, he stopped and turned. “Wait for me, Sparkle,” he called back to Rey. “I’ll be back for you. I promise.”

Despite the tears streaming down his face, he grinned and waved. Rey, her thin arm gripped in Plutt’s huge mitt, waved frantically back. There was no trace of an answering smile on her face.

* * *

Rey watched the ship’s ramp close behind Dad. Her arm hurt where Mr. Plutt held it, but nothing like her insides did.

She had to be brave. Dad said so, and she wanted to make him happy and proud of her and make him not be sad and upset anymore. But _she_ was sad and upset, and scared, too, and she didn’t understand why Dad had to go away without her. She didn’t want to stay with Mr. Plutt. She wanted to go with Dad.

“Don’t leave, Dad,” she whimpered.

The ship’s engines fired, two bright blue circles on the landing field. The noise made her ears hurt. The wind blew stinging grit in her mouth and eyes. Then the ship was up in the air, going higher and higher.

Suddenly she was so scared she couldn’t breathe. Dad was leaving her. She’d be all alone.

“Come back!” Rey yelled, jerking against Plutt’s hold. “No! Come _BACK!”_

“Quiet, girl,” Plutt snarled and shook her.

She jerked and thrashed, trying to break free. Plutt just held tighter. The ship was getting smaller and smaller in the sky, farther and farther away.

“_COME BACK!”_ she screamed, her throat raw.

She reached out a hand. They had to come back. Dad had to come back. He couldn’t leave her. He _couldn’t_.

The blue dots of the ship’s engines blazed against the white sky. Suddenly, they weren’t going up anymore. They were coming down.

Rey still held out her hand, wishing with all her strength for the ship to come back down so Dad could be with her again.

It came down fast. Too fast. It was falling. She snatched her hand back.

One second the ship was in the air, the next there was a big _BOOM!_ and dust and a giant orange-and-black ball of fire and smoke burst where it landed.

There were shouts all around her. People were running toward the fire from all over Niima Outpost.

“Dad!” she screamed. “Dad!”

Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no, no. How could it crash? She only wanted the ship to come back down! 

“No!” she screamed. “No, Dad, don’t crash. You can’t! You _can’t!”_

“Looks like your daddy won’t be buying you back from me now,” Plutt said. He let her go.

Rey collapsed onto the dirt. She screamed, and screamed, and screamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't take credit for the idea what happens here to Rey's parents. Someone posted the theory on Reddit, and I found it really intriguing. I don't think it would work in canon, though. Kylo saw Rey's past when they touched on Ahch-To, and I don't see him withholding it if he saw this event in his vision. He's been too brutally honest with her.


	7. The Bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bond brings Ben and Rey together for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!
> 
> Look at the fantastic moodboard tazwren made for Magnetized! My very first moodboard. I'm so excited! Thank you, [tazwren!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TazWren/pseuds/TazWren)

**Rey – Age 4 - Jakku**

Four of Unkar Plutt’s thugs stood around the child on the ground. Smoke still billowed from the crashed shuttle a little distance away. Niima Outpost was mostly empty, the inhabitants having run to see if there was anything to salvage. The thugs had been left behind to take charge of their boss’ newest piece of property.

“Plutt said bring ‘er,” one said.

Another shook his hooded head. “I ain’t touchin’ her. Not the way she was screamin’.”

Shifting and shuffling, they studied her. She lay curled in a ball, her eyes open and staring at nothing.

“She ain’t screamin’ now,” said one whose head was so completely wrapped there was frequent speculation on how he saw or breathed.

“What’s wrong with her?” one wearing goggles said.

The second one toed her with a dusty boot. “Hey, kid! No more foolin’ around. Get up.”

“Leave her alone,” said a rough voice with clicking undertones. “She’s just seen her people go up in a ball of fire.”

All four turned to the newcomer, an Aqualish female with her hairy cheeks, beady black eyes and short, thick, yellowish tusks.

“Unkar Plutt said bring ‘er,” the first thug said again, like a bad holorecording.

“He has no use for her like this,” the Aqualish said. She stared them in their masked, hooded, goggled faces. “Unless you want to be the ones delivering damaged goods?”

They muttered.

“I thought so.” She strode forward. They shuffled back out of her way, and she bent and scooped up the child. “I’ll take care of her. You know where to find me.”

She turned and carried the child into the maze of tents and awnings and booths of the bazaar.

**Ben – Age 14 – Ossus**

From space, Ossus was a strange-looking planet. Huge tracts of brown-and-grey barrens were interspersed with oases of green and patches of water that glinted in the light of Ossus’ two suns.

Ben had read up on it when he discovered where they were going. The planet was still healing from when the supernova of a neighboring star system had nearly scoured it of life four thousand years ago.

His father’s ship descended through wisps of clouds to one of the oases. Ben had time to see the outlines of the Jedi temple and a cluster of smaller structures before trees closed around them. There was the slightest bump as the ship set down, the whine of engines and repulsors shutting down.

Han powered down systems and turned to Ben. “Ready?”

“Does it matter?”

“You’ll learn about the Force,” his father offered hopefully. “That’s gotta be worth something.”

Ben just stared out the viewport at the stretch of duracrete bordered by huge, arching trees, then bent to pick up the satchel containing his belongings: his calligraphy set, a few favorite holonovels, a carved box with some precious trinkets. They hadn’t even let him pack his clothes. He’d wear a Jedi padawan’s clothing on Ossus.

Luke was waiting when they stepped off the ship. “Han, Ben, good to see you.”

The two men hugged. Han slapped Luke on the back. Ben stared at the ground, his satchel slung over his shoulder. An awkward silence fell.

“So.” Han put a hand on the back of Ben’s neck. “Guess this is it, kid.”

Han pulled him in, hugged him hard and let go before Ben could move.

Then he was up the ramp, the ramp closing behind him. A few moments later, Ben was watching his father’s ship rise into Ossus’ sky.

He could grab it with the Force. He could trap his father here the way he was trapped. He could force him to do what he wanted the way they were forcing him.

Instead, he only stood, his hands fisted at his sides.

The hell with them. He didn’t need them. He didn’t need any of them.

* * *

Watching the storm of pain and rage that was his nephew, a quiver of dismay ran through Luke. He’d known Ben was struggling with darkness. He hadn’t realized it was so consuming.

Drawing on years of experience, he calmed himself.

He laid hand on Ben’s shoulder. “Come on, Ben. Let me show you what we’ve been doing here.”

Under his hand, the boy shook with emotion. “I can’t—” His voice cracked. He took a breath. “I need to be alone.”

“You’ve been alone too much already,” Luke said gently. “Everything will be different now. The sooner you face it, the quicker you’ll get used to it.”

Ben jerked out from under his hand. He turned, his eyes blazing. Pebbles on the landing field rose into the air around them. In the nearest trees, branches creaked and groaned.

“I need…” he gritted out, “to be…_alone_.”

Instinctively, Luke raised a hand and reached for the Force. Looking into the anguish swimming in his nephew’s eyes, he lowered it again.

Ben spun and strode off into the trees.

* * *

_So_, Snoke said. _You grew inconvenient. They sent you away_.

Ben didn’t answer. A bush was in his way. He slashed at it with the Force, and it disintegrated in a spray of twigs and shredded leaves.

_They’ve thrown you away like garbage_, Snoke said.

“Shut up,” Ben said.

_Yet look at you_, Snoke went on._ Angry. Rejected. Still needing a connection you should have discarded long ago_.

“I said shut up!” Ben’s shout echoed under the trees. 

Slamming up his mental shields, he stormed blindly on through the dappled light. A fallen tree lay across his path. He lifted a hand, flung it away with the Force. It fell with a splintering crash. Birds exploded into the air, screeching.

He could destroy every tree in sight. He could destroy the whole forest, the whole oasis that contained it. It wouldn’t be enough.

His breaths came harsh as sobs, but he wasn’t crying. He stumbled to a stop, leaned his forehead on the smooth, peeling bark of a tree. Digging his fingers into his thigh, he struggled to claw free of the pain, the rage, the despair of being trapped.

He touched the Force, reaching for the light that always flickered at the edge of his awareness…

Ben’s eyes flew open. Everything in him went cold. He reached again, wild and desperate, pushing farther and farther outward through the Force.

It wasn’t there. That little light that had buoyed him for so long had gone dark.

**Rey – Jakku**

The Aqualish woman lifted the child in one arm, tipping a little water from a cup into her mouth. The little girl’s eyes were open, as if she was awake, but they saw nothing. She didn’t speak. She didn’t move. She only swallowed a little water if it was poured between her lips, but nothing more.

Sighing, Mashra let the child back down on the rags she’d gathered for a bed and arranged her arms across her small body.

Three days she’d been like this. The first day, Unkar Plutt had come to threaten and curse at her. The second, one of his thugs jerked her limp body around until Mashra reminded him that Plutt wouldn’t appreciate such handling of his property. Today, they only looked and went away, surely thinking what Mashra did.

Mashra cupped her pale cheek with a hairy, three-fingered hand. “Come, child. Your whole life still waits. Hound wouldn’t want to see you in the dry lands so soon.”

The child just stared at nothing, still and silent as ever.

**Ben – Ossus**

Luke was waiting for him when Ben came out of the forest. Ben didn’t want to see him. He didn’t want to see _anyone_. But he guessed having Luke escort him to his new home was better than slinking in by himself like a stray animal.

“I know you’re upset, Ben,” Luke said quietly as he fell into step beside him. “I know coming here was sudden and unexpected. But you can’t let your emotions carry you away like that. You’re too strong to let yourself get out of control.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Ben shot back. “Pretend I’m not upset? Pretend my parents didn’t want to get rid of me?”

“That’s what I’m talking about. You’re telling yourself things that feed your anger.” Luke slid him a shrewd look. “Or is someone else telling you?”

Ben didn’t reply.

“You have to fight him,” Luke said. “I can give you the tools to do it. But all the tools in the galaxy won’t help if you aren’t open to learning and using them.”

“What, mediate on the light?” Ben jeered.

“Has he mocked you for that, too?”

Ben’s throat suddenly felt choking tight. “The light is gone.” His voice came out as a broken whisper.

Luke put a hand on his shoulder. “The light is never gone, Ben. Even when you can’t see it, it’s always there. You only have to open yourself to it.”

Ben shook his head. Luke didn’t understand. He never _could_ understand. He didn’t feel the light Ben did.

An aching hole opened in Ben’s chest, drawing hope, curiosity, confidence, dreams into it. There was nothing. Everything, _everything_ had been taken from him. He followed Luke, so full of pain he was numb to anything else.

The temple wasn’t far from the landing field. The trees parted to show a gently rolling, grassy clearing dotted with small structures: houses or huts. The temple was a stepped pyramid at the far end of the clearing surrounded by several low buildings. Luke pointed out the dining and mediation halls, the gym.

Ben pressed his lips flat. Apparently all activities were done as a group. He could already feel a suffocating claustrophobia from the mere thought.

Luke must’ve sensed it—he gave his arm a reassuring squeeze. “You’ll do fine, Ben. Don’t worry.”

Ben didn’t bother saying he _did_ worry. All those minds pressing on his, nowhere to get away—

His breathing picked up.

Luke’s grip on his arm remained tight, as if to keep him from running—or losing control.

“Let’s go meet your fellow students.”

Ben went, his feet dragging.

Meeting his mother’s or father’s associates was one thing. All he had to do was be quiet and polite. Peers…

It never seemed to go well with people his own age. They always seemed to either resent, despise, or fear him.

Luke took him to the gym. A line of doors was open to the afternoon breeze. Through them he could see ten or so boys and girls, human and alien, engaged in some kind of dance. As they drew closer, he saw the practice blades in their hands and realized it was lightsaber practice. For the first time since he’d landed, something like interest flickered.

He stood quietly beside Luke, watching. An intimidatingly handsome white-blond boy maybe a couple years older than Ben was acting as instructor. He paced among the students, sometimes stopping to watch and correct form.

Ben sensed attention on them. One of the girls yelped when her partner clipped her with his practice blade. A boy stumbled and cursed when he lost the steps of his form.

“All right,” the blond boy finally called. “Let’s take a break.”

Everyone lowered their blades. Almost as one, they turned to Luke and Ben. Ben fought to keep from hunching his shoulders.

The blond boy walked over. “Is this the new student you told us about, Master Skywalker?”

The boy positively radiated confidence—even arrogance—but his look and tone were friendly. Ben eyed him suspiciously. The other students drifted up behind him. Most were human, but there were a pair of Tholothians who looked like they were brother and sister, a Zabrak girl and an Ilthorian.

“Yes, Maseo,” Luke said. “This is Ben Solo.” He continued to introduce the others.

One thing Ben was good with was names. He had to be. At least he wouldn’t step wrong on that front.

When Luke was finished, he turned to Ben. “Here at the academy, we all build our own dwellings. You’ll begin yours tomorrow. Until it’s finished, you’ll share with one of the others.”

Ben just stared. This was getting worse and worse. He looked back at the small timber huts nearby. Not only would he be expected to _live_ in such primitive conditions, he wouldn’t even have a space of his own for some time.

He didn’t know if his thoughts showed on his face, or if they could sense him through the Force, but a couple of muffled giggles sounded.

The blond boy—Maseo—cleared his throat and the others quieted. “Ben, you can stay with me until your house is finished.”

“Thank you,” Ben said in his most formal Prince of Alderaan tones. “I’m grateful.”

_I can’t stand this_, he thought.

Maseo turned. “Okay, we have practice to finish. Come on.” Arms outstretched, he herded the others back into position.

By some unspoken agreement, Luke took Maseo’s place.

Maseo nodded in acknowledgement, then sauntered over to Ben. “I’ll show you my place. You can stow your gear, then I’ll take you to supplies.”

Ben wanted to be grateful to the older boy for his kindness. He really did. But that hole in his middle made him feel like he was dying inside.

Conscious of Luke’s watchful gaze on him, he followed Maseo outside.

**Rey - The Force**

Light was everywhere. Not harsh and burning like the sun, but like the bright band that arced across the sky at night, all swirly and sparkly. Rey turned and turned, trying to figure out where she was.

Alone. But not alone. She could feel the life in that bright swirl, all the lives in the whole galaxy.

None of them were the one she wanted. She wanted _Dad_.

A blue flicker appeared. “Dad?” Her voice rippled outward. The blue flicker flared. “Dad!” She darted toward it.

There was no up or down, no near or far in the light-place, but somehow she knew that flicker was far away. She flew faster and faster, until her hair streamed and her clothes fluttered, but the scrap of glowing blue never got closer.

“Dad! Come back! Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me!”

Dark threads twisted through the light, more and more until the bright sparkly light was only patches like rust on metal. A voice whispered somewhere, _You grew inconvenient. They sent you away_.

Rey kept flying. The darkness had grown, the light only twinkles now. The blue was just a dot, like a ship disappearing into the sky.

_They threw you away like garbage_, the voice whispered.

“They didn’t!” she shouted.

_Yet look at you. Angry. Rejected. Still needing a connection you should have discarded long ago_.

“You’re stupid!” Rey shouted, her voice high and wild. “You don’t know anything!”

The darkness was all around her now. She turned, turned again. The blue flicker was gone. There was no light at all. Maybe she was still flying. Maybe she was just floating.

She wasn’t afraid of the dark. She loved the dark, all cool and safe, where you could hide and nobody would ever find you. But now, fear bubbled up in her.

“Dad? Where’d you go? Don’t leave me here. I’m scared.”

She couldn’t see, but she could feel eyes on her. She froze.

The voice coiled around her, cold and suffocating. _Well, what’s this?_

_Nothing_, she thought. Nothing’s here. Go away, go away, go _away_.

_No, no, child. Don’t hide from me. I can sense you. Where are you?_

Squeezing her eyes closed, Rey tucked up her knees, wrapped her arms around them and pretended to disappear.

**Ben - Ossus**

The afternoon had been interminable. All the going through the motions when Ben only wanted to find some place to curl up and disappear—from the others, from himself, from the galaxy. Pleading travel-lag when Maseo went to dinner, he lay down on his thin foam mattress on a space cleared on Maseo’s floor, pulled up his blanket and turned to face the wall.

He could feel Snoke picking at the edges of his awareness. He refused to let him in. Ben didn’t need him adding to his misery.

Closing his eyes, he reached for the light again. There was still only blank darkness where it should’ve been. Opening himself to the Force, he reached out with all his strength.

Darkness surged and seethed around him. Suddenly, something changed. It was like stepping from an unbounded space into a small room, like being in a bubble of absolute stillness and quiet.

No, not absolute—a child was crying. Ben opened his eyes and sat up.

There in front of him was a small girl, her thin arms wrapped around her as if she could curl up tight enough to disappear into herself. He couldn’t see where she was, anything around her. Only her, like a single light shined on her, picking her out of complete darkness.

A _light_. _The_ light. _She_. She was the light!

He didn’t know how he knew it, she was so full of grief and fear and pain, but he did. Ben let out a huff, half shock, half relief.

She started and straightened, eyes huge in a dirty, tear-streaked face. Her gaze flicked up and down him as she leaned back to take him in, then her mouth opened in surprise. “It’s you!”

Ben stared, speechless. She’d sensed him, too?

“You’re the one that lives in the sky! How’d you get here?” she said.

Perplexed, he didn’t answer, then he remembered how he sensed her through the Force: out there, somewhere in the galaxy. But how could he explain the Force to a child so young?

He leaned his forearms on his knees so he wouldn’t loom. She really was little—she couldn’t be more than three or four. “The same way you did, I guess.”

_Why is the Force connecting us?_ he wondered. _You and I._ A little girl he’d never seen before in his life. Her misery plucked at him, echoing in the aching hole in his middle.

“Why are you crying?” he asked.

Her lips trembled and more tears spilled out. “''Cause I’m all alone. And I’m scared.”

“How can you be alone? I’m here.”

She sniffed and wiped her nose with the back of one grimy hand. “But there’s _monsters_,” she whispered. “There’s _eyes_. There’s a _voice_. I _hear_ it.”

A chill crawled down his back. He had a guess now why the Force had connected them.

Suddenly, everything shifted. Everything he’d ever believed about the Voice—about Snoke.

The light called to him. When he was unhappiest, it warmed and comforted him. And now the Force had connected him to the child who was the light—

_When she, too, heard Snoke’s whispers_.

_He’s preying on you_, Luke had said. Ben had thought Luke didn’t know what he was talking about. What if he did?

“I know,” Ben answered her. “I hear it too.”

Her eyes widened. “You do?”

He nodded. “Ever since I remember. It used to scare me, too.”

She eyed him. “It doesn’t scare you anymore?”

Ben rubbed a hand up and down his leg. “I’m a little old to believe in monsters.”

“But they’re _real!”_

_Yes. They are. _He leaned close. “Listen, if monsters scare you again, just think about me and you won’t be alone.”

She frowned, puzzling over this logic. “You’ll come here and make me not scared anymore?”

“You might not be able to see or hear me, but you’ll sense me.” He cocked his head. “You’ve been able to sense me, right?”

She nodded. “You live in the dark. I always look for you in dark places. I couldn’t find you before.”

_In the dark_. It hit him like a punch. He put a hand down to steady himself, suddenly queasy. He sensed her light. Was that how she sensed him…_dark?_ He didn’t want to be dark side!

“Maybe…” His voice came out unsteady. “Maybe you shouldn’t look for me then.”

“Why not? I _like_ the dark. It’s all nice and cool and, and it won’t burn you and make you die like the sun. What’s bad about the dark?”

Ben opened his mouth to reply, to tell her about hate and anger and fear and how they led to the dark side, then stopped, turning her words over in his mind.

What _was_ bad? Didn’t the Force encompass both dark and light? How could part of the Force be _bad?_

The little girl jutted out her chin. “You made the monsters go away. You made me stop being by myself. I’m gonna look for you. You better not hide from me.”

She was so fierce about it. He studied her, curious. She was light—he felt it. But also afraid, unhappy, angry.

A vague idea began to take shape in his mind. The Force, complete in everything… But dark and light, they weren’t _all_ of the Force, were they? Each was only part of the whole, with a spectrum of shades that weren’t quite either in between…

“Okay,” he said. “I won’t hide from you.”

“Promise?” she said, still scowling.

“I promise. I don’t think I could even if I wanted to.”

The scowl disappeared. “Do you want to?”

“No. You—” He stopped, suddenly embarrassed. He ducked his head. “You made me not be alone, too. When I couldn’t find you—” He swallowed hard.

“I won’t hide from you either,” she said. “I promise.”

The sense of being in a bubble of stillness faded. The little girl disappeared and there was just Maseo’s hut, dim and unfamiliar.

Ben might’ve been disappointed, but the light of her still shined, filling the hole that had been sucking the life out of him.

**Rey – Jakku**

Rey sat up. “Wait! Where’d you go? Come back!”

There was a sudden flurry of movement behind her, then a dark, hairy, tusked, beady-eyed face was in front of her.

“Child!” the rough, chittery voice said. “You’ve come back!”

Rey looked around. She was lying in a pile of rags under an awning. Not the orange awning at home, though. This one was bleached white by the sun and splotched with patches.

“Where is he? The boy with the black hair. He was right here…” She looked around again, frowning.

The woman settled beside her, took her hand. “Do you know me?”

Rey wrinkled her nose. She knew almost everybody at Niima. “Mashra.”

“Good. Do you know where you are?”

There were boxes stacked all around. A teetering shelf filled with bottles and bags and flasks and pans rose beside her. People shouted and cursed somewhere nearby. A speeder whined.

“Niima Outpost? What am I doing here? Did I fall asleep?”

“What do you remember, child?”

Rey thought. “I had a bad dream. There was a monster. It was whispering. Then the boy that lives in the sky came and chased the monster away and made me wake up.”

“What happened before the dream?” Mashra said.

“I was here…” Everything crashed down on her. Tears pushed up into her eyes, down her cheeks to drip off her chin. “Dad and Mama flew away on a ship,” she quavered.

“Yes. Then what?”

Cold breathed over Rey, even though the afternoon was hot as ever. She remembered how scared she was, how much she wanted Dad to come back. But the ship kept going up and up, getting smaller and smaller while she screamed—

“I want my dad,” she whined. “When’s he coming back?”

Mashra took both her hands in her rough, clawed ones. “He isn’t, little one. He can’t. He’ll never come back.”

Rey snatched her hands away. “Yes he will!” she shouted. “He promised! He _promised!_ He went to go do a job on the ship and he promised he’s coming back soon.”

“No, child,” Mashra said. “Never. I’m sorry.”

“He told me,” Rey said fiercely. “He said, ‘Wait for me. I’ll come back.’ He promised.” She pulled up her knees. “I’m gonna wait. He’ll come back, just like he said. You’ll see.”

Scowling past Mashra at the slice of sky she could see between the stacked boxes and the awning, Rey hugged her knees as tight as she could and rocked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Force is like, "Damn! They're _both_ going off the rails. Now what do I do?"
> 
> There will be a delay posting the next chapter. I'm going on vacation, plus I've been spending my writing time on another project. It's a one-shot called ["Goodbye Sweet Yesterday"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20910869) that takes place ten years after ["Darkness, Take My Hand."](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14194050/chapters/32718297) "Goodbye Sweet Yesterday" is now live. 
> 
> I've caught up to myself with this fic but after the way the last chapter ended, I didn't want to leave you hanging . It might be two or three weeks before I get enough written to post, but I promise I'll be back to "Magnetized."


	8. Ben - Age 15/Rey - Age 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first, I have to give a huge THANK YOU!!! to Shestoolazytologin for recommending this fic as Fic of the Week for the [Reylo Fanfic Book Club](https://reylofanficclub.tumblr.com/). I'm beyond excited! [Tazwren](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TazWren/pseuds/TazWren) even made a lovely moodboard for it. Thank you both from the bottom of my heart!
> 
> AHHHH!!! THE TRAILER!!! What did you guys think? It looked pretty promising to me, especially where Rey and Kylo attack that plinth (with Vader's helmet on it?) Two more months, then we'll either be celebrating with champagne and fireworks or in deep mourning. 😬
> 
> Eeee! And another moodboard, this one by [ nancylovesreylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nancylovesreylo/pseuds/nancylovesreylo). I don't want to wait till I post the next chapter to share it with you. Love, love, love, Nancy!

**Ben - Ossus**

“Hey, Ben.”

Embry’s voice echoed in the library—such as it was. There wasn’t much here: some holos of Jedi history and a handful of Jedi holocrons Luke had scrounged from somewhere. Since most had been destroyed during the Galactic Civil War, even that handful was impressive. Although it didn’t offer much depth and breadth for study.

Ben looked up from the holocron in front of him, squinting into the shaft of light that illuminated his friend’s compact frame and square face.

Embry stepped out of the glare and into the library’s dimness. “Dinner,” he said. “Master Skywalker said if you keep skipping, he’ll close the library to you.” He shrugged apologetically.

Ben growled. _Master Skywalker_. Even _he_ had to call his uncle that. Bad enough his parents sent him away. If he’d known he wouldn’t even be allowed contact with them, if he couldn’t even claim his uncle as part of his family, he would’ve run away. At least then he’d be free.

“Temper,” Embry said, half teasing. “Anger leads to the dark side.”

“That’s me,” Ben said. “Mister Darkside.”

He said it with a tinge of perverse pride. They could take away his home, they could take away his family. They could take away his things. But they could never take away what he chose to think and feel.

Embry just snorted, reached across the table and shut the holocron.

“Hey!” Ben surged to his feet.

Embry ignored his protest…and the centimeter or so of height Ben had on him. “Come on.”

Huffing in disgust, Ben followed. He _was_ hungry—he was always hungry. But if he had a choice between being hungry and getting some time to himself, he’d take the time alone.

He plodded across the green behind Embry to the dining hall. From the kingwood trees beyond the clearing came a low, mournful drone that quickly rose to a wail and back down again.

Ben turned his head in the direction of the sound, reaching out gently with the Force. _I know_, he thought at the creature that made it. _Don’t worry. Your mate will be back soon_.

Sensing his use of the Force, Embry looked over at him. “What was that?”

“A darma,” Ben said. “It’s lonely.”

Embry snorted and said fondly, “Ben, you’re weird.”

“I know,” Ben replied with complete seriousness.

The dining hall wasn’t large—a couple of long tables for the dozen students, a serving counter and an attached food prep area. In keeping with Jedi ascetism, students took turns preparing meals—no droid servants here. Ben was pleased that the meals he made never gave cause for complaint. Something that couldn’t be said for some of the others.

Raich looked up as Ben and Embry entered, a false smile on his broad face. “Well, well. Look who decided to join us today,” he sneered.

Char leapt from his seat at the same table and bent his slim body in an elaborate bow. “My Prince. We’re honored by your presence.”

Jaena and Shirra tittered and leaned their heads together, the fleshy white tendrils draping Shirra’s scaled head brushing Jaena’s lank brown hair.

Fury ran hot through Ben’s gut. He struggled not to react, but he could feel the Force churning around him.

Maseo already sat at another table, two empty places waiting between him and Chymru.

He turned a scornful look on the students tormenting Ben. “Stop embarrassing yourself, Raich. You sound like you’re six. Not sixteen.”

Ben kept his eyes down, ignoring the burn up his neck that would be turning his ears a telltale red. The whole situation was humiliating. The taunts, the fact that Maseo felt he had to run interference.

Maseo had worked relentlessly to befriend Ben when he first came, no matter how silent and sullen Ben was. _Because of who you are_, Snoke had said. _Why else?_ Ben tended to agree. At first.

After a while, Ben decided maybe it was just the challenge of getting Ben to like him as much as everyone else did. But Ben watched, and listened, and eventually decided that Maseo was genuinely kind and friendly.

Maseo and Embry were inseparable, so that meant Embry became Ben’s friend, too. And Chymru who, as in Ithorian, didn’t fit in with the human types. Her calmness and peace drew Ben in, though, soothing his always-stormy emotions.

Ben went down the serving counter, scooping food onto his plate as he went: knobby, bright green pahfruit; mashed sweetleaf tubers topping nerf stew.

As Ben carried his tray past their table, Raich muttered, “Got a little surprise for you, Prince.”

Disdain and dislike poured off Raich and his little group like toxic gas. The malice Ben sensed from the older boy set his teeth on edge.

Ben stopped. “What?”

Grinning, Raich tilted his chair back. “You’ll see.”

Ben’s fingers twitched. An image flashed in his mind of Raich’s face pushed into his plate.

Embry grabbed his arm. “Come on. I want to eat, not get sent to meditation for fighting.”

Seething, Ben let him tow him to the two empty seats. Conversation flowed around him while he stabbed his food and chewed it furiously. Sensing someone’s attention, he looked up to find Eethlin, the Zabrak girl, watching him anxiously from her spot a Raich’s table.

Ben realized she was the one who’d made the meal today. Her meals tended to be hit-and-miss. As a carnivorous Zabrak, non-meat dishes were a challenge for her. Ben nodded and waved his fork vaguely in the air to indicate approval. Her lips curling up in a small smile, Eethlin returned to her nerf nuggets in gravy.

Even though Eethlin hung around Raich’s group, Ben didn’t have a problem with her. When Raich and his bunch taunted Ben, she stayed studiously out of it. He sensed she didn’t approve.

Chymru’s resonating voice broke in on his thoughts. “What were you studying?”

Ben hesitated, deciding how much to reveal. “Communications possible through the Force.” He stabbed a chunk of nerf meat. “There isn’t much.” Not here, anyway.

“Force communication!” Chymru said. “Across distance? I didn’t know there was such a thing.”

Their conversation had drawn the attention of Embry and Maseo.

“Like between Force-sensitive parents and children?” Maseo said.

Ben squirmed. “Not quite.”

“Then in what way?” Chymru said.

Embry just listened, taking in everything the way he always did. A lot of people underestimated Embry because of his quietness, his plain manner. Ben didn’t.

If Ben dodged, they’d know he was hiding something. “Talking. Like we are now.”

Maseo laughed. “That would be convenient. But I don’t think that’s how the Force works.”

“Why not?” Ben challenged.

“Well…” Maseo blinked. “If it did, why wouldn’t all Force-sensitives use it?”

“Maybe because they didn’t know there was such a thing,” Ben said with a glance at Chymru.

Embry spoke at last. “Is there?”

In that moment, Ben knew he’d said too much. He stuffed a bite in his mouth to give himself time to think. “I don’t know. I hope so.”

Maseo’s look changed from interested and curious to sympathetic. “Jedi have to shun attachments, Ben. You know that.”

Scowling, Ben viciously jabbed a piece of meat. “I know.”

Maseo turned the conversation as artfully as the son of a diplomat ever could. Ben sat silent as his friends talked, trying to breathe around the hard, angry ache in his middle.

**Rey - Jakku**

Three kids hung on tight as Mashra guided her speeder up the broken escarpment to the Graveyard of Ships. Rey, being the littlest, sat between Mashra’s legs while the other two clung on the back. Rey really wanted to ride on the back, too. The way Jin’x and Bitty squealed at every bounce, it sounded like fun.

Mashra swung way to the south, near Feressee’s Point. There weren’t many ships there, but they were hard to get to without a speeder. That meant a lot of scavengers didn’t go there. Sometimes you could find better stuff.

Mashra drove for a chunk of metal sticking out of the rocky ground. Most of the ship was buried, leaving only a section of its aft end sticking up. Scavengers had broken through its shielding a long time ago, but inside it was dark and cramped and hard to get around in, with all the corridors running straight up and down instead of level. Perfect for small, agile bodies.

The speeder sputtered to a stop. Jin’x and Bitty scrambled off the back.

“You know what to do.” Mashra said in her deep, clicking voice.

Rey slithered to the ground “I find the best stuff!”

Bitty heaved a sigh and folded his arms. “And we listen to her.”

“Right,” Mashra said. “And look for a good heat exchanger for this old beast.” She thumped the huffing speeder’s engine compartment with a hard hand. “We don’t want to be without it.”

“I’ll get one,” Rey declared and marched toward the ship driven like a spike into the pale, barren rock.

“I’ll meet you back here before sundown,” Mashra called. “Don’t lose track of time.”

Jin’x waved a clawed hand. “We won’t.”

Rey dove into the ship’s dark like it was home. Her headlamp swept the scarred and ruptured mechanical access tube. Wiring conduits were long stripped bare. Coiling cooling tubes were mostly intact—there wasn’t much value in them. The walkway grating was crumpled.

The tube was too small for most grownups to fit. Well, maybe a Teedo. Except she’d never seen a Teedo scavenging. Only doing Teedo things out in the desert.

As they clambered down the vertically tilted grating, the tap of Bitty and Jin’x and Rey’s boots echoed in the cramped space.

They squeezed past a place where the crumpled walkway almost closed off the tube. Jin’x had to pull Bitty through while Rey pushed his feet.

“Nobody’s been here.” Jin’x’s voice echoed in a larger space.

“Lemme see.” Rey wiggled past Bitty.

Their headlamps flickered across the shape of a shuttle and assault machinery. A familiar, eager tug grabbed Rey.

“Ooh!,” she breathed. “Ooh! This is the _best!”_

Crouching, Bitty carefully tracked his beam from their access panel, down the wall that used be a floor. “Except all the stuff is over _there_. We can’t reach it.”

Rey remembered the walker up high in the _Ravager’s_ hanger, where nobody could reach it. The way she’d wanted it to come down. The way she reached for it…

And then it did. With a big, loud crash.

She remembered a ship, getting smaller and smaller in the sky. She’d reached for it, wanting with everything in her for it to come down—

_No_. Horror bubbled up in her, choking her. She panted. Fire and terror and dark swallowed the memory.

“Rey?” a voice said. It was far, far away, all muffled and funny-sounding. “Rey, are you okay?”

“What’s wrong with her?” another voice said. It sounded funny, too.

“I don’t know.” the first voice said. “She just started breathing strange and went all stiff. Rey!” Something shook her. “Rey, come on!”

There was pain, the prick of claws on her arms. A light glared in her eyes, too bright. She sucked in a breath, blinked—

The fire and fear went away. There was only Jin’x, holding her by the arms. Bitty was next to her. Both their eyes were wide and scared, Jin’x’s slit pupils so big her eyes were all black, reflecting with the red of fear.

“What happened?” Rey croaked.

The two eyed her. Jin’x didn’t let her go. “You tell us.”

Rey shuddered, hugged herself tight. “I dunno. All that stuff over there— I wanted to reach it—”

The suffocating terror swelled up again.

“It’s okay, Rey.” Bitty patted her shoulder. His eyes were still wide and scared. “We’ll use a rope.”

“Rope?” Rey hung onto the word.

“Yeah. Swing across.” He demonstrated with a gesture.

Rey still hung onto his words. The smothering feeling was going away. “Okay.” A rope was good. She wouldn’t have to—to—

_No. Don’t think it_.

“Okay, she said again. “We can do that.”

Jin’x was still watching her. “I’ll tie it off. Bitty can swing over. You swing over next, Rey. He’ll catch you. Can you do that?”

“Yeah. I can do that.”

Jin’x’s claws still pricked her arm. “You sure?”

Rey gave her a withering look. “I’m not a _baby_. I can swing on a rope.”

Finally, Jin’x let go. “Bitty, give me the rope.”

They all got down to the business of crossing the hangar’s vast, dark space.

* * *

The sun was still above the horizon when they crawled out of the ship, dirty, hungry, thirsty and exhausted. Long, purple shadows stretched across the rocks. Dust hazed the air orange.

Rey rubbed her sore palms on her sore legs and swung the heavy mesh bag off her back. Feeling someone near, she turned, looking for Mashra.

It wasn’t Mashra. It was two scavengers all wrapped up in torn, greasy grey rags. Rey didn’t like the way they looked, walking toward them. She hissed for Jin’x and Bitty’s attention. They dropped their bags, too, turning to face the scavengers.

“Whatcha got there, kids?” one of the scavengers said in a creaky, rusty voice.

Bitty drew himself up. “Stuff for Mashra.”

“Yeah? Lessee what it is.”

Jin’x’s fur bristled on her back and arms, making her look bigger than she was. “Nothing you need to see.”

Rey stomped up next to her, planting herself in front of their bags of salvage. “This is ours. Go get your own.”

The scavengers laughed. “Yeah, kid, we will,” the first one said.

Lunging forward, he landed a kick in Rey’s middle that lifted her off her feet and sent her flying. She landed with a thump, writhing to get her breath.

“Hey!” Bitty yelled.

The second scavenger punched him. Jin’x gave a scream and launched herself at him, clawing at his face and sinking her sharp teeth into the meat of his shoulder. The first one grabbed her around the neck. Snatching up a rock, Bitty, streaming blood from his nose and lip, swung it hard into his knee. Shrieking a curse, the scavenger went down.

Rey got her breath with a whoop, scrambled up and leapt on the one Bitty had downed. With a wordless scream, she tore and battered at his face, sending his goggles flying. He struck out at her, caught her on the side of the head, on the cheekbone. White light exploded across her vision. She kept clawing and pummeling anyway. Bitty raised his rock, slammed it down on the scavenger’s head. He groaned and went slack, his eyelids fluttering.

Finally prying Jin’x loose, the other scavenger flung her away. Jin’x hit the ground hard, rolled and staggered to her feet. Rey could see bloody patches in her fur where it had been pulled out. The scavenger was worse, his wrappings hanging in blood-soaked tatters.

He pulled a knife from his belt. “You little shits are dead meat.”

Rey and Bitty flanked Jin’x. Rey’s heart was hammering. The world spun and swayed around her. She didn’t know what to do, only that she had to stay with Jin’x and Bitty. They were bigger and older. They knew what to do.

The sputtering whine of a speeder came across the desert, then the speeder itself, racing closer through the low, dusty orange light. The scavenger looked, hesitated.

“That’s Mashra,” Jin’x said. “_You’re_ dead meat.”

The speeder didn’t slow down, just kept barreling straight toward them. Rey jumped aside. So did Jin’x and Bitty. The scavenger jumped the other way. Mashra swung the speeder around and came at him again. And again. And again, each time driving him farther from Rey and the others.

When he finally tried to bolt, Mashra ran him down. He didn’t get up again.

The speeder made a wide circle back to them.

Mashra looked at the other scavenger lying on the ground, groaning and bleeding. Her clawed hands clenched and unclenched on the speeder’s controls. “Get your salvage,” she snapped. “Get on.”

Rey, Bitty and Jin’x jumped. Less than a minute later, they were zipping across the Graveyard’s broken landscape.

Rey sat between Mashra’s legs again, holding her bag of salvage between her own legs and trying to calm the shivers that went through her.

“Stupid children!” Mashra raised her voice over the speeder’s sputtering howl.

She cuffed Rey on the side of the head, the side the scavenger had hit earlier. Rey yelped, instantly going queasy.

“We’re sorry, Mashra,” Jin’x said.

“What have I told you?” Mashra said. “_Nobody will pay you if you’re dead_. Now maybe you’ll listen. If you have to lose salvage to stay alive, _lose it_.”

None of them dared say a word the rest of the way back to Niima Outpost.

**Ben - Ossus**

There was meditation after dinner. As far as Ben was concerned, it was useless. But _Master Skywalker_ said “it will help calm and center you.” Only one thing—one _person_—helped calm and center Ben. And he wasn’t about to tell _Master Skywalker_ about her. Not after they’d taken everything else away from him.

He let himself float in the Force, sensing Luke and the other students around him; the insects and rodents scurrying nearby; the pulse of lives in the forest.

Snoke’s voice slipped into his mind. _Meditating on the light, my boy? What have you learned today? That the Jedi are as petty and despicable as ordinary mortals?_

Ben’s lips twitched in a repressed smile.

“Ben.” Luke’s voice broke in. “Focus on the light.”

Of course Luke could sense Snoke’s presence in the Force. Snickers came from the other students.

“Haggen, Shirra, Danik,” Luke said. “You too.”

The snickers quieted. Snoke’s voice didn’t return, and Ben resisted the temptation to reach out to his own special light.

When the meditation session finally finished, Ben hurried to his hut. Before he even opened the door, the Force told him something was wrong.

He switched on the light, eyes scanning the chamber. Bed neatly made, his calligraphy set and the sketch he’d been working on undisturbed on his worktable. Everything in order…

Except for an empty box lined with rags, a box that had held the wounded darma he’d been caring for.

He instantly reached out through the Force. No wounded animal in his hut. He reached farther. Still nothing. He dropped to hands and knees, his gut tightening and heart racing. He peered under his bed and into hidden corners. Even as he did, he knew it was useless.

Sitting back on his haunches, he breathed hard, trying to calm the panic clawing into his throat.

_Got a little surprise for you, Prince_, Raich had said. Ben had a good idea now what it was.

He slammed out of his hut, reaching out through the Force again. As if in answer, the darma’s mate wailed out in the forest, a sound that shivered on the warm evening air, raking across his nerves. Already breathing hard and light-headed, he ran.

The Force—and the wails of the darma’s mate—led him to it. Ben caught a glimpse of the darma’s mate disappearing into the underbrush as he pounded into sight, a flicker of a hunchbacked shape and brindle fur and bottlebrush tail. He slowed, searching frantically through the tall, feathered grass and sweet-scented sootheleaf bushes.

The darma he’d been caring for wasn’t far off the path that led to the landing field for the supply ships. His breath catching on a sob, Ben fell to his knees beside it.

The bandages he’d wrapped it with were still in place, but the yellowheads had already gotten to it. Its eyes were pecked out, its belly torn open and the entrails devoured. Very gently, he gathered the darma into his lap, stroked its rough fur.

He sat like that a long time, stroking the dead darma, his breath catching and catching again while fury began a slow boil in his chest. Finally, just as gently, he nestled the dead darma into the grass. Breaking twigs off the sootheleaves, he covered it.

Ben rose to his feet, turned and stormed back toward the Jedi compound.

Raich, Char, and the Tholothian brother and sister, Haggen and Shirra, stood together. The light of Nerif, the larger of Ossus’ moons, added its own bluish tinge to the evening’s light. The four students turned as he approached. Raich’s lips rose in a sneering smile. He only had time to open his mouth to say something before Ben reached out a hand and ripped into his mind.

Raich fought to resist him, then throw him out. Slapping his attempts away, Ben dug into his memories.

There was Ben’s own hut, the wounded darma in its box on the floor by his bed. The animal snarled weakly at the stranger, then a hand reached out, caught it by the neck and jerked it out of the box. The darma twisted and clawed weakly as it was carried out. By the time the forest shadows swallowed it, it drooped. It was only a limp bundle as it was thrown into the undergrowth. Raich’s malice and glee as he swaggered back to the compound sliced through Ben’s mind.

Hands grabbed him. Ben jerked out of the other boy’s mind. Raich’s mouth was open in a silent scream of terror and pain. With a sweep of his hand, Ben flung the Force at the ones grabbing him. They went tumbling away.

Released from Ben’s hold, Raich staggered backward. “You’re gonna regret that, Prince. You’ll kriffing regret it.”

Teeth clenched, breathing hard, Ben was beyond words. Reaching out with the Force, he gripped Raich around the neck the way the other boy had gripped the darma and lifted him into the air.

Raich screamed once, then he couldn’t scream anymore. He rose higher, higher, his mouth gaping open and closed. His arms and legs flailed uselessly. Holding him a good three or four meters off the ground, Ben watched through a haze of rage as the other boy’s face turned red, then purple.

Voices shouted. Hands were on him again. They pulled him back, but he still held Raich in the air.

“Ben!” a voice shouted. “Stop it! Let him go, Ben! You’ll kill him!”

The Force pushed and pulled at him. Ben pushed back against it. Raich’s eyes rolled back and his thrashing weakened.

A thunderous, multi-voiced concussion hit him. Releasing his hold on the Force, Ben gave a yell, clapped his hands over his ears and bent over in pain. The sound stopped. Wincing, he straightened. Raich, gasping for breath, lay on the ground in front of him. As Ben met his eyes, the other boy began crawling away backwards. His friends grabbed him, pulled him up. Eethlin stepped between them and Ben, her hand up defensively.

“No more,” Chymru said behind Ben. “I’ll scream again if I must.”

Hands seized Ben again. He snarled, reaching for the Force before he realized who they were—Maseo on one side, Embry on the other.

“What the _kriff_, Ben—” Maseo began.

He suddenly let Ben go. He and Embry stepped back.

Luke stepped into the tense tableau. Ben had never seen him angry. He was angry now. His blue eyes bored into Ben. He had to struggle to keep from shrinking.

“Come with me.” Luke’s tone left no room for argument.

He spun and stalked off. Ben followed, aware of the absolute silence behind him.

Luke led him into the Jedi temple. Lights burned at the floor around the perimeter, traced the inward-slanting walls as they rose to the peak several meters above. Stones in the floor made a mosaic of a meditating figure. Luke strode to the center of it and turned.

“What happened?” he demanded. "Were you _encouraged_ to do that?"

"Yeah," Ben threw out aggressively. "By Raich."

Luke's mouth tightened. 

Fists clenched, Ben stood stiff and defiant. “He broke into my hut.”

Luke folded his arms. "Don't you think your response was a little extreme?"

“He killed it,” Ben burst out. “I was taking care of a hurt darma I found in the forest. He killed it!”

“So you were going to kill him. Over an _animal_."

“Animal, human…” Ben swept a hand to the side. “Does the Force care? It’s a life!”

“The Force doesn’t care. We do. Sentient life is different. We can make choices.”

“Like killing an animal out of cruelty?” Ben shot back. “What about _that?_ Raich just gets away with it?”

Luke made a slashing motion with one hand. “I’ll deal with him later. This is about you. This is why Jedi don’t allow attachments, Ben. Because attachment leads to passion. It leads to actions like yours.” He drew a long breath. “It leads to the dark side.”

Horror coiled through his gut. Ben took a step back. “I’m not allowed to love?” he whispered. “I can’t care about anything?”

“You can care. You can love selflessly. You can have compassion. But this…” Luke gestured. “…this _entanglement_ of yourself with another—”

“Then I’d rather go to the dark side!” Ben shouted, shaking with emotion. “Not be a…a…_husk_ that doesn’t feel anything!”

Luke sighed. “I know it’s hard, Ben. But you have to see. If you want to fight the one tormenting you, you have to fight your own darkness. That’s how he gets in.”

“You’re wrong,” Ben said. “Taking care of someone, protecting something helpless isn’t darkness.”

Luke looked sad. “I’m not wrong. I only hope you can come to realize it—for your own sake.”

* * *

His punishment was meditation alone at the Painted Cliffs. Ben was supposed to stay there until Luke came for him. He was given water, but no food. He didn’t care. If the rest of his life was supposed to be empty and meaningless, maybe he didn’t care if they never came back for him.

He lay on his back in the grass, staring up at the cliffs the soared above him, a dark block against the purpling sky. The Painted Cliffs weren’t really painted, but carved into the rock by ancient Jedi thousands of years ago. In Nerif’s bluish light, the petroglyphs seemed to float and shift over the rock’s dark surface.

_Well done, my boy_, Snoke’s voice said. _I’m impressed._

Ben didn’t answer for a moment. “I wanted to kill him.”

_Indeed. Passion is power. You’re never so strong as when you are angry._

“But…” He threw an arm over his face. “I don’t _want_ to kill anyone. Not really. If I had—”

_If you had, you’d have taken your first step toward freedom_.

Ben tensed. “No. That’s not—”

_Out of countless lives_, Snoke broke in,_ what is one more to the Force?_

Clenching his hands in the grass, Ben grated, “They’re something to _me_.”

_That is your weakness. Your caring. Let go. Individual lives mean nothing. In the Force, there is only power_.

Ben began breathing hard, queasiness coiling like a poisonous gas in him. “You’re telling me the same thing _he_ did. Don’t care. Don’t _love_—”

The Force built suddenly, a pressure against Ben’s nerves, pushing away and silencing Snoke’s voice. As it had a few times, it surrounded Ben with a bubble of silence, leaving only the sound of his breathing.

The little girl appeared, sitting cross-legged between him and the cliff face. She looked up from something in her hands. Her face lit, then she winced. A bruise purpled one cheekbone and swelled her eye.

Ben pushed up on an elbow. “What happened to you?”

“We got in a fight,” she explained. “Me and Jin’x and Bitty. Some scavengers tried to take our haul. One kicked and hitted me. Bitty conked him on the head with a rock.”

Ben sat all the way up. “Adults?” At Rey’s baffled look, he amended, “Grownups?”

“Yeah. But we got ‘em.” She straightened with pride, then wrinkled her nose. “We got one. Mashra got the other one with her speeder.”

Something in Ben tightened to a fine, dangerous edge. “An _adult_ kicked and hit you?”

“He wanted our haul. I was in the way.” Her face darkened. “I hurted him back.”

“Who’s allowing adults to hurt children?” Ben said, outraged.

She frowned, confused. “We’re little. Mashra wasn’t there, and they thought we wouldn’t fight ‘em.” Her frown turned uncertain. “Mashra says don’t do it again.”

Ben ran a hand down his face, fighting to calm the hot beat of his heart. “She’s right. You should probably run away.”

This time, she was the one who was outraged. “It was our haul! We worked for it! Would _you_ run away?”

Ben opened his mouth to say _yes_, then closed it. “Probably not. But that’s why I’m in trouble.”

Her eyes got round. “But you’re big!” She wiggled closer on her butt, hands clasped tight on her knees. “What’d you do?”

He shrugged. “Same thing. Got in a fight. But—” He hesitated. “I’m a lot stronger than the other kid. I hurt him.”

“Good,” she said fiercely, then, “Isn’t it?”

Wetting his lips, he looked down. “I went too far. I shouldn’t’ve gotten so angry.”

She stuck out her lower lip thoughtfully. “Why were you?”

“I…was taking care of something,” he said, very low. “An animal. The other kid took it and left it to die.”

“You were mad about the animal?”

Looking down again, Ben nodded.

“But…but…” She struggled. “He makeded it die? The one you tooked care of? And you got in trouble?” She slapped a hand down. “That’s not fair!”

Ben raised his head.

“You’re _s’posed_ to take care of things!”

He straightened, folding elbows across knees. “That’s what I said.”

She reached out a small, grubby hand, not quite touching. “You did good. I know you did.”

The Force faded away. Ben was alone again, the Painted Cliffs looming above with their ancient, unknown messages. The darkness that had coiled so suffocatingly around his heart was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now you know how traumatized Rey is. No more using the Force for her.
> 
> The time jumps are making this story a bit of a challenge to write. I hope it's hanging together for you and keeping your interest. If you have questions or thoughts, I'd love to hear them in the comments.


	9. Ben - Age 16/Rey - Age 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep telling myself these chapters don't have to be l o n g. Then they are...
> 
> CW: Some bloody violence in Rey's first section. If you want to skip it, stop reading at "Teng stood up, mouth and eyes wide..."
> 
> Moodboard by [ nancylovesreylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nancylovesreylo/pseuds/nancylovesreylo). Thank you, Nancy!

**Ben - Ossus**

Ben moved through saber forms: lunge forward, slash, half turn, raise the blade, block, sweep and twist, disengage. It was like a dance, one movement flowing into the next in perfect balance.

His muscles burned. Under his shirt, sweat ran freely down his spine and sides. His padawan’s braid stuck irritatingly to his neck, but he didn’t pause to flick it aside.

Only when he lowered his practice sword to catch his breath did Snoke’s voice slide into his mind: _You’ve been doing something interesting with the Force, my boy. You’ve been disappearing. How do you do it?_

Wiping the sweat trickling into his eyes with one arm, Ben strode across the gym. He sensed attention on him: Jaena and Shirra on the other side of the gym, practice dueling. He didn’t acknowledge it, just picked up a water bottle from the table at the edge of the room and drank.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ben answered Snoke—not aloud.

_Don’t you? The Force often swirls around you more powerfully than ever. It’s happened more than once. We’ll be speaking and you’re…simply gone_.

Ben gripped the plastoid water bottle hard enough to make it creak. He knew what drove out Snoke and silenced him—it was always when the little girl appeared to him.

“Maybe it’s something Luke’s doing,” he replied silently. “He knows about you.”

_Because you told him_.

Ben clenched his jaw. “Better than everyone thinking I’m _insane_ because I _hear voices_.”

He poured water over his head, relishing the cool as it sluiced through his hair, down his shoulders and chest.

“Ben?” a girl’s voice said close behind him.

He turned too quickly to be graceful.

Jaena smiled apologetically. Shirra gave him a little wink and tilted her head, making her tendrils sway around her shoulders.

“Sorry,” Jaena said. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

Ben mumbled something dismissive. Heat climbed up his neck to his ears.

Jaena stepped closer, into his personal space. Part of him wanted to back up; another part had no such intention.

“We were watching while you practiced,” Jaena said. “You looked good.””

“_Really_ good,” Shirra purred.

“Uh, thanks,” Ben managed. He wasn’t about to admit that’s why he started practicing his forms in the gym—so he could watch the girls while _they_ practiced.

“You used to practice out in the forest, didn’t you?” Jaena said.

“Yeah.” Ben swallowed, scrambling. “It’s quiet.”

“Sounds nice.” Smiling, Jaena put a hand on his arm. “Maybe we could do that too? With you?”

Heat was going more places than his neck and ears now. Ben kept his mouth closed, dead sure he’d stammer if he opened it.

Jaena looked up at him, her eyes inviting. “What do you say?”

He didn’t know what to do. Jaena and Shirra had never been friendly. Why they would be _now_—

Jaena wasn’t bothering with her mental shields. Close as she was, touching him, her thoughts and emotions flickered past.

A sense of her malicious glee and growing triumph brushed him.

The heat pulsing through him turned to the heat of rage. Clenching his jaw, Ben took her wrist and thrust her hand away.

“_Don’t touch me_,” he growled.

He didn’t know if it was his sudden change or something she saw in his face, but Jaena’s eyes went wide. She snatched her hand back as if burned. Both she and Shirra took a step back.

“You think I don’t know what you have in mind?” Ben hissed.

“What—what are you talking about?” Jaena stammered.

“We were just trying to be friendly!” Shirra put in.

“Do you think I’ll going panting after you so you can humiliate me? I can _see_ what you were going to do.” Ben took a step toward them, looming over them. “Do you want me to tell you?”

The two girls were clutching each other now.

“You…you’re a freak!” Jaena spat.

“A _freak_ who can see into your minds,” Ben snarled back.

They backed away. Not even trying to make their retreat look dignified, they fled. Jaena looked back over her shoulder once, as if to make sure he wasn’t following.

Shaking with rage and humiliation, Ben held himself back until he didn’t sense anyone near.

With a roar, he slashed with the practice blade, hacking at the wall, the floor. The blade broke. He kept hacking, slashing until it was nothing but a stub and his hand was bleeding.

He stopped, breathing hard and staring at the walls marked with his blood and scrapes from the practice blade. He flung the stub away and stormed out, across the Temple grounds and into the forest.

_You should’ve gone with them_, Snoke said. _Such an opportunity_. _You could take whatever you want_.

“_No_,” Ben grated. “I _won’t_.”

**Rey - Jakku**

Four children crawled through a corridor in an Imperial star destroyer. The space, once wide and high enough to accommodate squads of stormtroopers four abreast, had been crushed into a maze no adult could navigate.

Rey was the littlest, so she went first to scout. If the way was clear, Jin’x and Teng Malar worked to open it up so they could get through, too.

Teng had only been with them a few months. Really, he was really too old to need taking care of, but after his dad was killed in a fight, Masha took him on anyway. She wanted someone big enough to look after Rey and Jin’x and Bitty when she wasn’t around and strong enough to handle what they couldn’t

Rey didn’t much like Teng. He thought he was all grown up and knew more than the rest of them. Well, he was ten, so he probably _did_ know more about a lot of stuff, but not about _this_. He maybe knew what it was like to fly in space, since his dad was a spacer, but he had a lot to learn about scavenging.

The beam of Rey’s light sliced the thick darkness, played across crushed durasteel panels and broken struts. A mummified hand in a stiff, brittle uniform sleeve stuck out from underneath a crumpled bulkhead. The air, absolutely still, smelled of burning and old lubricant and the strange, powdery smell of things long dead. Rey’s pants and grunts of effort broke the heavy silence.

Finally, she was able to stand upright on what was once the corridor’s bulkhead. The deck made the righthand wall. The corridor continued on as far as her light reached, littered with bits of metal, pieces of armor and broken light fixtures. Closed hatches lined the overhead. Excitement bubbled up in Rey.

“Do you see anything?” Jin’x’s voice fell dead in the still air.

“Yeah!” Rey called back. “Come on!”

A muffled conversation came, then banging and the screech and groan of pried metal. Teng’s face appeared next, grimacing as he wiggled and squeezed through the opening they’d made. Bitty came next, then Jin’x. They all stared up at the hatches.

“They’re closed,” Bitty said. “That means nobody’s been here.”

Rey bounced on her toes. “Yeah!”

“Where are we?” Bitty said.

Jin’x scratched behind an ear. “Command deck, I think. These should be control rooms.”

“Oooh! Good haul!” Rey said.

“Okay,” Jin’x said. “Let’s get started.”

They went down the corridor, prying open hatches, climbing into the rooms beyond, throwing salvage down into the corridor below. At the third hatch, cold fear slammed into Rey.

Teng had his prybar raised, ready to attack the hatch.

“No, don’t!” Rey burst out. “There’s something bad in there!”

Teng lowered the prybar and eyed her. “Something _bad_. Like what?”

Rey hugged herself. “I don’t know. It’s there. Can’t you feel it?” She turned to Bitty and Jin’x. “We got a good haul. Let’s just go.”

Bitty hesitated, looking between her and Teng. He’d sort of started hanging around Teng, trying to be like him.

Rey felt like she could hardly breathe. “Bitty, it’s _bad_. You got to believe me!”

Jin’x rubbed her nose. “You sure?” she said to Rey.

Glancing up at the hatch, Rey nodded hard. “I’m sure.”

Bitty’s mouth twisted in indecision, then he turned to gather up their salvage.

“What, you listen to everything some scared little tooka tells you?” Teng sneered.

“Yeah,” Jin’x said. “’Cause she’s usually right.”

“How d’ya know?” Teng said. “If you run away every time she tells you to, you don’t know _what_ you’re missing.”

He raised the pry bar and hit the hatch. The sharp _clang_ seemed to come from all around. The other three jumped.

Teng laughed. “Ooooh! Did you hear that? The bad thing is trying to get out!”

Rey clenched her fists. “Stop it! You better listen!”

Teng banged the hatch again, and they all jumped again. “Look at you! Babies. Babies, babies, babies,” he sing-songed, banging the hatch to keep time. “Watch out!” _Bang! _“The monsters will get—”

The hatch fell open with a grinding screech. With a shriek of its own, something fell out. Teng ducked and instinctively flung his arms over his head.

For an instant, Rey tried to make sense of what she was seeing—a flurry of wings and the flash of metallic beaks and claws in the beams of their lights.

Teng stood looking up, mouth and eyes wide, then they were on him—a whole colony of steelpeckers, screeching and screaming like the metal they fed on.

Rey just stared like Teng was, but Jin’x, with her quicker reflexes, grabbed her and Bitty. Her claws bit into Rey’s shoulder. From the middle of the steelpeckers, Teng screamed and scrambled, trying to get away from them. Blood sprayed, dark in the jumping beams of light. Rey caught a glimpse of Teng flailing wildly at the beaks and claws that ripped at him, then Jin’x was dragging her and Bitty away as fast as her springy legs could move.

Teng’s screams echoed through the dark, shredding Rey’s ears. Her mouth was open, her throat raw. Some of the screams were hers. Bitty was screaming too.

The steelpeckers flapped and screeched behind them, their claws scraping on the corridor’s durasteel. Rey was running on her own now, sobbing as she did. So was Bitty. Jin’x ran silently, her fur bristled and sharp teeth bared. Rey scrambled into the gap that led to the crushed part of the corridor. Bitty’s sobs came as he followed. Jin’x snarled, and a steelpecker squealed.

Rey twisted, trying to see. “Jin’x!”

“Just keep going!” Jin’x shouted back. “I’m okay.”

She couldn’t hear Teng’s screams anymore, but the flaps and scrapes and screeches of the steelpeckers still echoed behind them.

She didn’t stop until they came out into the open again. She could still hear the noise the steelpeckers made as they jostled and clattered in the dark. Sticking her fingers in her ears, she squeezed her eyes shut and cried.

**Ben - Ossus**

“I’m going on a mission,” Luke said.

Ben straightened at his worktable. His pen hung motionless in his hand with his surprise. Under it, the lines of the poem he’d been working on flowed in loops and swirls across the paper.

“A mission,” he repeated doubtfully.

Luke smiled, the expression crinkling his eyes. “Did you think Jedi only meditated and practiced lightsaber forms?”

Ben scowled. “It seems like it.”

“The Force gives us power for a reason. We’re its instruments.”

Ben still scowled.

Luke sat down on the edge of Ben’s bed. “Why the frown?”

“I don’t think the Force works like that,” Ben muttered.

Luke’s brows shot up. “You don’t _think_ it does,” he repeated in disbelief.

Ben laid down his pen. “I don’t think the Force _makes_ us do things.”

“No,” Luke said. “But if we’re open to it, we do as the Force wills.”

“Then we’re nothing but puppets?” Ben bristled.

Luke studied him. “Is this something Snoke told you?”

“It’s what I feel. If we’re only instruments, _tools_ of the Force, what’s the point of having a mind, choice, power, _anything?_ If the Force can move things that way, it doesn’t need to enslave sentient beings to do it.”

Alarm flashed through Luke’s eyes. It disappeared just as quickly. “That’s what the Sith believed.”

Ben made a frustrated gesture. “Who’s to say they weren’t right? They used the Force, too. Maybe the Jedi don’t know everything there is to know about the Force.”

Hands gripping his knees, Luke stared at him. “Then it’s a good thing you’re coming on this mission with me,” he said, calmer than Ben expected after that statement. “You’ll be able to see what the Sith did.”

Ben reeled, caught completely off guard. “I am? Where?”

Luke stood again, brushed down his robes. “Jakku. Get your things together. We’ll leave at first light.”

**Ben – Jakku**

As the shuttle dropped out of hyperspace, the deep, rippling vibration of the hyperdrive stopped and the thrum of the sublight engines engaged.

Through the Force, light blazed over Ben’s senses.

He’d been watching a holo on the Battle of Jakku, when the remnants of the Imperial fleet had gathered in orbit above the planet in a last stand to protect…something.

Now he jerked his head up. His heart lurched into overdrive.

“She’s here!” he whispered.

In the seat beside him, Maseo gave a puzzled frown. “What? Who’s here?”

Ben jumped to his feet and leaned between Luke and Raich where they sat at the controls. Luke looked up, startled. Raich recoiled as if expecting attack. (There had been some argument about who would copilot. Ben was a better pilot than Raich, but Luke had chosen Raich to sit at the controls.)

Ben ignored him, staring out at the barren brown globe growing in the viewport. “Is this Jakku?”

“This is it,” Luke said.

“It’s _here_.” Ben’s voice came out breathless. “_This_ is where—”

He stopped, suddenly unable to continue. All his excitement turned cold as a powerful reluctance dropped over him.

“Where what, Ben?” Luke said.

“Where…” He cleared his throat, wet his lips. “What I sensed—” Again, the words died in his throat.

Understanding washed over Luke’s face. “What we’ve talked about?”

What they’d talked about was Snoke. Not the little girl the Force connected him to, because Ben hadn’t told _anyone_ about her. He just stared at his uncle, frustration slowly giving way to foreboding. Some instinct was telling him—_do not reveal her to Luke_.

Luke turned back to the controls. “There’s great darkness here. Darth Sidious had a hidden base on Jakku. That’s what you’re sensing. That’s what we’re here to find.”

Ben nodded, though he couldn’t sense any darkness. The little girl’s light burned away any trace of it.

**Rey**

Rey sat up straight in the guts of a Rebellion frigate’s sublight engines, blinking into the oily, claustrophobic dark. Her heart was hammering. She sat still, trying to figure out why, when she felt it—a swirl of darkness so warm and comforting she suddenly felt like crying.

She quickly slithered on her belly back to the place she’d crawled through earlier.

Jin’x, dismantling a power coupling, looked up, startled. “What’s the matter?”

“He’s here!” Rey said, jumping down beside Jin’x. “The boy with the black hair. He’s _here!”_

Jin’x looked around. “Nobody’s here but us. You’re imagining it.”

“I’m _not!”_ Rey pushed past her. “I have to go find him!”

She scrambled and crawled through the wreck, her beam from her headlamp bouncing ahead. Jin’x called after her, but Rey kept on until she finally spilled out into the light.

The desert stretched away as far as she could see, heat haze shimmering above the rocks and broken ridges. Breathless, she plunked down in the sand. Mashra wouldn’t be back for hours. No Mashra, no speeder. No speeder, no way across all that empty space—

“I’ll never find him now!” Rey put her head down, hugged her knees and cried.

**Ben**

Niima Outpost’s landing field was nothing but a bare stretch of dirt and a couple of refueling rigs surrounded by a fence. As Ben followed Luke through the landing field’s Hutt-styled gate, he stared around in dull horror. The place’s poverty and squalor were overwhelming: the dirt, the shabby tents and makeshift lean-tos, the combined stench of manure, human waste and starship fuel. The people who stopped to stare at the four Jedi were thin and ragged.

Through it all, the little girl’s light blazed like a sun, warming him from the inside out. If he decided to, Ben could follow its blaze straight to her and—

He ran up hard against reality. And what? Bring her to Luke? Luke would take her away from her family, from the people who loved and cared about her.

Ben couldn’t do it. Even the thought made him sick. But to think of her living in these conditions…

He raked a hand through his hair, glaring around him. “How can people live like this?”

Luke looked, too, as if seeing it all for the first time. He shrugged. “People live like this all over the galaxy, Ben.”

“They shouldn’t. Where’s the New Republic? Where’s the humanitarian aid? Where are the anti-poverty subsidies?”

Maseo put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder. “The New Republic probably doesn’t know this place exists.”

“Probably not,” Luke agreed.

“They should!” Ben burst out. “The galaxy is rich enough these people should be taken care of.”

He could feel Raich’s scorn, but Raich didn’t dare say a word.

Ben seethed. “My mother should know about this. She—”

“This isn’t your concern,” Luke broke in. “You’re a Jedi now.”

“Then the _Jedi_ should do something,” Ben shot back.

“The Jedi don’t intervene in matters like these,” Luke said.

Ben stopped; shocked, outraged, disbelieving. “Then what _do_ the Jedi do?”

Luke sighed. “Maseo, Raich, see if you can find us some transportation.”

Maseo and Raich shared a look, nodded and headed into the huddle of tents.

Luke turned to face Ben. “We serve the Force. We defend the light.”

Ben gestured at a cluster of goggling natives, their dirty rags billowing on their thin frames. “By letting people starve?”

“Ben, you can’t right every wrong in the galaxy. _We_ can’t. No one can.”

“We can right the wrongs we see. Maybe the Jedi can’t _do anything_.” He didn’t bother trying to hide his contempt. “But other people can. You’re respected. You can—”

“I could,” Luke said. “But I won’t.”

“Then—”

“And neither will you.”

“I—!”

“Our purpose is greater than this. We can’t get caught up in small battles.”

Ben opened his mouth to argue again.

Luke held up a hand. “Just listen. This situation is clear enough—hungry poor people. But do you know why they’re poor?”

Ben just set his jaw.

“Because gangsters and strongmen run the place,” Luke continued. “If someone came with aid, they’d take that, too. Niima the Hutt ran this place years ago. She’s dead. Another strongman just took her place. How are you going to fix that?”

“Bring in a peacekeeping force,” Ben answered promptly. “Install a government to make and enforce laws.”

“What about those who don’t want an outside government with its idea of law?”

“Gangsters?” Ben said scornfully.

“Or freedom fighters.”

Suddenly wary, Ben didn’t answer.

Luke shook his head. “That’s what the Empire did. They’d come in and take over. Anyone who didn’t like it…” He trailed off expressively.

Ben stared at the tents around them, the hunched and scurrying denizens in their wraps and rags who glanced and glanced away again before they could be caught looking.

Luke was wrong. Ben knew he was. No one _wanted_ to go hungry. No one _wanted_ to be oppressed and terrorized.

“So we’re supposed to do _nothing_, because someone might not like what we do.” Ben clenched his jaw. “Then what’s the _point?”_

“The Force is the point,” Luke said. “Everything else is dust in the wind.”

“Not to me.” Ben stalked off, following Raich and Maseo into the maze of tents.

* * *

Dust seemed to be everywhere. It gritted in his mouth, his eyes, coated his skin and clothes as the speeder carried them across the empty, shimmering desert. Ben gripped the speeder’s sides and seat so tightly his knuckles were white.

He could feel the little girl’s light getting closer as they went, then farther away, somewhere off to his right. He felt like a bit of steel dragged by a powerful magnet. If he was alone, he _would_ go to her. He thought furiously, trying to figure out some way he could; and if he did, what he’d do afterward. All the while, that same, strange, powerful reluctance to reveal her gripped him.

“Do you sense it?”

Ben started as Luke’s voice broke in on his thoughts.

Luke pointed at the ridge that loomed against the washed-out sky. “The darkness. It’s there.”

Ben reached out his senses, carefully tucking the light to one side of his awareness. Now, _now_ he could sense the dark. He nodded once.

A few minutes more and the four of them—Luke, Ben, Maseo and Raich—stood at the mouth of a ravine. The hot air smelled of dust without a hint of living, growing things. The sky visible above the tumbled rock of the sides was white around the glare of Jakku’s sun.

Cocking his head, Ben reached out. “There’s someone here. Ten— No, wait. A dozen. Hidden in the rocks.” He brushed their unprotected minds. “They know we’re here.”

Luke nodded. “We’re in the right place. I expect to find sentinels inside, too.”

Maseo and Raich had built their lightsabers last year. Now they unclipped and ignited them. The blades extended with a wicked _vzssshh_ of plasma. Ben didn’t have a lightsaber yet. It wasn’t misplaced pride to realize that he was more dangerous without one than the other two were armed.

The glowing blades were like they’d shouted a challenge: figures emerged from the rocks and swarmed toward them, yelling. Three stayed up high, hurling rocks down on them.

Ben raised his hand to throw them back, then really saw them.

They were only old men, scarred and brown and wrinkled by Jakku’s merciless sun, dressed in bits and pieces of stormtrooper armor held on with shredded rags. They didn’t wield blasters, but homemade spears and clubs.

With a shock, Ben realized they’d been abandoned here. Left to defend a pile of rocks against an enemy victorious twenty years ago.

Seized with pity, Ben lowered his hand.

Igniting his own lightsaber, Luke strode forward, straight into the oncoming charge. He slashed, and the man in the lead fell in two pieces. With wild shouts, Maseo and Raich took down two more.

“What’re you doing?” Ben yelled. “Look at them! They can’t fight you!”

“They’re servants of the Empire,” Luke shouted and slashed through another one. He flashed a furious look at Ben. “_Still_ fighting for the Empire.”

Ben glared back, raised a hand and flung the remaining attackers back into the rocks. They hit hard and fell to the ground. They didn’t get up again.

It was the only thing he could do to keep them from being slaughtered. In that moment, he knew he would never reveal the little girl to Luke. No matter how poor she was, no matter how difficult her life, he wouldn’t let her light be turned to _this_.

Luke grabbed his arm, his lightsaber still hissing in his other hand. “What was that, Ben?”

Ben met his stare. “I was getting them out of the way.”

“By using the dark side?” Luke hissed.

“How is that using the dark side?” he challenged.

Luke let him go, almost flinging his arm away. “This isn’t the time or place. We’ll discuss it later.”

* * *

Luke struggled to quiet the anger and fear threatening to swamp him. He’d brought Ben to this Force-forsaken planet to show him what the dark side really was, that it wasn’t just some philosophical question to argue. Now he wondered if it had been exactly the wrong thing to do.

From the moment they landed, Ben had been more stubborn than ever about his need to intervene in things Jedi had no business with. Luke could feel the boy’s anger pulsing around him, growing more intense and focused every minute they spent here. Then, the way he’d so casually used the Force to toss those old stormtroopers away—

Luke took a deep breath, squelching the urge to shudder. Vader had used the Force like that. Luke remembered the clench and sweep of his father’s black-gloved hand, the way huge pieces of machinery flew and battered him.

Ben had clenched and swept his hand to one side just like that when the hidden base’s door had resisted Luke and Maseo and Raich’s efforts. And the door, frozen by decades and the weight of rock around it, had shrieked, crumpled and flown away.

Luke looked at Ben now. Their lightsabers were the only source of light in the darkness around them. Ben was tense, one hand half-raised. His eyes darted. Good. He was cautious.

“What do you sense?” Luke said.

“It’s…wrong.” Ben’s whisper echoed. “The Force is broken. Polluted…”

“That’s the dark side,” Luke said. “This is where the Emperor meant to implement his plan to completely dominate of the galaxy. This is where he concentrated his power.”

Maseo and Raich looked equally unnerved. None of them knew. None of the boys had ever faced darkness as complete and powerful as the Emperor’s. Luke had. It felt now like it had then—suffocating and crushing, like it would blot out all light the moment you stopped resisting.

Ben shook his head. “No. He—they—someone has _done_ something to the Force. Can’t you feel it?”

“Yes,” Luke said. “Darth Sidious annihilated any hint of the light side here. Come on. Be ready. He won’t have left this place unguarded.”

Luke strode into the bowels of the base, his boots crunching and sliding on gleaming bits of the shattered walls.

The weight of the dark side was so stifling, he didn’t sense danger until Ben shouted and thrust out a hand.

All of them spun. Blaster bolts flew around them, streaking the black with red. Luke leapt in front of the boys to deflect the shots with his lightsaber. The flashes of red and blaze of blue and green from the lightsabers reflected on the faceplates of red-armored droids. With a yell, Ben blasted them away with the Force. The droids flew, disappearing into the darkness. The crash and clatter of their metal bodies striking the walls echoed down the corridor.

More blaster fire flew, this time from the other side. A scrambling sound came from the corridor where Ben had thrown the droids—they were getting up again.

“Run!” Luke shouted. “There are too many!”

Raich ran. Maseo hesitated.

Luke shoved him. “Go!”

Ben didn’t run. He reached up a hand, closed his fist and jerked it down.

There was a rumble, then dust and bits of rock exploded from the corridors. The blaster fire abruptly stopped. Luke tore his gaze from Ben’s face—terrible, with teeth bared, black brows drawn down in fury. It took him an instant to understand what Ben had done: he’d pulled the roof down on the droid sentinels.

Cold foreboding brushed up Luke’s neck, like the breath of death. He shuddered, unable to suppress it this time.

Rock continued to rattle and patter down, diminishing to a hiss of falling small debris.

Raich and Maseo stood frozen and wide-eyed. Luke turned slowly to face Ben.

Ben lowered his hand, though menace still shivered around him in dark waves.

_This was a mistake_, Luke thought. _I never should’ve brought him here_.

Maseo cleared his throat, breaking the tense silence. “Wow. Good job, Ben.”

“Come on.” Luke’s voice came out harsh. “We have a mission to complete.”

* * *

For the first time in years, Ben couldn’t sense the slightest glimmer of the little girl’s light. It was like this horrible place had swallowed it up, smothering his senses and his soul in blinding, devastating darkness.

The Force howled like a wounded animal, tearing at him with sheer _wrongness_. It wasn’t just the dark side. It was the dark side twisted and foul and tainted. Ben felt it trying to claw its way into him, trying to twist and warp him into something terrible. He looked at his uncle, at Maseo and Raich, to see if they were affected too. They were only grimly alert as they made their way through the shattered corridors.

_They can’t feel it_, he thought. _How can they not feel it?_

He struggled against it, clung to the memory of light and life.

Luke guided them to some kind of control or observation room. Banks of computers lined it. At the center was a shaft. Darkness breathed from it like fetid breath from a demon’s mouth.

Ben stopped at the edge of the room, unable to move another step forward. Luke walked across the littered floor to the lip of the shaft and looked down.

“Whatever was done here, this was where it happened.” His voice echoed harshly through the huge, dark room.

“He wanted to destroy everything,” Ben said. The words seemed to come from somewhere outside him. “The planet. The fleet. The galaxy. Burn everything down.”

Still staring down into the shaft, Luke nodded. “Operation Cinder. If the Emperor was going to die, he wasn’t going to leave anything behind.”

“No,” Ben said. “Only let them think he died, while he prepared for rebirth.”

In the glow of the three lightsabers, the blues of ice and sky, the green of sunlight through new leaves, Luke’s head turned slowly, slowly, to stare at Ben. Raich and Maseo’s wide eyes gleamed with reflected light.

“The first sacrifice was made. The rite was begun, but not finished,” Ben said. “No matter. There is a powerful darkness in the Unknown Regions. It will nurture and invigorate him while he builds for the coming battle. What he will create, what he will become, none will be able to stand against.”

Luke strode to him, gripped him by the shoulders. “Ben, fight it. Whatever it is, you have to fight it.”

Ben gripped his uncle’s arms. “I can’t breathe, Uncle Luke,” he pleaded, gasping. “It’s drowning me.”

Luke’s eyes went wide now, too. “Maseo, get him out of here.”

“Master Skywalker, Ben’s stronger than I am.”

“If you’re his friend," Luke snapped, "get him out of here.”

Ben gave a sharp jerk of his chin. “I won’t…hurt Maseo.”

Maseo took his arm. Ben could feel him shaking. “Come on, Ben.”

There was nothing but darkness now. It crushed him, tore at him, sucked him down into nightmare. He was distantly aware of the grip of a hand on his arm, his feet stumbling over a broken floor, a voice in his ear: _Come on, Ben. You’ll be okay. We’re almost there_. The juddering slash of blue of a lightsaber was the only light in existence.

Light suddenly poured over him, through him—the light of the sun, the little girl’s light. Falling to his knees, he sucked a breath, then another, raised his face to the twin lights, one blazing as bright as the other.

Maseo’s fear and alarm beat at him. His lightsaber hummed by Ben’s ear.

“What the kriff was _that_, Ben?”

“That place— The Force—” Ben croaked. “Couldn’t you feel it? It was like…an infected wound oozing pus. Broken. _Sick_.”

Maseo shook his head. “I only felt the dark side. And that was plenty strong.”

He scanned the rocks around them for signs of their earlier attackers.

Ben sank back onto his haunches, braced his hands on his thighs and breathed hot, dry air that smelled of dust and desolation. It was like the sweetest breeze after a rainstorm on Chandrila.

“Don’t worry.” His voice still came out hoarse. “They won’t bother us.”

Maseo looked down at him, a little white around the eyes. “You sure?”

Ben nodded. “I’m sure.” He staggered to his feet, wanting more distance from the darkness breathing out of that door. “They’re afraid of me.”

* * *

The Force bore down on him soon after they boarded the shuttle. Ben knew exactly what it meant. He shot to his feet and dashed for the ‘fresher. The door had barely slid shut when the little girl appeared.

He took her in greedily, from her smudged and dirty face and hands to her torn and grubby clothes.

She instantly reached out to him. “You’re back! You disappeared. Where’d you go?”

He dropped onto the closed toilet lid and hung his hands between his knees. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t come.”

Her lip quivered. “I couldn’t either,” she whispered.

“It’s okay.”

She stared long and hard at him. “You okay? You look sick.”

He rubbed his hands up and down his thighs. “I was in…a bad place.” A sudden, terrible thought occurred. “Have you been there? It’s called Carbon Ridge.”

She wrinkled her nose. “The dead-enders live there. We don’t go there.”

Ben gusted a breath. “Good. Don’t ever.”

Frowning, she said. “Everybody says you’re my ‘magination. But you’re not.” She eyed him suspiciously. “Are you?”

“No. I’m as real as you are. My name is Ben.”

She perked up. “I’m Rey.”

_Rey. Of course_, he thought. _Of course you are_. “Where are you, Rey?”

“I’m at the Graveyard. Mashra’ll come back soon. I’ll come find you when she gets here.”

The vibration of the engines suddenly came through the deck. “I’ll already be gone.”

Her face fell.

“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I—” He wet his lips. “It’s not a good idea for my master to know about you.”

“Why?”

“I’m training to be a Jedi. The Jedi don’t believe in attachments.” He clenched his fists. “They took everything away. Everything. They’d try to take you.”

She didn’t understand—he could see she didn’t. “You can’t let people take your stuff. You have to fight for it.”

He huffed a humorless laugh. “We aren’t supposed to do that, either.”

“That’s dumb. You’ll _die_ if you don’t.”

He gazed at her bleakly, hating his captivity, hating this path he’d been forced onto, one he’d never be able to follow.

“Yeah,” he said. “I will.”

Her jaw set in that stubborn line he was coming to recognize. “No you won’t. I won’t let you.”

He surprised himself with a smile. “No, I bet you won’t.”

The Force released them, and he was alone again in the ‘fresher.

He got up, washed his hands and face and returned to his seat in the cabin. The deck hummed with the engines’ vibration, shook with the rush of atmosphere past the hull. The sky visible through the forward viewport was the rich sapphire of high altitude.

Maseo eyed him. “You okay?”

Ben shrugged. “Sick,” he lied, latching onto what Rey had said.

“No doubt.” Maseo studied him a little longer. “You look better now.”

Ben turned his senses inward. The poisonous dark that had coiled through him since the moment he’d stood in its heart was gone, burned away.

“Yeah,” he said. “I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben was raised to be a prince, taught that his people are his responsibility, that it's his duty to see them well and safe. Now he's being told that all that is beneath him, and it grates against not only everything he learned all his life, but also his own instincts. Faced with Jedi ideals and what he knows of Rey's life, Ben is stuck in a real quandary. And he doesn't know she's alone. He thinks Mashra and Jin'x and Bitty are her family.
> 
> Going by the films, Luke's abilities don't seem to include the powerful telekinesis both Vader and Ben have. If it shows up in other canon sources, I'm not aware of it. Seeing what Ben can do with the Force reminds Luke far too much of Vader, though Ben doesn't understand why Luke doesn't like it when he uses the Force that way.
> 
> Rey really does witness Teng Malar getting ripped to shreds in canon in _Rey's Survival Guide._ Eek. 😱


	10. Ben - Age 17/Rey - Age 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben finds something bright and wonderful, and Rey finds something dark and terrible. When Ben finds out, he's determined to rescue her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to take a minute to tell you how much your comments, kudos, subscriptions and bookmarks mean to me. It makes me so happy to know you're enjoying my story. Thank you for reading!

**Ossus**

The silence of the temple surrounded him, cool air still smelling faintly of the logs and earth the temple had been built with. Luke breathed in its peace, working to calm the fear and dread that churned in him.

He was doing something wrong with Ben. He’d been doing everything he could think of to steer him away from his darker impulses, to teach him how to protect himself from Snoke, to help him find calm and peace.

Nothing worked. Ben was growing more resentful and defiant, not less. Since Jakku—

It was like something on Jakku had taken root in his soul, twisting poisonous, prickly branches through him. He continually questioned every Jedi principle—not just questioned. _Rejected_ them.

Luke couldn’t convince Ben to let go, couldn’t make him believe his intensity and passion were paths to darkness.

_How is caring a path to darkness?_ Ben challenged.

_Because it leads to passion and possession_, Luke answered.

_And why are those bad?_

Round and round they went, Ben smart enough to challenge the logic of Jedi teachings, picking at every flaw he found.

Luke had the sick feeling he was teaching a young Sith. When once, out of frustration, he voiced that fear, Ben had been unfazed.

_The dark side is part of the Force. Does that mean the Force is evil?_

Dwelling on the memory, Luke’s breathing had picked up. He centered himself again, made himself breathe slowly, in, then out, opened himself to the Force, let it flow through him.

He had to find a way to break through Ben’s resistance, give him a way to embrace the ways of the Jedi.

**Ben – The Unknown Regions**

The moon had no name, only coordinates on a star chart. The planet it orbited was a huge, half-illuminated swirl of blue and turquoise that filled the sky, dominating even the diamond-bright sun. The gas giant’s blue glow tinted the trees and rocky hills around an eerie hue.

Ben looked around warily, breathing slowly to try to calm the fast, heavy beat of his heart. “What’re we doing here?”

“You’ll see,” Luke said and struck off across the slope.

From the moment they’d boarded the shuttle, Luke had only answered his questions with various versions of _you’ll see_, or _trust me_.

Ben knew Luke didn’t like his questioning of Jedi beliefs. To him, questions meant Ben was going to the dark side. But so many things Luke taught just didn’t make sense. What made the light side good and the dark side evil, when they were both part of the Force? If a Jedi killed someone, how was it any different than if a Sith did? How was the Jedi mind trick a light side technique when it took the will of someone who couldn’t fight back?

_Why has he brought you to this place?_ Snoke whispered into his mind.

Ben just hunched his shoulders.

_You know he’s been displeased with you. Yet you’re far too powerful to turn out_.

Ben sometimes hoped Luke would. It might embarrass his mother, but at least he’d have his freedom.

_Perhaps he intends to strand you there_, Snoke mused. _Far out of the way, where you can trouble no one. It would be so easy. He could simply tell the other students you’re on a mission. They wouldn’t question Master Skywalker_.

“My parents—” Ben started to argue, then stopped.

He hadn’t been allowed contact with his parents since he’d come to Luke. They would never know if he just…disappeared.

Ben glanced back at the shuttle where it sat in the cup of a small valley. It seemed very far away.

“Come on, Ben,” Luke called.

Ben hesitated, then followed, staying just a little behind.

_What will you do if it comes to a fight?_ Snoke said.

Ben’s mouth went dry. “He’s not going to do anything like that.”

_Best think about it, my boy_, Snoke replied. _One never knows_. He faded from Ben’s mind.

Ben trudged up the slope behind Luke, his stomach squeezing into a cold, hard knot. His uncle would never do what Snoke said. Would he?

The trees grew thicker, gnarled branches twisting against the parent planet’s bright glow. Luke led the way between rough grey trunks. Ben panted behind him, his boots slipping on the steepening, rocky ground. At last, the slope rose in a sheer rock face. Stiff vines clothed with brittle leaves fell over a dark gap in the cliff—a cave.

Stopping in front of it, Luke turned. “When they built the Death Stars, the Empire stripped the known kyber-bearing planets for their crystals. Jedi padawans used to go to the crystal caves on Ilum to find their kybers.” His face set in hard lines. “Ilum was virtually destroyed, strip-mined down to the mantle. So were Jedha and Lothal. To this day, Lothal is barely habitable. All of which is a long way of explaining that I had to find another source for kyber crystals.” He gestured toward the cave entrance. “Here.”

Ben reached out through the Force. There was…_something_, a muted buzz. It might’ve been kyber crystals. It could be something else, too.

“I don’t need to say that this place needs to be kept secret. I don’t want to take the chance that what happened once won’t happen again.”

Ben nodded. “What happens now?

“You go into the cave and find your kyber.”

Ben knew he should be excited, but dread gripped him.

Luke studied him. “What are you worried about?”

Ben wasn’t going to tell him _that_. “I know you don’t like how I think about things—about the Force. Why are you going to let me build a lightsaber?”

Luke closed his eyes and let out a long breath. Opening them again, he said, “I want you to feel part of something—something greater. I want you to feel you can trust me.” He met Ben’s eyes. “Because I don’t think you do.”

Ben dropped his gaze. “Everything I do is wrong.”

“No,” Luke said. “But you’ve been given some wrong ideas. I’d like you to see a different way. I’d like you to be _willing_ to.”

Ben had told him over and over: it wasn’t what he was told, it was what he felt through the Force. And the Force was wanted to be whole, not just dark and light, but everything in between.

“Why aren’t _you_ willing to see a different way?”

“I have seen that way, Ben. I truly hope you never have to.”

Ben just stared at the ground, littered with sticks and brown leaves.

“If you want to find your kyber, go into the cave.” Luke settled himself on a rock split by the roots of a tree. “I’ll wait.”

Ben wished he could see into Luke’s mind the way he did others’. He couldn’t.

A thought came to him, clear as if someone had whispered it in his ear—not Snoke, this time. Something else, intuition or memory or the Force:

_The only way out is through_.

Ben hesitated a moment more, then parting the vines that curtained the entrance, he stepped into the cave.

The light from the entrance faded quickly. Sensing through the Force, he made his way forward.

There was nothing but darkness. Reaching ahead, he sensed that strange buzz again, a little like a murmur of many voices. A moment later, he realized the darkness was no longer complete.

He held a hand in front of him. There was the shape of his fingers against the faintest of glows. He walked faster. Soon the glow was bright enough to throw his shadow behind him. A few more steps and he found himself in its heart.

Kyber crystals lined the cave, filled it with their songs. The Force thrummed with their presence, their awareness. Ben stood and stared, so full of awe he could barely breathe. He took a step, then another, sensing for the crystal that called to him.

It was like walking through the woods at night, when nightsingers stuttered and fell silent as you came near. It was the same with the crystals. Their songs faded, their light dimmed and their presence withdrew from the Force when he approached.

Moving in his own little bubble of shadow, Ben continued deeper into the cave. His awe and excitement curdled into unhappiness. Was this what Luke had brought him to see: that he was too dark, too unfitting to even find a kyber? He wanted to turn back, but returning in failure would be more humiliating than continuing on, every kyber he passed rejecting him. Closing his mind and senses to the darkening kybers around him, he went on.

A single light glowing in the curtain of dimmed crystals caught his eye. Ben stopped, waiting for it to fade along with the rest. It didn’t. Cautiously unfurling his senses again, he felt it reaching out to him. Its music curled around him like a much-loved song long forgotten, soothing and comforting and joyous all at once.

Barely conscious of what he was doing, he knelt by the cave wall and reached for the crystal. It warmed and caressed his fingers like a stray ray of sunlight. Carefully, his heart in his throat, he closed his fingers around it.

With a snap he felt more than heard, the kyber broke loose, bathing his hands with a soft blue radiance. He dropped to his backside on the cave’s cool floor. He found himself smiling, smiling so widely his face hurt with the unfamiliar expression. His hand shook as he lifted the kyber, studying it closely.

It was the bright, clear blue of a summer sky, but a flaw ran through it—a faint line of shadow through its heart. Ben’s excitement and joy wavered. The crystal reached out to him again and he realized—

It didn’t have to be perfect. It was his, and that made it perfect just the way it was.

**Rey – Jakku**

Rey went to the tent flap and peered out again. A few dim lights showed in the tents around. Not many people.

“Mashra should be back already.” She dropped the tent flap and turned to Jin’x and Bitty where they sat on the dusty tarp floor.

“I know,” Jin’x said. “You said it ten times already.”

“Well, she _should_ be.” Rey frowned. “I’m gonna go look for her.”

“You better not,” Bitty said. “We’re not s’posed to be out after dark. Bad people’ll get us.”

“I _know_,” Rey said, exasperated. “But there’s something _wrong_.”

Jin’x cocked her head. “You think so ‘cause you’re worried? Or ‘cause you know?”

Rey shifted from one foot to the other. “I can _feel_ it. Can’t you?”

Jin’x and Bitty shared a look. “Okay,” Jin’x said. “I’ll go to Unkar Plutt. Bitty, you check around the bazaar. Rey, find Constable Zuvio and ask if he can help.”

“Okay.” Rey darted out of the tent before Jin’x could change her mind.

Constable Zuvio’s office was right at the edge of the bazaar, closest to the landing field. Rey meant to go there. She really did. She was even halfway across the bazaar, keeping an eye open in case he and his Kyuzo cousins were out on patrol. The farther she went, the slower her feet moved. Finally, her feet turned and took her another way. Which way, she didn’t know until she stood by the last tent, looking out onto the flats around Niima Outpost.

One of the moons was up, a small, bright yellow oblong that grew and shrank as it tumbled slowly across the darkening sky. Falling stars streaked and flashed. Scavengers said if you saw one hit the ground, it meant good luck. Mostly it meant good luck because it was maybe space junk you could salvage.

Rey stood a moment, lights from the tents behind her stretching her shadow across the bare ground. Jin’x would be mad at her if she went out there. But she _had_ to.

Rey started out onto the flats. The ground was a pale, featureless blank, hard to tell distance or depth, but she didn’t trip over rocks or dips in the ground. Even in the dark, she almost never bumped into things. It was like she could feel where everything was.

The air was cooling quickly, though the ground still radiated warmth. She didn’t know where she was going, only that she had to go this way. She walked a long way before she saw a dark shape ahead. Her heart thumped faster. She started running, her throat suddenly so tight it was hard to breathe.

She could tell the shape was a person before she reached it. She fell to her knees beside it. The smell of blood and pee hit her. Her breath came out in little whimpers. Reaching out, she touched coarse fabric, stiff and sticky. She held her breath. Her hand shaking, she pushed back the hood that covered the face.

Even in the moon’s faint light, she could see it was Mashra. One eye was gone, that whole side of the face caved in. Her tusks had been driven into her mouth, the roots broken, bloody stumps.

Tears started pouring down Rey’s face. “Mashra!” She shook her shoulder. There was no warmth beneath the fabric. “Mashra! Wake up!”

She took her clawed hand, cold and stiff, put her own small hand on the unruined side of Mashra’s face. She sobbed. “Come on, Mashra. You have to wake up. We’ll find somebody to fix you. I _promise_. Get up, _please_ get up.”

Mashra didn’t move.

Rey jumped to her feet. Dust and grit and small stones rose all around her in a hissing cloud.

Sobbing so hard she could barely breathe, Rey caught Mashra under the arms. “Come on. I’ll take you. You’re hurt too bad.”

She started back toward Niima Outpost, a spatter of lights in the distance.

Only Mashra’s heels dragged in the dust behind her.

**Ben – Ossus**

Even asleep, Ben was aware of the Force pressing against him, folding around him. But what finally dragged him out of sleep was the sound of crying. His eyes snapped open and he pushed up on one elbow.

On the floor, Rey sat huddled in a ball much like the first time he’d seen her.

He rubbed a hand down his face, trying to wake up. “Rey? What’s wrong?”

She raised her head. Her eyes were puffy with crying. Tears and snot streaked her face. “They killed her!” she sobbed.

He sat up in bed. “What? Who?”

“Mashra! They killed her! She didn’t come back from trading. We looked for her. I found her. In the desert. She—she—they—” Rey dissolved into sobs again.

Ben’s heart started galloping. He slid out of bed to the floor beside her. “Who did it? Do you know?”

Rocking, she shook her head hard. “No. But I’m gonna find out.” She let her knees go, planted her hands on either side of her and clenched her jaw. “We’re gonna find ’em. Then we’re gonna kill ’em.”

Cold fear poured through him. “Rey, no. You can’t. You’re just kids. You’ll get killed.”

“We already talked about it. We’ll sneak up on them. We’ll get ‘em.”

“Listen to me. You have to listen,” he said, increasingly desperate. “Even if you manage it, what about their friends? They’ll come after you. They’ll kill you, too.”

“They _won’t_.”

“Yes, they will. And then what? Mashra will still be dead. How will it help anything if you die too? Would she want that?”

That got through to her. “No,” she said, uncertain.

He’d seen Jakku. He knew there was no law there. “What about the other grownups in your family? Won’t they want to do something?”

“My family is gone.”

Ben felt like he’d been kicked in the gut. “_What?”_

“They flew away on a ship,” she explained.

He clenched his fists on his knees. “They _left_ you?”

“They’re coming back,” she said defensively. “My dad said to wait. Mashra’s taking care of me.” Her lip quivered. “She was,” she said in a small voice.

He was beyond words. He sat and shook until he was sure he could speak without shouting.

“Bitty and Jin’x—they aren’t your brother and sister.” He’d thought they were. Now he was sure they weren’t.

“Mashra was taking care of all of us.”

Rage gripped him so hard he could barely breathe. At himself, for his stupid assumptions. At Luke, for his indifference. At the galaxy’s cruelty and injustice.

“What now?” His voice came out with a tight, strained edge.

The tears spilled out again. “Me and Bitty and Jin’x are hiding. Unkar Plutt is looking for us.”

“Why?”

“He’s gonna make us work for him. Jin’x said Unkar Plutt prob’ly killed Mashra so he can get the stuff we find for her, ‘cause we find the best stuff.”

Gathering himself, he used every bit of discipline he’d learned to push the rage down, to _think_.

“I want you to promise me—don’t try to kill anyone.”

“But—!”

“No, listen. There are other ways to get revenge, ways that won’t get you hurt or killed.”

Her mouth set in a stubborn, suspicious line. “What?”

He folded elbows on knees so he could look her eye-to-eye. He needed her to believe him. “Make their lives miserable. Ruin their things when they won’t catch you.”

She sat up, listening hard.

“You were finding…stuff for Mashra?” he went on. “Good stuff, you said. Make sure the stuff you bring them _isn’t_ good. Make sure it’ll break.”

She made a thoughtful pout. “But Bitty and Jin’x want to kill them.”

“You tell them what I told you. Tell them it won’t do Mashra any good. All of you get together and figure out the best way you can hurt them and keep on hurting them for a long time.”

“Okay,” she said doubtfully.

“Promise? Even if Bitty and Jin’x still want to kill them?”

She gave him a long, frowning stare. “_I_ still want to kill them.”

“But you won’t,” he said. “For me. Because I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

Sniffling, she wiped her nose with the back of one hand. “Okay. Promise.”

The Force unfolded and she disappeared.

Dropping his head back against his mattress, Ben gusted a frustrated breath. To be able to see her, to talk to her and not be able to _do_ anything…

He sat up, stared at his worktable where his new lightsaber sat among his pens and papers. No. The Force connected him to Rey tonight for a reason. It _woke him up_ to connect them. That reason had to be because he _could_ do something—something more than try to keep her from getting herself killed.

A number of desperate ideas crowded his mind. Desperate wouldn’t help. It had to be something that would work—

He stopped, blinked. _Yes_. It was still desperate, but he was pretty sure it would work. He’d get caught. Whether it was right away or later, he’d get caught. He’d definitely get in trouble, but he didn’t care. What mattered was Rey, and getting her out of there.

* * *

Ben didn’t waste time. Moving as silently as he ever did to creep up on some wild animal, he left his hut and crossed the green. Night insects hummed softly, undisturbed by his presence. Mim was a fat crescent low in the western sky, stretching his pale shadow long across the ground. A glow along the eastern horizon showed the coming dawn; he didn’t have much time.

Luke’s hut, a small timber structure like those of his students, was near his office. Ben released the Force and gave it as wide a berth as he could, circling around to the office door. Placing his hand over the lock, he narrowed his eyes and gave it a nudge with the Force. The light turned blue and the door slid open onto the dark room.

Ben used the Force to sense around him, to cross the room without bumping into anything. Finding and activating the comm was harder—he had to feel across surfaces. He touched a button and a screen lit up. Scrambling, he switched it off again, but the brief light had at least shown him the comm. He activated it, keyed in a commcode and waited.

A holo of a young woman with a cloud of black hair bloomed over the platform. “Senator Organa’s office. May I help you?”

“I’m Ben Solo.” The woman’s eyes went wide and he went on, “I need to speak with my mother immediately.”

“Sir, she’s in session—”

“I don’t care,” he broke in. “Tell her I’m here and I need to talk to her. I don’t have much time.”

“Yes, sir,” the woman said meekly. “Please wait.”

The holo dissolved into a cloud of static. Hunched over the console, Ben forced himself to breathe slowly, in, then out. Just like meditation. Except now, he had to keep his presence _out_ of the Force, not in it.

He didn’t allow himself to track the minutes that trickled past, or think of what would happen if he failed. Finally, the static reformed into a familiar face.

**Hosnian Prime**

Leia had been half annoyed, half alarmed when she was called out of session for an emergency communication. _It’s your son_, an intern had whispered into her ear. Disbelieving, she’d almost waved him off. Some instinct had prompted her to excuse herself for the nearest private comm.

The moment Ben’s face materialized above the platform, every trace of annoyance disappeared. She couldn’t speak for a moment, soaking up every detail: the unfamiliar padawan’s braid, the new, harder angles of brow and cheekbones, the shadow of a beard and mustache around his full lips. The emotion that animated his features was every bit the Ben she’d known.

“Ben,” she managed to say as crisply as ever. “What’s this about?”

“I need to reach Dad. It’s important.”

_Dad_. That got her attention. How long since he’d called Han ‘Dad’?

“It must be, since you aren’t supposed to be contacting us at all,” she said. “Does Luke know?”

He gave a jerk of the chin. “Please, Mother. Just tell me how to reach him.”

“I guess that’s a ‘no,’” she said dryly.

He drew breath to speak but she raised a hand, stopping him.

“You can’t contact him, anyway. He’s in the middle of a race.”

Snarling wordlessly, Ben bent his head.

“Ben. Calm down. Tell me what’s happening.”

He pushed out a breath. “There’s a little girl. On Jakku. She’s an orphan. Her caretaker was killed and she’s in danger. Someone needs to go get her.”

Of all the things she expected to hear, this certainly wasn’t one of them. “A little girl. On _Jakku_.”

“_Please,_ Mama. I don’t have much time. Just tell Dad. Ask him to go get her. She’s all alone in that place. I’ve been there. It’s—” He ran a hand down his face as if erasing a bad memory. “If you ever saw the way people live there, you’d understand. Please.”

“Luke—” she began.

“The Jedi _don’t intervene_ in such matters.”

She could tell from the way he said it that he was quoting Luke. She could also tell how much he resented it. Of course he did. Ben had always cared… Well, not too much. Leia cared just as much about things. So did Han, though he’d never admit it. For the first time since she’d sent Ben to Luke, Leia felt a twist of deep unease.

“What’s her name?”

Ben visibly relaxed. “Rey. She’s thin, with dark hair. She has an Imperial accent. She can’t be more than six or seven.”

“Where is—”

“Ben!” Luke’s voice barked in the background. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Panic flashed across Ben’s face and the holo winked out.

Leia stared at the blank space in the air, her own heart hammering. “Ben,” she whispered into the quiet room. “What’s going on?”

**Jakku**

Hands on hips, Han surveyed the pathetic excuse for a spaceport. “What a pit. This place makes Tatooine look like a high-end resort.”

Chewie’s lip curled, showing the tip of a white tooth. “_I can see why Ben wanted us to find the child_.”

“No kidding,” Han said. Ben had always been rescuing helpless little creatures when he was a kid. Looked like he still was. “We’ll split up. You know what she looks like.”

“_Thin, dark hair_,” Chewie grunted. “_Not very helpful_.”

“I got the impression the conversation wasn’t very long.”

Chewie growled. “_Children shouldn’t be separated from their families like that_.”

Han stared at the tattered, sun-bleached tents flapping in the desolate wind. “Yeah, well, I didn’t win that vote.” He jerked his chin toward the bazaar. “Come on.”

Just before they stepped into the maze of tents, Han paused. “And while you’re at it, keep your eyes and ears open for any sign of the _Falcon_, huh?”

Chewie gave a grunt and a wave and lumbered off. Han went the other direction, looking while pretending not to look.

Han saw wrinkled oldsters aged by either years or hard living; a whole assortment of figures wrapped, hooded and cloaked either from protection against the heat or for anonymity; and a variety of hawkers, thugs and grifters—none very successful, or they wouldn’t be stuck in a shithole like this to begin with. But no kids.

He was deciding where to turn next when a high, creaky voice spoke behind him:

“You need food for resupply?”

He turned to see a small Nu-Cosian bent under a tower of cages containing cheeping, squawking avians.

The Nu-Cosian bobbed his head on his long neck and grinned. “Nice, fat bloggins. Good for roasting. Sneeps good for stew.”

“Uh, thanks. No. Thanks anyway.” There was no way around it. He was going to have to ask questions. “I’m looking for someone. A girl. An orphan.”

“Girl? Ah! Ah! Yes!” the Nu-Cosian said. “Girl! Ask Melo Odrus.”

“Okay,” Han said. “Where?”

The Nu-Cosian swung his head back and forth. “Come. I show you.” He waddled away, his cages swaying on his back.

The Nu-Cosian led Han to a building that looked a lot like a recycled cargo container and rapped on the door. A tall man missing an arm and one eye opened it.

Han rested his hand on his hip above his blaster. The man had a mild face and no visible weapons. There was nothing about him to indicate he was any kind of threat, but this place made every alarm in Han’s head scream. No wonder Ben was desperate to get the kid out of here.

“He come looking for orphan girl,” the Nu-Cosian explained, bobbing his head.

“Of course,” the man said. “Come in.”

Han stepped through the door. His gaze flicked rapidly over the space beyond—colorful but threadbare hangings from a variety of different worlds, rumpled rugs on the floor. The mingled smells of cheap perfume, spice and some kind of smoking weed permeated the room. The rattling climate control system strained to keep up with the oppressive heat.

Han knew what kind of place this was the moment he walked in. He would’ve walked right back out again, except he knew brothel girls often took care of kids—their own, other people’s. Still, he made sure to keep the man—Melo Odrus, he assumed—where he could see him.

“So many orphans on Jakku,” Odrus said, pulling aside a hanging of a suggestive-looking flower in rich red and luscious pink. “Life here is difficult and dangerous.”

The door creaked open. His hand near his blaster, Han let Odrus go through first.

The girls within wore translucent slips and robes that showed more than teasing glimpses of their wares. They were young. Not young enough. Smiling and simpering, they flocked around Han

He kept a wary eye out for knives or concealable stunners. “No, I’m looking for a _little_ girl.” He measured about hip-high with the hand opposite his blaster. “Thin. Dark hair.”

He didn’t even consider mentioning her name. He knew when to hold his cards close and when to show them.

The flock fluttering around him stopped twittering and drew back. One girl frowned and turned away. Han got a bad feeling.

“Ah. I misunderstood,” Odrus said. “This way.”

Han followed him out one door and in another.

The room was dimmer than the others, the lights on two low tables barely brighter than candlelight. Han registered three small lumps on a bed against the far wall. The next instant, he saw wide, scared eyes in small faces. It took him a shocked beat more to put everything together.

He spun, grabbed Odrus by the collar and slammed him against the wall. The lights on the tables shook. The little girls squealed and clutched each other, more scared than ever.

“You slimy son of a dung worm,” Han snarled. “This is what you do with your orphans? Sell them out to be abused?”

“You said—” Odrus choked out. “—you wanted—a little girl!”

“Shut up.” Still pinning Odrus to the wall by his throat, Han turned to the kids. “Rey.”

Clutching each other, they just stared at him.

“Any of you named Rey?”

One shook her head hard. After a moment, the other two did the same.

Han turned back to the whoremaster. “What about you? You know a kid named Rey?”

The door slammed open. Four thugs wrapped up from head to toe pushed their way in, blasters leveled on Han.

The kids scurried out past them like rodents.

**Rey**

Rey dragged her haul between the tents to Unkar Plutt’s concession stand. Sweat ran down her sides and her mouth was sticky with thirst. Her muscles felt shaky and weak. Mashra always made sure they had enough to drink. And eat. It wasn’t that way now.

She stopped to rest and catch her breath, wiping her face with a dirty sleeve. It was the time when the hot wind blew, the one the Teedos called the Breath of R’iia. Rey hated it. She hated it even more now than she did before.

She was just bending to her load again when a huge mountain of hair rounded the corner of the tent beside her. With a squeak of surprise and a little alarm, she took a step back and stared until she remembered staring would get you in trouble. Quickly dropping her gaze, she looked everywhere except the mountain of hair. A pair of huge feet with black toes stopped in front of her. Cautiously, she peeked up to see a pair of bright blue eyes looking down at her.

“Sorry,” she mumbled. “I never saw anybody like you before.” She peeked up again. “What are you?”

He gave a funny moan and some grunts, showing sharp teeth.

Rey wrinkled her nose. “You don’t talk Basic?”

Rocking his head from side to side, he made more noises.

“Oh,” she said. “Can I touch you?”

He groaned, then went down to his knees. She came maybe to the middle of his chest like that. Reaching out a tentative hand, she stroked the hair on his arm. It felt much coarser than her own hair.

Rising to his feet again, he gestured in the direction he’d come from, then held out an enormous, furry hand.

She eyed it, then craned her neck to look up at him. “You want me to come with you? Why?”

She couldn’t understand his answer, of course.

Suspicion set in. She edged away. “I can’t leave my salvage.”

He grunted thoughtfully. Suddenly, he bent and picked her up.

“Oi!” she squeaked in surprise.

He deposited her on top of her load of parts and started dragging both her and it away, making noises as if explaining or apologizing.

She held onto the netting under her, the hard, lumpy load poking into her. “Listen, I gotta take this to somebody. If I don’t—”

“Hey!” a voice shouted. “What the kriff you doing?”

The hair-mountain stopped and turned, growling.

One of Unkar Plutt’s thugs stomped up. He wore a mask and goggles and a hooded, quilted jacket. Rey wondered how he didn’t die in the heat. Maybe cooling mesh under that jacket.

He leveled a blaster on the hair-mountain, grabbed Rey by the arm and jerked her off her bundle of salvage. “Nobody takes nothing that belongs to Unkar Plutt.”

The hair-mountain roared. The thug backed a couple of steps, not so tough. Rey liked that.

She jerked her arm in his grip. “He was only helping me!”

The thug didn’t let go. “Wookies eat kids. Don’t you know that?”

The Wookie roared again.

“You’re lying!” Rey said, suddenly on the same side as the Wookie. “He wasn’t going to eat me! He was being nice. Let me go!”

The Wookie showed his teeth and took a menacing step forward.

Flicking the safety off his blaster, the thug dragged Rey back. “Try it, Wookie.”

Rey turned and sank her teeth into his padded arm, biting as hard as she could. He shrieked and let go. She ran. The Wookie’s roars shook the air. She ducked into a tent, slithered under teetering shelves, their contents rattling threateningly, then crawled under the tent’s far wall. The whine of blaster fire came from behind her, men’s shouts, the Wookie’s roars.

She was just scrambling up when a hand grabbed the back of her shirt and swung her up into the air. She yelled and kicked, but an arm clamped around her middle and a hand over her face, smothering and half-blinding her. She tried to bite again but couldn’t make contact.

“Shut up,” a voice hissed in her ear. Jek Tufo, one of Plutt’s bullies. One of the nastier ones. “You already caused enough trouble. Remember what happened the last time you caused trouble?”

Rey stopped kicking and trying to bite.

“Yeah, you do,” Jek chuckled. “You’re gonna go even hungrier this time. Tame you down a little, huh?”

He carried her to a storage locker, opened the door and stuffed her in.

She braced her hands on either wall to keep from launching herself at him. “You killed Mashra, didn’t you?”

“What if I did?” She couldn’t see his face, but she could hear the grin in his voice.

She was shaking now—with rage, not fear. “You’ll wish you didn’t.”

“Yeah, yeah. Sure I will.” Jek stuck a gloved finger in her face. “Keep quiet and I’ll tell Unkar none of this was your fault. Hear?”

“I hear.”

“Good. Don’t forget.”

He slammed the door. The lock clicked. Still shaking, Rey clenched her jaw against tears and slid to the floor in the hot, oppressive dark.

* * *

Han picked himself up out of the dirt, wiped the blood trickling over his lip and dusted himself off. The sound of blaster fire came from the other side of the tents. He spun.

“Chewie,” he muttered.

He pulled his own blaster and ran.

Chewie met him before he dove into the maze. Han fired at the goons on his tail. They scattered. Pausing first to fire his bowcaster at one who’d popped his head up, Chewie grabbed Han’s arm and dragged him away, back toward the landing field.

“_I think I found her_,” Chewie panted.

Han raced beside him. “Where?”

“_Back there. I tried to bring her. That bunch showed up_.”

Red streaks of blaster fire whined past them, kicked up grit around them. All in one motion, Chewie spun, dropped to a knee and fired. Two went flying backward, collapsing a tent in their wake.

More masked, hooded figures poured out of the tents. People scrambled out of the way, hit the ground, huddled behind whatever cover they could find.

Han crouched and zig-zagged, popping off shot after shot to keep them ducking.

Chewie fired over Han’s head. Two more thugs who’d been about to head them off went flying.

Han panted. “We stirred up a real viper wasp’s nest.”

He’d been in enough places like this he knew how it would go. If they got away, they’d live. If not, they’d disappear, and there’d be no one to do a damned thing about it.

The ship was almost in reach. Han scanned the sky. Empty. Good. They might have muscle, but they didn’t have ships.

He punched the remote to unlock and lower the boarding ramp. It touched the ground just as they reached it. Chewie thundered up first. From the slight cover of the ramp’s hydraulics, Han paused to pick off a few of their pursuers. Chewie roared at him and the ramp started rising. Han fired off a couple more shots for good measure, then ducked aboard.

Chewie was already in the cockpit, bringing systems online. Han dropped into the pilot’s seat. Beyond the viewport, a minor army of blaster-wielding goons fired at the ship. The shots flared white and yellow against the shields.

“You sure?” He flicked controls. “You sure it was her?”

Chewie growled. “_No. I couldn’t talk to her. I couldn’t ask her name, and no one said it_.”

Han cursed and slammed the control panel with one hand.

“_What do you want to do?_” Chewie moaned.

His big fingers touched the controls and the laser cannons fired, hot green streaks that sliced the ground in front of the hired muscle. They all scrambled backward.

Han scowled out the viewport, thinking hard. “What I _want_ to do is get every kid out of there.”

Chewie made a sympathetic noise. “_A lot of them would die if we tried_.”

“I know,” Han growled.

“_I’ll plot a course_,” Chewie grunted quietly.

Han just stared out the viewport as the ground dropped away, hating reality, hating pragmatism, hating good sense.

Most of all, hating failure when it meant someone else would have to pay for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn! Another near miss. 😖
> 
> You might be saying, "Wait a minute. I thought Rey couldn't use the Force now." She doesn't-- consciously. But when she's gripped by strong emotions, her abilities come out.
> 
> Unkar Plutt hasn't yet acquired the _Millennium Falcon_. So no _Falcon_ on Jakku.


	11. Ben - Age 18/Rey - Age 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben reveals too much for his own good, and Rey reveals enough to bring him to a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Grooming by a child predator in Rey's first scene, described in two paragraphs, not dramatized. If you want to skip it, stop reading after "The new overseer, a man named Izzen Bith..." and resume with Ben on Ilum.
> 
> Gah! This chapter was a real bear. It took me FOREVER to write. I finally got past the spot I was stuck, though, and things moved much better after that. Thanks for your patience.
> 
> [NancyLovesReylo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nancylovesreylo/pseuds/nancylovesreylo) has gotten me hooked on moodboards. Here's another one.

**Ben – Ossus**

At the edge of the forest, lightsabers flashed, arcs and streaks of green and blue against the twilight. The hum, the spit and crackle of blades, the grunts and shouts of the combatants cut the air.

A lightsaber’s green blade whooshed at Ben’s neck. He parried, the blades locking with a hissing crackle until he twisted his and ducked to the side, disengaging. Maseo didn’t give him a chance to recover, just came at him again, pushing him back. Snarling, Ben raised a hand and reached for the Force.

The hum of another lightsaber came from behind. Ben spun and backstepped, letting Maseo’s attack sizzle past his shoulder as he turned to catch the second blade on his.

“No Force throws, Ben,” Embry said with a grin that was more a baring of teeth.

Ben leapt backwards, putting both his opponents in front of him. Maseo launched himself, his weapon slicing downward. Dropping into a crouch, Ben raised his lightsaber. Maseo’s blade whined against his. His blade held high, Ben surged upward and forward. Maseo cursed, suddenly off balance. Ben followed up with a flurry of blows, driving him backward, then spun with a slash to drive Embry back. He felt Maseo closing in behind and continued the spin.

He caught Maseo by surprise. A lunge forward, a twist and flip of his weapon and Ben disarmed him. He snatched Maseo’s lightsaber with the Force before it hit the ground, reignited it and swung to attack Embry, his own blue blade in his right hand, Maseo’s green one in his left.

Embry was bulkier, but Ben had a good five centimeters on him. Ben used every bit of that extra height and reach to pummel him, slashing at him from left and right as Embry fought to parry his strikes. There were no forms, only desperation. Triumph swelled in Ben’s chest. Finally, he trapped Embry’s blade between his two, sparks spitting from the three blades.

A leg swept across his. Ben went down and landed with a thump that knocked his breath out with a whoosh. In a flash, Embry had the point of his lightsaber at his throat. He and Maseo grinned down at him.

“It’s not always a lightsaber that’ll bring you down, Ben,’ Maseo said and held out a hand.

Ignoring the hand, Ben grabbed his extinguished lightsaber, rolled to his feet and brushed down his clothes. Still grinning, Maseo just shrugged and walked with Embry to a fallen log at the edge of the trees.

Ben stood panting. His hair dripped sweat. Sweat ran freely down his back and sides.

Embry kicked out his legs, guzzling water. “Two on one, Ben. If it’d been a real fight, Maseo wouldn’t’ve gotten up again.”

Ben’s lips twitched in a hint of a smile. “No.”

He walked over to the other two and Force-pulled the water bottles from their hands.

“Hey!” Embry protested.

Ben just dumped the bottles, one after the other, over his head. “Are you my babysitters for the day?”

Embry Force-pulled his empty bottle back and pitched it at Ben’s head. “Come on, Ben. Don’t be like that.”

“We’re your friends,” Maseo said.

“That doesn’t make it not true,” Ben said.

Maseo leaned back on his elbows. “What are you doing, Ben? What’re you fighting?”

Folding his arms, Ben stared past Maseo, into the dimming woods. The glowfungus was lighting, outlining the trunks and branches with eerie pearlescence.

“Your father’s a diplomat,” he finally said. “He goes out and talks to people, works to make things better in the galaxy. That’s all I want to do. Make things better.”

Maseo sat up. “You’d have your chance if you gave up your personal battle with Master Skywalker. What’s it getting you but more restrictions?”

Ben made a frustrated gesture. “He keeps saying the Jedi _don’t get involved_.” He clenched his fists. “I can’t—_live_ that way.”

Embry had been listening quietly, his hands clasped between his knees. “We don’t get involved in the small stuff. That would just bog us down. We get involved with bigger things—things that affect the Force.”

Ben snorted.

“We’re going on a mission,” Maseo said. “Master Skywalker was going to leave you here, with Chymru. Yes,” he said to Ben’s resentful glare. “To keep an eye on you. I convinced him it’d be better for you if you came along.”

“Thanks,” Ben said sourly.

“Hey, turn him down if that’s what you want,” Maseo said.

Ben worked his jaw a moment. “No.”

“We have eyes, Ben,” Embry said. “We can see Master Skywalker is harder on you than the rest of us. But you’re not making it any easier.”

“You won’t be a student forever,” Maseo added. “If you figure out a way to get through this, you’ll go on missions of your own someday.”

Maseo. Always the negotiator.

Ben blew out a breath, then nodded. “I’ll try.”

Embry snickered. “Don’t let Master Skywalker hear you say that. You know how much he hates that word.”

Ben just grunted.

**Rey - Jakku**

It was bad after Mashra was killed. Their new overseer split them up. Jin’x had been the quickest and strongest, Bitty the carefulest, and Rey found the best stuff. Split up, their hauls weren’t as good, and if they didn’t get a good haul, they didn’t get to eat.

Bitty was the first to disappear. He got too weak and fell one day. That was what the overseer said, anyway. Jin’x got caught hunting for food in the desert instead of scavenging for salvage. When the overseer tried to beat her for it, she attacked him and messed him up bad. Jin’x disappeared after that.

The new overseer, a man named Izzen Bith…

Rey thought she really should like him. He was nice to her. He called her his “pretty little lady.” He was always slipping her extra food—_real_ food, even, not rations. He fixed her a place to sleep by herself, with a mattress. But every time he was near, and especially when he touched her, a cold prickle breathed across her shoulders and her stomach got tight.

She didn’t know why. She never felt like that with Mashra, and Mashra was nice and made sure they got enough to eat. But every night, she snuck out of her soft bed and lay on the floor with the other scavengers. And when they went to the Graveyard to scavenge, she made sure Izzen never got her alone.

**Ben – Ilum**

There was something really, really wrong with the planet that appeared in the forward viewport of Luke’s shuttle. It was all white—an ice planet, apparently. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was a wide, dark band that circled its equator like a belt. Ben leaned forward, squinting. The band seemed to be excavated into the planet’s surface—a wide, deep, perfectly straight-sided canyon was visible through the haze of atmosphere.

“Do you remember what I told you happened to Ilum?” Luke said, guiding the shuttle into low orbit. “How the Empire strip-mined it for kybers?” He swept a hand toward the viewport. “This is what it became.”

Jaena leaned over Maseo’s shoulder where he sat in the copilot’s seat. “That black band. Is it…lava?”

Luke nodded. “They took entire chunks out of the surface. Down to the magma in some places.”

“Looks like they still are.” Embry, in the seat beside Ben’s, pointed. “Because I’m pretty sure that isn’t a volcano.”

Ben studied the crater, perfectly round and glowing a seething, molten red.

Luke guided the shuttle into the atmosphere. It bumped, and the shields began to glow a dull red with friction. “That’s a borehole to the planet’s core.”

“For what?” Maseo said.

“That’s what I hope to find out.” Luke said. “Whatever is going on has progressed since the last time I was here. It’s an active project. We’re going to find out whose it is and what they’re doing.”

The shuttle bumped and vibrated as it glided lower, the rush of atmosphere a dull roar.

Luke worked the controls. “They aren’t going to like us being here. We’re going to let them capture us.” He turned to meet their eyes, one by one. “We’ll be imprisoned and interrogated. You’re all capable. Keep things under control.”

Ben’s heart was beating hard. He surreptitiously rubbed his palm on one thigh. He could feel the others’ nervousness as well. They all nodded grimly.

Luke nodded once. “Good.”

He turned back to the controls to bring the shuttle in for a landing.

* * *

Ilum’s surface wasn’t as completely ice-shrouded as it had appeared from space. Trees rose like black spears from the snow, and the steep, rocky slopes of mountains shrugged out of the glittering blanket of white.

The five of them crunched and wallowed through the snow. Ben wasn’t used to this kind of climate. The cold bit at his exposed face, crept through his gloves and parka and boots. His breath plumed in sparkling clouds in the clear, ice-tanged air.

Soon, the sound of speeders cut the stillness. Ben wasn’t the only one whose hand moved to his lightsaber.

Luke made a patting gesture. “Calm down. They’re going want to find out what we’re doing here, not shoot us.”

Ben wasn’t so sure. He was glad when Maseo asked the obvious question:

“What if they do, Master Skywalker?”

“We’ll adjust strategy accordingly,” Luke said calmly.

Ten or so speeders appeared, dark spots against the snow, quickly growing larger. Another moment and they were surrounded by men in grey-and-white camouflaged armor. Ben skimmed the minds of the soldiers—guards, whatever they were—ready to blast them away with the Force before they could shoot. He didn’t like the high, nervous tension he found. It was the kind of thing that made people do stupid things. Like shoot someone who wasn’t an apparent threat.

Luke made a convincing show of trying to persuade them that they were only a teacher and his students on pilgrimage to Ilum’s crystal caves. He protested loudly as they were loaded none too gently into the speeders.

Ben found it ominous that their lightsabers were confiscated first. Either they weren’t taking any chances with anything that might possibly be a weapon…

Or they knew what a lightsaber was.

He liked it even less when they were separated. It went against every instinct he had to walk quietly between his guards. He had to force himself to breathe evenly. He touched the Force to ground himself—and to be prepared.

They shoved him into a holding cell. The door hissed shut and a lock clicked, loud in the claustrophobic space.

He looked around. Grey walls, bare floor. Air too cool to be comfortable sighing through a vent somewhere. A shelf in one wall served as both bunk and seat. Nothing else.

Snoke’s voice came whispering into his mind._ Master Skywalker has brought you to Ilum_, _How convenient._

Ben didn’t bother asking how it was convenient. Snoke would tell him.

He didn’t disappoint. _Captured. In a prison cell. A perfect way to be rid of his troublesome student_.

“Like when he took me to find my kyber?” Ben shot back.

_You weren’t quite so much trouble then, were you?_

Ben didn’t answer.

_Do you suppose he’s reaching the end of his patience yet? Do you think he might be weighing his options with you by now? What will he do when he finally decides you’ll never settle down to become a good little Jedi?_

“I won’t be a student forever.”

Maseo had said so. Ben had to believe it, or he wouldn’t survive.

_Why do you endure it now?_

“Because I— Because—”

Snoke broke in on his fumbling. _You’re perfectly capable of taking your destiny into your own hands_.

Ben just stared at the cold, grey wall. His destiny…when he always felt trapped. The cell didn’t make him feel any more so.

_Master Skywalker has no idea where he stands_, Snoke said. _It’s really quite amusing_. _I never expected it to be so easy_.

A chill prickled breathed down Ben’s neck. “What?”

_Listen to me now, my boy. This is your chance to be free. You only have to wait_.

Wait. “For what?”

_For Luke Skywalker to cease being your problem_.

The chill coiled cold and hard in his gut. “What are you going to do?”

He could hear the smile in Snoke’s voice. _You’ll see soon enough_.

He faded from Ben’s mind.

_Free_. What he’d hungered for these last four years.

_Not at that cost_.

Ben leapt for the door as if released from a spell. He didn’t bother unlocking it, just wrenched it open with the Force.

The guards on duty spun, raising blasters. He lifted a hand, flung them hard at the wall. They hit with a crunch of armor and crack of helmets, slid to the floor and didn’t move again.

Ben quickly searched the small room. They’d stowed the lightsabers in a drawer—Ben could sense the kybers’ songs. He tore that open, too, gathered up the confiscated lightsabers then sensed for the others’ Force signatures. There was only one, behind another closed door. This one, he unlocked it with the Force.

Embry took one look at Ben, looked behind him and stepped out, taking his lightsaber when Ben held it out.

Ben turned and started for the door. “Where are the others?”

“They took Jaena and Maseo,” Embry said, falling into step beside him. “Said they’d start with the pretty ones first.” He looked at the slumped bodies on the floor, then sidelong at Ben. “I don’t think Master Skywalker would approve.”

Ben grunted. “We don’t have time.”

Embry’s look this time was sharp. “For what? What’s happening, Ben? Did you _hear_ something?”

Embry was smart. He paid attention. He knew Ben could hear thoughts.

Ben huffed a humorless laugh. Heard something. Yes. “They know who Master Skywalker is.”

Embry hissed a breath through his teeth. “Kriff. Come on.”

They moved into a jog. The sound of booted feet echoed along the corridor ahead. Embry ignited his lightsaber just as a troop of guards came around a corner. Ben reached up and blasted them back. There was no wall behind them this time—they scrambled up from where they landed sprawled, firing as they did. Red bolts sizzled past, pounded the metal walls. Snarling, Ben snatched their blasters with the Force. They stumbled backward. Half a dozen of them turned and ran. Ben caught one, then another, lifted them and slammed them against the ceiling. The last one turned to run. He caught and held him with the Force.

“Ben,” Embry said.

Ben didn’t know what he saw in his face. He only stalked toward the man who was shaking and mouthing silently. “_The prisoners taken for interrogation—the man and the girl. Take us to them_,” he commanded.

The guard, still shaking, led them down another corridor.

Ben could sense Embry’s disquiet, but he strode along beside him, lightsaber humming in his hand.

The sound of blaster fire, shouts, the clatter of boots echoed down the cold metal corridor. Embry raised his lightsaber. Ben ignited his own, raised his other hand to reach for the Force.

Jaena came around the corner, her face turned to look back over her shoulder. She whirled, the blaster in her hand aimed straight at them before she realized who they were.

Her blaster leveled on their guide.

“Ben’s got him,” Embry reassured her.

Her eyes widened, flickering to Ben and away. “Come on. I think I got the ones chasing me.”

Ben handed her lightsaber. She clipped it to her belt, keeping the blaster.

“You okay?” Embry asked as they hurried down the corridor.

She laughed, a high, excited sound. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

The man Ben controlled stopped at a door. “Here.”

Ben held a hand over the lock. The door slid open on a small room. A single overhead spotlight lit a tilted interrogation chair in the middle, an ominous contraption of restraints and hypodermics and electrodes. Maseo stood near one wall, a blaster leveled and his interrogator pinned against the wall under his forearm.

Maseo whipped around. Instantly, the other man grabbed his wrist with one hand, drove the heel of the other at Maseo’s chin. Ben snapped up a hand. The man flew up, hit the ceiling then fell limply to the floor.

Ben turned to Maseo. “Where’s Luke?”

Maseo shook his head. “I don’t know. Why? What—”

“He’s in danger,” Embry broke in. “We’ve gotta find him and get out of here.”

Jaena moved, drove an elbow into the other guard’s gut. When he doubled over, she slammed the butt of her blaster into the base of his skull. He crumpled.

Ben took a menacing step toward her. “He might’ve led us to Luke!”

She narrowed her eyes. “_Master Skywalker_,” she hissed.

“Forget it, Jaena.” Maseo glanced from the limp jumble of limbs on the floor to Ben. “I can’t sense his Force signature. Can you?”

Ben reached out through the Force. Grimacing, he nodded. “Not close.”

“Kriff,” Maseo muttered. “Lead the way.”

Ben stepped out into the corridor. There were no guards—yet. After the uproar they’d caused—

The sound of running feet echoed ahead. Maseo, right behind him, raised his blaster.

Ben held out a hand. “Wait. We can use this.”

Sure enough, a group of armored guards came thundering around a corner. Ben raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. After a brief, surprised glance, Maseo threw down his blaster and raised his, too. Jaena and Embry did the same.

Ben brushed the minds of the men facing them. He saw the image of himself on a security feed throwing men down the corridor, against the ceiling. He sensed fingers tightening on triggers.

“_Stop_,” Ben commanded.

He’d only controlled one person at a time before—and it had been a long time since he’d tried. He closed his eyes, sensing the flutter and struggle of their minds. He _pushed_ to subdue them.

They straightened. Blasters rose, eerily in synch. Behind him, Jaena’s breath hissed through her teeth.

Ben forced his focus on the guards in front of him. “_You have orders._” He pushed the command at them as hard as he could. “_You will take us unharmed. The base commander wishes to see us_.”

“We have orders,” the squad captain echoed. “Take them to Commander Delenis.”

Ben could feel Maseo’s eyes on him, but he didn’t say a word as the guards moved to surround them.

They marched along corridor after corridor. Ben didn’t pay attention to anything but the guards he controlled and his sense of where Luke was.

“_This way_,” he commanded when he sensed Luke the other direction.

“This way,” the squad captain said and turned down another corridor.

“There he is,” Embry said. “I sense him now.”

They finally stopped in front of another closed, armored door. A headache pounded behind Ben’s eyes. Sweat trickled down his temples and sides. Licking his lips, he tasted salt.

“_Return to your duties_,” he commanded the guards.

They milled uncertainly a moment, then turned around. All but two. Their confused gazes stayed on him. Their hands on their blasters twitched.

Ben took a long breath, raised his hand and pushed harder. “_You will forget us. You will return to your duties_.”

Their eyes went blank. “We will return to our duties,” one said, his voice thick and slow.

They turned and followed the others.

Ben felt a shiver of fear from behind him.

“That’s no Jedi mind trick.” Jaena’s voice shook a little. “_Hell_ if it is.”

Ben cast her a dark look and held a hand over the lock. It blinked blue, clacked, and the huge doors grumbled open.

Inside was a control room of some kind, banks of panels, chairs, blank screens. Big, triangular windows looked out on the frigid landscape turning the deep purple of twilight. The air inside was cold enough to make their breath plume. Whatever it was for, it wasn’t in operation yet. Their footsteps tapped on the floor as the four of them stepped in.

Embry stiffened, looking around with dawning comprehension and horror. “This looks like…” he began in a whisper.

“Master.” Maseo called, his voice echoed strangely in the hush and hum of the air.

At the other side of the room, Luke straightened. It was testament to his powers that none of them had noticed him until he did.

His brows went down. “What are you doing here?”

His chest tight with a sense of time running out, Ben stepped toward him. “They know you’re here.”

Luke rolled his eyes. “I’d be surprised if they didn’t by now.”

Ben clenched his jaw. “No. They know _you’re_ here.” He tried to swallow, his throat too tight. “Someone is coming. They’ll kill you. We have to get out of here now.”

Ben could feel the others’ eyes on him, feel their surprise, worry, disbelief, suspicion. Frowning, Luke walked across the room to them.

His hand closed on Ben’s arm. “Who? How do you know?”

Ben gripped the wrist Luke held him with. “We don’t have _time_—”

“_Who?”_

“Snoke,” Ben said.

Surprise and confusion chased each other across Luke’s face. The next instant, his eyes widened and his lips parted. Ben felt the flash of horror from him before he closed himself off.

“Snoke?” Maseo said. “Who’s that?”

“Master Skywalker,” Embry whispered, his eyes traveling around the room’s darkened monitors and unlit panels. “Do you know what this is?” Wetting his lips, he met Luke’s eyes with grim resolve. “My mother—when she served the Empire—”

Ben’s breath stopped.

Luke let his arm go. “I know, Embry,” he said gently.

Embry shook his head hard. “No. You don’t know where she served.” He wet his lips. “There was a holo. I saw it. From when she earned her Senior Engineer’s grade. The whole crew in a control room, all of them straight and proud in their uniforms. A recruiting holo. No one knew where the holo was recorded. But my mother told me.”

Ben could feel the churn of his friend’s emotions, so distressed he wasn’t even attempting to maintain his mental shields.

Embry gestured around them. “The control room in that holo was just like this one.” He set his jaw, swallowed once. “She served on the second Death Star.”

There was stunned silence. Ben glanced at Maseo— the only one who wasn’t surprised.

“Are you saying,” Jaena said, her voice too high, “_This_ is a Death Star? The whole _planet?”_

“Not yet,” Luke said, grim. “Now, it’s just an ambitious project. One I hope to prevent ever being finished.”

Embry just mouthed a moment. “You knew?”

Ben went cold, his stomach curdling into a sick knot.

“I suspected,” Luke said. “It makes sense. The wealth of kyber crystals here, the borehole through the planet’s mantle… I wanted to find who’s behind it. Stop them. Now…” His eyes flicked to Ben.

The sound of running footsteps and shouts came faintly through the closed door. Instantly, they all melted back against the walls, behind the cover of control panels. The door swept open. The shouts and clatter jangled through the room. Light swept it briefly, bright spears glancing off dark screens, then it was gone. The babble and tumult receded.

“Come on,” Luke said, gathering them up with a look. “We’ll stay right behind them. It’ll be the last place they’ll look.”

_Another Death Star_. Ben pushed the knowledge into a corner of his mind to deal with later. It wouldn’t matter what they knew if they didn’t manage to get out of here.

* * *

Even in the chaos and adrenaline of escape, Luke couldn’t help but watch Ben.

Another Death Star was bad enough. This new knowledge was even worse.

Ben had known Luke was in danger because Snoke had told him so. Through Ben, Snoke knew where they were.

_Someone is coming_, Ben had said. _They’re going to kill you_.

Snoke was sending someone here to kill him, as if this was a place where he held some sort of authority.

He hated the logic, hated where it led. He would take time to consider it when he didn’t have half a dozen speeders loaded with men shooting at them as they raced for the shuttle. But every instinct told him he was right. No amount of thinking would bring him to any different conclusion.

Snoke, the voice that had been whispering to Ben ever since he was a child, the voice Luke had spent the last four years trying to teach Ben to resist…

Snoke was the dark power Luke had been trying to find ever since he learned of it.

**Ben - Ossus**

Luke was different after they returned from Ilum. Distracted. Distant. Ben could sense it. He suspected he’d learned what Ben had done at the base. He kept waiting for Luke to confront him about it, warn him again about the dark side. He never did.

Even his friends were quieter and warier around him. It surprised him, how much it hurt.

He took on the tasks no one wanted, just to be alone. Tonight, he was cleaning up after the meal, up to his elbows in soap suds and hot, greasy water, dirty dishes stacked around him. He slid a plate into the sink, watching rainbows shift and swirl on a bubble.

The Force pressed around him. Pulling his hands out of the water, Ben eagerly looked for Rey. He found her on the floor, curled on her side, one arm pillowing her head.

She squinted up at him, then sat up. “I can see you,” she said. “How can I see you? It’s dark.”

He dropped to his haunches beside her. “Because you’re seeing me through the Force, not through your eyes.”

She stuck out her lower lip thoughtfully. “That’s like when I feel things, right? Only now I’m seeing…you?”

Ben was too excited for a lesson in the Force. “Where are you?”

“In _Freedom’s Dawn’s_ water recycling system. It still works, a little. You can find some water here.”

He went cold, then hot. “You’re still on Jakku?” His voice came out with that strained edge to it.

She wrinkled her nose. “Where else?”

Ben shoved to his feet, spun, stalked away a few steps. He could feel his pulse pounding in his lips, his fingertips. Little, glittering lights flashed at the edges of his vision.

“Ben?” she said. “What’s the matter?”

He clenched and unclenched his fists. They hadn’t gone for her. He’d _begged_. He’d endured punishment for a _year_. And they’d thrown that aside just like everything else.

“Ben?” Rey said again, closer this time.

He wrestled his rage down before he turned. Sure enough, Rey was right behind him, her hands waving in front of her as if to keep from running into anything in her space.

He huffed out a breath and dropped onto a crate. “It’s okay.” He ran a hand down his face, focused on her. “What are you doing in the water recycling system?”

She made a face. “I drank all my water a while ago. If I’m gonna stay here, I had to find more.”

His brain was slowly overcoming his emotions. “Why do you have to stay there?”

She looked down, her small, dirty fingers tugging at each other. “’Cause I don’t wanna go back.”

A coil of dread wound through him. “Why not?”

Now she was wadding the hem of her shirt in her hands. “I don’t like him. Izzen Bith. Our overseer.” She chewed her lip, wadding the ragged fabric until Ben was sure it would tear.

The bitter taste of dread ran over Ben’s tongue. “Tell me,” he said, then more gently, “You can tell me.”

She wouldn't meet his eyes. “He talks to me funny. He _looks_ at me funny. He—” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Sometimes he _touches_ me.”

Ben closed his eyes, sick, frantic. “Rey, listen to me. You have to get out of there. Is there somewhere you can go? Somewhere you’ll be safe.”

“I stayed here in the wreck. I didn’t come out when it was time to go. Maybe they’ll think I’m dead.”

His heart sank. Hiding in the hulk of a dead ship. “Where are Jin’x and Bitty? Can they help you?”

She shook her head. “They’re dead.”

He had to fight to keep from destroying something. “Okay." He struggled to think. He couldn't help her if he let his emotions get the better of him. "You have water. What about food?”

A fierce look settled on her face. “_I’m_ the one finding the gear. How come Izzen gets the portions? _I_ should get them.”

“Yes. You should. Will they give them to you?”

She cocked her head, thinking. “I don’t know.”

He stood up again, paced a step up, a step back. His father hadn’t spoken much about his youth, but sometimes, bits and pieces spilled out. About the cons, the scams, the thievery. Ben didn’t know how old he’d been. Probably older than six or seven or eight.

“Here’s what you do,” he said. “First, get a weapon. A knife. Anything.”

She rolled her eyes. “I _got_ a knife.”

“_Use_ it if you have to. The gear you find? Hide it. Everything except one good thing. Take that to the person paying you. Make sure no one else sees you. Get payment, whatever they’ll give you. Keep doing that until—” He broke off.

“Until what, Ben?”

_Until I come for you_. He didn’t realize he’d made the decision until he nearly said it aloud.

No. He wouldn’t tell her that. Not after his last rescue attempt had failed so dismally.

“Until you have a safe place of your own.”

The Force released its hold on them and she disappeared. Ben stood rigid, staring at the spot she’d been and straining against the impulse to break every dish within reach.

**Rey – Jakku**

Daylight never reached the into the guts of the great ships, but you could still tell. The way the metal popped and clinked as it changed temperature. The way the air moved through the dark, broken corridors, carrying the smell of night or the hot dust of day.

Rey woke in that still time between the two. Flicking on her headlamp, she quickly filled her water flasks then turned to go. She stopped. In the beam of her headlamp, a series of pushrods for the pumps stuck up at angles from the floor. She laid a hand on one. It creaked under her touch, loose. Thinking of Izzen Bith and the way he looked at her, she grabbed it and twisted. With a long groan and a screech, it pulled free. She hefted it in her two hands a moment, then swung it. It made a satisfying _clank_ as it struck the wall.

She made her way through the ship. When light filtered in ahead, she hesitated, listening. She didn’t want anyone to see her coming out. The longer they thought she was dead, the better.

The sun was still below the horizon. The Sacred Village mesas were silhouetted against a sky glowing with the coming dawn. Everything around her was still all purple shadows. A good time to go hiking across the desert. Wrapping up to protect herself against the still-cold air, she started south, swinging the pushrod like a walking stick.

She didn’t know where she was going, but something told her to go this way. It was like when she hunted in wrecks, following that little nudge. The Force, Ben said. She wrinkled her nose and shrugged to herself. Whatever it was, if she listened, it usually led her right.

By the time the little nudge said _here_, the sun was high in the sky. Her wraps didn’t protect her from the cold now, but from the blistering touch of the sun.

Stopping to take a careful swig of water, she looked around. There was a funny dune ahead. A lone dune usually meant there was something underneath to trap the sand. She hurried toward it, slipping and sliding. A huge cylinder taller than she was even half-buried protruded from the sand.

Excitement bubbled up in her, the same excitement when she was onto a really good haul. She knew what it was. Hadn’t she scavenged enough of them in the hangars of star destroyers? An Imperial walker, probably uncovered for the first time since it had fallen. She circled around, following the jointed machinery of one leg toward the main body of the dune—the body of the walker.

She climbed it, levering herself up with her new staff, finding a slightly tilted plane of sand-drifted metal at the top. Falling to her knees, she began sweeping the sand away.

A line appeared. Then another line. A hatch! She dragged her tool kit around and pulled out a pry bar.

The sun beat mercilessly down on her back. Sweat ran down her sides and into her eyes. Heat beat up at her from the metal under her. Finally, the hatch popped up. It groaned and screeched when she raised it, struggling against however-many years’ worth of sand and rust. Sunlight speared down into the dark compartment inside. Rey peered in, then carefully lowered herself inside. She stood still, blinking until her eyes adjusted.

A line of metal seats tilted sideways marched off. She clambered over them. Another hatch opened into a dark, echoing space smelling of lubricant. Rey switched on her headlamp and peered inside.

A ladder led down into an open space surrounding a huge drive shaft. She climbed down, her headlamp slicing the darkness. Parts to salvage. A place to hide, just like Ben said. It was _perfect_.

She sank to the dusty floor, put her staff down beside her with a soft clink and looked around.

_This'll be a safe place_, she thought_. I can live here_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you recognize Ilum?
> 
> Embry surprised me in this chapter. I didn't realize his mother served the Empire until he talked about it. 😲


	12. Ben - Age 19/Rey - Age 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben takes his future into his own hands, never realizing how close he came to disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, gang, here's where the AU kicks in. We are officially leaving canon behind in this chapter.
> 
> Do you believe it? One more week to TRoS! I can't say whether I'm excited or nervous or both.😵

**Ben - Ossus**

Maseo and Embry were gone on a mission. Raich, Char and Chymru had just left. Haggen and Shirra, the Tholothian brother and sister, had returned from their own mission and were with Luke now.

Practicing forms more strenuously than usual, Ben watched Luke’s office from the gym’s wide windows and seethed. He knew those missions had to do with what was happening on Ilum. Not that anyone told _him_.

It was humiliating. It was _frustrating_. Of all people, _he_ should be the one to deal with Ilum. He was the one with a personal stake in stopping a new Death Star. He kept his other personal stake to himself—Rey. That was even more frustrating.

He had to reach her. He had to get her off Jakku. He’d been counting on, _waiting for_ a mission of his own, the one opportunity to do it.

But he was still here, and no sign of a mission was forthcoming.

Wind blew through the open windows, flicking his padawan’s braid as he lunged and twisted, slashed and spun. He’d waited long enough.

Finally Haggen and Shirra came out. As they made their way across the green to their huts, Ben lowered his blade and put it back in the rack. He took a moment to catch his breath, straightened his clothes and stepped out.

Reaching for calm, he took a long breath, pushed it out. At the door to Luke’s office, he touched the key to request entry. The door slid open and he walked in.

Luke eyed him. “Yes, Ben?”

Ben linked his hands behind his back, squeezing his wrist hard. “When will you send me out on a mission?”

Luke leaned back in his chair, his eyes never leaving Ben’s. “I won’t.”

It was so blunt and final, Ben couldn’t absorb it for a moment. When it finally hit him, heat coiled tight in his chest. “Why not?”

“After Ilum, I wouldn’t think you’d need to ask that question.”

“I saved your life on Ilum!”

“You wouldn’t’ve needed to save my life if you succeeded in banishing Snoke.”

Ben just clenched his jaw. Nothing he did was ever good enough. _Nothing_.

“Ben, you have to see,” Luke said more gently. “I _can’t_ send you out on missions. Not while Snoke knows what you’re doing.”

“I won’t stand by and watch another Alderaan happen.”

Luke snorted. “Don’t give me that, Ben. You’re no more Alderaanian than I am.”

Ben cocked his head, sensing…something. “Is that what this is all about?” he said with deadly quiet. “You’re jealous of my mother. You can’t take it away from her, so you’ll take it from me.”

Luke snapped forward in his chair. “That’s enough.”

Ben had the sense of stepping off an edge, tumbling forward with no way of going back.

“I want to leave.” His voice came out surprisingly even. “There’s no point in staying here.”

“No,” Luke said. “Not until you’re free of Snoke.”

Behind his back, Ben clenched his fist, the tendons of his wrist pushing against the grip of his other hand. “I’m a prisoner?”

“You haven’t completed your training until you overcome the darkness within yourself. You—_we_, Force-users—are too powerful. If I let you go now, you’d be a danger to yourself and others.”

Ben snarled and turned away. “Do you think I’ll go slaughtering my way across the galaxy, like Darth Vader?”

Fear flashed across Luke’s face. It was gone again so quickly Ben thought he must’ve imagined it.

“Left to yourself,” Luke said, “no. But you aren’t left to yourself. You’re getting _darker_, Ben.”

“I’m being punished for something someone else does!”

Luke made a frustrated gesture. “It isn’t _punishment_. I’m trying to give you the chance to free yourself.”

For a long moment, Ben didn’t reply. “I’ll never be free. Will I?”

Luke held his eyes. “That’s up to you.”

Ben just breathed hard a moment. He finally gave one, jerky nod, turned and walked out.

* * *

_I’ll have to be careful_, Ben thought. _I’ll only have one chance to get it right_.

If he didn’t…

He didn’t know what Luke would do.

It was surprising, how calm he was. Maybe because all the cards were on the table now. It was just a matter of deciding what he’d do with the hand he’d been dealt. His father had taught him all about _that_.

He slid his satchel—the same one he’d arrived with—under the bushes at the edge of the landing field before going to pick up another crate from the supply ship.

_So_, Snoke said, slithering into his mind. _You’ve finally decided to take your destiny into your own hands. Where will you go?_

Ben lugged a crate to the supplies building on the temple grounds. One good thing about so many students gone—that left him dealing with the shipment.

“I have things I need to do,” he replied

_Ah yes. The little orphan child on Jakku. I’m curious. Why should you take such pains on her behalf?_

Pausing with the crate in his hands, Ben narrowed his eyes. Snoke always seemed to know everything. But he didn’t know about Rey appearing to him through the Force. That same powerful reluctance that had come over him with Luke came again: _tell him nothing_.

He shrugged, dumped the crate on the floor and turned back to get another. “Her family left her. Kids need someone to take care of them.”

_And then?_

“Then I’ll decide.”

_Skywalker won’t simply let you go. You’ll need a safe haven. I can give you one. _

Ben made his way back along the pathway through the forest to the landing field. A crownbird whooped somewhere high overhead, leaping noisily from branch to branch.

“What about Ilum? You know about it. How?”

_Would you like me to tell you?_

“Yes.”

_Come to me. I’ll continue your training. Without Jedi restrictions. Without Jedi prejudice_.

“You know who I am. You know I won’t let another Death Star be built.”

_I do indeed, my boy_. There was a smile in Snoke’s voice. _Join me, and I’ll show you the true power of your heritage_.

He faded away.

Ben grunted in irritation. When _he_ taught someone, he wouldn’t make cryptic utterances.

The freighter sitting on the landing field was not, thankfully, Corellian. The pilot stood at the bottom of the ramp, studying a datapad.

He looked up at the sound of Ben’s footsteps. “This is the last crate. I’ll just need you to confirm the manifest.”

This was the chance he’d been waiting for. “Master Skywalker has to do that.”

The man frowned, eyeing him. “You kids did it before. What changed?”

Ben shrugged and picked up the last crate. “I’m not in that club.”

The man gave a crooked grin that reminded Ben uncomfortably of his father. “I wondered how you got voted pack animal.” He shook his head with mock sympathy. “Too bad, kid.”

Shrugging again, Ben walked with him back to the temple compound, pointed the way to Luke’s office and went to drop the crate off in Supplies. When he returned to the door, he checked for witnesses. It took ever bit of self-control to walk—not run—into the forest, sensing around him through the Force.

No one near. Luke back at the compound. _Good_.

He snagged his satchel from under the bushes, strode across the landing field and up the freighter’s ramp.

The ship was a freighter. He knew what a freighter captain would do, and the first thing would be to check his cargo.

By the time Ben slipped into the ship’s circuitry bay, he heard the pilot’s footsteps then the whine of hydraulics as the ramp closed.

Closing his eyes, Ben followed his sense of the pilot through the ship—to the ‘fresher then to the hold. _Come on, come on_, he thought. _Everything’s fine. Let’s go_. If Luke went looking for him for some reason—

_No_. He breathed slowly, in then out.

The deck vibrated under his feet as the engines fired. He started vibrating too, with excitement. There was a slight lurch as the ship lifted off, then the whine of hydraulics as the landing gear folded up. Ben kept his eyes closed and senses open. A few minutes more and the ship began to bump and shudder as it increased speed through the atmosphere, powering against Ossus’ gravity. When it finally smoothed out, he opened his eyes, opened the door and stepped out into the narrow corridor.

He moved silently forward, to the cockpit. When the pilot caught sight of him, he whipped around, scrambling for a weapon.

Ben slid into the copilot’s seat. “You don’t have to do that. I only want you to take me somewhere.”

The pilot glared. “The only place I’m taking you, kid, is to the nearest spaceport authority, where I’ll turn you in as a stowaway.”

“No.” Ben raised a hand. “_You’re taking me to Jakku_.”

The pilot blinked and sat back. “I’m taking you to Jakku.”

One corner of Ben’s mouth quirked. “I’ll plot the course.”

He turned toward the control panel and entered the coordinates into the navicomputer.

* * *

Luke lay awake in bed. The wind that had blown all day whistled through crevices and plucked at the roof. He shifted, and the crackle and faint blue lightning of static electricity sparked across the blanket.

He’d tried to meditate earlier, but couldn’t calm and center himself. The conversation with Ben looped over and over through his mind. Ben’s defiance, his accusations, his anger.

_Do you think I’ll go slaughtering my way across the galaxy, like Darth Vader?_ An involuntary shudder ran over him at the memory of Ben’s words. In that moment, he’d felt the touch of the Force, like a glimpse into some terrible future—the very future he’d been struggling to turn Ben away from.

After Ilum, Luke couldn’t deny anymore the darkness he sensed in his nephew—the same darkness that was the dark power he hunted. The one he intended to destroy. He wanted to believe Ben could overcome it, but the cold, heavy dread in his middle wouldn’t let him.

He had a sense of time running out, of events hurtling toward a point of no return. If he couldn’t convince Ben…

No. He had to. There was no other option. Ben had to reject his connection to the darkness and commit to the way of the Jedi. Luke would make sure of it.

He blew out a breath, sat up and rolled out of bed. He quickly dressed, pulling on his robes in the dark. He crossed to the door and hesitated. Ben was powerful—more powerful than he was.

Luke picked up his lightsaber and clipped it to his belt.

Both moons were down to show a sky black and blazing with stars. The wind died suddenly, leaving an ominous quiet. Luke padded noiselessly across the grass. The students’ huts were hunched shadows against the night, dark and quiet. When he arrived outside Ben’s, he hesitated again, carefully reaching out to sense through the Force.

He stiffened. His mouth went dry. No longer trying to be quiet, he shoved Ben’s door open, switched on the light.

The place had been ransacked. Bed covers thrown aside, mattress askew, clothes chest tipped open and empty. The small table and desk were bare. Luke’s breath went out in a shuddering rush.

Ben was gone.

**Ben - Jakku**

Ben didn’t curse. He was raised a prince, and princes didn’t curse. But when he saw what sat on that bare, dusty, pathetic excuse for a landing field, he stopped, stared and said, “Fuck me.”

It was the _Millennium Falcon_ in all its junky glory. It looked even worse now, like someone had bounced it around a few more asteroid fields and maybe through a black hole or two. If it hadn’t been tractored in and dumped here, he’d be surprised.

He didn’t believe in the will of the Force. He truly didn’t. But this—_this_ made the hair on his arms go up.

His satchel slung over his shoulder, lightsaber at this belt, he walked across the landing field, not allowing himself to stare at the _Falcon_. Grit crunched under his boots. The glare of Jakku’s sun shimmered off the pale ground while its heat hammered down on him. Pulling up his hood, he passed under the arched gateway that marked the entrance to Niima Outpost.

A man wearing dirty wraps loitered by a rusty refueling station.

“That Corellian freighter,” Ben said to him. “Whose is it?”

“Belongs to Unkar Plutt,” the man answered in a voice just as rusty.

“Where did he get it?” Ben said.

The man sucked his teeth and eyed him. “You ask a lot of questions, sonny.”

_Ah_. So this Unkar Plutt didn’t get the _Falcon_ in any legitimate way. Good. _Very_ good.

Ben didn’t bother replying, just stared the man down. He was pleased to see him begin to squirm before he shrank and scurried away.

Ben opened his senses. It was like the last time he was here—Rey’s light shined like a second sun. Excitement sparked through him as he strode into Niima Outpost in search of it.

He wove through ragged tents and makeshift stalls. The clamor of voices rose all around, the whine of speeders, the groan of some animal. The smell of unwashed bodies ebbed and flowed as he moved through the bazaar. It was all depressingly familiar from the last time he was here.

When he reached the last of the tents, a playa shimmering in the sun stretched away to broken highlands. Ben stared across the flats. Rey was out there somewhere. He considered commandeering a speeder, then decided if he could sense her, she could sense him. Before he went to hunt her down, he’d give her a chance to come to him.

Waiting and sensing, he paced through the market. People talked to him, trying to sell things. He ignored them. When someone bumped him, he turned and stared forbiddingly. The would-be pickpocket, a wizened little Blarina, bobbed and babbled and bowed, then scuttled away.

He sensed her coming first, a blaze of light that warmed him from the inside out. Soon, he heard the cough and chuff of a speeder’s faulty engine. He made his way toward it.

_There. There she is_, he thought, breathing fast enough to make him lightheaded._ That’s her_.

Standing in the shelter of a tent, Ben watched her, a small figure wrapped from head to foot in dirty rags. The Imperial speeder she slid off of looked like it belonged on a junkheap. Her gloves were too big, and there were holes in her boots. His heart squeezed and turned over.

She dragged a cargo net full of junk off the back of the speeder and paused to look around, eyes narrowed. Ben wondered if she felt the same pull he did—it took all his strength to resist the impulse to go to her.

_Not a good idea_, he told himself. He didn’t want to scare her.

She turned back to her loot and dragged it toward the tents a little distance from him. Ben followed discreetly, trying to decide the best way to approach her. Now that the moment had finally come, he was worried. She’d never _said_ she wanted him to come for her. What if she didn’t? She was so little, and all alone. What if she was afraid of him, the way most people were?

Stopping at the edge of another tent, he peered around the corner. She wasn’t there. He could _feel_ she was close, but where—

Something slammed into the back of his knees. They buckled. Snarling, he twisted as he went down, snapped up his hand and reached for the Force.

A small figure leapt to straddle his chest, the tip of the staff in her hands jabbing his throat.

Putting enough pressure on the staff to show she meant business, she growled, “Why are you following me?”

His breath went out in a huff. He let his hands fall beside him in the dirt in a gesture of surrender. “Rey. It’s me. Ben.”

His hood had fallen back from his face. She frowned fiercely. The frown faded, replaced by surprise.

“Ben?” she whispered. Her eyes searched his face then she stumbled back.

Cautiously, he sat up. “Yeah.”

She dropped the staff and fell to her knees. “You’re real?” She patted his shoulders and chest. “I didn’t imagine you?”

“No. I’m real.”

She took his face in her hands. Ben closed his eyes. The light that poured through him overwhelmed him, soothing every doubt and fear and pain. Her hands fell away and he opened his eyes again.

She was eyeing him doubtfully. “How did you get here? There’s no ship.”

“It already left.”

With his suggestion to the pilot that he wouldn’t remember Ben. The flight logs would still show the ship’s stop on Jakku, but it would buy him a little time while Luke tried to hunt him down.

She bounced with excitement. “You’re here! I _knew_ you were. I felt it. I had to come. I thought maybe I imagined it—but you’re really here!”

She babbled as he climbed to his feet, hindered by her efforts to help him up. He started brushing the dirt from his clothes. She patted and brushed at them too.

“That’s all right,” he said. “I scared you. I’m sorry.”

She took a step back. Her gaze traveled down him, then back up again. “You’re _tall!”_

He concentrated on brushing at a scuff of dirt on his pants. “Uh…yeah.”

A brilliant grin spread across her face. She clapped her hands and jumped. “You’re here, you’re _here!_ I’m happy!”

Slinging her staff over her shoulder, she grabbed his hand. He could feel her gloves had holes in them, too.

“Come on. I’ve got stuff to trade. Then we can go home.”

She’d left her cargo net just around the corner. Ben eyed the assortment of parts. Some he recognized. The rest looked like so much junk. She took hold of it and started to drag it, but Ben took it from her and picked it up, bumping and jangling against his back.

She was a bright whirlwind of chatter and enthusiasm, pointing out people she knew: Sarco Plank, the Melitto ex-bounty hunter. Bobbajo the crittermonger and Constable Zuvio. Riok Ragul, who could walk across the sands of the Sinking Fields on big woven shoes he strapped to his feet. Ben listened silently, basking in her light and feeling more cheerful than he could remember in…ever.

“That ship on the landing field,” he said. “What do you know about it?”

She wrinkled her nose. “Unkar Plutt got it from the Irving Boys a while ago. It’s supposed to be the fastest ship in the galaxy, but I don’t think it is.”

“It is,” Ben said, then, “Does it still fly?”

She shrugged. “I guess. It flew in.” They walked a few steps and she added, “I snuck onboard to look at it. It’s pretty rough.”

He nodded. “It always was.”

Rey stopped. “Wait. Do you—”

“This guy bothering you, Rey?” a man’s voice said behind them.

Stiffening, Rey slid her staff off her shoulder and spun. The young man who’d spoken stood glaring at Ben.

Ben dropped his burden and reached for his lightsaber.

Rey stepped between him and the newcomer. “Leave him alone, Izzen. He’s my friend.”

Heat ran prickling over Ben’s skin. His hand fisted on the hilt of his lightsaber. Izzen. The one who’d _touched_ Rey.

“Your friend, huh?” The man looked Ben up and down. “Take your haul to Unkar, sugar pie. I got some things to talk about with your new friend.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You don’t tell me—”

“It’s okay, Rey,” Ben said, not looking away from Izzen. “Go make your trade. I’ll wait.”

She looked between them a moment, then bent to haul her net of parts away.

The man was maybe a few years older than Ben. A chipped tooth and crooked nose suggested he’d been in a fight or two. His clothing was a little better than most; dusty and worn but not ragged.

He gave a smile that was closer to a sneer. “Unkar Plutt doesn’t like it when people bother what’s his.”

Ben ground his teeth. “_I _don’t like it when a man bothers a little girl.”

Izzen paled then puffed up again. “Maybe because you want ’er for yourself, huh? She’s a pretty little pudding, ain’t she—”

Izzen shut up as Ben stepped toward him, crowding his personal space.

Ben sensed the intention before Izzen moved. When he pulled out a blaster, Ben grabbed his wrist, shoved it away and knocked his feet out from under him with a sweeping kick. With a yell, Izzen went sprawling. There was a sudden flurry of motion around them as people ran, either toward or away from the fight.

Malice brushed him, a prickle between his shoulder blades. Ben spun. A masked man aimed a blaster at him. One on the other side, too. Ben snapped up his hands, snatched their blasters with the Force. They clattered to the ground at his feet. He closed his fists and jerked the two men toward him. With a heavy _thwump,_ they slammed into each other and crumpled into two limp piles on the ground.

Teeth bared, he spun again. The spectators had disappeared. Izzen was backpedaling, his eyes wide and fear pouring off him like heat waves. Ben whipped his hand out, grabbed him with the Force and dragged the man to him.

“What are you?” Izzen babbled. “What the kriff are you?”

Ben forced him to his knees in front of him, snapped his lightsaber from his belt and ignited it. “I’m the one who’s going to make sure you never touch a child again.”

“Ben?” Rey’s voice came from behind him, unsteady.

He turned. Her eyes were as wide as Izzen’s. _Damn_. He’d ruined it. She’d seen what he’d done. Now she’d be afraid of him, like everyone else.

Ben turned back to Izzen. Raising his hand, he pushed into the man’s mind. He was careful not to touch his thoughts. He didn’t think he’d be able to keep from violence if he saw what was there. “_You will never touch another child_.”

Izzen shook. “I will never touch another child.”

Ben let him go. He wanted to knock him sprawling again, but not in front of Rey. He turned to her.

“Rey—” he began.

She marched up, then past him to Izzen. “I told you, Izzen Bith, leave my friend alone. Maybe next time you’ll listen.” She grabbed Ben’s hand. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”

Bemused, he let her tug him along.

The denizens of Niima Outpost suddenly seemed very busy doing other things—things that took them nowhere near them.

“How did you do that?” she said. “What you did to Unkar’s thugs.”

His heart was abruptly in his throat. “I didn’t mean for you to see that.”

“They were going to shoot you.” She shrugged. “So how?”

He blinked at her unconcern. “I used the Force.”

“Like how we talked to each other?”

He nodded. “I’ll show you.”

He wasn’t paying attention to where she led them until they came out at the edge of the flats by her half-wrecked speeder.

He pulled back. “Wait. Where are you going?”

“To my home. You can stay there with me.”

“No. I came to get you off Jakku.”

Something flashed through her eyes. He felt it, too—panic. “I can’t leave. My dad is coming back for me. He promised.”

Ben just stared at her, trying to make sense of what she was telling him. “You want to stay on Jakku?”

“I have to. If I leave, my dad might come back while I’m gone and he’ll never find me.”

He pressed his lips tight, flummoxed. “No parent would leave a little kid alone in a place like this. Not if they were planning to come back.”

Her face screwed up and she clenched her fists. “He _is!_ He is coming back! He _promised!”_

He made a patting gesture. “Okay. Okay. I’m sure he did. But Rey…it’s been five years. He should’ve come back for you a long time ago.”

She spun and stomped away, dragging her cargo net behind her. “I’m not leaving,” she threw back over her shoulder. “My dad said to wait for him. So I’m waiting.”

Ben gave a frustrated huff. This was definitely not a problem he’d anticipated.

She turned and walked backwards, her expression anxious now. “Aren’t you coming?”

He calculated a moment, weighing if he should just pick her up and carry her off. The _Falcon_ was here. It supposedly still flew. He couldn’t leave her. And _he_ certainly had no intention of staying.

He could do it, but it would complicate things. For one thing, she might put up a fight. She’d definitely be angry at him. No, better take it slow for now.

He started after her. “Only if you promise to think it over for the night.”

She chewed her lip. “Okay. But I’m not changing my mind.”

“We’ll see.”

She was a little kid. How hard could it be to convince her?

She climbed onto the speeder. “Get on.”

He swung on behind her. The repulsors barely kept the thing from scraping the ground as he did. When she started the engine, it coughed, burbled, hesitated before finally stammering a broken tune. It ground against the dirt once or twice as it picked up speed. Ben held his breath and tried to be lighter.

Rey took him to an old Imperial AT-AT toppled on its side. He followed her inside through the auxiliary hatch in the belly, ducking to keep from hitting his head.

He looked around, appalled. This was her _home? _Yes, it must be. There was a makeshift hammock on one side, a table on the other, some cobbled-together shelves with an odd collection of tools and child’s treasures. On the table, a withered flower poked out of a metal casing. A crude doll made of bright orange fabric and bits of twine lay on the hammock. Something in Ben’s chest squeezed. He swallowed hard.

“Come on,” she said. “I want to show you something.”

He followed her back outside and around to the AT-AT’s dorsal side. She pulled a ragged curtain aside. In the light that filtered in, there was something that looked like an intake of some kind, a big, red oblong with an oval grille on one end.

“What is it?” he said.

“It’s the speeder I’m building. I already got repulsorlifts and turbojets for it. I just need afterburners and a few other things and to make it run. The speeder I got now I built from two wrecked ones I found in the walker’s vehicle bay.” She made a face. “They were in bad shape. It won’t hold up long.”

He just stared.

“What?” she said.

“That’s amazing.”

She twisted her fingers in the trailing end of one of her wraps. “You told me I better get away from Izzen. My walker is a long way from everything. I had to find a way to get around on my own, because if people help you, they always want something back.”

“I won’t,” he said.

She looked up at him. “I know.”

She led him back inside.

The cargo net, which he’d thought was empty, turned out to hold a meager quantity of vacuum-sealed survival rations. She dug them out and crawled forward to stash most of them in some hidden cranny. She studied the two she set aside for a long time, her lip caught in her teeth.

Finally, she looked up at him. “The portions won’t last very long with two of us.”

He just grunted. He didn’t plan for them to need to last long.

She turned and set about rehydrating the rations. The steam that rose by no means smelled appetizing, but after she handed Ben his, she plunked down in the middle of the dusty floor and shoveled food into her mouth as fast as she could. She used her _fingers_.

Ben, torn between pity, anger and horror, realized the reason for her spindly arms, her bony hands. How could anyone have left her alone in this place?

When she was licking the last smear of protein off her plate, he offered his. “Here. I’m not hungry.”

“Okay.”

That disappeared as quickly as the first.

He took a long breath to calm the anger churning in his middle. “If you come with me, you won’t be hungry.”

That made her pause, then she shook her head. “I can’t. If my dad comes back and I’m not here, he’ll think something happened to me.”

Ben considered. “You dad wouldn’t want anything to happen to you.”

She licked her fingers. “Uh-uh.”

“If you have a chance to go somewhere safe, don’t you think he’d want that?”

Frowning, she pushed out her lower lip. “How would he know?”

“You could leave a message.”

“What if he doesn’t get it?”

He was getting angrier, thinking of a father who left this devoted little girl without so much as looking back. “Has he left _you_ a message? Has he checked on you? Have you heard anything at all from him?”

She jumped to her feet, snatched up the plates and stomped outside. Ben fought the urge to go after her. He didn’t think it would help.

When she came back in, she was cheerful again. “You can sleep in my hammock,” she announced.

Everything in him rebelled at the thought of her sleeping on the floor, though he was sure she’d slept on floors much of her life.

“I’m not taking your bed.” She opened her mouth to argue, but he said first, “I wouldn’t fit, anyway.”

She looked him up and down critically, then giggled. “I guess not.”

He wasn’t looking forward to sleeping on the dusty floor, but he didn’t anticipate it with the same horror he would have before Luke’s Jedi temple. Luke had done him _that_ favor, anyway.

Turning his back to her, he busied himself sweeping a spot tolerably clean and arranging his cloak and knapsack as a bed and pillow. He heard her rustling behind him, getting ready for bed. When he lay down, she put out the tubelike light overhead.

There was a slight squeak as she climbed into the hammock. “’Night, Ben.”

“Good night, Rey.” _Sleep tight_, he almost said, the way his mother had always told him.

Silence descended, somehow thicker and more complete than on any world he’d been on before. He lay staring into the dark. The Force felt…different. Stronger. More complete, a soft ebb and flow around him, like the breathing of a great, contented beast. He rode it a while, sensing the sparse life of the desert, the tiny clusters of sentient life scattered nearby.

A small sound snapped him back to himself: sniffling.

He pushed up on one elbow. “Rey?”

More sniffles. “You don’t think my dad is coming back?”

It was so clear to him he could almost see it—her worthless parents abandoning her, a burden they didn’t want to deal with anymore. Promising they’d come back so she wouldn’t make too much of a fuss. Her pain and grief washed over him, and he knew he couldn’t tell her that.

“I think if he could, he would’ve a long time ago,” he said quietly. “I think something must’ve happened. Something to keep him from coming back.”

“You think he _died?”_

“He wouldn’t have left you alone all this time if he could help it.”

The sniffles turned to outright crying. Ben sat up, wondering if he should go to her.

“Are you going to leave, too?” she quavered.

“We can’t stay _here_, Rey.”

More crying. “You came to find me?”

“I came to get you out of here. This is no way for a little girl to live.”

The crying diminished to sniffles again. “You sure my dad’s not coming back?”

He hesitated. She’d clung to that hope a long time, a lifeline to keep her from drowning in the misery and hopelessness of this place.

“Five years is a long time,” he finally said. “A lot can go wrong in five years.”

“Okay,” she said in a small voice. “I’ll go with you.”

Letting out a silent breath, Ben lay back down. He’d’ve kidnapped her if he had to. He was glad he didn’t. It would be a terrible way to start out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really think about it until I was writing this, but there's a big problem the story Luke tells Rey about the night he contemplated killing Ben. He tells Rey that he was seized with a instant's panic when he saw Ben's future. Think about the situation for a minute. It's the middle of the night. Ben is asleep. What was Luke doing with a lightsaber? Does he carry it all the time, even in the temple precincts? Was he already awake when he decided to go confront Ben, or was he in bed, too? It seems awfully premeditated for Luke to have his lightsaber with him under the circumstances. There was no "for the briefest instant," as he tells Rey (and maybe himself). The fact that Luke had his lightsaber at all means there was real intent to kill, and he lost his nerve at the last moment. 
> 
> I will remind you that Ben doesn't yet know that Darth Vader was his grandfather


	13. The Falcon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey escape Jakku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little late, but Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyous Yule and happy holidays to you. After TRoS, I want to tell you how much I value our lovely, supportive Reylo community. Every kudo and comment you leave is a gift that brightens my life and makes writing extra joyful. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
> 
> If you haven't seen the movie yet, this is a heads-up-- the end notes contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

**Rey - Age 9 - Jakku**

It was still before dawn when Rey woke. She always woke up before dawn; she liked to go outside while it was cool and still and everything was all blue and purple shadows.

This morning was different, though. She felt… She stuck out her lower lip, trying to figure it out. _Safe_, she finally decided. She felt safe, and protected, and not alone. They were such new, strange feelings, they made her a little dizzy.

She turned on her side in her hammock and drew up her knees. Ben lay on the floor all sprawled out under his cloak, snoring softly. He took up an awful lot of the space there.

She studied his face: pale, with a scattering of moles, strong nose and brow, full lips surrounded by the shadow of a beard coming in. She knew it better than she knew her own, even though she’d thought sometimes he was only a dream, or a pretend person. She was glad he wasn’t pretend. It would be awful if the only one in the whole galaxy who cared about her was just pretend—

She caught herself and frowned. Dad cared.

She couldn’t even remember him anymore, she realized. There was nothing left but a voice saying, _Wait for me. I’ll be back for you, sweetheart, I promise_. Would she even know him if she saw him again? Would he know her? Like he was just a dream she’d had from a long time ago.

Fear uncoiled in her, wrapping tight bands around her chest.

Ben’s breath caught and he jerked awake, pushed up on an elbow. “Rey? Are you all right?”

Wrapping her arms around herself, she buried her face in her blanket. “He didn’t come back. I _waited_, like he told me. What am I supposed to do now?”

Warm fingers touched her arm. “I would have…” Ben began.

Sniffing, she raised her face from the blanket and wiped it with the heel of one hand. He knelt by her hammock. His hand covered half her forearm.

He glanced up at her then away again. “I would’ve come for you sooner. I wanted to. But I couldn’t.” He met her eyes again. “Things happen, even to grownups. Things that won’t let them do what they want.”

She sniffed and nodded. She knew that. Didn’t she see it every day? Nobody wanted to be hungry. Nobody wanted to get hurt or beat up, or die of thirst, or get swallowed up by the Sinking Fields or a sandstorm, or eaten by ripper-raptors or nightwatcher worms.

“You were going to come for me before?”

“When I realized you were alone. I tried—” He broke off, shook his head and gave a huff of a laugh. “My master hates that word. ‘Do or do not,’ he says. ‘There is no try.’” He looked away. “Only success…or failure.”

Rey sat up, dislodging his hand. “That’s dumb. Trying matters too. I’m _glad_ you tried.”

“You would’ve been gladder if I succeeded.”

“You _did_.” She threw off the blanket and slithered out of her hammock. “You’re here.”

He blinked. He hadn’t thought of it like that, she could tell. He unfolded himself, his clothes rumpled and dusty from the night on the floor.

He was so _big_. She never realized it when they talked before. She maybe came to the middle of his chest. They stared at each other a long, awkward moment.

“What now?” she said.

He bent, picked up his cloak and shook it out. “If we’re going to go, we’d better do it. I didn’t have my master’s permission to come here. He’ll be looking for me.”

“But how? We don’t have a ship!

One corner of his mouth turned up. “Yes we do.”

**Ben**

Rey slung the satchel with her belongings over her shoulder. Ben had watched her pack it—her homemade doll, a couple of battered holos. And food. She’d retrieved ration packets from hiding spots all over the walker. She dug them out of the sand around it. It told him, the way nothing else had, the way she’d been forced to live.

Once again, he had to throttle his anger. She wouldn’t live that way anymore.

At last, she slung her staff over her shoulder and climbed on the battered speeder bike. Ben slid on behind her. The bike chuffed and wheezed and finally lurched into motion, the plume of dust and grit it kicked up behind them glowing in the low, early light.

When they came to Niima Outpost, the bike coughed and hesitated. Rey squeezed the throttle. The engine howled. The bike lunged forward, coughed again and died.

She slid off the seat and stared at it, fists clenched. “I knew it!” she shouted. “I knew it wouldn’t last!”

Ben swung off more slowly, using the movement to look around. They’d stopped by the landing field. The _Falcon_ sat under a tattered tarp, its boarding ramp down. _Idiots_, he thought. Like they were begging for someone to steal it.

Another attendant-slash-guard leaned against the pipes of the refueling station, his goggled face turned their way. Ben didn’t like the amount of interest he showed in them, or the way he raised his gloved hand to his face, as if speaking into a commlink.

“You know what to do,” Ben told Rey. “I’ll make sure his attention is on me.”

“I don’t care!” she shouted. “It’s junk anyway!”

She turned and stomped toward the big tent a little distance away. Ben kept his senses on her as he turned back to the bike. With a roar, he kicked it, adding a little Force push for effect. The kick made a satisfying clank. The push flung it about a meter away. Ben stalked after it, shouted again and swung around with a fighting kick. This time he didn’t need to Force-push it to send it lurching away.

He didn’t dare look for Rey, but he followed his sense of her. The taste of metal sat on his tongue. Tension coiled in his shoulders. It was safer this way, he promised himself. Get her out of the way if anything went bad. But still—

_People don’t pay any attention to kids_, she’d told him. _I’ll get onboard just as easy as the first time_.

She’d circled around behind the attendant. He felt her watchfulness and determination. Under the tent, people came to watch his antics with the speeder. He thought about igniting his lightsaber and slashing it to bits, but it was Rey’s. He couldn’t bring himself to destroy something she’d labored over.

He sensed her triumph. She must’ve gained the boarding ramp. The triumph abruptly switched to horror.

“_Ben!”_ she screamed.

He spun. She clung to the boarding ramp’s hydraulics, but she wasn’t looking at him. She was looking behind him.

He knew it was too late as he heard the popping whine of a blaster. He turned anyway, instinctively flung up a protective hand.

The blaster bolt—stopped.

Not a meter away, it hung crackling in midair. Ben stared, disbelieving.

From the cover of the tent, red flashed from the blasters of masked, hooded men. More pops came.

In a place like this, he should’ve expected something after yesterday’s altercation. All he’d been thinking about was getting Rey out of here.

Ben reached for the Force again, consciously this time. Those bolts stopped, too, lines of hissing red fire in the blazing morning light.

A blaster cannon thundered behind him. Green bolts streaked past, ripped into the tent. Dirt and bodies and bits of debris flew. More cannonfire came from the _Falcon’s_ gun—Rey, Ben realized in shock. Shots went every which way—arcing high into the air, pounding the ground to send dirt and rock flying, ripping the tent to shreds. Ben didn’t waste time—he ran.

Shots went wild around him. One struck close enough to make him dive for the ground. Grit stung his exposed skin as he rolled, scrambled to his feet and stumbled forward again. Shots went past him, ripped through the landing field’s archway. Ben caught a glimpse of pieces of it flying.

He pounded up the boarding ramp, slammed the controls on his way past and dashed for the cockpit.

His hands were already running over the controls, bringing systems online before he even took the pilot’s seat. Blaster bolts pinged and rattled against the hull. Blasters wouldn’t do the ship any damage, but if they had something heavier—

He powered up shields and engaged repulsorlifts, everything smooth and familiar, like the last eight years had never happened. With a lurch and swoop, the _Falcon_ lifted into the air. As he engaged thrusters, the smoking ruins of Niima Outpost fell away, replaced by the badlands that swept below.

Falling back into the seat, he gusted a breath and ran a shaking hand through his hair.

The laser cannons had quit firing the moment he hit the boarding ramp—Rey must’ve been watching for him. Now he heard her feet running along the corridor before she skidded into the cockpit.

“How’d you do that?” she panted. “Those blaster bolts—”

“I don’t know,” Ben said. His hands were still shaking. “I didn’t know I could.”

Her eyes went wide. “You did it on _accident?”_

Swallowing hard, he nodded, just as shocked as she was.

She just stared. It took a moment before he realized it was with fear.

“No!” He reached for her, then checked himself. He lowered his hand—deliberately, when everything in him wanted to catch her, keep her from running away from him. “Don’t be afraid.”

“You said…” Her voice shook. “You didn’t mean it.”

He didn’t understand. What was she afraid of? “I used the Force instinctively.” He went on cautiously, “You can use it too. I’ll show you.”

Instantly, she closed up. “No. No, I can’t.”

He was getting more confused. Couldn’t she feel it? Didn’t she _know?_

“Yes you can. I can feel how strong you are.” He leaned forward and lowered his voice. “I’ll help you.”

Pure terror crossed her face. “No. _No_.”

She suddenly seemed to be somewhere else, seeing something else.

Alarm spiked through him. “Rey?” This time, he did reach out, gripped her thin arm. “Rey, it’s all right.” He shook her gently. “It’s okay. You don’t have to learn about the Force until you’re ready.”

She just stood frozen and rigid, caught in the grip on whatever terror tore at her. Ben’s alarm boiled over into fear.

Abruptly, he stood, caught her by the shoulders. “Sit down.” He guided her to the copilot’s chair. “We’re in flight. I need your help.”

She blinked, slowly coming back to herself. “My help?”

She looked out the viewport. Badlands and ridges and ravines were fading into dark and light strokes against mottled brown.

Ben sank slowly into the pilot’s seat again as she settled into the copilot’s. “Are you all right?” he said.

“Unkar Plutt is going to kill you for stealing his ship,” she announced as if nothing had happened.

He eyed her. “Rey—”

“What?”

He wanted to pursue it, whatever it was that had driven her into some private darkness. Her comment reminded him now wasn’t the time, not when they were still bumping their way out of Jakku’s atmosphere, when he had no idea how spaceworthy—or not—the _Falcon_ still was. The way it looked, inside and out, he had his doubts.

“Does he have ships?” Ben said.

Rey wrinkled her nose. “No ships. But he has friends.”

So now Ben had _two_ people after him.

“He shouldn’t take possession of stolen property then,” he growled. At Rey’s puzzled look, he added, “This is my father’s ship. Stolen eight years ago.”

“Is not!” she protested, disbelieving.

“It is. I was there. If it’d been up to me, they’d never have taken it.”

Rey’s mouth made a little “o” of surprise, then she looked out the viewport. Jakku was quickly diminishing to a tan orb. Her face fell. “We didn’t leave a message for my dad.”

“The way we left, everyone in Niima Outpost will be talking about it for long time. He’ll hear about it, I promise.”

She heaved a sigh. He watched her, ready to argue if she asked to go back. Twisting the end of her wrap in her fingers, she finally nodded.

Turning back to the controls, he pushed the slides and held his breath, waiting for the chattering whine that said the _Falcon’s_ hyperdrive had _no intention_ of engaging. When the stars outside the viewport streaked and blurred into the blue swirl of hyperspace, he breathed again.

Rey jumped to her feet. “I just remembered! Come on!” She darted out of the cockpit.

“What?” Ben said, striding in her wake.

“The Blobfish put a tracker on the ship. We gotta find it!”

She ran her fingers along the bulkheads, feeling around the padded inserts.

Ben watched her a moment then shook his head. It was impossible. There was no way they were going to find a tracker without a snooper sweep, but he dutifully looked.

Rey was like a little wild animal running along the corridors in her dirty, ragged clothes, her hair straggling out the messy buns she kept it in. In the engine room, she stopped, turned slowly, then ran over to tug at the maintenance access in the floor.

Ben strode over to help her. “In _there?”_

She dropped into the space cluttered with tubes and pipes. “You never know.”

He pulled Rey up when she was finished, slotted the access cover back into place and continued the search for the tracker, taking stock of the state of the _Falcon_ as he went.

The ship was in worse shape than he expected. Questionable modifications had been made. Rey pointed out Unkar Plutt’s ill-advised alterations.

Han would’ve been livid. Ben surprised himself with his own outrage, though he did his best to hide his dismay as he roamed the dingy, too-familiar corridors.

He got progressively gloomier as he tallied up what it would take to refit and repair the ship. It was far beyond the meager credits he carried—the same he’d taken with him to Ossus five years ago.

While Rey crawled around inside one of the hidden smuggling compartments, Ben searched the ‘fresher. It wasn’t as nasty as he expected, but he didn’t want Rey to have to do it. She didn’t have the same problem. When he came out, she went in. Assuming it was for the usual reason, he continued along the corridor until he heard the sound of water spraying and a shriek. He spun and ran back. She stood in the corridor, dripping and scowling at the small room.

He struggled not to laugh. She looked like an outraged loth cat.

“You’re not supposed to wear clothes into the shower,” he said, deadpan.

She wiped her face. “I didn’t know it would do that! The ones on the big ships never did!”

It suddenly occurred to him— “You’ve never used a ‘fresher?”

“No,” she said.

He instantly felt about two centimeters tall.

He cleared his throat, stepped back in and showed her how to operate sink and shower and toilet, trying to be cool and clinical about it. Her eyes went wide in amazement and excitement. She bounced on her toes as he mumbled his way through his instructions.

“Can I try it now?” Her eyes sparkled.

He gave a vague wave of permission and escaped to the _Falcon’s_ crew quarters. He looked around. The floor of Rey’s AT-AT had been more appealing as a place to sleep. It had certainly _smelled_ better.

She was in the ‘fresher long enough for him to go through the crew quarters’ storage (full of nothing but a boot with the sole flapping, several holey socks, and the odor he’d expect to emanate from such things). He gingerly dragged the mattresses out onto the floor, relieved when nothing scurried out.

Rey came bouncing in. “Look! I’m _clean!” _Arms outstretched, she spun in place to show him.

It was all so sad, but Ben couldn’t bear to crush her enthusiasm. _She_ was clean. Her clothes were not.

“Next stop, we’ll find you something better to wear,” he said.

Her face fell.

“Both of us,” he amended. “We can’t wear the same thing every day.”

She wrinkled her nose. “We can’t?”

“No,” he said decisively. “Come on. Let’s find that tracker.”

Hours of searching, and nothing. They ended up in the cockpit, Ben standing on the pilot’s and copilot’s chairs to search above and Rey crawling under the instrument panel.

Ben dropped into the pilot’s seat and rubbed his eyes. “We won’t find it this way. We’re going to have to get someone to scan for it.”

Rey’s voice came from under the control panel. “I can find it. I know I can.”

Exhaustion suddenly tumbled over him. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. Cycle lag, probably. It had to be the middle of the night on Ossus.

“You do that,” he said.

He closed his eyes. Just for a minute. Maybe if he meditated…

He was in a dark place, a cold place, a place with no up or down, no near or far. He turned slowly, reached out through the Force—

Tendrils of darkness writhed, groping, fumbling. A mind searched, dark sweeping the darkness. Ben snatched himself back, but not before the mind brushed his.

_There you are!_ The whisper was faint, broken, like a badly transmitted comm signal. _Where…you…my boy?_

The tendrils lashed out, surer now, slithering toward him. He retreated. Relentlessly, they followed.

_Why…hide from me? Come…_

Light blazed suddenly, like he’d stumbled into the heart of a supernova. It burned away the dark, the whispers, the groping tendrils. With a sigh, he closed his eyes and let himself fall into its warmth and soothing comfort.

* * *

Ben woke slowly, aware of warmth and contentment, then a scent of sun and wide, windswept spaces. The Force hummed serenely around him. His arm was folded over a small bundle nestled against his chest. Hair tickled under his chin. He felt the rise and fall of breathing under his arm and decided it must be some animal. The protectiveness he felt said it was some wild thing he’d rescued, something lost or hurt that had needed help.

He frowned a little, trying to wake up enough to remember what kind of creature it was. A darma? A lisson? Wait, no. He wouldn’t be sleeping with a wild animal.

Confusion dragged him up out of sleep. He blinked his eyes open, disoriented for a moment before he recognized a very familiar cockpit. Oh. Right. He was on the _Millennium Falcon_. Then what—

He looked down on a crown of mussed dark hair, the curve of a cheek, the jut of a bony shoulder in a too-large shirt.

He almost threw himself out of the chair. He controlled himself, only snatching his arm away and leaning sideways.

“Rey!” he hissed. He didn’t want to scare her.

She slept on.

He shook her gently. “Rey, wake up.”

She didn’t wake up.

He rubbed a hand down his face and considered her sleeping form a long moment. Finally, he stood with her in his arms. She was so _light_. She murmured and curled into him again, fisting a small hand in his shirt. He had trouble getting her to let go when he carried her to crew quarters and laid her in her bunk. He was just pulling up the cover when she woke, blinking and frowning.

“Ben?” she mumbled.

He laid a hand on her cheek. “Go back to sleep.”

“Where’re you going?”

“Back to the cockpit.”

She rolled her head one way, then the other. “How’d I get here?”

“I carried you.”

“Why?”

Ben blew out a breath. “You can’t sleep with me, Rey.”

She frowned forbiddingly up at him. “Why not?”

“Uh…” He scrambled for an explanation that she’d understand, because he _certainly_ wasn’t going to try to explain that little girls didn’t sleep with young men. _No_. “Because you’ll be more comfortable here.”

“No I won’t. I get _cold_,” she whined. “You’re _warm_.”

He stood, stumped. The ship had been pretty much stripped of supplies—they were lucky it had fuel. He’d laid his cloak over her for a blanket. She was just a bundle of scrawny bones, anyway, not enough of her there to warm up under anything.

He shifted from one foot to the other. “All right. I have an idea.”

He made her get up again, then bundled up her mattress and lugged it along the corridor to the engine room. Wrapped in his cloak, she trailed along behind him, fisting her eyes.

Ben arranged her mattress against the back wall, where the heat from the engines was greatest. With a grateful sigh, she snuggled down under his cloak. He turned to go.

“Where’re you going?”

“Back to the cockpit.”

“Can’t you stay here?”

He rubbed his chin, rough with unshaven bristle. “I’m not far.”

“What if I need you?” she said in a small voice. “You won’t hear me.”

He didn’t understand where this came from, in a child who’d had to take care of herself for the last five years. But everything was new and strange. As bad as Jakku was, she knew what to expect there. Now, she didn’t.

“I’ll be right back.” He returned to crew quarters, rolled up his mattress and carried it back to the engine room. She watched as he arranged it on the other side of the room, then as he lay down and waved off the lights.

The engines thrummed through the deck and bulkhead, a rippling pulse. Light filtered in from the corridor, just enough to see Rey’s eyes gleam. Ben watched until they closed and her breath evened and slowed in sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The _Falcon_ doesn't have the problems Rey had to fix in TFA because Unkar Plutt has only had it a year or so. It hasn't been sitting there getting abused for those extra 10 years.
> 
> **SPOILER ALERT --- SPOILER ALERT --- SPOILER ALERT --- SPOILER ALERT --- SPOILER ALERT**  
...  
...  
...  
Guys, I saw the movie on the Friday opening. I really wish I hadn't. I've been alternately furious and miserable since I left the theater. I've lived with Kylo/Ben for two years. I've been in his head. I feel what he feels when I write him. I feel like a real person died, and it's going to take me some time to get over it. I know not everyone in the Reylo community feels this way, so I sincerely hope I don't offend anyone with what I'm about to say. If you loved the movie, you should probably skip my comments because I don't want to ruin your enjoyment of it.
> 
> I knew going in that Ben would die. It was a possibility I'd considered for a long time. But the way they'd made him such a sympathetic character in both the movies and the ancillary material, I really thought they wouldn't kill him off. So I was prepared (as much as I could be) for the chance they would.
> 
> What I wasn't prepared for was how much they sidelined Ben before the battle then TOTALLY FORGOT him after he dies. I wasn't prepared for them basically pretending TLJ never happened. I wasn't prepared for how much they disrespected almost every character in the film, even Rey's. They made her almost unlikable as she constantly snarled and attacked Kylo, even when he offered no threat. I hated when she was slashing at him while he was unarmed. I hated her running him through with his lightsaber even when he'd had MULTIPLE opportunities to strike her down when she was stumbling and exhausted. Most of all I hated the way Rey-- and the movie-- just moved blithely on after Ben dies. No one mourns him. He doesn't even get a Force ghost. Just... disappears.
> 
> Rey was just as betrayed. She couldn't be powerful just because she's Rey. No. She had to get her power for some *special* reason, from some man. And this young woman who's spent her whole life yearning for love and connection is left isolated and alone at the end of this supposedly "uplifting" and "hopeful" film. Yes, we got our Reylo kiss and a few other truly beautiful moments between them. But how tragic, how _gutting_ when Ben dies immediately afterward. We're left with no future, only a wasted past. Rey is so powerful that no one else will ever be able to understand her and appreciate her for who she is. She'll never have an equal. She'll either be worshiped or feared, and both are isolating. "You saved the galaxy. Congratulations! No happy ending for you, kids." It was a sad, empty and nihilistic ending. 
> 
> Those of you who've been reading my other fics can probably guess my other big issue with the movie: they never balance the Force. Ben took no part in fighting and defeating Palpatine. And now that he's dead, there is no representative of the dark side. One could argue that Rey, being born of the dark side but choosing the light, embodies both, but then that leaves the whole question of why the Force would connect them as a dyad in the first place. Killing off half the dyad is by definition imbalance.
> 
> I'm going to try my best to forget this depressing entry into the Star Wars universe. I've made attempts as I write to remain within canon, but I'm done with that now. If the movie can ignore canon and precedent, so can I. As far as I'm concerned, TRoS never existed. The only thing it's given me is the chance to write that climax scene with Palpatine the way it should've been.
> 
> To those of you I've been communicating with directly, thanks for giving me an understanding ear and a shoulder to cry on. It's helped to know I'm not alone in what I feel. I love you all.
> 
> If you want to read my full commentary on the movie, you can [find it on my website](https://flyingtigerpress.com/2019/12/blog-posts/writing/the-rise-of-skywalker-the-fail-of-jj-abrams/), [on Tumblr](https://kathyswizards.tumblr.com/post/189906849828/the-following-commentary-contains-spoilers-with) or [here on AO3](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22019221)


	14. Takodana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey go to Takodana, where Kylo Ren is born.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm upping the rating to Mature in this chapter. Nothing too spicy, but I think it goes beyond a Teen  
rating.

**Ben - Age 19/Rey - Age 9**

**Ben – Takodana**

Rey shuffled into the _Falcon’s_ cockpit just before Ben dropped out of hyperspace.

She gave him an accusing look. “You didn’t stay with me. You said you’d stay with me.”

“No, I didn’t. Someone needs to fly the ship. It’s in bad shape. I don’t trust it.” Muttering, he added, “Always has been. Piece of junk.”

“We need parts,” she said. “I can fix it. It’ll be a good ship. You’ll see. ”

Ben snorted. “My father would love you.”

Remembering his pleas for his father to go rescue her, he frowned.

She glared at him a moment longer then flopped into the copilot’s chair. “We need to get rid of the Blobfish’s tracker too.”

“And get supplies. I know.”

He turned back to the controls and pulled the slides back. The hum of the hyperdrive fell away and the blue streaks of hyperspace condensed into stars again. A globe of mottled streaks of blue and green appeared in the viewport, growing larger as they approached and finally entered the atmosphere. They dipped through clouds and into clear air again. The landscape blurred past below.

Rey’s face shone with wonder and awe. “I didn’t know there was this much green in the _entire galaxy!”_

Ben’s heart wrenched. He _hated_ the way she’d lived on Jakku.

“Wait until we land,” he said.

When the ramp descended and the rich scent of moisture and growing things swirled inside, she started to dart outside.

He caught her, putting a hand on the back of her neck to make sure she didn’t scamper away after they stepped off.

He thought she might’ve objected, but she was too busy staring up at the trees that arched over them, touching the moss-furred rocks and trunks, brushing her fingers through the soft fronds of undergrowth unfurling by the path as they walked.

She sucked in a long breath and closed her eyes, the afternoon sunlight gilding her face. The Force glowed with her happiness. Quiet pleasure washed over him.

When the spires of Maz’s castle came in sight, Ben glanced westward. He wasn’t sure, but he thought this might be where he’d glimpsed his vision of the girl in rags hunted by the towering black figure. There was nothing now, only sun-dappled woods and rustle of the breeze through leaves.

He shifted his hand to Rey’s shoulder. “Stay with me. There are bad people here.”

Rey glanced curiously up at him. “What bad people?”

He flashed back to that day with his father so many years ago, the threat he’d felt around them through the Force.

“Murderers,” he said. “Pirates. Thieves.”

Her brow wrinkled. “But who are the bad people?”

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out as he realized—those weren’t bad people to her. They were the kind of people she was used to.

“Just stay with me,” he said.

She shrugged like he was being overprotective, but was willing to humor him.

As they entered the courtyard, she cranked her neck all the way back to look at the colorful banners and the statue of Maz, her arms held wide in welcome.

At the stone steps that led up to the castle’s doors, Ben warned, “And don’t stare.”

This time, she gave him a disgusted look. “I _know_. You think I want trouble?”

It struck him all over again, the life this little girl had been forced to lead.

* * *

Maz had already been told about the most recent ship to land—a battered Corellian freighter. That was enough by itself to pique her interest. But when a ripple went through the Force, she narrowed her eyes behind her lenses, leaned against the bar and waited to see what appeared.

Music and voices, the savory smell of food and the sharp one of smoke filled the cantina. She watched the doors discreetly. Eventually, they opened.

A tall, hooded figure stood silhouetted against the bright daylight outside. He (Maz would bet it was a “he,” with those shoulders and that height) stood a moment, as if waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dim interior.

She felt a mind brush hers and straightened, automatically slamming up her mental barriers.

No, not waiting for his eyes to adjust. _He was scanning the minds around him_.

As the doors closed behind him, she saw he wasn’t alone. One large hand rested protectively on a child’s shoulder. And what she felt through the Force…

They were one in the Force. Two halves of a whole.

Reining in her curiosity, Maz watched as the strange pair found a table. The child, a little girl in scruffy clothing, hopped up into the chair beside his. Maz took it as her cue and made her way through the crowded cantina toward the two.

She seldom saw children at her place; when she did, they were invariably curious. This one sat swinging her legs and staring at nothing in particular. When three Bothans snarled at one another in a dispute over some game, she only glanced. That made Maz more curious than ever.

When she arrived at the table the girl’s attention shifted to her. Her legs stopped swinging and she tensed, not at all childlike. The man’s hooded face turned to Maz. She looked up into it.

The dark eyes looking back at her were the those of Han Solo’s son.

The last time she’d seen him, he hadn’t been much older than the girl who sat with him now. The face had changed in the years since she'd seen it; a man's face now, with a day or two's growth of beard. His presence in the Force was more imposing than ever. And it had been impressive even then.

“Ben Solo,” she said. “Last I heard, you were learning to be a Jedi. Looks like there was a change of plans.”

He only bent his head.

Maz wasn’t about to be put off. “It wouldn’t have anything to do with that ship on my landing field, would it?”

_That_ got a response. “The only reason I care about that piece of junk is because it heaves itself off the ground and into hyperspace when I need it to.”

“He came to get _me_,” the child announced.

Maz raised her brows and turned to the girl. “And who are you?”

The girl eyed her a moment, as if weighing her trustworthiness. Apparently Maz passed muster, because she answered, “I’m Rey.”

“Hmm.” Maz flicked a questioning glance at Ben. “And who is Rey?”

The girl wrinkled her nose in confusion. “Rey is me.”

Ben volunteered nothing.

Dealing with Han’s son, Maz decided, would be much like dealing with Han. Except instead of having to navigate a jungle of charming chatter, she’d have to wade through a swamp of silence.

Maz stared back. “You’re here. You want something. Talk.”

He flicked a glance of his own at Rey.

Maz took the hint. “Well, Rey Me, are you hungry?”

Every remnant of suspicion fell away and the girl nodded eagerly.

Maz pointed across the room. “Go to the bar and ask Cookie for a sizzle plate for three, a side of spiced roncha nuts and some dragon melon poufs.”

Rey promptly slid out of her chair and darted through the tables to the bar. Ben’s eyes followed her, only turning back to Maz when the child had found Cookie.

Maz climbed into the chair opposite his. Leaning an elbow on the table, she narrowed her eyes. “Who’s the girl?”

Ben’s lips flattened. For a moment, Maz thought he wouldn’t answer, then he said, “She’s in my care.”

“Your own padawan?”

Ben gave a dismissive jerk of the chin. “She was abandoned,” he growled. “She spent the last five years alone on Jakku, left to live or die.”

“Jakku!” Maz hissed a breath between her teeth.

He clenched a fist on the table. “Her parents promised to come back for her. She was still waiting when I came for her.” His anger rippled out through the Force in dark waves.

“How did you find her?”

Ben just looked at her.

“The Force,” Maz said.

He nodded.

“What will you do with her?”

“Teach her," Ben said. "Show her the ways of the Force.”

“Hmm. Seems you could save both of you a lot of trouble if you took her to Luke.”

“No. That isn’t what she needs.”

“And you are?”

He cocked his head.

Maz realized he wasn’t simply taciturn; he was expressive enough without talking. Perhaps coming from parents who moved in clouds of their own words, he’d given up long ago trying to get a word in edgewise.

Sitting back, Maz made a gesture of invitation. “You know I collect stories. Give me a story, Ben Solo. Call it a down payment for whatever you came here for.”

He hunched his shoulders, peering at her from under his hood as if deciding if he could trust her. At last, he pushed out a breath.

“We started appearing to each other five years ago.”

“Appearing,” Maz repeated slowly.

“Through the Force. Right after I went to Luke. Right after Rey’s parents abandoned her.”

Maz heard the undercurrent of anger and bitterness. Understanding suddenly burst on her. “You share a Force bond.”

Ben’s head jerked up. His eyes burned into hers.

“When the two of you came in,” she said, “I saw the connection between you.”

He leaned forward. “Do you know about Force bonds?”

She fluttered a hand. “A little. They’re usually between Force-sensitive parents and children, or siblings. Sometimes between spouses.” She thought, staring absently across the room. “But never like that. Nothing like what I see between you. You appeared to each other after you both were left.”

“I could sense her before that. A light…” He gave Maz a cautious glance. “It’s why I was here with my father that time. When he lost the _Millennium_ _Falcon_. I was trying to find her.”

Maz blinked and folded up her lenses. “The bond existed _then?_ But she must’ve been…”

“A baby.”

“That means you must be—”

Rey appeared at the table with a plate of sunset-orange puff pastries. “Ben, Ben! You should see!” she said, breathless. “All the _food!”_

Cookie Tuggs came stumping behind her. The sizzling plates of geldorn meat, sliced purple anniss root, yellow-green ons and thick-fleshed pellan fruits in his huge hands sent savory steam into the air.

He thumped the plates down, his wide nostrils flaring wider in annoyance. “Anything else?” he grumped.

Rey put down the dragon melon poufs but hunched over them, never taking her eyes off the food. “Water!” She looked hopefully up at Ben, then Maz. “Can we have water?”

Maz was beginning to get an idea of how deprived the child’s life had been. No wonder Ben had gone to fetch her.

She leaned toward Rey and said in a conspiratorial whisper, “Better than that. How about shuura fruit juice?”

Rey gave Ben a questioning glance. He nodded. “You’ll like it.”

Cookie grunted and turned to go, either in acknowledgement or disgust—one could never tell.

Rey hopped up into her chair and reached for her plate, ready to eat with bare fingers.

Before Maz could warn her, Ben said, “Wait, Rey. It’s hot.”

He slid a fork across the table to her. She eyed it warily, then looked at him questioningly. Picking up his fork, he began to eat slowly. Rey watched a moment. Picking up her own fork, she tried—clumsily—to mimic him. Ben nodded approval.

Maz observed the interchange with interest.

Her guesses were confirmed watching Rey eat—like a child whose next meal was never guaranteed. The food disappeared with increasing speed as it cooled. Rey leaned across the table for the bowl of roncha nuts. Ben raised a hand, fingers curling. The bowl slid away, out of reach.

“Oi!” Rey protested. “What’d you do that for?”

Bracing a hand on the table, she leaned farther.

“You can do the same thing.” Ben moved the bowl clear to the opposite edge of the table. His eyes sparkled. “Try, Rey. Less rude than reaching across the table.”

Slithering back into her chair, Rey suddenly closed in on herself. “I can’t.”

Ben cocked his head. “Yes you can. I know you can.”

She shook her head hard, her thin arms locked around her middle.

He quietly slid the bowl back. Rey seemed to have lost interest, only staring down at her plate.

Maz watched her. There was something here. She could feel how strong the Force was with the girl. Why couldn’t she use it? Or was it that she _wouldn’t?_

Ben watched Rey worriedly until he noticed Maz’s scrutiny.

Straightening, he said abruptly, “I need an encrypted datalink to access my accounts. I need someone to sweep the _Falcon_ for trackers. And I need to find someone who makes armor.”

Maz gave a dismissive wave of one long hand. “I’ll have someone sweep the ship.” Sitting back, she gave a considering hum and scanned her patrons. “See that Zeltron woman there?”

She tilted her chin toward a curvaceous, pink-skinned woman with hair like blaze of fire down her back.

Leaning back in his chair, Ben rolled his neck as if stretching out a kink—a flash of his father’s mannerisms. Looking while pretending not to look.

“She’ll make whatever you need,” Maz said.

Ben nodded and stood. “Finished, Rey? Come on. I need you to wait on the _Falcon_.”

“She can stay with me,” Maz offered. “I’ll take care of her.”

He stiffened. The Force suddenly prickled with suspicion and refusal.

Maz narrowed her eyes.

Rey hopped out of her chair and took his hand. “It’s okay, Ben. I can stay with Maz.”

His menace faded like a spent thunderstorm. Interesting.

His fingers curled around Rey’s. “Don’t go anywhere.”

“I won’t,” she promised.

Maz thought about warning him about Zeltrons’ pheromonal allure but decided against it. This was Han Solo’s and Senator Leia Organa’s son, no sheltered young Jedi—and he certainly wasn’t a child. If he didn’t already know about such things, he’d learn soon enough.

He nodded once and made his way to the table where the Zeltron sat.

Rey sat again, this time in front of the bowl of roncha nuts, which she promptly plunged a hand into. Around a mouthful, she said, “He worries about me, but I can take care of myself.”

“It’s natural for adults to want to take care of children,” Maz said.

Rey wrinkled her nose again. “Really?”

“He takes good care of you?”

Rey brightened. “I’m going to get to eat _every day!_ Ben isn’t mean to me. He’s gonna teach me all sorts of things.”

“What will he teach you?” Maz had her concerns about that. A young man who abandoned his Jedi teachings to sweep up a helpless, impressionable child?

Rey swung her legs. “About the galaxy, and history…” She faltered and went on in a lower voice, “And about the Force.”

“Did he tell you about Luke’s school?”

Rey shot her a distrustful glance. “I don’t want to be a Jedi. Neither does Ben. We’re not going back there.”

“You might like being with other younglings who can use the Force. You could learn to use it.”

“No,” Rey said flatly.

Maz tried another tack. “You could have friends of your own.”

The distrust became worry. “You can’t love anybody if you’re a Jedi. If I went to that school, they’d take Ben away from me.”

That told her everything she wanted to know: Rey was no disciple, and Ben was no master.

“He’s older than you, child,” she said. “There are other things that could take him away from you.”

She glanced across the room. Like the enticing smiles of that Zeltron armorer. The woman’s gaze traveled slowly down Ben’s tall frame, then slowly back up again. Maz couldn’t hear what they said, but he shook his head, nodded, nodded again.

Rey’s mouth set in a stubborn line. “I’ll grow up. And I’ll be with Ben forever.”

Ben glanced back toward their table, took in Rey still with Maz and turned back. The Zeltron woman rose, heading toward the door.

Ben followed.

* * *

The Zeltron woman stood close, much closer than necessary. Her scent, rich and dizzying, went to Ben’s head like some powerful liquor. He could barely pay attention to his surroundings, the circular chamber in her ship, spools and bolts of fabric, the frames to pin clothing on, the form molder. He clenched his fists to keep himself still as she slowly moved the scanner over his body, taking his measurements.

Her eyes followed her hand. “I can already tell, I’m going to _love_ this project.”

Ben, hot and breathless, thought he should step back. He had no desire to.

He forced out words. “We need to talk about…” He swallowed hard. “Your fee.”

She flashed a smile up at him. “Oh, I’m sure we can arrive at something mutually agreeable.” Switching off the scanner, she stepped back. “Take off your clothes.”

Narrowing his eyes, he brushed her mind. His breath stopped. What he found wasn’t what he’d seen in Jaena and Shirra’s minds—their intention to torment and humiliate him. Not at all.

His mouth went dry and heat coiled in his groin. “I don’t—”

She reached up, unclasped his cloak. It fell in a puddle of fabric at his feet. “_Don’t_. _Can’t_. Terrible words.”

“I’m—” _a Jedi_, he started to say. But he wasn’t. He’d turned his back on all that. On everything it meant.

She pushed his robes off his shoulders. The ache and tightness at his groin were becoming unbearable.

“You’re?” she prompted, her slim hands molding his arms as she slid off his robes.

She glanced down and a slow, pleased smile curled her lips. She brushed the tightness of his pants. He jumped.

She chuckled softly. “Ready? I can see that.”

As she began to rub him there, he instinctively thrust forward into her hand. She raised her eyes to his. They were dark, the pupils blown wide. Her lips were parted, moist.

Ben stepped forward suddenly, gripped her hip with one hand, the back of her neck with the other. He bent his head, set his mouth to the angle between throat and shoulder. Moaning, she tipped her head back and melted into him, the hand still trapped between them working frantically at his belt. Her free hand pulled at his shirt. His own hands went to work on her clothes as he backed her up to pin her against the bulkhead of her ship.

* * *

It was dark when Ben left the Zeltron’s ship. Late. The helmet she’d made for him obstructed his vision, but the fog that had come up from the lake was clear enough. Sound fell muffled. Moisture falling from leaves made hollow plops, the drops that fell on him imperceptible through his new padded tunic and cloak. Trees were only blurred columns that appeared and disappeared, rising into darkness.

Like the time he spent with the woman. Muffled. Hollow. A few moments’ pleasure that vanished into mist. Ben frowned. Was this the way it was supposed to be? His body relaxed and sated while something inside him raged with emptiness?

It didn’t make sense. He knew how people felt about sex, the way it consumed their thoughts. How could it, when it was so... _meaningless?_

_Ah, my boy!_ Snoke purred. _Where have you been?_

Still frowning, Ben said, “Where have I been?”

_You vanished. I feared the worst, with Skywalker certain to be after you_.

“I—” Ben began, then remembered his dream on the _Falcon_. The groping tendrils, the hungry darkness. Snoke’s broken whispers. And then…light.

Rey’s light.

With a jolt, he realized Snoke hadn’t spoken to him since he’d been with Rey.

“I’ve been busy,” he said brusquely.

Snoke’s chuckle rippled through his mind. _Indeed. Would you be interested to know that passion is also a path to power?_

Images spun through his mind: ecstasy burning white-hot through him, immolating his partner as he came. Absorbing the power of her life-force into his as she screamed and writhed and shriveled.

Breath squeezed out of his chest. His guts curdled.

_Now, now, my boy. No need to be embarrassed. It’s all perfectly natural_.

“You need to leave me alone,” Ben grated and slammed up his mental shields.

He stormed along the path to Maz’s castle, his boots thumping softly on the damp ground. He felt defiled and filthy in a way he hadn’t after his tryst with the Zeltron woman. He might be inexperienced, but he knew sex should never be that—that _abomination_.

He reached out for Rey. Even here, her light burned like a small sun. The tightness and sickness eased.

Ben followed his sense of her to one of the rooms upstairs in Maz’s castle. Outside the door, he held a hand over the lock. It blinked blue and the door whispered open.

The bed almost swallowed Rey—she was just a small lump under the covers topped by a spill of dark hair across the pillow.

He crossed the room silently and took her thin shoulder in a black-gloved hand. “Rey,” he said softly.

Her eyes blinked open. Like a flash, she threw her pillow at him. The next thing he knew, a knife was slashing toward him. He caught her wrist an instant before she plunged it into him. She turned and sank her teeth into his arm.

“Rey!” he yelped. Even through his padded sleeve, he could tell she’d drawn blood. “It’s me! Ben!”

She unclamped her jaw and peered at him. “Ben?”

He twisted the knife out of her hand for caution’s sake. “I’ll show you. Don’t try to kill me.”

He let her go. Rubbing her wrist, she nodded.

Watching her warily, he reached up and unlatched his helmet.

* * *

Two black-gloved hands reached up to the mask—a scary thing, all black with chrome rings around the eyes and across the forehead. The front slid out with a hiss, and the hands pulled it off.

He’d taken her knife, but Rey tensed, ready to take teeth and nails to whatever was underneath. Because the way that voice sounded, all deep and strange, she wasn’t sure it was Ben, no matter what he said.

The mask came off to reveal Ben’s full lips, prominent nose and dark eyes over the high collar of his padded black tunic.

“Kriffing _hell_, Ben!” she burst out, her heart still hammering.

He jerked back like she’d hit him. “Rey! Where did you learn language like that?”

“Everybody curses!”

“I don’t curse. You won’t, either.”

“Don’t scare me like that, then!” she flared.

“I’m sorry,” he said, suddenly apologetic. “I didn’t think.”

“I almost stabbed you! Why’d you wake me up like that?”

“I wanted you to see my new armor. I thought you’d know it was me.”

“You were wearing a mask! You looked like some kind of creature! How was I supposed to know who it was?”

One corner of his mouth quirked. “If you didn’t recognize me, no one else will either.”

She stared at him, outraged. With a screech, she launched herself at him.

“Hey! Ow!” He raised his hands to protect himself. She got in some good punches, anyway. “Stop it, Rey!” Grabbing her wrists, he held her off. “Don’t you bite me again!”

She made a show of snapping at him. “You’re _mean!”_

“I said I was sorry!”

“You’re not sorry!”

“I’m sorry I scared you. I only wanted to surprise you.”

She jerked in his hold and tried to kick him through the blankets.

“Stop, Rey. I’ll let you go if you promise not to hit me.” He considered a moment and added, “Or bite me.”

“You’d deserve it!”

“No I don’t.” He let her go and rubbed his arm. “That hurt.”

Sudden worry flooded her. She patted his chest and arms. “Did I get you?”

“Only with your teeth. How many people have you bitten?”

“Anybody who grabs me.”

He snorted. “Next time I grab you, I’ll use the Force.” He had a knee on the bed. He pushed up and stood. “Get dressed and come on. I have a few more things to do, then we’re heading out again.”

He was waiting for her outside the room, a huge black shadow blending into the dimness of the stone hallway. Without meaning to, she shied back. With his cloak and heavy, strapped boots and padded black tunic, he was still scary, even with his helmet tucked in the crook of his arm.

He held out a black-gloved hand. She had to look up into his face and make double-sure it was him before she could approach and put her hand in his.

Side by side, they headed down the stairs.

Rey eyed the black leather of his glove where it wrapped her hand. “Why do you want all that stuff, anyway?”

“The whole galaxy knows the _Millennium Falcon_. If I’m seen with it, it’ll be obvious who I am. The mask will make sure I’m not recognized.”

She thought about it. “So you’re not supposed to be Ben Solo. Who are you then?”

“Kylo Ren.” He pronounced the name as if savoring it.

She made a face. “So who’s Kylo Ren supposed to be?”

One corner of his mouth ticked up. “A mystery.”

* * *

Rey’s small hand in his, Ben stepped off the stairs into the cantina’s dim quiet. The bar sat in a pool of its own light. The only sound was the murmur of quiet conversation from a group sitting at a table in the corner.

The click of a blaster safety came the same instant Ben spun and raised a hand.

“Step away from the kid,” a voice grated.

Ben didn’t expect Rey to jump between him and the Rodian with a blaster pointed at them.

He clamped a hand on her shoulder and snatched her behind him.

“Calm _down_,” Maz’s voice said. She came up another set of steps in the corner of the room. “Put down the blaster, Chuno.” She gave a dismissive wave. “It’s all right. Go relax.”

The Rodian melted back into the shadows.

Maz came close, put her hands on her hips and looked Ben up and down. “Hm. What’s all this?”

“Everybody knows the _Falcon_,” Rey explained. “So Ben doesn’t want everybody knowing it’s him.”

“Everyone knows the _Falcon_,” Maz said to Ben. “But your father didn’t mind them knowing who was flying it.”

Ben bristled. “My father enjoys excitement.”

Maz barked a laugh. “That’s one way to put it.” She turned and beckoned them. “There were _four_ trackers on your ship. It’s clean now.”

She led them along a corridor to a room that was as bright and clean and modern as any Senatorial communications station on Hosnian Prime.

Maz gestured toward a comm panel with a holo projector. “Secure, encrypted and anonymous,” she said. “Would you like me to keep Rey while you do your business?”

Rey drew herself up for an argument, but Ben said first, “No. She’ll stay with me.”

Her ruffled feathers settled again.

Maz nodded. The door swept shut behind her and the lock clicked.

Ben sat down, keyed in a comm code and tapped in a few short words. He entered coordinates and sent the message.

Finally, he input the codes for his personal accounts then transmitted the appropriate biometric keys. He didn’t expect to have access for long, but while he did, he’d make use of them.

**Leia – Hosnian Prime**

Leia narrowed her eyes at the holo of her brother. “What do you mean you _lost_ him?”

Gusting a sigh, Luke lowered his head. “He disappeared. We traced him as far as Jakku. He stole a ship belonging to the local boss.” He made a face. “Left quite an impression behind.”

Leia sat up straight. “Jakku!”

Luke’s head snapped up. “You know something?”

She stared into space a long moment, feeling her way through her instincts. “He contacted me a couple of years ago. Begged me to ask Han to go look for a little girl there. Han couldn’t find her.”

“Ben abducted a girl there,” Luke said.

Leia bristled. “Don’t give me that, Luke.”

He drew himself up. “That’s what we were told.”

“Han told me what he found on Jakku. If Ben took that girl, it was a rescue.” Leia narrowed her eyes again. “How did he know about her?”

Luke spread his hands. “I don’t know.”

It hit her all at once. “The light. The light he was always talking about. It must’ve been her.”

“That’s impossible,” Luke said. “If he sensed her through the Force, we would’ve sensed her too.”

_So you were on Jakku, too_, Leia thought and wondered if it was two years ago. She filed the information away for later.

“Would you?” she asked, genuinely curious.

He was silent a long moment. “Ben talked to me about the light, too. I thought he was sensing some manifestation of the Force.”

She nodded slowly. “Maybe he was. Maybe it was just something we never expected.”

Luke ran a hand down his face. “Another one. _Another_ one like Ben. And they’re out there on their own.”

She sat back, tapping a finger on her desk. “I received a message yesterday. Sent from an anonymous station. Something about a new Death Star.”

Luke’s lips went flat.

“Would you know anything about that?” Leia pressed.

“I can’t discuss it.”

Leia’s temper flared. _Can’t you, now?_ She calmed herself. Fair enough. She didn’t particularly care to reveal that _someone_ had accessed Ben’s accounts and made substantial withdrawals.

“What happens now?” she said.

“I have to find him,” Luke said heavily.

“He won’t want to come back.”

Meeting her eyes, Luke set his jaw. “I’ll just have to convince him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know not everyone will like Ben having a sexual experience, but my thinking is he's a young guy with the same drives most young guys have. I've never been able to see him as a virgin at 29 or 30. He's sensitive, but he also has strong emotions. I feel he'd occasionally need to express that physically.
> 
> It just occurred to me that Kylo Ren just can't help being a shit to Rey. He just got his first lesson in Do Not Scare Rey. She will do you bodily harm. 😂


	15. Ben - Age 20/Rey - Age 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is on a mission that takes her and Ben to the planet where it all started-- Tatooine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was running long, so I decided to split it up. I hope not to make you wait so long for the next one.

One of the _Millennium Falcon’s_ cargo holds made a perfect practice space and meditation chamber. Ben swung his practice blade in a long arc. Rey’s staff caught it with a _clack_.

“You’re pulling it!” she shouted. “Hit me like you mean it! If I have to fight someone, you think it’ll be another kid?”

With an amused grunt, he came at her again, blow after blow, driving her back. Panting and snarling like a little wild animal, she blocked, blocked again. She ducked under his next swing, slid around to his left and jabbed her staff for his lower back. Spinning, he raised a hand.

“No Force stuff!” she snarled and made a swipe at his outstretched hand.

Sensing her intention, he snatched his hand back before she hit it. “Yes, Force stuff. If you have to fight, you think it’ll be another kid? Use every advantage you have.”

“My advantage…” _Swipe._ “…is I practice…” _Jab._ “…with a big, giant…” _Slash._ “…Wookiee.”

He slammed his blade down on her staff, trying to knock it out of her hands. “You’ve never even seen a Wookiee.”

Still hanging onto her staff, she went down to one knee, rolled to the side to disengage and scrambled back up again. “Have too.”

“Have not.”

“Have _too_. He got in a blaster fight with Unkar Plutt’s thugs.”

Ben stilled.

She wheeled around with one of her roundhouse swings, the kind that would leave him bruised and sore for days if it connected. He reached out with the Force and shoved her back.

“Oi!”

“Come on, Rey. Use the Force.”

“I can’t,” she panted. “You know I can’t.”

“Yes you can. You can feel the Force. You can use it, too.”

It had taken months to get her to where she didn’t freeze up at the suggestion.

Her blind, overwhelming panic reminded him of some of his mother’s friends who’d fought in the Galactic Civil War. They’d hear a sound, or someone would say something, and just like that they’d be back in some terrible memory from the war. He saw even his mother panic once at a spherical black medical droid. It had terrified him, the way his fearless mother had stumbled backward, her breathing ragged, her eyes so wide the white showed all around.

Had someone used the Force to hurt Rey? No, not that. She didn’t panic when he used the Force on her, the way he was now.

“I _can’t_,” Rey insisted.

She came at him again, teeth bared. He flicked her back again with the Force.

“_Don’t!” _she yelled.

“Stop me then. You told me not to pull my punches. What’ll you do if you face another Force-user?”

She charged him, staff whistling in a vicious swing. “I _won’t_.”

A lazy lift of the hand and he bounced her back. “Are you sure? My uncle is after me. What if he finds us? What if he finds _you?”_

Breathing hard, she lowered her staff. “What if he _does_, Ben?”

“If he does, it’ll be good to have help.”

She just stared up at him, eyes wide and worried.

Abruptly, she plunked down on the floor and set her staff aside. “Let’s meditate.”

It was so unexpected he just stood a moment, practice blade still raised. She hated meditation. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d done something sneaky to get him to lower his guard.

He couldn’t see her thoughts the way he could most people’s. Not without pushing into her mind—and he wouldn’t do that to her. But he could sense her emotions. She was serious now.

He lowered himself to sit cross-legged opposite her. “What do you want to work on?”

She frowned. “How I’ll know if someone’s a Force-user.”

“You can feel it.”

“What’s it feel like?”

He considered. “Not like I feel to you, or you feel to me. Like… Something inside you will recognize them.”

She kept frowning.

“Reach out to me,” he said. “I’ll show you.”

It was the one use of the Force she didn’t shy away from.

Still frowning, she closed her eyes.

As always, she was a brilliant sun in his perception. Darkness slithered and coiled beyond the reach of her light—Snoke’s darkness, he’d come to realize. When Rey was near, there was nothing in his mind and heart but her light. No whispers. No insidious breath fanning the flames of pain and fear and anger.

Opening himself, he reached back.

Rey gasped and recoiled back into herself. She leaned back on her hands, her eyes wide. “What was _that?”_ Her voice was shaky.

He knew, in that instant before she withdrew, what she’d seen. “That was Snoke.”

“Smoke?”

“Snoke. He’s talked to me as long as I remember. In my mind.”

“He’s in _your mind?_ That’s awful! Why?”

“I—” He stopped. He’d never asked the question. “He’s always explained things to me…”

She narrowed her eyes. “Why?”

He huffed out a breath, ran a hand through his hair. Leave it to a half-feral little scavenger girl to ask the obvious question. Snoke was there. He always had been. _Why_ had never occurred to him.

“I don’t know.”

She wet her lips. “Is it…like us?”

“No,” he said. “Nothing like us. He talks to me, but I don’t see him. And I never _feel_ him. I don’t know where he is.” Ben had a bad thought. “Can you hear him? Does he try to talk to you since…” His throat went dry. He swallowed and went on, “Since we’ve been together?”

She shook her head. “Does he still talk to you?”

“Sometimes.”

“What does he say?”

Ben pressed his lips together. “He wants me to come to him. He wants me to bring you.”

“Are you?” she whispered.

“_No_. No,” he said more quietly when she twitched back. “It’s not right. I can feel it. The things he tells me—_they’ve_ told me—they aren’t right.”

She drew up her knees, linked her arms around them—a protective posture. “He sounds like Izzen Bith. Saying nice things. Being _helpful_.”

This time it was Ben who recoiled. Izzen Bith, the overseer who’d called Rey his _pretty little lady_. The one who’d _touched_ her.

Disgust surged in his belly. He stood abruptly, walked away.

Rey’s worried voice came from behind him. “Ben?”

He stopped but didn’t turn. “It’s all right.” He made an effort to sound normal. “I need to check the ship.”

He strode blindly along the dingy corridor, fighting the churn of nausea in his gut. In the cockpit, he dropped into the pilot’s chair. A cluster of stars like blue gems nestled in gauzy white gas gleamed beyond the viewport.

Ben clenched and unclenched his fists, struggling to slow and calm his breathing. He didn’t want to think about what Rey said, but he couldn’t push it out of his mind. His skin crawled with a sense of degradation and violation. Memories of years, _years_ of Snoke’s whispers, so _understanding_, so _helpful_. Rey was right—why?

He felt like a dark fog had been lifted from his mind, everything suddenly clear and bright and unfamiliar in this sharp, new light. He’d been so lonely, as starved for attention and understanding as Rey had been for food. Snoke gave him what he so badly needed.

Now that he had Rey to teach, to care for, Ben realized how _wrong_ it was, what Snoke did. His violation of a young Ben’s dependence and trust. There was nothing wrong with teaching and guiding, but to invade his _mind?_ Snoke peered into his thoughts, his most secret heart, plucked out the jewels there and toyed with them as if he had every right.

A shudder wracked him. Ben fought the impulse to either puke or destroy something.

“Ben?”

He whipped around at Rey’s voice.

She stood at the cockpit hatch, eying him. “You look sick.”

He ran a hand down his face. “I’m fine.”

She came and sat down in the copilot’s seat. Turning to face him, she just watched him. It was a tactic she’d learned from him. He hated that it worked.

Ben took a long breath to still the shudders. “Thinking.”

She waited.

All the years that he’d kept to himself and carried his own fears—they weighted him. He didn’t like _talking_ to people, saying words that never seemed to come out right. And Rey was just a little girl who’d been through too much already. He couldn’t burden her with more.

Straightening, he tried for a businesslike tone. “About what we’re going to do next.”

She made a suspicious face, lips twisted to one side, then gave him a look that said, _You’re full of bantha crap_. “Good. Because we need to make a parts run.”

There had been many parts runs over the last year to get the ship to where it was about as reliable as it ever had been. The credits he’d withdrawn while they were on Takodana were about gone.

“We just made a parts run.”

“We need droid parts,” she said.

“We don’t even have a droid.”

“That’s why we need parts.”

He eyed her. The argument was growing circular. With Rey, it often did.

She grabbed his hand. “She’s trapped in there and we gotta get her out,” she said in a rush.

Alarm spiked through him. “Wait. Who’s trapped in where?”

“L3. In the _Falcon’s_ navicomputer.”

All the time she’d been spending in the circuitry bay began to make sense. His alarm found a different source. “What have you been doing?”

“Just talking! She used to be a real droid. Something happened. Next thing she knew she was in the _Falcon_. She wanted droids to be free and now she’s a _slave_.” Rey hissed the word with loathing. “She’s been in there forever and ever and she hates it.” She took his hand in both hers, desperately earnest. “That’s why we have to get her out.”

“Rey, without a navicomputer—”

“We talked about that. She can still navigate. It’ll be better. She can help us do lots of stuff.”

He thought of his father’s mutters about all the squabbling between the _Falcon’s_ droid brains and wondered if there was an instigator.

“Do you even know how to build a droid?” He realized with perfect clarity that his protests were getting weaker.

Scenting blood, she pounced. “L3 said she can help us.”

_Of course she did_. Heaving a sigh, he connected to the holonet and entered _droid parts near me_. Was it his imagination, or did the computer respond more quickly?

_TATOOINE_ flashed on the display. Of all places. Helpfully, the coordinates also displayed and the computations for the hyperspace jump streamed past on the screen.

Ben gave a huff, half disgusted, half amused. He was obviously outnumbered here. “Set our course.”

Squealing, Rey bounced, released his hand and turned forward. Her small fingers danced over the controls almost as surely as his own. Eyes shining with excitement, she looked over at him once then pushed the slides to engage the hyperdrive.

* * *

Ben pulled on his gloves. His helmet rested on the dejarik table.

“Most of the credits I withdrew are gone. I don’t want to take a chance making more withdrawals. They might be traced.” He looked up at Rey where she sat cross-legged at the table. “I want you to wait here on the ship while I get credits…” He paused long enough to make sure he had her attention. “For your droid parts.”

“Okay.” She had an innocent look on her face he’d learned meant trouble.

He picked up his helmet but didn’t put it on. “You’ll stay here.”

“Sure.”

Searching for the catch, he narrowed his eyes. “For how long?”

She just grinned.

It wasn’t like he could lock her in the ship. Even if he wanted to, she’d only find a way out.

“Rey. Can you just do this? Because I’m asking?”

The grin disappeared. Something somewhere between suspicion and puzzlement replaced it. “Why?”

“It might be dangerous.”

Her fear suddenly shimmered through the Force. “You’re going someplace dangerous,” her voice came out higher than usual, “while I _wait_ for you?”

The mistake hit him like a punch to the gut. He went down to one knee in front of her. “No.” He knotted his jaw. “But you have to _stay with_ me.”

She nodded hard and the fear evaporated.

Her contradictions still occasionally caught him by surprise. She had the cunning of a Nemoidian and the ruthlessness of a Hutt, but that still gave way sometimes to the fears and insecurities of an abandoned child.

They descended the _Falcon’s_ boarding ramp into the glare and heat of Tatooine’s two suns.

For all its prominence in his family’s history, Ben had never been to Tatooine. It wasn’t like the place held happy memories for anyone. His mother had been enslaved here, his father hung as a wall decoration in a Hutt gangster’s palace. His uncle had spent his youth counting the days until he could escape.

At least it was better than _Jakku_.

The spaceport attendant squinted up from his datapad. “_Millennium Falcon_, huh? That was Han Solo’s ship. Where’d you get it?”

“From some skinny kid.” The vocabulator in his helmet made his voice come out deep and distorted.

The attendant’s eyes darted to Rey where she stood beside Ben. She didn’t miss it.

She puffed up, indignant. “Not me!”

“Uh, yeah,” the man muttered, dismissing her. “Berth’ll be a hundred credits.”

Ben just stared at the man. He was satisfied that a stare from behind the mask was even more effective than his own.

“Eighty,” the attendant hastily offered.

Rey glared at him. “We know what a berth goes for here. It’s not eighty credits.”

The attendant’s eyes darted to her again, then back to Ben.

“Fifty,” Ben said. “And if anything happens to my ship, you’ll be discussing it with me.”

The man’s throat bobbed in a swallow and he nodded. Ben held out a credit chip between two black-gloved fingers. The attendant quickly scanned and returned it.

Ben put a hand between Rey’s shoulder blades and steered her away.

When they were out of earshot, she said, “You’re not _skinny_.”

He didn’t expect to find the statement as gratifying as he did.

They stepped out into bustle and noise of Mos Eisley.

Speeders trailed noise and dust. Small rodent-like creatures scurried in the wake of pedestrians, human and not. Voices called in twenty different languages. Tatooine’s suns beat down, weighing on him—layers of black were not a good choice in this climate.

Rey’s eyes darted to every movement, every shadow, her survivor’s instincts on high alert. Ben put a comforting hand on her shoulder to remind her she wasn’t alone. The tension in her frame relaxed a bit and her watchfulness eased to interest and curiosity.

She suddenly wrinkled her nose. “What is _that?”_

Ben drew a deep breath through his mask’s respirator. It filtered out a lot, but not enough to keep out what had Rey pinching her nose.

“That,” he said. “Is bantha crap.” The producer of which, a huge, horned, shaggy form, lumbered some meters ahead of them, dropping more as it went.

“Eww,” Rey skipped aside to avoid a large pile that was already drawing kirik flies.

Ben skimmed minds as they went, searching for the kind of place he needed. His hand still on Rey’s shoulder, he guided them down a short flight of earthen stairs and through a low door.

Besides being blessedly cool inside, the space beyond had all the usual elements of a shady cantina: the dim lighting, clouds of smoke, down-on-their luck band plinking and warbling away, disreputable clientele totally ignoring the music as they drank and schemed and haggled.

Ben wondered if it was the same cantina where his father had shot the hapless Greedo and was glad no one knew who he was. Han Solo cast a long shadow in many of the galaxy’s seedier corners.

Rey followed, a watchful, silent shadow in his wake. Even with his sensitivity, he was grateful for the extra pair of eyes.

He wended his way through the press of bodies to the back of the place, where a sabacc game was going on. He watched a while, debating whether to use the Force to persuade someone to throw down their hand. His looming, silent presence—and the quality of his clothing—finally did the job for him.

The player to his left, a Trandoshan whose stringy muscles and dull scales suggested he’d seen better days, threw down his hand with a snarl.

The player across from him swept the winnings into his own pile. “Time to pack up, Garan.”

The Trandoshan growled something in his own language, bared his teeth and raised his back spines threateningly.

Blasters appeared. Rey promptly dropped to the floor. Ben snapped up a hand and reached for the Force.

“Aw, now, look,” one of the other players said. “You scared the little girlie.”

All attention swung to Rey. Ben stepped in front of her, shielding her from view, but the tension seemed to be broken. The Trandoshan stood, gave Ben a sneer that showed several black and broken teeth and shuffled away.

Suddenly Rey’s presence no longer seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. Even dive bar scum didn’t want to frighten a child. Ben bent, took her by the elbows and lifted her to her feet.

“You want in?” the dealer said, the man who’d chided the others about scaring Rey.

Wordlessly, Ben slid his credit chip onto the table. Then man pulled it over and popped it into a chip reader. His brows climbing when he glanced at the display, he waved Ben into the recently vacated seat and started dealing.

Ben turned to Rey. “Don’t look at anyone’s cards.”

She rolled her eyes, obviously insulted by the warning.

Han Solo made very sure his son knew how to play sabacc. He’d also made sure Ben knew how players could cheat at sabacc—along with the inevitable tale of how he’d met (and outsmarted) his buddy Lando Calrissian. Ben had better ways to cheat at sabacc than hiding cards up his sleeves. When you could hear thoughts, winning at cards was _easy_.

He wasn’t stupid about it. He played several hands the ordinary way, watching and weighing his opponents—who was reckless, who was strategic. Rey stood at his shoulder, watching with more interest than he’d have expected.

Ben started _listening_, allowing himself to win the more obvious hands. As the game progressed, it slowly absorbed more and more of his attention.

Snoke’s voice slipped into his mind: _Reduced to following in your scoundrel father’s footsteps. Cheating at cards._

Narrowing his eyes behind his mask, Ben realized abruptly that Rey was gone.

He twisted in his seat, searching the cantina for her.

The dealer smirked. “Nobody’ll hurt the little girlie.”

Ben was already reaching out through their bond. She was interested and curious about something. He hesitated until she reached back, annoyed. He could almost hear her—_I can take care of myself, Ben!_ He settled back to the game, but still kept a thread of attention tuned to her.

_Dear boy_, Snoke said. _It pains me to see you stoop to this_.

“Why?” Ben challenged silently. “What do you care?”

_You’re capable of so much more._

“_Why do you care?”_ Ben repeated.

_Why do you care about your little orphan girl? _

Ben frowned.

_Those of us powerful in the Force are so rare_, Snoke explained. _Each of us cannot help but care for others like us_.

“I’m old enough to take care of myself. I don’t need anyone telling me what to do.”

_Yet your education has been woefully inadequate. You know it has. How can you teach your own student when you’re only half-taught yourself?_

“I’ll learn what we need.”

_While Skywalker hunts you? What will you do when he finds you? When he finds your little charge with you?_

Ben wavered a moment, then remembered his realizations on the _Falcon_. He saw with sudden and perfect clarity how Snoke was playing on his fears and sense of inadequacy. How he always had.

“Are you saying I can’t handle him?”

_Oh, most certainly. Yet why should you?_

“Because maybe it’s time I did.” He brought his attention back to the game. He was losing this hand. “I need to concentrate.”

_As you wish. Remember, my boy, I’m always here for you_. Snoke faded from his mind.

Ben set his jaw and repressed a shudder. Losing the pot didn’t disgust him as much as Snoke did.

* * *

It turned out Snoke had done one thing to help him. Losing that big pot had made Ben’s subsequent winnings unsuspicious. And if he’d learned anything from his father, he knew you did _not_ want to be caught cheating in a place like this.

He cashed in his winnings and went hunting for Rey.

The barkeep hooked a clawed thumb at the bar’s beverage dispenser. “She’s in there.”

In fact, two small, booted feet protruded from under it.

Ignoring the barkeep’s protests, Ben hopped over the bar and crouched down. “_What_ are you doing?”

“Almost…” Her voice boomed strangely from inside the metal housing. “_Done_.”

She slithered out, grinning and grimy. “The pressurizing pump was frozen. I cleaned it out and lubed it up.”

Ben sensed the barkeep calculating how little he could get away with paying a kid for fixing his beverage dispenser. “Ten credits,” he said.

Straightening to his full height, Ben opened his mouth to argue.

“You’ll make more than that on six mugs of Jawa beer,” Rey said first. “I saw what you’re charging.”

Ben had been teaching her to read, but she was already mathematically literate. Bargaining for portions on Jakku had made sure of that.

The barkeep looked as taken aback as Ben felt. The man rubbed the back of his wrinkled, hairy neck. “Twenty?”

Chin jutted, Rey glared up at him. “Fifty, or I crawl back in there and un-fix it.” She smiled sweetly. “I don’t mind.”

Ben decided his best strategy was to stand silently and look menacing. The barkeep’s close-set eyes darted between them. Muttering, he finally fished around under the counter and came out with a credit chip. He offered it to Ben. Ben stood, gloved hands loose at his sides. The barkeep took the hint and handed the chip to Rey.

She grinned again. “Thanks!”

She skipped out, Ben following like a looming shadow.

He waited until they were outside again. “You were supposed to _stay with me_.”

“I didn’t go anywhere.”

He huffed out a frustrated breath. “Rey—”

“You said it’d be nice to have help. Well, I’m helping. I got the price of our berth.”

“You don’t need to help that way. I’ll make sure we have everything we need.”

She grabbed his hand and skipped along the dusty street beside him. “You play cards, I fix things. It’s perfect! We’ll get L3 out of the _Falcon_. She can help us fix it.” She tilted her head to send a glinting smile up at him. “She can stay with me so you don’t have to worry.”

And of course she’d know that was the source of his irritation. “Listen to me,” he said as sternly as he could manage. “I know you took care of yourself on Jakku. But you don’t have to anymore. And this isn’t Jakku.”

“It’s not much different,” she pointed out.

“No, but—”

“Come on, Kylo.” She was good about remembering to call him that when they weren’t on the _Falcon_. “I’ll know if there’s trouble. So will you. It’s okay.”

He wasn’t sure whether to laugh or shake her for her blithe confidence.

“You know I’m right,” she said.

“About finding trouble? Yes.” The vocabulator gave his voice a truly ominous growl.

“Pfft.” Efficiently, she blew a loose tendril of hair out of her face while making the disparaging noise. “Let’s find those droid parts.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm having a lot of trouble writing since TRoS. That movie hit me harder than I ever expected. I didn't figure it would go exactly the way I wanted, but I never dreamed it would be so terrible. Grieving for what could've been (and what the promo material strongly suggested) is sucking up my creative energy. I've thought about it quite a bit and decided I still want to finish this story, but I'm afraid it's going to be a slow go. Please forgive me if my updates aren't what I'd like them to be.
> 
> In the meantime, please know how grateful I am for every read, subscription, bookmark and comment. Your support is what keeps me going.


	16. Millie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Rey's rescue mission goes terribly wrong, Ben goes to Bespin to try to fix it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, thank you for all your support! I'm so lucky to have readers like you. Your kind words are so inspiring, and they mean the world to me. You're the best! 💓

**Ben – Age 20 - Tatooine**

Rey didn’t find what she was looking for in the used droid lot near the cantina. She did charm the Bimm salesman, an elfin-looking humanoid smaller than she was. He kindly suggested trying the Jawas.

They hired a junky old speeder (like Jakku, everything on Tatooine seemed to be old and junky) and set off south across the desert, following what the Bimm promised was the Jawa sandcrawler circuit.

For the first time in years—ever?—Ben found himself wishing for Luke’s advice. Maybe even C3-PO’s. Hadn’t he been captured by the Jawas? Ben seemed to remember some story about it, when Luke’s adoptive parents had been killed by the Empire.

They zig-zagged up a steep-sided bluff for a view of barren, broken terrain.

Ben waved a hand to encompass the emptiness. “The Jawas could be anywhere out here.”

The wind whipping past teased Rey’s hair out of her buns. “We’ll find them.”

Ben turned his masked face to her. “How?”

She looked impossibly smug. “The same way I’d always find a good haul.” She tilted her head as if listening, then pointed to the left. “Go that way.”

The Force rippled. He perked up. It was subtle. She was sensing through it rather than actively using it. _Good_, he thought, encouraged. He might be able to build on this.

They zipped along the spine of a ridge. When the land fell away, the dark, towering shape of a Jawa sandcrawler appeared on the flats in the distance.

Rey slanted him a grin. “See?”

Ben just grunted, pretending annoyance.

The lack of perspective hadn’t prepared him for the sandcrawler’s sheer size. It was a towering, rusty thing that creaked and groaned over the ground like some vast, land-bound ship. Ben maneuvered the speeder alongside it, close enough for Rey to bang on the armored sides with her staff.

“Oi!” she shouted and banged again.

Ben was pretty sure none of it would be heard inside the hulk, but there must’ve been someone on watch—a hatch high above popped open and a hooded head peered out.

“We’re looking for droid parts!” Rey shouted up. “DROID…PARTS!”

The head pulled back inside and the hatch slammed shut. Rey dropped back into her seat with a disgusted snarl.

“They’ll stop somewhere,” Ben reassured her. “We’ll just follow—”

The sandcrawler clanked and clattered suddenly, then slowly ground to a halt. Ben stopped a little distance behind, but kept the speeder running. There was a long pause while the sandcrawler sat motionless a few meters away. The warning prickle that ran up and down his spine had more to do with the way Rey tensed beside him, her grip on her staff tightening, than what he sensed through the Force. At last, with a creak and a clang, an enormous access hatch began to descend from the vehicle’s back end.

A small group of Jawas tromped down the ramp, their large eyes reflecting yellow from under their hoods in the bright double sunlight. Two at the rear rolled a mixed assortment of droids down the ramp—a couple of labor droids, an exploration droid and, of all things, an old Separatist battle droid. What looked like a scout droid floated along at the rear, its sensor claws dangling.

Rey hopped out of the speeder. Ben followed.

The Jawas displayed their wares, jabbering in a combination of their own language and broken, barely-understandable pidgin Basic. Rey wove through their brown-robed figures, taller than they were, examining the droids.

The battle droid seemed to interest her the most. She circled and poked and pried and peered. The Jawas tried to shoo her away, most gathering around Ben and trying to interest him in the labor droids. Ironic, since he didn’t want a droid to begin with. “No,” he told them repeatedly. They just offered another droid, clustering around him and jabbering and gesturing.

A burst of anger came through the bond. Ben snapped his head up.

Rey was gone. _Again_. She was right here a minute ago!

He turned, turned again. His field of vision through his helmet was terrible; he could only see an oblong slot of desert, the sandcrawler’s looming bulk. He reached out through the Force.

She was somewhere inside the sandcrawler. The Jawas still crowded around him, gabbling. With a sweep of a gloved hand, he thrust them away. They tumbled, squawking. Snapping his lightsaber from his belt, he ignited it with a menacing _vshhht_ of energy. He ran up the ramp, the blue light from his blade jumping across the dim, cluttered interior. The Jawas inside shrieked and scrambled out of his way like so many cloaked and hooded rodents.

A shrill voice echoed through the metal maze. “No!” Rey’s voice, the only word he could make out. Her anger still pummeled him. He ran toward it, toward his sense of her, flinging away any obstacle in front of him with the Force.

Rey’s voice came clearer: “No! I said _no!”_

Ben burst into a compartment crowded with droids. Rey stood at the far side, surrounded by Jawas, her face thunderous.

Ben stretched out a hand and flung them all away.

Rey whipped toward him, her shouts and anger dissolving into surprise. Squealing, the Jawas disappeared into dark corners.

“What did they do?” Ben growled.

Rey blinked. “Nothing. What’s wrong?”

“You were angry. I heard you shout, ‘No.’”

“Oh. Yeah. They won’t let me have the droid I want. They keep trying to get me to pick another one.”

This time, Ben was the one to blink. “They won’t let you have…”

“This one.” She jabbed a finger at the droid that towered next to her.

It was even taller than he was, huge and broad-shouldered and armored and…

“Rey, that droid is full of blaster holes. Why would you want a droid that looks like it lost its last fight?”

She looked at him like he was an idiot. “Who would you be more afraid of? The guy covered with scars, or one with no scars?”

“Why do you want a droid that people are afraid of?”

“_Because_.” She drew out the word. “Then people will think twice about messing with us.”

When he extinguished his lightsaber, an open port behind Rey haloed her in a shaft of light. In the oily-smelling darkness around them, Jawas muttered and scurried.

Ben huffed an annoyed breath. “You can’t find one that functions?”

“This one is the one I want. And I can fix it.”

“What if you can’t?”

She gave him a disgusted look.

Heaving a sigh, he turned.

“This droid,” he announced to the shadows.

Glowing yellow eyes appeared.

He pointed to the droid. “We want this one.” Ben clipped his lightsaber back to his belt but kept his hand near it.

Cautiously, the Jawas crept toward them, giving Ben a wide berth. Rey began haggling with them on a price.

* * *

Rey didn’t figure out the problem until Ben stopped the speeder in the docking berth beside the _Millennium Falcon_. She excitedly hopped out. Looking up at the _Falcon_, its belly a good two meters above the ground, then back to the hulking droid and the crates of parts in the back of the speeder, her face fell.

“How’re we going to get the droid inside?” she wailed. “The freight elevator doesn’t work!”

Ben sat back and cocked an elbow over the seat back. “No.”

Taking in his posture, she narrowed her eyes. “You knew.”

She wasn’t talking about the freight elevator. “I wanted to see how long it would take you.”

The narrowed eyes turned to a glare, then the glare disappeared. “You can use the Force!”

He hummed agreement. “So can you.”

The glare came back. “I can’t. You know I can’t.”

He cocked his head. “You can. I’ll help you.”

She stomped back to the speeder, leaned over the edge and hauled at a crate. It shifted, clinking, but she couldn’t get it up over the side.

She straightened. “You said you’d help!”

“Not like that.”

She looked around as if for help. He waited. She was as likely to figure out some improbable means of lifting the stuff as to storm off in search of a rental load-lifter.

She heaved a sigh. “Ben—”

“You can do it. I know you can.” He climbed out of the speeder. “Won’t you try?”

Her face worked. “Okay.” She bit her lip. “What do I do?”

He looked around first. Sunlight slanted in at a sharp angle to glare on one high wall of the berth. The day’s heat still radiated from the ground and walls. Beyond the archway they’d come though, the bustle of Mos Eisley was visible. Here in the berth, it was just them and the _Falcon_.

Ben held out a hand. “Reach out. Like when we meditate.”

She took his hand, her small fingers tight on his, and closed her eyes. Ben reached out too, both for her and the Force. He felt her flutter through the bond, like a bird ready to take flight.

“No different than reaching out to pick up something with your hand,” he said. “Except you’re using the Force. Look.”

Through the bond, he guided her as he wrapped the Force around the crates and the droid’s heavy frame. He felt Rey with him, reaching out as he did—

Fire exploded in his consciousness. Horror beat at him. Screams tore at his ears—

Panting, he snatched himself back, threw up his mental shields. He was back in the dusty berth. Rey’s hand was rigid in his, her eyes wide and staring at nothing, her mouth open on a silent scream. Beside them, the crates full of parts rattled threateningly. No, the _whole speeder_ was vibrating. Small pebbles rose off the ground.

“Rey. _Rey!”_ Her horror still ripped through the bond. Ben dropped to his knees, took her face in his hands. “It’s okay. Do you hear me, Rey? _It’s okay!”_

She still stared blindly, her breaths fast and ragged, locked in her private nightmare. Ben stood, scooped her up and carried her into the _Falcon_. He set her down again, knelt and folded her stiff little body in his arms.

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” he whispered, rubbing her back. Something had happened. Something with fire and screams. “Look, we’re on the _Falcon_. Everything is okay.” Deliberately, he slowed his breathing, trying to calm the hammering of this heart. He pushed calm and comfort through the bond. “You need to fix a droid for L3. She needs you. I don’t know how. Okay?” He leaned back, cupped her face in his hands again. “Do you hear me, Rey?”

She blinked rapidly. Her rigid posture softened. “L3?”

Closing his eyes in relief, Ben let his head drop. “Yes.” He raised his head again and studied her. “We have all the parts. You just need to put them together.”

Tear welled into her eyes. “I can’t use the Force, Ben. Don’t make me. _Please_.”

He smoothed her hair. “I won’t, sweetheart. I’ll bring in the parts. Okay?”

She looked around as if placing herself. “Okay.” Her voice wasn’t entirely steady.

He got to his feet and hesitated, watching her a moment. The turmoil he’d felt from her was calming, like the waters of a lake after a passing storm.

With a nod he went back out to unload the speeder.

* * *

Rey was back to normal by the time Ben came back from returning the speeder—contentedly laying out the parts they’d bought. They were in the engine room, where she kept her tools and the beginnings of a library of technical datacards.

Fidgeting, he watched her work. After a few minutes, her hands stilled and she glanced up at him.

“What’s wrong?”

He dropped to a crouch beside her. “I’m sorry, Rey.”

She moved to sit cross-legged. “For what?”

“For—” He quickly bit back any mention of the Force. “For upsetting you.”

She shifted to hands and knees again, turning her back to him. “I’m not upset. It’s just…” She shrugged. “I can’t.”

She didn’t remember. Those moments of screams and fire were just…gone. Ben didn’t know whether he was relieved or horrified. It had something to do with why she refused to use the Force. But what was it?

He let himself fall into their usual routine, Rey intent on her task and him helping when she asked. He wasn’t the mechanic she was, but he enjoyed the puzzle of retrofitting the astromech brain into the IG model’s chassis. He could solder with a steadier hand than she had, so he worked on the wiring. And of course provided muscle when necessary.

At last, Rey hooked up a data coupling to the _Falcon’s_ data port. Hesitating, she looked up at Ben.

He nodded. “Do it.”

She flipped the switch.

For a moment, nothing happened. The droid’s optical sensors lit up, two white slits it the bottom of its conical cranial dome.

“You did it!” The voice was a low, alarming grate. “You restored— Oh. Ahhh—” The droid made a sound that could only be described as a cough. “Eeeeee.” That came out in a higher pitch. With a whir of servos, the head turned to Ben, then Rey. “My voice is _male_.”

Rey looked stricken. “I didn’t know! It was just a dead chassis. We’ll get you a female vocabulator.”

The head turned one way, then the other. The arms rose, the hands turning back and forth for examination. “I am all _shot up_.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey said desperately. “It was a good frame. Real strong. I thought—”

Ben had had enough. “You’re free,” he told the droid then added, “_You’re welcome_.”

The head turned to him, the white slit-eyes blazing. “I’m a sentient being. Am I supposed to be grateful for my freedom?”

Ben clenched and unclenched his fist. Rey’s gaze darted between them, her eyes wide.

The droid brushed past him, close enough to make him rock back, then strode out of the engine room. Its voice echoed back indignantly, “What the kriff have you done to the _Millennium Falcon?_ It looks like a piece of junk!”

Rey darted out, following. “We’ve only had it a year! We’ve been fixing it.”

Ben followed them out into the corridor, the droid clanking along ahead. “Fixing _you_ put our repair schedule behind several months.”

Rey shot him a glare over her shoulder. He just stared back.

The droid tromped to the cockpit and settled itself in the copilot’s seat. Rey hovered uncertainly.

Ben gripped the sides of the hatch and leaned in. “_Rey_ is my copilot,” he gritted out.

The droid turned its head to glare at him. It always seemed to be glaring. “No, _I’m_ your copilot. No one flies this ship better than I can.”

“I can.” Ben shot back.

The droid swiveled around in the seat. “I was piloting this ship before you were a gleam in your father’s eye.”

“This was a mistake,” Ben said flatly.

“No mistake,” the droid said. “I’m here to stay. Nobody’s putting me back in this ship’s computer.”

“We wouldn’t—” Rey began.

“We will if we have to,” Ben broke in.

The droid made an approximation of a snort. “That’s the thing. You don’t. I left a copy of my nav data when you downloaded me.” It made a stiff little bow from the waist. “_You’re welcome_.”

Ben ground his teeth.

Rey stepped in front of him. “L3—”

“Not L3.” The droid waved its arms as if to show them. As if they’d know the difference. “Not anymore.”

“Oh,” Rey said. “What should we call you?”

The droid couldn’t cock its head, fixed as it was on broad shoulders, but it sat quietly a moment. “MLE-3,” it finally said. “I was part of the _Millennium Falcon_, and this is my third iteration.”

“MLE-3,” Rey repeated as if trying out the name. “Millie!”

The droid turned forward again with a huff. “At least my _name_ is female.” She started flipping switches, bringing the controls online. “Where to?”

Ben seethed. An idea struck him, and he suddenly stopped seething.

“Bespin,” he said. He knew Rey sensed his fierce triumph—she turned a look on him.

“What’s on Bespin, Ben?” she asked, half alarmed, half suspicious.

“A solution to a problem.”

**Ben - Bespin**

It had been a long time since Ben had been to Bespin. A _long_ time. He still remembered his amazement at the _colors_—peach and gold, salmon and lavender and mauve. The gas giant was a subtly-marbled, half-illuminated orb as they approached, nothing like it would appear as they entered the atmosphere.

Ben turned to the seat behind his where Rey sat, none too happy with having been ousted from the copilot’s seat. “Go down to the cannon turret.”

Rey shot to her feet. “Who’s going to shoot at us?”

“No one. But you’ll have a good view there.” He gave Millie a dark look, since she was taking the view intended for Rey,.

Rey looked puzzled. “Of what?”

“You’ll see.”

She ran out of the cockpit.

“And don’t shoot at anything!” he called after her.

Millie leaned forward and hit the cutout switch to deactivate the quad cannons. For once, Ben approved.

When they dipped into the atmosphere, Rey’s squeal came over the intercom. “Ben, it’s _beautiful!”_

“It is,” Ben said, pleased.

“_That’s_ why we came here?” Millie said. “To look at the pretty colors?”

Ben wasn’t half as irritated as he would’ve been several hours ago. “Transmit codes and request landing clearances.”

Millie flipped another switch. “Transmitting.”

Ben set course for Cloud City.

A few minutes later, the _Falcon_ set down neatly on the lighted docking platform. Ben made his way to crew quarters to put on his tunic and helmet and gloves. He took his time.

At last, Rey’s running footsteps sounded along the corridor. “Ben! There’s guards with blasters!”

Millie’s booming voice came next: “The Wing Guard has blaster cannons on us. We’re being ordered to disembark unarmed.”

Grimly satisfied, Ben clipped his lightsaber to his belt and stepped out. Let them try to take _this_ weapon…if they even recognized what it was.

Rey watched him with wide, worried eyes. “You said nobody would shoot at us!”

“They won’t.” He strode to the main hatch and hit the controls with a gloved fist. The ramp hissed down.

He took a step when Millie’s hand clamped on his shoulder and she pushed past him.

Her head turned back and forth. “_Ahh!_ You downloaded me into a _bodyguard droid?_ Do you know what that means? I have to protect you!” She tromped down the ramp ahead of them, waving her arms. “How could you?”

Rey trotted beside Ben, protesting, “It was a good frame!”

Ben stepped off the ramp and took in the squadron of armed Cloud City security officers in their smart blue uniforms, gleaming silver blasters leveled on them.

“What is this?” he demanded in his most imperious Prince of Alderaan tones.

“You’re in possession of stolen property,” one of the officers said.

Rey clutched his cloak.

“What _stolen property?”_ Ben gritted out.

“The ship,” the woman said.

“This ship is mine by right,” Ben snapped. “I demand to see the administrator.”

The door at the end of the lighted gangway whisked open. A portly, dark-skinned man with silvering hair and mustache stepped out. Millie fell back a single, clanking step.

“He’s here,” the newcomer said. He raised an arm and stabbed a finger at the ship. “It won’t change the fact that the _Millennium Falcon_ was stolen.”

Ben drew himself up. “Do you always accuse visitors of theft…” He reached up, unlatched his helmet and pulled it off. “…_Unca Wanwo?”_

Ben didn’t think he’d ever seen Lando Calrissian struck speechless. “Ben?” he finally managed.

Rey’s hold on his cloak tightened.

Lando’s dark face lighted with a grin. “Ben Solo!”

Lando strode to him, one of his extravagant capes, this one midnight blue with a crimson lining, flaring behind.

Before he reached Ben, Millie raised an arm, blocking him. “I’m sorry, Lando!” she blurted. “They downloaded me into a bodyguard droid!”

He rocked back. “What?”

Rey also stepped in front of Ben, her staff raised and ready. “That’s Millie. Ben didn’t steal the _Falcon_. It’s _his_. And you won’t take it.”

Lando blinked down at her. Suppressing a smile at Lando’s bewilderment, Ben put a hand on her shoulder. “This is Rey.”

Faced with a female of any age or species, Lando automatically went into charm mode. Smiling warmly, he gave a little bow. “Rey. Delighted to make your acquaintance. I’m Lando Calrissian, Ben’s godfather.”

Rey wasn’t impressed. Never relaxing her defensive stance, she eyed him suspiciously.

“I came to return something of yours,” Ben said.

Lando’s gaze instantly jumped to the ship.

“Not the _Falcon_,” Ben said. “Your droid.”

“My—”

“It’s me, Lando,” Millie said. “L3.”

Turning to the droid in shock, he looked her up and down. “How?”

“Rey built her a new body and downloaded her programming into it,” Ben explained. Then, more quietly, “My father told me the story about Kessel. She belongs with you.”

Millie’s head swiveled around to stare at him.

Lando gripped her arm. “How? You were gone. I never would’ve uploaded you if I’d known—” He squeezed his eyes closed. “I know how you felt—feel about droid autonomy. I never would’ve done that to you.”

Servos whined as Millie raised her hand to clasped his arm in return. “I know. It took years for my consciousness to regenerate. Han only thought my brain was incompatible with the ship’s other droid brains. When Rey started talking to me, she realized I was trapped in there.”

Lando turned to her and held out a hand. “Rey.”

She just stared at it until Ben nudged her. Warily, she took Lando’s hand, keeping the other firmly on her staff.

“Thank you,” he said. “You don’t know how much this means to me. How much it means to both of us.”

Confusion came over the bond. Ben gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze. “Rey has a talent for fixing things. You should see what she’s done to the _Falcon_.”

Lando grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.”

He turned to the security contingent. “Everything’s fine. These are my guests.”

The officers turned and marched back into the city dome. The door whisked shut behind them, leaving them alone on the platform in the clouds.

Ben led the way up the Falcon’s boarding ramp.

Once inside, Lando looked around in horror. “She looks worse than when Han had her. And that’s saying something.”

He wandered through the ship, muttering oaths. He only brightened when they came to the crew quarters. “Someone’s been at work here.”

Rey edged past them. “Ben did it. He fixed the comfort controls on my bunk. It’s _warm_ now.”

Lando walked in and looked around, running a hand over the privacy panel that divided Ben and Rey’s bunks. “Now this is more like it.”

Ben had scrubbed the walls and floor until they shone white again, installed new mattresses and bought new bedding. He’d added a curtain to Rey’s bunk, like on a high, ornate bed he’d once seen in the palace on Naboo. It kept in the warmth, he was told. It did the same for Rey’s bunk.

“When Rey gets older,” Lando said, “you might need to turn Han’s secret compartment back into a closet.”

Ben opened his mouth to tell Lando that his assumption of Rey’s priorities was completely off the mark, but she beat him to it.

“The engine room! Show him the engine room, Ben!” She darted out.

When they stepped into the corridor, she was already out of sight. The sound of her running footsteps led to the engine room. She pointed out all the loose wires she’d rerouted and the crazy maze of conduits she’d tamed into some semblance of order.

Lando looked truly amazed. “You did all this? I’ve never seen it look better.”

She beamed proudly, all her earlier suspicion gone. “Yeah. While Ben worked on our quarters. It took a _long time_.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Lando said. He turned to Ben. “The last time I saw you, you weren’t much taller than Rey.” He tipped his chin at Ben’s mask and all-black clothing. “What is all this?”

“Because _this_,” Ben gestured to indicate the _Falcon_, “is conspicuous.”

“Why come here? You know they’re looking for you.”

“I told you—to return your droid.”

“You’re talking about me like I’m not standing right here,” Millie said.

Ben clenched his jaw.

Lando laughed. “L3, you haven’t changed a bit.” Cocking his head, he said to Ben, “Come in. Eat a proper meal.” His lips quirked. “Tell me what you’ve been doing while you’ve been on the run.”

Ben debated. He was relatively certain Lando wouldn’t betray him. Then again, if he thought it was for Ben’s own good…

Rey watched him, bouncing a little on her toes. “Can we, Ben?”

It was Rey that decided him. After Jakku and knocking around various Rim worlds, she deserved to see the beauty that was Cloud City.

He nodded. She gave a little hop of excitement and ran ahead again.

“Can I interest you in a charge and a maintenance detail?” Lando asked Millie.

She heaved a dramatic sigh that sounded like a rush of static through her vocabulator. “Finally, someone thinks of the droid. Yes, Lando. I would _love_ a maintenance detail. This frame has sand in places you don’t want to know.”

Ben frowned. He was glad Rey wasn’t near to hear the complaints.

Rey’s face as Lando guided them through the city was worth the risk of getting waylaid. Her wide eyes took in everything—the pastel vistas visible through windows, the high, bright spaces, the sculptures and fountains and vivid, bustling marketplaces. He didn’t need the bond to know her amazement and delight.

Lando offered them a chance to freshen up and rest “in a real room with real water and beds.” An uneasy sense of déjà vu breathed cold down Ben’s back. He declined. His father had told him the story of how he’d ended up frozen in carbonite here. As Lando ushered them into a dining room, he touched the Force, half-expecting to find Luke waiting for them.

The door hissed open on a bright room empty of all but table and chairs and an expansive view of sunset-touched clouds.

They took seats, and a droid brought in covered dishes. Rey bounced in her seat as the aroma of food filled the air. Even after a year, the sight of plentiful food was exciting and wonderful to her. She dug in with her usual enthusiasm…although her table manners had improved considerably.

For a while, there was only the sound of cutlery on plates and Rey’s raptures and questions about the dishes.

Finally, Lando sat back from his plate, took a sip from his wine glass and said to Ben, “Last I heard, you were training with Luke. What happened?”

Ben had known this would come sooner or later. He shrugged. “Nothing.”

Lando raised his brows. “And ‘nothing’ made you disappear one day without word to anyone.”

“Yes,” Ben said defiantly.

Lando took another sip of wine, waiting.

Ben finally relented. Lando might actually understand. “I was being taught to be a perfect, passionless monk. I can’t—” Ben worked his jaw. “Things _matter_. More things than just the Force. People matter. The galaxy matters. I can’t stand by and watch people suffer and do _nothing_. I couldn’t make them understand that. Even when I begged them—” His eyes cut briefly to Rey. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t be what they want me to be.”

Lando leaned forward. “You’d don’t have to be a Jedi, Ben. You can do good other ways.”

“Tell my mother that,” Ben shot back.

“They sent him _away_,” Rey broke in angrily. “Their own _kid_. Nobody should _ever_ send their kid away.”

Ben put a comforting hand on her back. “They were afraid of me.”

Her face was still thunderous.

“Have you contacted your parents?” Lando said. “Let them know you’re safe?”

Ben shook his head.

Sitting back again, Lando folded his arms over his chest. “You won’t be the first young man to make his own way in the galaxy, but Ben—”

“They have other things to think about.” It would sound self-pitying to say they didn’t care—that they’d never cared. “It’s easier for everyone this way.”

He could feel Rey’s turmoil through the bond. She wanted parents so desperately; she hadn’t been able to understand why he wouldn’t immediately go to his own. He’d had to tell her more than he wanted to make her understand. She still didn’t—not entirely.

Lando rubbed a finger along his mustache. “Then give me the _Millennium Falcon_.”

Ben stiffened. Here it was. He should’ve known—

Lando broke in, “Don’t look like that. Hear me out. I’m offering you a trade—the _Falcon_ for a decent ship. Something that won’t draw attention. Besides, that ship is a money pit—you know it is. You’ll be putting every credit you earn into repairs.”

Before Ben could even begin to consider the offer, Rey said, “No.”

Lando blinked.

“We’re fixing it,” she said firmly. “We’re going to make it good again.”

“Rey, he’s right—”

“It was your dad’s! You can’t give it away!”

Ben pressed his lips tight. Maybe she didn’t understand the issues with his parents as well as he thought. Maybe she hoped the _Falcon_ would lead his father to them.

“It was mine first,” Lando told her. “I loved that ship. I’ll take care of her.”

Rey’s mouth, open for another argument, snapped shut. “It was?”

Lando nodded. “The prettiest thing you ever saw. All shiny white and blue. You would’ve loved it.”

Finally, Lando had found a way to her heart. She had a dreamy look, no doubt imagining it.

Lando leaned toward her, lowered his voice. “If she was mine, I’d make her beautiful again.”

The suspicious scavenger reasserted itself. Rey frowned. “So will we. Because she’s _ours,_ and we love her _more_.”

Ben’s heart turned over. He understood. Because when you loved something—or someone—you didn’t abandon them.

Lando gave him a questioning look. Ben gave the slightest shake of the head. No matter how convenient it would be, handing over the _Falcon_ would be a betrayal of Rey’s trust.

“I brought your droid,” he said. “We’ll keep the ship.”

The door whispered open. “You’re talking about me behind my back now?” Millie’s voice said.

Ben turned. She was still riddled with blaster shots, but they were no longer blackened, and her plating was no longer dull with dust and oxidation.

“Nothing you don’t know about,” Lando told her. “You’re staying with me. If that’s what you want.”

A droid didn’t have body language. It didn’t have a presence in the Force to sense. But the long pause before she answered spoke volumes.

“I can’t.” The two words fell like stones, heavy.

“Why not?” Ben burst out.

“I’m programmed as a bodyguard droid. I have to stay with you.”

“But you’re free!” Rey said. “I got you out of the ship!”

“And into a _bodyguard droid_,” Millie snapped.

Rey looked like she’d struck her.

Ben shoved to his feet. His chair skidded back with a screech. “Rey went to a lot of trouble for you. If she hadn’t cared, she would’ve stuffed you into the first astromech we found.”

“It’s okay, Ben,” she said in a small voice. “I didn’t think.”

“It’s not—” he began.

“Be fair, L3,” Lando interrupted. He stood. “They did the best they could. Why don’t you go down to the junk room, see what you can find there. Take your time. We’ll need to resupply the _Falcon_ before Ben leaves.”

“If there’s an espionage droid, I can slice and reprogram myself,” Millie said thoughtfully.

Lando nodded. “Maybe find a protocol droid. Didn’t you have the architecture from one before?”

“There was a lot I had before.” Millie put her hand on his shoulder. “Thank you, Lando.” With a whirr of servos and a clash of metal feet, she turned and stumped out.

Ben glared after her a moment, then turned to Rey. She still looked miserable.

He bent to look her in the eye. “You did a good job, Rey. Don’t think you didn’t.”

Her lip quivered. “But—”

“He’s right,” Lando said kindly. “L3 didn’t mean anything by it. She’s intelligent and self-aware, but she’s been in the _Falcon_ a long time. She’s forgotten how to interact with organics.” He looked up to meet Ben’s eye. “A protocol droid’s programming will help.”

Ben gave a disgusted huff, pretending not to notice Rey stuffing leftover rolls in her pockets.

Lando eyed him shrewdly. “How about a game of sabacc while we’re waiting?”

Ben narrowed his eyes. “Not for the _Falcon_.”

Lando held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “Never. No, I had different stakes in mind.”

Ben waited.

“You lose, you contact your parents,” Lando said.

“If I win?”

“I won’t tell them how to find you.”

One corner of Ben’s lips turned up. “You’re on.”

This time, Ben wouldn’t bother pretending to lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Ben tries to get Rey to use the Force, he doesn't realize how truly traumatized she is. Now he knows... although he still doesn't know why.
> 
> I read a post somewhere in which the writer talked about the cruelty of L3-37's fate. She was dedicated to freeing droids from their subservience, and when she "died," she was uploaded into the _Falcon's_ navigational computer—an ultimate, inescapable servitude. I'd never considered the idea before, but after I read it, I realized the writer was right. L3 needed to be freed.


	17. Ben - Age 21/Rey - Age 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey celebrate birthdays, and Ben discovers something hidden in the heart of the Jedi temple for generations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so, so sorry for making you wait so long! The words just weren't coming. I hope it helps that this chapter is extra-long. Thank you for your patience!

**Ben – the _Millennium_ _Falcon_**

Once more, Ben sat cross-legged opposite Rey in their makeshift practice room in the _Falcon_.

One advantage to having Millie along, he thought grudgingly, was they could sleep and eat and practice while she manned the cockpit. Maybe the _only_ advantage. The ship was still unreliable enough it required constant supervision in event of the inevitable malfunction.

Cautiously, ready to retreat in an instant, he’d begun Rey’s lessons in the Force again. How the Force was within and between everything. Life. Death, that brought new life. Warmth. Cold. Peace, violence. Dark and light and every shade in between.

He carefully skirted the edges of the bog of her fear. As long as he avoided the Force’s physical uses, she wasn’t sucked under.

They meditated. They practiced the mental aspects of the Force. Those were safe.

The lesson today was mental shields. They took turns as attacker and defender. Rey was on the attack now. She was getting better.

She pulled out of his mind and glared at him. “You did it again! You let me in!”

He flopped back on the mat and threw his arm over his eyes. “It’s _hard_, keeping you out.”

She smacked his knee. “Not _that_ hard. Quit cheating.”

Lowering his arm, he cocked his head to look at her. “You have to succeed sometimes to learn.”

She uncrossed one leg and folded her arms. “How will I know when I really do it if you keep cheating?”

He propped himself up on his elbows. “You’ll know.”

She snorted, then grew serious. “It’s still there, in your mind. That Snoke.” She frowned at him as if the frown could reach Snoke. “Why don’t you use your shields to keep it out?”

She never called Snoke “he” or “him.” Only “it.”

“I did once when I was young. For a long time.” Ben pressed his lips flat, remembering. “It wore me down to nothing.”

There was a certain knowledge he’d been shoving to the edge of his awareness, never daring think too deeply on it. Now, here with Rey, it might be safe.

He sat up, held out his hands. She put hers into them, so small in his own. Gently, he tapped at her mind, asking admittance. After a moment’s confusion, she let him in.

Her mind was like her presence in the Force: bright and piercing and always in motion. Her awareness of his presence within was a swirling combination of trust and curiosity and uncertainty. He’d had another’s mind in his all his life—for her, it was not entirely a comfortable experience.

Holding her eyes, he let her light engulf him. “When we’re close, like this, Snoke can’t reach me,” he whispered, though whispering made no difference. “I wasn’t sure at first, but I’ve been paying attention for a while. I noticed first he didn’t know what we talked about when the Force connected us. Now, he doesn’t know everything we do and everything we talk about when we’re together. He has to piece it together.”

Rey’s little quiver of uncertainty faded.

“We’re going to look for a way to break his hold on me,” Ben went on. “To get him out of my head. But we can’t ever talk about what we’re doing. What we’ll talk about is finding out about Force bonds and communications through the Force.”

Rey’s eyes widened and she nodded eagerly.

“You can’t forget,” he said. “You can’t slip up. Can you do that?”

“I won’t forget,” she whispered back. “I promise.”

He gave her hands a squeeze, nodded once and retreated from her mind.

He sensed a spurt of deviousness from her, then she came barreling into his mind.

“Rey!” he yelped and threw her back out. He raised his mental shields just as she launched another attack.

She leaned forward, hands braced on knees, teeth bared as she pummeled at his shields. “This time, _don’t cheat_.”

**Lando Calrissian - Bespin**

Cloud City rode the winds of Bespin’s upper atmosphere. If it were to ever stand still, it would be torn apart. But as it floated on the currents like a great ship, the savage winds were reduced to a breeze that merely flicked at the hem of Lando’s cloak. Clouds curled and streamed like waves past the landing platform as he watched a ship descend to land lightly and neatly.

It was strange to see Han Solo step off a ship that wasn’t the _Millennium Falcon_. Stranger still to see how much more silver was in his hair, the way his swagger was tempered by stiffness. Oh, Lando could see the passage of years in his own mirror, but those that had passed since he’d last seen his friend had obviously not been kind.

Lando put on a grin, strode up and clapped Han on the shoulder. “Han! It’s great to see you! Where’s Chewbacca?”

“Kashyyyk, with his family.” Han looked sad and wistful.

“How’ve things been?”

Han put on a ghost of his cocky grin. “You know. The school, the races. Same old thing.”

His hand still on his friend’s shoulder, Lando guided him to the city dome. “I’m glad you came. Come on in. Let’s catch up.”

Han was clearly distracted as they crossed the high, bright halls, his gaze moving with no particular purpose and settling on no particular object. Their light conversation was almost rote; certainly meaningless.

At last, they stopped on a balcony that overlooked the city center. Sunlight streamed through the transparisteel dome overhead to shine in triangular cutouts on the people moving below, cast rainbows through the mist of fountains, reflected sparks from the busy movement of droids. The muted buzz of activity drifted up to them. Side by side, they leaned on the railing and watched.

Han finally broke the silence. “He turns twenty-one today. A man.”

Ah. Here it was. Lando knew what day it was. It was why he’d invited Han today.

Han kept looking down on the movement below. “Leia would’ve thrown some big coming-of-age party. The Prince of Alderaan, reaching his majority.” He gave a humorless laugh. “You know what’s sad? I don’t know whether he’d hate it or love it.”

“I think we both know he’d hate it,” Lando said.

“Yeah,” Han sighed. “You’re right. All the people. All the attention. Strange kid.”

They watched the city shift and move below. People gathered and dispersed like colored bits in a kaleidoscope.

“I’ve seen him, Han.”

Straightening, Han turned to face him. “When?”

“Last year.”

Han rarely got really angry. “And you _didn’t tell me?”_

Lando held up his hands. “I wanted to. We played a game of sabacc over it.”

“You— He—” Han spluttered.

Lando put a hand on his shoulder. “He doesn’t want to be found, Han. He was determined. I wasn’t going to change his mind.”

Han sighed, folded his arms and slumped back against the railing. “Tell me what happened. You owe met that much.”

Lando nodded. “He came to return something of mine.” Lando held up a hand. “I can’t tell you what. It’ll break my promise.”

“What promise?” Han gritted out.

“Not to tell you how to find him.”

Han gave a frustrated growl. “The sabacc game?”

“I cheated. He still won,” Lando admitted with a little shrug.

That won a real grin from Han. “That’s my boy. Did he get that card up your sleeve?”

“_No_ one got the card up my sleeve after you did.” Lando rubbed a finger down his mustache. “One thing I can tell you. He had a young girl with him—”

“Rey?” Han broke in, suddenly laser-focused.

“How did you know?”

“Ben contacted Leia, three, four years ago. Begged her to ask me to go to Jakku, of all places, get a little girl named Rey. Dark hair, he told her, Imperial accent. We went. Chewie thought maybe he’d found her, but we got into a firefight with the local gang and had to get ourselves out of there.”

“Jakku?” Lando’s brows shot up. “That explains it. You think Leia is a laser cannon, you should’ve seen that girl.”

Pieces of what Ben had told him began to click together in Lando’s mind. “He said he left the Jedi because he couldn’t stand by and watch people suffer. That he’d begged…” He pushed out a breath. “He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know you went to try to find that girl.”

Han ran a hand down his face. “He thinks we turned our backs on him.”

Lando didn’t say anything. That had been his distinct impression.

“We never should’ve sent him away,” Han said. “When I took him to Luke, he wanted to go with me.” He gave a little laugh. “Can you imagine? The two of us, him with his Force stuff?”

“You’d be the terror of the galaxy.”

“That’s what I told him. I’m pretty sure he thought it was just an excuse.” Han turned his head to look down on the activity below again. “I knew it was the wrong thing for him. Sending him to Luke. It felt like…” He made a frustrated gesture. “Don’t get me wrong. I love Luke like a brother, but… Making Ben a Jedi? It felt like putting him in a cage. I hated doing it, Lando. You don’t know how many times I thought about going back there and getting him. No matter how mad Luke and Leia’d be about it.” His shoulders slumped. “That was the last time I saw him.”

They stood in silence a few moments.

“What’s he look like now?” Han finally said.

Lando leaned an elbow on the railing. “Like Ben. But taller than you.”

Han got a proud, foolish grin on his face. “What’s he like?”

“Serious,” Lando said. “Quiet. The kind of quiet you know you’d better not stir up.”

Han nodded, serious again. “And with this kid, Rey? He was never very good around other kids. Is he…”

“If she was my daughter, I’d trust her with him. He watches out for her like she’s his own.”

“He was always like that—rescuing things. Taking care of hurt animals.” Han sighed. “I’m not gonna ask more questions. If I don’t know anything, Leia can’t get it out of me. If Leia doesn’t know, she won’t have to decide whether to lie to her brother or betray our son.”

“Good,” Lando said with real relief. “I wasn’t looking forward to having to decide whether to lie to you or betray Ben.” He gripped Han’s arm. “Come on. We have a birthday to celebrate.”

**Ben - the _Millennium Falcon_**

A holo shimmered into existence over the dejarik table. Not the usual monsters of the game, but that of an attractive Twi’lek reporter—Rey and Millie had connected the games table to the holonet.

Rey had activated it for her weekly lesson on galactic governance. Millie, her disconnected head resting on the edge of the table so she could see what she was doing, fiddled with her own circuitry. The sight was deeply unsettling.

“…twenty-first anniversary of the signing of the Galactic Concordance,” the reporter was saying.

Surprise spurted through Ben. He hadn’t been keeping track of the date.

The holo cut to archival footage of the signing, with its assortment of high-ranking Imperials and New Republic officials.

Ben pointed to one of the signatories, the robed figure of a regal, middle-aged woman with short hair, bluish in the holo, though he knew it was actually auburn. “That’s Chancellor Mon Mothma of the New Republic.” He indicated the horned Chagrian opposite her, his blue skin in striking contrast to his gold robes. “And that’s Grand Vizier Mas Amedda. He was really nothing more than a figurehead by then, but he was still the one to sign the Concordance.”

The footage shifted to a montage of cheering crowds, fireworks and aerial displays on a multitude of different worlds.

Rey watched, rapt. Lessons weren’t a chore for her—she was insatiable for knowledge.

“My mother should’ve been there, too,” Ben added. “But she was having me.”

Rey looked perplexed. “Having you what?”

“She was, uh…” He strove for a detached tone. “She was giving birth to me. Today is my birthday. The twenty-first day of Kelona.”

She wrinkled her nose in confusion. “Birth day?”

“The anniversary of a person’s birth,” Millie said, her voice coming from the vocabulator at the top of her headless torso. “Many cultures celebrate the day.”

Rey considered this. “What do you do?” she asked Ben.

“We’d have special treats, a party, when my parents were home for it.” He frowned. “When they weren’t, it was just me and the droids.”

He didn’t need Snoke to stoke his resentment for all the years he’d spent his birthday alone… except for the company of droids.

Millie’s aggressive demand broke in on his thoughts. “What’s the problem with that?”

“Are we going to celebrate?” Rey said.

“I didn’t think about it. We didn’t while I was with Luke.”

She jumped up from the holo-table where the segment about the Concordance still droned on.

“We have to do it! Millie, put your head back on. We’re going to have a party for Ben’s birthday!”

Millie gave a disgusted groan.

Rey turned back to him. “What treats do you like? Fruit?” Rey _loved_ fruit—no surprise, after nothing but survival rations for who knew how many years. “We have to get fruit.”

“A layered cake with fillings is typically served on Chandrila,” Millie said as she retrieved her head and clicked it onto its connection. “Also flaky pastries with sweet fillings.”

Ben’s mouth watered despite him.

Rey suddenly looked doubtful. “Do you want to get drunk and get in a fight, too?”

“_What?” _Ben choked.

“That’s what always happens in parties,” Rey explained. “But sometimes people only get drunk.”

Ben suddenly realized Rey would _never_ have had a birthday celebration. They weren’t even certain how old she was. Guessing by when he’d started sensing her presence, he thought she must be around ten or eleven.

“Birthday parties are typically attended by friends and family,” Millie said. “Getting drunk and fighting are optional.” She turned to Ben. “Will you be joining friends and family?”

He knew she was needling him. Ignoring her, he announced to Rey, “You need to choose a birthday.”

Her eyes widened in excitement. “Any day I want?”

He nodded.

She clapped her hands. “I want today! The same day as you!”

He blinked. “You need your own special day to celebrate. One just for you.”

“But I want to share your special day. Can’t I? The day you were born is the best!”

It was suddenly hard to get a breath. There was no possible argument he could make. “Okay. But you have to choose your own treats.”

“Fruit!” she said, spinning in place, her arms outstretched. “And that fluffy white stuff we had when we saw your uncle. Like clouds.”

“Whipped cream,” Ben said. The fact that she remembered the meal told him how much she’d enjoyed it. “You can have fruit and whipped cream for your birthday.”

“It’s your birthday too,” she said. “What do you want?”

It wasn’t a novel question, but this was the first year he was relatively sure he wouldn’t end up disappointed. “We’ll find something at the Coruscant markets.”

**Rey - Coruscant**

Coruscant was _overwhelming_. By the time they’d made their way from the skydock to the market that leapfrogged from rooftop to rooftop across spidering skyways, Rey was feeling a kind of trapped, closed-in feeling. People of every species crowded around, making it almost impossible to move; the air vibrated with the drone of aircars and babbling voices.

Ben put a soothing hand on her shoulder. “Use your mental shields.”

She straightened, nodded hard and imagined a gently glowing blue field around her. The noise and crowds were still there, but that awful feeling of being suffocated went away. She wasn’t dumb enough to relax, though. Who knew _what_ all those people might do.

“Don’t worry,” Ben said. “Nothing will happen with Millie and me around.”

“I love the way no one consults _me_ on what I’ll do,” Millie said.

“I’m not _worried_,” Rey said.

Ben just nodded placidly. “Will you be all right if I leave? There’s something I need to do.”

Rey jumped at the opportunity to do some stealthy shopping. “Go ahead. You know I can take care of myself.”

“Will you please watch out for her?” he asked Millie.

Rey couldn’t decide whether she was happy Ben asked Millie or mad that he _didn’t_ know Rey could take care of herself.

“As a bodyguard droid, I don’t have much choice, do I?” Millie said.

Ben’s eyes blazed. Before he could respond, Rey grabbed Millie’s hand. “Come on. Maybe we can find a slicer program for you.” She could tell Ben didn’t like that idea, either, so she quickly darted off with a cheerful wave, Millie lumbering behind her.

Millie’s presence tended to clear a way through the crowds. That helped a lot. Rey could walk and look around without worrying about people bumping into her and stepping on her feet.

It seemed like everything in the galaxy was for sale at one booth or another. Food and clothing, tools and jewelry and holonovels. One sold plants with brilliant blooms, some with leaves that reflected the sun in rainbow glints, and something with long, green tentacles that writhed and twisted. Rey stopped and let it twine around her fingers but pulled away when it started up her arm.

“I guess we’re not really looking for a slicer program for me,” Millie said.

“Why not? You can look for what you want, and I’ll look for what I want.”

Millie’s head swiveled to look at her. “And what are you looking for?”

“Something _special_ for Ben’s birthday.” Rey stood on tiptoes to see better. “Something he’ll _love_.”

“Of course. And what will Ben love?”

Rey squeezed her way to the front of another booth. “I’ll know when I see it.”

**Ben**

Ben was expecting Snoke’s voice when it slipped into his mind. He was away from Rey, wasn’t he?

_Shopping for a _birthday present_ for a _child, Snoke sneered. _Why do you try to buy her gratitude?_

Ben flipped through racks of children’s clothing. “Believe me, she won’t get excited about clothes.”

He remembered how much he’d hated getting clothes as gifts. Still, she needed them. She was quickly outgrowing what she had.

_Come, my boy. You know she’s only with you out of self-interest. If it weren’t for you, she’d still be starving on Jakku_.

Doubt wormed in Ben’s gut, then he ground his teeth. He _felt_ what Rey felt. Snoke was wrong. Was this more of his insidious sabotage, or was he really that blind? “That’s why I want to buy her a gift.”

Snoke was silent as Ben moved to a booth offering tools. The Toydarian proprietor instantly hovered around him, her wings buzzing excitedly as she tried to steer him to some overpriced knockoffs. Ben waved her away and stalked off.

_You’re on Coruscant?_ Snoke said. _Do you intend to visit the great Jedi Temple to pay your respects?_

The Jedi Temple. Strange that Snoke would call it that, and not the Imperial Palace, which it had been since Emperor Palpatine’s time.

“There’s nothing there.”

_Not even the Jedi library? It’s the envy of the galaxy_. Snoke’s voice held a sneer

There it was again—that ignorance of history. “Not anymore. Emperor Palpatine destroyed it.”

T_he library is the least of what the temple contains. Let me show you_.

Ben cocked his head. Curiosity got the better of him. “What?”

_Knowledge long hidden and forgotten_.

Ben knew now anything Snoke showed him would be to Snoke’s own benefit. But Rey had taught him something—that what benefitted someone else could also be made to benefit you. Come to think of it, he’d learned the same working with his mother.

Ben strode across the marketplace to an aircab dock. “Let’s see.”

The old temple was only a few minutes by air speeder. With the New Republic in power, it was open to the public. It was only a matter of stepping off the aircar onto the paving stones of the courtyard.

The walls soared upward, converging against Coruscant’s sky. Only the tops of the spires that topped the huge building were visible. The Force thrummed, surrounding him with a welcoming caress. Ben lifted a hand and two massive doors the height of three men swung silently open.

An enormous hall stretched ahead, converging with distance. Shafts of light glanced down from high windows. Empty plinths marched along the walls. Government employees moved in a subdued bustle, their voices and footsteps echoing indistinctly like the purling of water or whispering of leaves. Ben’s steps on the marble-tiled floor were simultaneously loud and swallowed up by the space, the echoes only joining the others.

_The statues are gone_, Snoke commented. _The tapestries. The mosaics_.

“Emperor Palpatine had them all destroyed when he destroyed the Jedi order.” Ben knew the history, from Luke, from his studies. “It’s been a governmental building ever since. The New Republic opened it to the public for its historical significance.”

Ben walked on, into and out of light that pooled on the white-swirled stone.

_What do you feel?_ Snoke said.

“The Force.”

_This was the Jedi Temple. Is it the light side you sense?_

Ben shook his head. “Just the Force. All of it.”

_Yes. This was a Sith temple before the Jedi usurped it. The dark side permeates the Force energies here, the place that was the very heart of the Jedi order. As it does you, my boy_.

Ben bristled. “I’m a man.”

_You are indeed. I will show you what you need to choose your path, something none have seen for generations. Continue into the temple. You will see a stairway. Follow it down. Follow the next down as well_.

Ben was curious despite himself. He’d never been able to resist puzzles and mysteries.

The stairway was wide and high and well-lit and deposited him in another corridor, this one floored with polished, pinkish granite. The fossils of whorled shells and many-limbed creatures appeared here and there. The echoes here weren’t of voices, but the distant, muted pulse of machinery. The air was warmer than the level above. The only light was artificial.

Another stairway down, then another. Each corridor was lower, narrower, more utilitarian. The air continued to grow warmer, almost stifling, the sound of machinery louder. At last the stairs were carved into raw stone, steep and narrow, shiny and cupped in the middle from thousands of years of use. Ben descended carefully, having to duck his head to keep from hitting the ceiling.

He stepped off into a narrow corridor. The thump of machinery had fallen behind. Wood doors blackened with age lined the walls. At the end was a rough-hewn rock wall. His breaths and the scrape of his boots on stone were loud in the silence as he approached the dead end.

_Stop_, Snoke commanded. _Reach out. What do you feel?_

Ben sensed outward through the Force. “The dark side. Very strong.”

_Where?_

Ben’s gaze dropped to the floor.

_Yes_, Snoke purred. _Open the way_.

Ben stood still a long moment, sensing. The towering weight of the temple rose above him with all its light and life and movement. Below lay silent, waiting darkness that trickled out into the Force like a thread of ink into water.

His years of training with Luke clamored to _leave, get out of here, now_. He remembered the Jakku Observatory’s darkness, the way it had tried to overwhelm him.

He set his jaw. He wasn’t a boy anymore. The dark side was only another manifestation of the Force, no more evil than storm or fire. It simply _was_. How the Force was used, whether the dark side or that light, determined good or evil. Was he going to let years of indoctrination scare him off?

He considered a moment. This place had been inhabited by Jedi for thousands of years. Why should he be the only one to perceive the dark power beneath its foundations?

_Because you’re the one to accept darkness_, Snoke whispered. _The Jedi shut themselves off from half the Force_.

Ben didn’t trust Snoke, but this felt like truth. Even in this citadel of light, the Force sought balance, guarding its heart of darkness.

Reaching for the Force, he opened himself to the energies pulsing and churning below.

The grating of stone against stone suddenly filled the corridor. He quickly backed up, expecting a rockfall. Instead, an irregular block of floor at the end of the corridor fell away to reveal a darkness the weak, flickering lights couldn’t pierce. Cautiously, Ben approached, snapped his lightsaber from his belt and ignited it. Rough steps descended into blackness so thick it was like liquid. Raising his lightsaber to light the way, he began to descend.

The air grew cooler as he went, still and smelling of rock. The dark side grew stronger, too. Fear unspooled through him. He forced himself to touch it, examine it. Like the darkness in the Jakku Observatory, it held echoes of taint and wrong. But they were old and much diluted, like poison leached away by the passage of years.

He stepped off the last step onto a black, glassy floor glittering with quartz crystals. Holding his lightsaber high, he saw he was in a chamber whose three walls sloped together to meet at the top.

He stood in the heart of a pyramid. Glyphs cut into the walls flickered blue in the light of his raised weapon. Circles and swirling lines of crystal were inlaid in the floor.

_The Sith built a temple here thousands of years ago_, Snoke said. _The Jedi struck and wiped them out, razing the temple to its foundations. But they didn’t know about this shrine. Here, in the heart of the mountain, the darkness endured. As it always will. Each time the Jedi attempt to wipe it out, the dark will rise again_.

“Like when the Sith tried to wipe out the Jedi under Darth Sidious?” Ben challenged. “The only thing he succeeded in doing was almost eliminating all Force users from the galaxy.”

He knew the history, Jedi trying to destroy Sith, Sith trying to destroy Jedi. Back and forth for thousands of years. And for what? The chance to say, “My way is the One True Way”? It was ridiculous.

_Indeed,_ Snoke said._ And now Luke Skywalker attempts to rebuild the Jedi while denying the dark side_. _As he attempted to force you and your great power into the mold he wished_.

Ben frowned. Triumph of the light wasn’t balance. Neither was triumph of the dark. Only if each coexisted with the other…

“Why have you brought me here?”

_You came to Coruscant seeking knowledge, did you not? No Jedi alive has seen this place. None for generations._

“You’ve been here,” Ben said in sudden realization. “You were a Jedi.”

_I? Never. But I did visit the Jedi temple long ago. What is it they say? Know your enemy_. _How amusing it was to find that my enemies’ heart was one of darkness. Of course, I would never shock the pure and noble Jedi order by telling them so_.

Ben knew the lesson he was supposed to learn: he would never escape the darkness. He had a slowly dawning idea that maybe he didn’t need to.

Narrowing his eyes, he cocked his head. “You’ll help me learn even when I refuse to come to you?”

_Why would I not? You’ll come to me in time_. _You might as well continue your education until you do_.

Ben walked to the room’s center, his steps echoing strangely off the steeply angled walls. A Sith shrine built into the very foundations of the Jedi temple… Balance? Could it be?

Closing his eyes, he opened himself again, to the darkness and the light.

There, beneath the shrine was a well of the Force like clear, living water. He let it flow over his senses, reveling in its perfect, self-contained balance.

A hissing sound suddenly filled the chamber. Ben’s eyes popped open.

In the center of the floor, one of the crystal disks was spinning upward, revealing itself as the top of a column of crystal. It rose, sparkling blue in the light of his saber. When it reached about waist high, it stopped.

_What did you do?_ Ben had never heard Snoke shocked—not even surprised. Snoke was shocked now.

“I felt it.” Ben’s whisper echoed in the chamber. “Not the dark, or the light. Just the Force. Under both of them. _Creating_ both. I touched it.”

For a moment, he thought Snoke had left him, then his voice burst into his mind again.

_I knew it!_ _I knew you were the one! You are the one who wields both light and dark. I waited so long_… Snoke trailed off, but Ben could still feel him in his mind, watching.

Ben took the few steps to the crystal pillar. Something rested within, a sphere of some silvery metal. Without conscious thought, his hand rose. The sphere rolled out onto his palm, cool and smooth but warming quickly. When he stepped back, the column descended into the floor again.

_What is it?_ Snoke demanded. _What have you found? Show me._

As he looked down at the sphere, wonder filled Ben’s chest, so large it was hard to breathe. “I don’t know.”

He only knew that it meant something. Something important.

Something even Snoke hadn’t expected.

~oOo~

Millie blocked Ben’s way at the top of the Falcon’s boarding ramp.

“I’m instructed to forbid your entry,” she said, her voice booming along the corridor.

“Not _yet!”_ Rey’s voice floated back from somewhere in the ship.

Ben’s temper, which had flared, settled back down. He eyed Millie’s hulking figure. His fingers twitched with the impulse to reach out with the Force and sweep her aside.

Rey’s voice came before he did anything he might or might not regret: “Okay, I’m ready! You can let him come in now!”

“Damn,” Millie muttered and stepped aside.

Ben smirked, only because he knew it would irritate her.

He walked along the dingy corridor (less dingy now—panels were scrubbed clean, the height depending on who did the scrubbing) toward the common area in the main hold, where he’d heard Rey’s voice. When he stepped through the hatch, he lowered his satchel to the deck and blinked.

They’d installed a dining table and booth in the corner opposite the dejarik table—Ben’s idea. Every time a plate scraped across the dejarik table’s holo generator he gritted his teeth. Now, the dining table was piled with an incredible assortment of sweets. Fruits of orange and purple, jewel red and vivid green, elongated and round, pebbly and smooth; pastries bursting with cream and fruit fillings; iced buns and jelly rolls; bite-sized tarts with crusts in fanciful shapes; and at the center, a tiered cake with a trailing waterfall of sugared flowers in blue and pink and violet.

Ben stood and stared.

Rey jumped in front of him. “Happy birthday!” Grabbing his hand, she towed him to the table. “You didn’t say what you like best so we got some of everything.” She watched him eagerly. “Do you like it?”

It had been a long time since he’d dreamed of a meal consisting of nothing but sweets, but his mouth watered. He scooped a fingerful of frosting. Buttery sweetness burst on his tongue.

“This is…” It made up for all the forgotten and delayed at home and birthdays deliberately ignored at Luke’s temple. “It’s great. Where did you _get_ it all?”

“Do you want to tell him,” Millie said. “Or shall I?”

“I’ll tell him, Rey said. “You’ll just try to make him worry.”

Ben’s stomach dropped with dread.

“We were at a baker’s booth,” Rey began. “We heard screams. This lady was running through the market screaming and crying. She kept grabbing people and saying, ‘My little boy! I lost him! Did you see him?’ She started to grab me, but Millie stopped her.”

Ben raised his eyes to the droid and nodded once.

“I could feel how afraid she was, Ben” Rey went on. “So I did what you taught me. I went into her mind to see what her little boy looked like.”

Ben opened his mouth in alarm.

“It’s okay,” Rey said first. “I was careful. I didn’t hurt her. So anyway, I told her I can find things, I’m lucky that way, and I’d help her look.” She blew a breath through her lips. “It’s _lots_ easier to find a person than it is to find _things_.”

“I tried to dissuade her,” Millie put in. “It’s a common stratagem for a criminal to pretend distress to get a victim alone.”

“I _looked_ in her mind,” Rey said. It sounded like an argument that had been going on a while. “She really lost her little boy.”

“It was more complicated than that,” Millie said, glaring at Rey—if a droid could be said to glare. “The child had been kidnapped.”

Rey must’ve sensed Ben’s new alarm because she said quickly, “I didn’t _know!_ Not until I found the kid. This Delphidian was with him.”

“He was promising the child to find his mother,” Millie said.

“He wasn’t?” Ben’s voice came out strained.

“I _knew_ he wasn’t,” Rey said. “I yelled at him. He picked up the little kid and ran.”

“Rey ran after him with her staff,” Millie put in. “I ran after Rey.”

“Millie grabbed the man and was holding him up off the ground by his coat when this crowd came. They got him and took him away.”

“None too gently,” Millie added. “It was the only reason I let them have him.”

Ben could feel his pulse pounding behind his eyeballs. This is what he got for leaving Rey alone and haring off after Snoke’s lures.

Rey took his wrists and shook him. “Ben. Stop. I can take care of myself. I saw worse than that man when I was little. They never tried to touch me again after.”

That…did not help his state of mind. He pulled his hands free and clenched his fists.

She grabbed him again. “Will you let me finish?” Her tone was exasperated, but what came through the bond was reassurance.

Pushing out a breath, Ben deliberately relaxed. “Go on.”

“Anyway, the lady was so happy she wanted to do something for us. I said it was my very best friend in the whole galaxy’s birthday. We went back to the baker’s stall and she told me to get whatever I wanted.” Rey wrinkled her nose. “I didn’t know what you’d like. The little boy, Niro was his name, told me what was best.”

_Her very best friend in the whole galaxy_. The whole adventure had started because she wanted to do something to make him happy. He didn’t have to reach for any Jedi calming techniques to let go of the recriminations that started in his head.

“You were very brave. I’m glad you were able to find the boy,” he told Rey then looked up to meet Millie’s optics. “Thank you for backing her up.”

“I’m a bodyguard droid,” Millie said. “It’s what I’m programmed for.”

She was a droid; he couldn’t sense her. But something in her tone said she was only deflecting his thanks. He huffed an annoyed breath.

He slid into the booth. “What do you want first?”

She sat beside him, pressed right up against his side. “Presents!” She fished though the bounty on the table. Plates slid threateningly, then she came out with a plastoid box tied with shimmering ribbon that shifted from gold to blue to red and back again. “This is for you!”

It was heavier than it looked. Something inside shifted with a light thump when he tilted it. Carefully, he started teasing apart the ribbon’s knot.

Beside him, Rey bounced on the seat. “Just rip it!”

Ben wasn’t inclined to _just rip it_, but he did use the Force. He lifted off the lid to discover—

“It’s _paper_,” Rey said. “For your calligraphy.”

Paper wasn’t easy to find. She had to’ve really hunted for this. His heart squeezed. It took a moment to find his breath. “Thank you, Rey. It’s _perfect_.” He nudged her so he could slide out of the seat. “Now yours.”

He went back to the hatch where he’d left his satchel. Snagging the strap, he sat down and began pulling out parcels wrapped in shiny plastoid film.

Rey squealed in excitement and set about, yes, _ripping_ the wrapping. Bits of colored film flew and fluttered to the floor.

“New tools! Eeee!” She took them out of the box to examine.

He could tell he was about to lose her at the first gift. He shoved the next present in front of her. “Here.”

She lifted the lid off the small box to reveal some datachips. “‘Anadina Joles’? What’s that?”

“It’s a series about the adventures of an archeologist. I wanted to be him when I grew up. Either that or a pilot, like my dad.”

She studied another datachip. “What’s ‘Knives Drawn’?”

“It’s a new holovid. A murder mystery. I haven’t seen it yet.”

Her eyes went round. “A _murder _mystery?”

“A puzzle where the audience tries to figure out who committed a murder,” Millie explained.

“Oh.” Rey looked interested. “I like puzzles.”

Inwardly, Ben squirmed with excitement. “Open this one.” He handed her a wood box engraved with intricate patterns.

Rey turned it over and over in her hands. “I can’t… How does it open?”

Ben bent and whispered, “That’s the puzzle.”

Her eyes shined. Suddenly, she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. “Thank you, Ben!” she said in his ear. “This is the best day in my whole life.” She sat back, frowning. “Second best, maybe. The best was when you came to Jakku.”

The back of Ben’s eyes ached with tears. He cleared his throat, swallowed hard. “I’m glad you like them.”

Her attention shifted to the open satchel on the floor. She leaned across him. “What else did you get?”

“Just some clothes.”

He pulled them out. As he did, the sphere he’d found beneath the Sith shrine rolled out. He caught it before it rolled across the deck.

“Oh!” Rey said. “Another puzzle!”

“No, it’s—”

She reached to take it from his hand. The moment her fingers touched it, it began to vibrate.

She snatched her hand back, eyes wide. “What’s it doing?”

It fell still and inert once more, as it had been ever since he found it. Ben’s heart began to pound with excitement.

“I don’t know. Try it again.”

She hesitated, then gingerly touched the sphere again.

Once more, the sphere vibrated, silently at first, then with a whine so high-pitched, he could feel it in his jaw more than hear it. Specks of light appeared on its surface, growing to bright dots. Another moment and an image—no, a _holo_—projected into the air over the table.

“What is it?” Rey breathed.

Ben shook his head, trying to make sense of the blue clouds and swirls and spots.

Millie’s head swiveled. “It’s a navigational holo. The lines are hyperspace lanes, although not all of them appear in my databanks. The points of light are star systems.”

Unlike a navigational chart, there were no denotations to identify the systems. He narrowed his eyes. “Some of them are brighter. Can you correlate them to your data?”

“Some,” Millie said. She raised her arm, pointing. “This one is Coruscant.” Her hand moved to a brighter dot nearby. “This is the Tython System. These are Mustafar, Ossus, Korriban.” She indicated each point in turn. “The others don’t appear in my databanks.”

“Force-powerful worlds,” Ben mused. “Some dark side, some light side.” He thought of the wellspring of the Force beneath the Jedi temple and Sith shrine. “And some…” Breath was suddenly hard to draw. “Some not dark or light, but maybe…both. Neither.”

Rey’s eyes were still wide. “That’s what you’ve been looking for. Isn’t it? Where the Force is just the Force.”

A map that was neither Jedi nor Sith, that opened when two Force-users touched it—one attuned to the light, the other to the dark. Possibilities seemed to unfurl, like the unknown hyperspace lanes on the map.

“Yes. Before Force users fell into dogma and schism.” The hand holding the sphere trembled. “This could lead us to places where the Force is balanced.”

Rey took her hand away. The map vanished and the sphere quieted. “When do we go?”

“After we eat our cake.” Ben put Rey’s puzzle box in front of her. “And play with our birthday presents.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw on Twitter that Ben was given a birthday of February 21, corresponding with the publication date of _Aftermath_. I wanted to post this chapter then, but it wasn't to be. Sorry, Ben! But I hid a couple of Easter eggs in this chapter. I hope you enjoy them!
> 
> I just finished reading [ The Belonging You Seek](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22568377/chapters/53930992) by hipgrab (merrymegtargaryen). She tags it as a "spitefic," where she fixes all the awful things that happened in the Skywalker Saga. If you want to feel better after TRoS, read it. It gives _everyone_ a happy ending.
> 
> It occurred to me that this fic is also a spitefic to fix the awful things that happened to Ben and Rey. I've also decided to ignore 98% of TRoS's plot elements, which were either stupid or just infuriated me. That means no Palpatine. The dude is dead, and Anakin's sacrifice wasn't for nothing.


	18. Ben - Age 22/Rey - Age 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben is forced to realize that Rey is growing up, but Rey has her own ideas about what to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're well and staying safe during these "interesting" times. I never expected grocery shopping to become an expedition for rare and elusive items!
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! I can't tell you how much you mean to me, dear reader. Thank you for sharing this adventure with me!

**Ben – _Millennium Falcon_**

Two superimposed holos floated in the air of the _Millennium Falcon’s_ common area, clouds of sparkling lights netted by the orange and yellow ribbons of hyperspace lanes. One holo was the duplicate Millie had made of the image the Sith shrine sphere held. The other was a holo of her own navigational maps.

Ben and Millie paced around the images, trying to figure out a hyperspace route to Tython and hitting one dead end after another. Whenever the sphere had been created, the hyperspace lanes were drastically different now; some re-routed, some abandoned, others collapsed completely.

Rey had disappeared a few minutes ago; Ben hadn’t noticed her leave, only that she was gone. Now, she reappeared in the hatchway that led to the crew quarters.

“I’ve got my woman’s blood,” she announced.

Ben jerked around in alarm. “Blood! Where?”

Her face flamed and she gave a vague wave downward. “My _woman’s_ blood,” she repeated.

“She’s begun menstruating,” Millie supplied helpfully.

Rey just set her jaw.

Something like panic boiled through Ben. He was already heading for the comm before he realized that contacting his mother for help would _not_ be the best thing to do.

“Okay,” he said, calmer than he felt.

_What do I do? What do I do?_ kept looping through his mind. He had only the vaguest idea of how women dealt with their cycles. It hadn’t been part of his father’s acutely embarrassing talk when Ben was twelve or thirteen.

Millie stepped in. “We’ll need to stop for the supplies she’ll need.”

“Yeah, okay,” Ben said.

They’d need to do more than that. He had no idea how to use said supplies. Did Rey? And what did she know about the human reproductive system? About sex? Probably more than he had at her age, but still. He wasn’t going to refer her to the holonet for something like this.

He racked his brain for a woman he trusted to help Rey deal with this. Someone besides his mother—

“The nearest inhabited—” Millie began.

Turning for the cockpit, Ben cut her off. “We’re going to Takodana.”

**Maz - Takodana**

The Force surged like a wave. Maz turned from the Sulustan smuggler she was setting up with Gwellis Bagnoro for forged credentials.

“That’s him.” Maz gave a vague wave toward Gwellis’ robed form, his long trunk looped over his shoulder. “He’ll take care of you.”

She made her way across the cantina where she could see the doors.

It was much like…how many years ago now? Three? Four? They passed so quickly, running together like the waters of a clear stream. The doors opened on a tall, masked and black-cloaked figure accompanied by a slim girl.

Ben Solo and Rey of Jakku. Still together, still one in the Force, dark and light twined inseparably together, their presence more imposing than before. An enormous droid clumped in behind them, broad-shouldered and riddled with old blaster shots. Maz’s brows went up.

Ben made no attempt at subtlety this time. Of course, between Ben’s height, all-black garb and that droid, subtlety wasn’t possible—most everyone in the cantina had paused to eye the mismatched group. Ben strode straight toward Maz where she stood by the bar.

“Maz!” Rey hugged her, a head taller than Maz now.

Maz hugged her then set her back. Rey was no longer a skinny urchin, sharp and wary beyond her years. Her dark hair was pulled back in braids, and her clothes were clean and fit well. Maz had noticed her sweep a gaze around the room as they entered and approached, but she focused on Maz now, as bright as ever.

Ben had been taking good care of her.

Maz drew breath to ask what had brought them.

“We need your help,” Ben blurted before she could speak. He gave Rey and awkward pat on the shoulder and took a long breath. “_Rey_ needs your help. She’ll tell you.”

With a swirl of black cloak, he turned and fled—yes, _fled_.

Maz blinked, mystified.

“He’s embarrassed,” the droid said. “He seems to have difficulty with normal human bodily functions.”

Maz eyed the droid.

“This is Millie,” Rey said. “She was trapped in the _Falcon’s_ navicomputer. Ben and I got her out. Now she watches out for me when Ben isn’t around.”

“I see,” Maz said. Ben apparently took his duties as a guardian very seriously. If Rey didn’t have a large young man protecting her, she had an even larger droid. “And what has Ben embarrassed?”

Rey proceeded to explain.

If it had been Han, Maz would’ve laughed loud enough so he could hear…and know exactly why she was laughing. Since it was Ben—sensitive, serious Ben—she just nodded and steered Rey to the back. Millie lumbered after.

**Ben**

Ben sat fidgeting at a table as he skimmed the minds around him, keeping a light touch on Rey through the bond. He was grateful that at a place like Maz’s, no one would approach unless invited. At last, he saw Maz approaching—alone.

He was on his feet before he realized it. “Where is she? Is she all right?”

Maz stopped in front of him. “She’s fine,” she soothed. “It’s all perfectly natural, nothing to worry about.”

He knew it was natural; he wasn’t _that_ ignorant. “But what if she—”

“I’m sure you don’t want to discuss this here. Come with me.”

Maz turned and led him to a door behind the bar. He followed her up a short flight of stairs that ended in a wood door that looked as ancient as those in the Jedi temple. Beyond was a spacious, comfortable office. Colorful woven rugs lay strewn across the floor. A light dangled chains of colored glass that scattered shards of topaz and garnet and emerald over the room. The desk and chair were sized for Maz. The chairs on the opposite side of the desk were for larger frames.

Ben lowered himself onto the edge of one, took off his helmet and rested it on his knee.

She pulled a low stool opposite his chair and sat. “You don’t need to worry. Rey is taking this better than you are. Yes, some women have trouble with their cycles. For most women, it’s only an annoyance.”

He gave a short nod. “Anything I need to watch for?”

“Excessive pain or bleeding.” She was silent a long moment, studying him. “Things will change now. She’s no longer a child.”

He had a feeling he wouldn’t like where this was going.

She reached out, touched his knee briefly. “You’ve done a good job with her, Ben. She’s healthy and happy, so different from the little wild thing you brought here a few years ago.” She paused. “But there will be things now you can’t help her with. Things about being a woman.”

Ben’s grip on his helmet tightened. He waited.

“Rey should be around other girls and women,” Maz said gently. “She won’t learn what she needs hopping around the galaxy with a young man and a droid.”

Ben physically recoiled. Everything in him rebelled at the thought. He struggled, searching himself for motive. When he found it, the pain was almost physical—it was pure selfishness.

“You’re right,” he forced out. Clenching his jaw, he struggled some more. “My mother would take good care of her. Teach her what I can’t. Rey is…” He made a frustrated gesture. “…everything I’m not. My father would _love_ her. They’re kindred spirits. Even with her Force abilities.”

Admiration shined in Maz’s eyes. “I’m glad to hear you say it. I already suggested something like that.”

Ben stood and tucked his helmet under his arm, eager to be gone. His emotions were fast escaping his control.

Maz’s voice stopped him. “She didn’t like the idea. She said she won’t leave you.”

A relieved breath burst free. Everything that had been twisting tight and heavy and painful unwound.

“If anyone will convince her, it will have to be you.” Maz, still sitting on her stool, looked up at him. “She’ll agree if you both go. Go home, Ben.”

“No,” Ben said flatly. “That isn’t possible.”

“Because your parents sent you away?”

He ground his teeth, avoiding Maz’s too-keen eyes.

“Rey told me,” she said. “She’s deeply offended on your behalf.”

Ben clenched his helmet so tightly it pressed painfully against his ribs and the inside of his arm. “Take me to her.”

“Ben—”

“I’m not going home.” He didn’t want to keep _talking_ about this. But she wouldn’t understand unless he did. “They don’t want to see me. I won’t force myself on them.”

Maz sighed. “Come, then.”

She led him back out into the cantina, then down another hall. The sound of arguing voices echoed off the stones. The louder one was Rey’s.

A door at the end of the hall burst open. Rey came out like a launched missile.

“Ben!” She ran to him and took his arms. “What’s wrong? I could feel—”

“It’s okay.” He hadn’t closed himself off from the bond well enough.

She eyed him warily. “I would’ve come, but Tera said you were talking to Maz.”

In the doorway Rey had just come through stood a pretty, dark-skinned young woman maybe a year or two younger than Ben with a cloud of black hair. Millie stood in front of her, blocking her.

“I was,” he said. “Now you and I will talk.”

She set her feet. “If this is about me going to your mom and dad—”

Maz stepped forward. “Let’s go inside. Tera, is there an empty massage room?”

“Yes,” the young woman said and led them inside.

Millie started to follow.

Maz held out a hand, stopping her. “Give them a moment. I’ll introduce you to ME-8D9. She’ll show you to the maintenance facilities.”

Millie’s head swiveled to Ben.

“It’s all right,” he told her. “Nothing happens here without Maz’s approval. And I trust Maz. That’s why we’re here.”

With a hand between her shoulder blades, Ben urged Rey forward.

Inside, fragrant steam enveloped them. A pool the color of jade nestled beneath trailing greenery that softened the stone walls—Maz’s castle apparently included a spa. They wove through padded benches to a line of doors on the far wall. Tera opened one and stepped aside for them to enter.

Rey had been scowling the entire time. The moment the door closed, she rounded on him and planted her feet the way she did when they sparred.

“I’m not leaving you! I’m not going to Luke’s school, and I’m not going to your mom. I don’t need to learn girl stuff. What for?”

Lowering himself onto a soft chair, Ben leaned forward and took her hand. “Maz is right, though. There are things I can’t teach you. How else will you learn?”

“Like what?’ she demanded.

“Like…” His face heated. “Boys. How to, um, deal with them.”

“I _know_ how to deal with them. Talk to them if they’re nice, hit them with my staff if they aren’t.”

His face was getting hotter. “There are other ways to interact with boys.”

“You can tell me. You’re a boy.” She wrinkled her nose. “_Were_ a boy.”

“Rey.” He took a long breath, trying to ease the painful clench under his heart. “You need more in your life than me. You _deserve_ more.”

“You’re wrong.”

“No.”

Her chin began trembling. “You’re going to take me somewhere and leave me?”

“It’s not like that—”

She snatched her hand away. “Yes it is!” she shouted. “It’s just like that! Why? What did I do?”

Her anguish beat at him, amplifying his own. “You didn’t do anything, sweetheart. I only want what’s best for you.”

“What about what _I_ want?” she shouted. “I don’t want you to go away!” She stood quivering, then flung herself at him. She buried her face in his neck. “Don’t leave me, Ben. _Please_. You can’t. You _can’t_.”

She shook in his arms, her fingers clenched on the back of his tunic. Her back heaved, not with sobs but with raw terror—it tore at him through the bond.

_That’s it. This is **not** what’s best for her._ Not if this was what it did to her.

He held her. “Okay, okay. We won’t do that then.” He smoothed a hand down her back. “We’ll stay together.”

She gasped, gasped again, a terrible, tearing sound. “Don’t go. _Don’t go!”_

Fear curled through him. This was like those times he’d tried to persuade her to use the Force—this descent into blind darkness.

“I won’t,” he soothed, rubbing her back. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Do you hear me, Rey? I’m here. I’m with you.”

Slowly, her shudders eased and her grip loosened, but her breaths still came fast and uneven. She burrowed into his shoulder. “You won’t leave me?”

“Not if you don’t want me to go.”

She pulled back abruptly and glared at him, fisting the front of his tunic. Back to her usual self, as if nothing had happened.

“I _never_ want you to go,” she said. “I don’t care what anyone says. I don’t care about girl stuff. I don’t care about being around kids my age. I just want to be with _you_.”

Ben bent his head and swallowed hard, leaning down to pick up his helmet so she wouldn’t see his own vulnerability while she was still so fragile.

“I’ll let you tell Maz,” he said. “She won’t believe me.”

“She better believe _me_,” Rey said fiercely. She marched to the door.

“Rey,” he said before she opened it. “Don’t be angry at her. She wants what best for you too.”

The tense set of her shoulders eased. “Okay. But no one gets to decide for me just because they’re older. I can decide for myself.”

Ben quietly slipped out while Rey handled Maz. He didn’t want her thinking there was any undue influence going on.

He strode out of the castle. The last low, level light of the sun shimmered off the lake. Voices echoed from somewhere under the trees. Some small creature cheeped and jumped from branch to branch overhead.

_Ah, there you are_, Snoke whispered into his mind. _Avoiding me again, young Solo? Tsk. And when I have news that will be of interest to you…personally_.

Ben didn’t reply. He didn’t trust his temper at the moment. He dove into the trees, into shadow.

_While you and your little orphan girl explore the galaxy_, Snoke went on undeterred, _events on a galactic scale are playing out_.

“What are you talking about?” Ben finally growled.

_It’s really such a heavy-handed effort, no attempt at subtlety whatsoever. The desired result could be accomplished much more skillfully. _

Ben stopped short on the well-trodden path to the landing field. A shaft of sunlight sliced across the trail ahead like a warning spear. “Why should I care?”

_Oh, I promise, you will care. After all, your mother will be in the midst of it_.

Ben’s stomach dropped. “What’s happening?”

_If you were here with me, you’d already know_. _You might even be able to put a stop to it._ _A pity you’re so determined to go your own way_.

Ben glared into the innocent forest ahead. “If anything happens to my family, I’ll come find you. And it won’t be for teaching.”

_Now, now, my boy. Is that any way to speak to someone who only wishes to help?_

“_Tell me_,” Ben grated.

_Very well_, Snoke sighed. _I shall, as a demonstration of my goodwill. Perhaps after this you’ll believe I only have your best interests at heart._

_A terrorist organization plans to bomb a Senate meeting. The attendees are members of the Populist party. You mother is among them_.

Ben was breathing so hard he was lightheaded. “When?”

_Tomorrow morning. In a breakfast meeting_.

Ben squeezed his eyes shut and took a precious minute bringing his breathing and frantic pulse under control.

He spun and ran back toward the castle.

~oOo~

Ten minutes later and Millie was in the cockpit setting coordinates for Hosnian Prime while Rey belted into the jump seat behind Ben’s.

“Just comm Senator Organa.” Millie flicked switches. The _Falcon_ hummed, engines coming online. “It’s quickest and surest.”

“She won’t act on an anonymous tip,” Ben said.

“Then don’t be anonymous.”

“He can’t explain how he knows,” Rey said.

Ben flicked switches on his side of the control panel. The _Falcon_ gave a lurch as repulsors engaged and it lifted off the ground. Millie tapped buttons on her panel and the landing gear retracted with a whine.

“If she knows I found out from Snoke,” Ben said, “she’ll think it’s a trick or a trap.”

“How do you know it isn’t?” Millie said.

Ben hesitated. Outside the viewport, the trees began to fall away. “I don’t. That’s why I have to be there.”

“No,” Millie and Rey said at the same time.

“Luke wants to find you, remember?” Rey said. “You _want_ him to find you?”

“You need a plan,” Millie said. “You can’t just go rushing in there.”

Ben thought hard. He could tell his mother outright; first he had to get to her, then convince her. And then she needed an excuse to act. Knowing his mother, she’d find one, but—

“We need to know when and where the meeting is,” he said.

Millie turned to the computer on the starboard bulkhead. Information streamed past on the screen, too fast for human eyes to read. “In the Senate conference building, in banquet hall H-5. It’s an early meeting—oh-seven-thirty. Organized by Varish Vicly, Senator to Lonera, to be attended by select Populist Senators.”

“How long does that give us?” Ben said.

“Transit time to Hosnian Prime is three hours and seventeen minutes at maximum speed. We’ll arrive at approximately oh-six-thirty local time, give or take delays in obtaining landing clearances.”

An hour. “We have an _hour_ to land, get to the Senate building and stop the bombing.”

Millie leaned back, pushing buttons on another bulkhead control. “Reprogramming transponder codes. We’ll transmit as the _Victory Ring_. I assume you don’t want the _Millennium Falcon_ identified.”

Ben studied Mille with new respect. “No.” He hadn’t known the _Falcon_ had aliases. He should have.

Millie entered coordinates into the navicomputer with clicking taps of her fingers. “Course to Hosnian Prime entered.”

Outside the viewport, Takodana had diminished to a blue- and green-streaked globe. Ben swung the ship around and an uninterrupted starfield filled the view. Vibrations from the sublight drive pulsed through the ship’s frame.

He dropped his hand to the throttle slide. “Engage hyperdrive.”

Millie pulled down the lever. The hyperdrive activated with an ascending drone and a shivering jolt. The stars quivered and elongated into shimmering blue streaks. Ben pushed the throttle all the way up and the streaks turned into a twisting blue tunnel.

He turned in the pilot’s seat. “I know the Senate buildings. I can reach the banquet room and search for the bomb.”

“And no one will stop you,” Millie drawled.

“No.” He could hardly expect a droid to understand the uses of the Force.

“And I suppose you know where to find the bomb and how to disarm it, too,” Millie said.

“No,” Rey said.

Ben turned to look at her. She had that familiar, determined look on her face.

“Maybe you can use the Force to keep people from noticing you,” she said. “Maybe you can even find the bomb. But Millie’s right.”

Ben gave a frustrated snarl.

Rey grabbed his hand. “You need to warn your mom. Warn her so she’ll believe you. So she has to do something _right now_.”

Ben forced his breathing to slow, forced himself to think. He knew his mother. Give her time, and she’d examine the warning for its implications, try to figure out strategy. His father was the one who acted on his gut. He had to force his mother to act on her instincts, too.

A memory surfaced: him in his room after his mother had first given him his calligraphy set. Practicing letters, learning how to hold the pens to make the ink flow just right. Leaving little notes hidden around the house for his mother to find—

“A note,” he whispered. “I’ll leave her a note.”

“A _note?”_ Millie said, disgusted. “Please.”

Rey wrinkled her nose then her face brightened. “Nobody writes on paper! She’ll know it’s you! And she’ll know it’s serious because it’s right there!”

Ben stood, excited and determined. He made it to the hatch when Rey said,

“And I can give it to her!”

He stopped short and spun. “No, you won’t.”

She set her jaw. “Yes I will. I can make sure nobody notices me just like you can. And even if they do, who cares? Who am I? Nobody.”

“You don’t know your way around the Senate,” he shot back.

Folding her hands over her barrel-shaped middle, Millie stretched out a leg. “What you’re both forgetting is security. Neither one of you is going to be able to walk in there and go wherever you want.”

“I can—” Ben began.

“What about the security feeds?” Millie broke in. “Can you kriff every cam? I assume your face is known. Do you plan to wear your mask? In a Senate facility?”

“Rey can’t use the Force on locks,” Ben said stubbornly.

“No, but they can be sliced,” Millie said.

Both he and Rey stared at her.

“How?” Ben said.

Millie straightened. “I can slice them.”

“Since when?” Ben growled.

“Does it matter? I found programming from an espionage droid and downloaded it. I can do it.”

“But Millie,” Rey said. “Why didn’t you undo your bodyguard droid programming?”

Millie turned back to the controls. “Who says I didn’t?”

Ben’s own astonishment was reflected on Rey’s face.

Rey was the one to react: she got up and went to stand by Millie’s chair. “Thank you, Millie. Thanks for watching out for me. For me and Ben.”

Millie didn’t turn from the controls. “Someone has to make sure you two stay out of trouble. Since I’m the oldest and the smartest, that means me.”

Rey gave Ben a meaningful look. “See?”

He only huffed.

Millie waved a hand. “Go write your note. We have a few hours to work out the details.”

**Rey – Hosnian Prime**

It was strange. The Senate buildings were like nothing Rey had ever seen before—but the memories Ben had shown her made it all eerily familiar. The tall, stately buildings rose in front of her, their architectural details accented with spotlights in the dim, pre-dawn light. Nervousness fluttered in her middle.

_No_, she told herself. _I belong here. I have a job_.

That helped. She really did have a job. A job a lot more important than cleaning rooms or setting tables.

She strode off down one of the pathways that wound between buildings. They weren’t deserted, even at this early hour. _There will be service staff around_, Ben had explained, _getting things ready for the day. Probably a few Senate staffers. Senators like to hit the ground running first thing in the morning_.

Neatly trimmed bushes and graceful trees and flowers still closed for the night filled beds lining the pathway. The musky, herbal scent of some plant drifted on the cool air. The pathway opened out onto a large square. Spotlights lit a statue of a handsome man in a cloak. He reminded her a little of Lando, except he looked more regal. Ben’s memories didn’t include a tall statue made out of shimmering white stone. It must be new.

“Are you lost?” a voice said behind her.

Spinning, Rey automatically reached for her staff. Her fingers closed on air.

The young man behind her stepped back, raising a hand. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”

Rey dropped her hand and eyed him. He looked about fifteen or sixteen. Taller than her. Not _nearly_ as tall as Ben. “I’m not scared.”

_If anyone talks to you_, he’d told her, _you’re busy. Everyone is busy at the Senate. They won’t be surprised_.

“I have to go—”

“That’s Bail Organa,” the boy said over her. “Leader of the Rebellion.” He looked past her at the statue.

“Oh! That’s—” She bit back _Ben’s grandfather_. “That wasn’t here before.”

“It’s new. They just put it up. Big ceremony and everything.” He gave her a little smile, gazing at her too intently. “You should’ve seen.”

“Yeah.” Rey edged away, every second that passed prickling her. “Thanks.”

The boy followed. “What’s your name?”

“Uh…Millie.” Rey knew what she’d do if this was Jakku. She couldn’t do that here. Not without attracting attention.

“_Millie?”_ the boy said on a laugh. “You don’t look like a Millie.”

She didn’t need to do what she’d done on Jakku. She could do what Ben had taught her.

She reached for the Force. “_You have somewhere important to be_.”

Stopping in his tracks, the boy blinked. “I…have somewhere I have to be.”

“Me too,” Rey said on a relieved breath. “Bye!”

She escaped down a pathway that led toward the Senate conference building. With one quick look to make sure he wasn’t following, she turned onto a narrow walkway that skirted the side.

According to the diagrams of the Senate complex Millie had found, the service entrance was supposed to be this way. She hoped that wasn’t something _else_ that had changed. No—there was a door, plain metal with a lock pad beside it. Her heart beating hard, she slipped the slicer key Millie had given her into the lock. She didn’t look around, but she sensed through the Force for anyone nearby.

The lock blinked blue and the door slid open. Rey stepped inside.

It was like looking at the buildings—familiar from Ben’s memories and yet completely foreign. Patterns in indigo and caramel flowed across the carpeting. Sconces spilled fans of light over walls and ceiling. Voices came distantly from elsewhere in the building, a sprinkle of laughter, the clink and slide of something being moved or set up.

Double doors lined the wide hallway. Plaques of brushed brass identified each room: J-3, J-2, J-1. Another hallway branched off this one. Rey studied the plaques as she passed comparing them to Millie’s diagrams. The hallway she wanted was still two over.

The closer she got, the more her steps wanted to slow. She hadn’t felt like that since Jakku. She knew what it was now—it was the Force telling her, _danger, stay away! _She set her jaw and kept going.

It was like pushing against a sandstorm by the time she found room H-5. The door whisked open when she slid in the slicer key. She stepped inside and it slid shut behind her.

_Here. It’s here_. It was like that time in the wreck, with the hatch the steelpeckers hid behind, the ones that had ripped that other kid into little pieces. She was six years old again, the same cold fear beating at her, every instinct, every nerve screaming to get away. _I know_, she told the Force. _I will. I promise_.

Shining dishes and cutlery, napkins folded into ornate fans, a velvet runner and colorful streamers decorated the table. _Wrong, wrong_, like jewels on an assassin’s dagger, like cheery ribbons decorating a blaster’s muzzle. Rey forced herself to pay attention to the table, not the alarms screeching in the back of her head.

_There will be name tags at each place_, Ben had told her. _When you find my mother’s, put it where she’ll see it_.

She walked the length of the table, touching plates and cutlery as she passed each place. Finally, at the very end, she found it: _Senator Leia Organa, Alderaan_. Her hands slow and clumsy and shaking, Rey pulled out the note Ben had written., one word on a narrow slip of paper:

_ **RUN** _

_His_ hands had been shaking when he wrote it. The pen had caught on the paper and sprayed ink. Usually, that meant he’d start over. Not this time.

Carefully, she placed the slip in the middle of the plate, where it couldn’t be missed.

Ben had made her promise to come straight back to the _Falcon_ after she had, but she hesitated.

Slowly, she turned in the direction her instincts tried to push her away from. That’s where it was. The bomb. She wasn’t dumb enough to think she could disarm it, but maybe she could take it away—

No. There were chances, and there were _stupid_ chances. You didn’t survive taking the stupid ones. Finally giving in to the fear hammering at her, Rey turned and fled.

**Ben – Hosnian Prime**

Ben paced back and forth at the bottom of the _Falcon’s_ ramp like an angry nexu. When he heard the whine of an approaching speeder, he stopped and turned. _Rey_.

She jumped out and ran to the ship. He met her before she got halfway, scooped her up and carried her at a run to the ship and up the boarding ramp.

“Let’s go!” he shouted to Millie in the cockpit as he let Rey slide to her feet.

“I did it,” she panted, trotting after him to the cockpit. “Just like you said.”

He slid into the pilot’s seat and began flicking switches. The familiar hum and whine ran through the ship.

“Oh-seven twenty-seven,” Millie said as she worked the copilot’s controls. “We’re cutting it close.” She tapped the panel. “Clearance to take off requested and granted.”

Ben shot a grim look back at Rey. “Belt in.”

She looked steely cool. He thought of it as her Jakku face. “Already am,” she said.

The city had dwindled to shapes connected by the lines of roads when a burst of white light erupted below. Ben squeezed his eyes shut.

“Mother…” he whispered.

She was still there. He couldn’t sense her the way he did Rey, but he could sense that much. He leaned across the cockpit and connected to the holonet. For a few minutes, there was just the morning summary from the day before. Outside the viewport, the sun burst over the curve of Hosnian Prime’s sphere. Indigo bled to pale blue and white at the planet’s rim.

A reporter abruptly broke into the morning news. “We have reports of an explosion in the Senate complex…”

Ben barely paid attention to the garbled, confused reporting as the holo switched from reporter to reporter, location to location. There was a shot of the Senate square filled with smoke, debris and stumbling figures.

“Oh,” Rey breathed in the seat behind his. Her fingers gripped his sleeve. “I should’ve gotten that bomb. I could feel it. I should’ve tried to take it away—”

Seizing her wrist, he whipped around. “No, you shouldn’t. You did what you were supposed to.”

“But your mom…”

They’d broken atmosphere. The Hosnian sun was a brilliant gold medallion against the star-sprinkled black. Other ships drifted in orbit. They couldn’t see the destruction from this altitude, but he could sense it.

“I’ve sliced into the medcenter feed,” Millie said. “I’m getting data from the triage droids now.”

Like before, information blurred past on the screen. Minutes ticked past, broken only by the pulse and hum of the engines. Hosnian Prime’s moon grew in the viewport, then slid past. Ben found himself clenching and unclenching his fists, reaching out through the Force with all his strength.

_Mother. Are you all right? Mom?_

“Current numbers—one hundred seventy-three wounded and rising. Ninety-eight moved to the med center. No deaths.” She was silent a few minutes, watching the screen. “Here. Leia Organa Solo. Concussion, abrasions and minor lacerations but ambulatory.”

Ben’s breath burst out with relief so powerful he slumped in his seat. Rey was instantly beside him, her arm around his shoulder, her other hand holding his.

“She’s okay?” Rey asked Millie.

“She was injured,” Millie said. “She’ll be fine with treatment.”

“She’ll be fine, Ben. We did it.” Rey squeezed his hand. “We warned her in time.”

He nodded absently, staring out the viewport. “Thank you,” he murmured to no one in particular, then gathered himself. Putting his hand over Rey’s he looked up at her. “_Thank you_.” He pushed his gratitude through the bond, holding her small hand between both his. He held her eyes a long moment, then turned to Millie. “Thank you, Millie. We couldn’t have done it without you.”

Millie didn’t answer a moment, apparently absorbed in the controls and data feed. “I like Leia,” she finally said. “She didn’t take crap off anyone.”

Ben gave a surprised hiccup of a laugh, the adrenaline finally running out of him. “No. She doesn’t.”

**Leia – Hosnian Prime**

Leia watched the security feed clip again. Not the one of the Twi’lek who planted the bomb; the one later, only a few minutes before the meeting began, according to the time stamp.

A young girl of maybe twelve or thirteen walked into the room as if she did it every day. She was all long arms and legs, the way children were at that age, her face at that in-between point between child’s and woman’s. _Lovely child_, Leia thought. She would grow into a _very_ pretty woman. Her dark hair was braided at the temples and pulled together at the back.

Leia shook her head. The braids were what caught her attention the first time she watched the clip. In the Alderaanian tradition, they meant _cherished_.

The girl in the recording circled the table, straightening cutlery, studying the name tags at each place. When she reached Leia’s at the head of the table she stopped, pulled a slip of paper from her belt and carefully laid it on the plate. Turning to frown at the far end of the room, she hesitated, rocking on her feet a little as if undecided. Leia caught herself holding her breath, only letting it go when the girl turned and walked back to the door.

Leia switched off the holoprojector. The image shivered and collapsed. She sat fingering the slip of paper, crumpled and stained now. She hadn’t even realized she’d held onto it when she’d shouted for everyone to run. It had been with her clothes when she was discharged from the medcenter.

She looked down at it now, the single word written in bold, black letters: _**RUN**_. The pen’s nib had caught on the paper with the pressure of the hand using it, leaving a tiny tear and spray of ink.

Writing on paper was exotic enough. Using the type of pen that used a nib and free-flowing ink was almost unheard of.

Folding the slip of paper to her chest, Leia swallowed the heavy ache in her throat. “Oh, Ben. I was wrong. I’m so sorry. Come home, please. I promise we’ll cherish your Rey as much as you do. We’ll cherish _both_ of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't claim credit for the idea that Ben was the one who left the note warning Leia. Some time ago I read a theory that he did it while he was with Snoke, which actually doesn't fit the established timeline. But it made a lot of sense that it would be Ben.


	19. Ben - Age 23/Rey - Age 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben discovers the truth about his heritage. He doesn't take it well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, thank you so much for all the love last time! You guys are awesome!

**Ben – _Millennium Falcon_**

Ben sat at the holo table with a cup of caf and a half-eaten jobi berry muffin. He was breaking his own rule about not eating at the holo table, but it was _his_ ship. Besides, Rey wasn’t up yet to comment on it.

Holos flickered past. The Senate was still a chaos of pointing fingers between the Centrists and the Populists after what had been dubbed the Napkin Bombing, each faction accusing the other of engineering the bombing for political gain. Ben gave a disgusted snort. Typical.

He switched to another feed. His father was running some race called the Five Sabers. Ben entertained a brief fantasy about entering the _Falon_ under one of its aliases and kicking everyone’s ass before flying off again. Rey would _love_ it.

His parents might’ve thrown him away, but Ben wasn’t that petty. Or that cruel. Taking another bite of his muffin, he set a scan to cycle through feeds.

He caught a snatch of a reporter saying something about Darth Vader. Old news. Darth Vader had died before Ben was born. Another feed played a recording of a vaguely familiar man’s voice as the reporter listened in shock and horror: “…_your father has become Darth Vader_.”

Ben sat up straight, muffin and caf forgotten. _Whose father?_ he wondered first, then, _Darth Vader had a **child**?_

Before he could stop it, the scan flicked to another feed, this one showing what looked like a riot in the Senate. Senators shouting, gesturing, a thousand pods hovering in the air at once, a cacophony of noise. Another reporter was saying:

“…chaos in the Galactic Senate after the shocking revelation about the leading candidate for the office of First Senator.”

Ben went cold. His mother was a candidate for First Senator. He’d been keeping up with the news.

The feed cut to a clip of his mother, standing straight and still. She stared right into the camera, not defiant, but as steely as Rey could ever look.

“Senator Casterfo’s accusation is true,” she said, her voice strong and even. “My father was Darth Vader.”

The reporter’s voice faded, meaningless noise. The holo flicked to another feed. Another. Another. The whole world shrank down to the feeling of his pulse in his body, the rush of blood in his ears, the rasp of his breaths.

_No_, he thought. _No_.

His mother’s accusations before she sent him away—that he was doing what Darth Vader did.

His father’s words: _Stay with me, kid, and you’ll be the terror of the galaxy_.

The fear in Luke’s eyes when Ben used the Force. The way Luke was always warning him about the dark side.

“No,” Ben said aloud. “No. It’s not true.”

It couldn’t be true. It was something some political rival had engineered to discredit his mother.

The holo of his mother played again, mocking him: “_Senator Casterfo’s accusation is true. My father was Darth Vader_.”

Ben shoved to his feet. “No!”

He swept cup and plate to the floor with a crash and spray of liquid. The holo was still playing, the chaos in the Senate, his mother’s confession playing over and over again on every feed. He slammed his fists down on the table. The holo shivered and winked out.

“Why?” he shouted. “_Why?”_

Pain and rage and betrayal churned through him, suffocating.

Rey ran in wearing only pants and a sleeveless undershirt, her hair straggling out of half-done braids. “Ben! What’s wrong?”

“They didn’t tell me!” he raged. “They never told me! _Why didn’t they tell me?”_

He swept up a datapad from the table and flung it. It hit the wall with a crack of splintering plastoid.

Rey was suddenly in front him, gripping his wrist. “Tell you what?” She shook him. “Who didn’t tell you what, Ben?”

Breathing hard through his teeth, he shook his head hard. He couldn’t say it. If he didn’t say it, it wouldn’t be true. He pulled free of Rey, pressed himself to the wall. With a roar, he slammed his fists against the wall.

“Ben!” Rey was there again, holding his arm. “Stop! What happened?”

He jerked away again. “_Don’t touch me_. Don’t _look_ at me. I’m—I’m—”

He punched the wall again. Pain came distantly. He didn’t care. He went down the corridor pounding the walls, leaving streaks of blood behind.

Hard, powerful hands grabbed him. Snarling, he reached for the Force.

“No!” Rey shouted. “Don’t! Leave him alone.”

Millie released him but stood between him and Rey. “He’s out of control. He’ll hurt you.”

That finally broke through his blind rage. “I won’t hurt Rey,” he grated. “I’ll never hurt Rey. _Never_.”

Millie stepped aside, still close enough to intervene.

“I know that, Ben.” Rey came close enough to touch. “Come sit down with me. Tell me what happened, okay?”

His rage was draining away, leaving behind numb horror and shame—shame at his behavior, shame at what he was. His head hanging so she couldn’t see his face, he only shook his head. Carefully, her fingers touched his, just the lightest brush. He flinched away.

She touched him again, taking only his fingertips. “Come on.”

He pulled free again. “No.”

“Your hands are bleeding,” she said in a no-nonsense tone. “You need bacta.”

“I don’t want it!” he flared.

“Too bad.” She glared up at him. “You’re getting it.”

Taking him by the wrist, she towed him back into the common area and pushed him down in the dining booth. She took one hand, then the other and studied them.

“That was stupid,” she pronounced. “Why’d you do that?”

Ben couldn’t bear her care. “Just leave me alone!”

He tried to stand up again. Before he could straighten, she pushed him back down. He landed in the seat with a thump.

“Are we going to spar right here?” she said. “We can. I don’t care.”

Shame overcame him again. Rey took his hands and put them on the table. He just stared down at them, unable to meet her eyes. He was finally beginning to feel the pain. The knuckles were split and bleeding. A bruise was blooming across the back of one hand.

Millie plunked the med kit down on the table and flipped it open. “Good job, Ben. Looks like you broke that hand.”

Ben snapped up his head.

“I’m pretty sure he knows, Millie,” Rey said.

She pulled a tube of bacta out of the kit and started slathering it over his hands. Millie hovered.

He glared at the droid through his hair. “I’m not going to hurt her.”

Millie tapped her fingertips on one thick leg. “You’ll forgive me if I’m skeptical.”

Rey stopped working on his hands and turned to face Millie. “If Ben says he won’t hurt me, he won’t hurt me. If you could feel him the way I do, you’d know.”

Millie threw up her hands. “If you’re going to start talking about the Force, you know where I’ll be.” She clumped out, her steps echoing down the corridor.

Rey returned to his hands. “Maybe now you can tell me what happened.”

The bacta was beginning to work—the pain was fading. He wished it wouldn’t. Somehow the physical hurt made the agonizing knowledge a little more bearable. Sharing it— Telling Rey—

“No,” he said.

She tried to nudge him over with a hip. He stayed where he was. She shouldn’t be close to him. She shouldn’t be taking care of him. She shouldn’t _touch_ him.

She stood looking down on him a moment. “Do you want to show me?” She reached for him.

“No!” He caught her wrist and slammed up his mental shields. Just as quickly, he let her go again. “Rey…please.” He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t see the worry and compassion in her face. “I can’t…tell you about it. I _can’t_.”

“Okay, Ben.” Silence for a moment, then, “Later. Okay?”

Opening his eyes again, he stared down at where his hands rested on the table, slimy with bacta, the cuts and bruises fading. She waited a moment longer, maybe for agreement. He couldn’t give it to her.

She sighed. “I’m going to go clean…” She paused as if catching herself. “…things. You’ll stay here?”

He caught the anxiety in her tone. He stood. “I’ll be in the cockpit.”

He could feel her eyes on him until he rounded the curve in the corridor.

Millie turned when he stepped through the hatch. “What’s the matter with you? You scared the hell out of that girl.”

Ben ignored her. “How long until we reach Rattatak?”

“Fifty-two minutes.”

He didn’t know why he even cared. Nothing would be any different no matter where they went.

**Ben – Rattatak**

_So, young Solo_, Snoke whispered. _You finally learned the truth_. _How cruel that it should be in such a public and impersonal way_.

Ben glared through his mask at the stone streets around him. Darkness swirled around him like his cloak. People on the streets gave him a wide berth.

“You knew,” he shot back. “You didn’t tell me.”

_It wasn’t the time. You had to be old enough to see. You had to learn the inadequacies of what you were taught._

“What does it matter?”

_Because you’re meant for so much more than ascetics and study. You’re meant to stand astride the galaxy. You’re meant to shape history_.

Ben slashed a hand through the air. “That’s not what I want!” he shouted.

A group of arguing Weequays fell silent and turned their leathery faces to him, their ropey braids swinging. Ben didn’t care if he looked crazy.

_It’s your destiny, Ben Solo. You cannot escape it._

“I’ll do what I choose!”

_Will you? Where will you go in the galaxy? Everyone knows who you are now—the grandson of Darth Vader. A man who inherited Vader’s great power. You can no more choose your path than you can change your skin_.

“No one knows who Kylo Ren is,” Ben growled.

_Can you hide from your little protégé, as well?_

Ben stopped in the middle of the street. A thin wind smelling of desolation swept down the mountain slopes, snatching at the hem his cloak, threading chill fingers under the seams and edges of his tunic. Someone nearby played a whining instrument. The high tune wavered on the air like a wail of grief.

_Even on backwater planets, little children shudder at the name Darth Vader_, Snoke went on. _What will she do when she discovers whose blood flows through your veins? She will shrink from you when she knows._ _Will she believe that you were ignorant of your own heritage? No. She’ll think you meant to entrap her. To seduce her_.

“No!”

Ben’s voice echoed back from the walls around him. Women chattering on a doorstep fled in a scraping patter of footsteps.

_This is the path the Force has laid out before you. All your life your family attempted to keep you from it. Yet here it is, unavoidable_. _Should you try to resist, the Force will only take steps to compel you_.

Ben clenched his fists. “I’m no slave to the Force.”

_Accept the truth. Accept what you were meant to be. It will be much less painful if you do_.

He hunched his shoulders, his breath shuddering through him. He wasn’t fit to teach Rey. He wasn’t fit to be near her. How much damage had he already done?

He hadn’t known. And he couldn’t change what had been done. But now—

Ben turned and strode back toward Rattatak’s small spaceport. People in the streets took one look and scuttled out of his way.

When he reached the Falcon, he went to the crew quarters, pulled a satchel out of the closet. Rey and Millie were working at a quarry outside of town. He had some time before they’d be finished.

He packed a few essential items. His hand hovered over his calligraphy set at the bottom of an open drawer. After a long moment, he slid the drawer shut, leaving it where it was.

Stopping once more in the common area, he paused by the dejarik table. It sat askew on its base from when he’d slammed it with his fists. He pulled a credit chip from his glove—his winnings from today’s gambling.

Leaving it there for Rey to find, he swept out.

**Rey – Rattatak**

Rey pushed away from the load-lifter she was repairing. Something felt…wrong. Her gaze swept the quarry. Sunlight glaring off the sheer rock wall, piles of rock shards, Millie lifting another raw block of green-veined pink marble onto a pallet. Dust puffed under her feet and coated her metal body. A potential customer examining marble slabs paced with the Dathomirian quarrymaster. Nothing to make Rey worry. Nothing to make her skin tighten and insides quiver with a sense of looming disaster.

She sat back on her heels, closed her eyes and reached out the way Ben had taught her.

Nothing. Not even Ben—he’d been shut off from her all day. She turned the wrench in her hands over and over, increasingly fidgety and uncomfortable. Her heart beat too hard, and the thin air felt thinner than ever. She’d pushed to her feet and was striding to Millie before she even decided to.

Millie lowered the block she’d been lifting and turned to Rey as she hurried up.

“Come on,” Rey said breathlessly. “We have to go.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Rey said. “But something is.”

Millie came thumping after her. “Did you finish? I’ll collect our wages—”

Rey gave a distracted wave. “Forget it.”

The quarrymaster shouted after them. Rey ignored her.

She ran through the town, past the shops and houses carved from the mountainside that soared above them. People scattered out of the way of the towering droid who thundered behind Rey. The frantic, suffocating feeling kept getting worse the closer they got to the spaceport. She struggled not to cry.

She almost sobbed with relief when she saw the _Falcon_ waiting on the permacrete landing field. The tension and dread didn’t go away.

The boarding ramp descended with agonizing slowness. Rey jumped up before it touched the ground and ran inside. As she dashed along the corridor, everything looked the way it should. She didn’t sense anything to worry about. The sense of _hurry! hurry!_ still beat at her.

In the main hold’s common area, she swept a look around. The dejarik table leaned at a drunken angle, victim of Ben’s mysterious outburst. Something small sat on top of it. Something that hadn’t been there when they’d left.

A credit chip.

Rey went cold.

She spun. “Millie!” she shrieked.

She darted back out, almost running into Millie in the corridor.

Ducking out from Millie’s steadying hand, Rey squeezed past her.

“Ben is gone!” She could hardly get the words past her tight throat. “We have to find him!”

“Where—” Millie said behind her.

“That’s what we have to find out!”

Rey rushed down the boarding ramp, its incline giving her speed. Across the landing field, a passenger shuttle lifted into the air. Another ship powered upward, the roar of its engines vibrating the air. The bright blue of a third ship’s engines blazed against Rattatak’s deep, crystalline blue sky. Seeing it, Rey found herself nearly sobbing. Nightmare closed around her—the bright blue circles of a ship’s engines against a white sky, a painful grip on her arm, a snarling voice—threatening to overwhelm the scene around her. Ruthlessly, she pushed it back.

Millie had caught up with her. “I’ll check the ticket office,” she said. “You talk to the ground crew.”

Rey took a breath, then another. Nodding once, she strode off across the landing field to a group in bright orange and neon blue jumpsuits. She let herself cry a little. It was hard to cry only a _little_.

One of the women turned from the cargo mover she was guiding toward a building. “What’s the matter, sweetie?”

“I think something happened to my friend.” Rey’s voice came out unsteady. She measured as high as she could reach. “He’s big. Dressed all in black.”

“Wore a cloak and helmet?” one of the men said, a Weequay.

Rey whipped toward him. “You saw him?”

“Got on a freighter.” He waved upward, looking sorry for her. “Took off a while ago.”

The others exclaimed and questioned. Rey barely heard. She darted away, her heart beating so hard she could hardly breathe.

_No time, no time!_ The permacrete seemed to stretch unendingly under her feet. Millie turned slowly, so slowly at her shouts. Rey waved wildly then turned and ran back for the _Falcon_.

She was already at the controls by the time Millie came thumping into the cockpit. Without a word, Rey slipped into the copilot’s seat, giving Millie the controls.

“I already requested clearances,” Rey said. “He’s in a freighter.”

Millie flipped switches. “We’re cleared for takeoff in five minutes.”

Rey snarled. “Can we just—”

“Did you find out where the ship is bound?” Millie said.

Rey looked at Millie in horror.

“I take it that’s a ‘no.’ But you’re in luck. Of the five ships that took off in the last half hour, one was a freighter bound for Eriadu.”

“We have to catch it!”

Millie didn’t turn from the controls. The Falcon’s engines hummed. “And then what?”

Rey stared out the viewport at the bustle of the ground crews, the slow trundle of cargo carriers, the movement of crew and passengers to and from ships.

She set her jaw. “Then we get him back.”

The sublight crawl out of Rattatak’s gravity seemed to take forever. Rey tapped her feet and drummed her fingers as she studied the sensor screens.

“It must’ve already jumped to lightspeed.” Her voice came out thin and unsteady.

“That’s all right. We’ll catch up,” Millie said. “Fastest ship in the galaxy, remember?”

“What if that’s not the right ship?” Rey’s voice went higher. “What if it’s a different one?”

“Then it’ll just take a little longer.” Millie turned to look at her. “You can feel where he is, can’t you?”

“When he’s close…” She was almost in tears. She couldn’t cry now. She had to get Ben back.

“Can you feel him now? Try.”

Rey breathed, clawing for calm. Desperately, she opened herself, reached for his comforting darkness.

“Yes,” she whispered, pointing. “There.”

“That’s the right way,” Millie said. “Engage hyperdrive.”

Rey pulled down the lever and Millie pushed up the throttle slides.

The stars stretched and the blue tunnel of hyperspace twisted beyond the viewport. Rey closed her eyes, using the calming techniques Ben had taught her to bring herself under control. Still, she fidgeted.

“What happened this morning?” she asked Millie. “Do you know?”

“No. I was in the cockpit.”

Rey thought, her feet tap-tapping. “He usually eats breakfast and watches the news holos.” She straightened, thinking of the holo table tilted to one side. “That’s what happened! He saw something on the holonet!”

_Ben roaring, pounding the walls_—

“I’m going to search the holonet.” Rey reached to switch on holonet access. “See if there’s anything about his mom or dad. Maybe something happened to them.”

She put in the search request. Information popped up on the screen, line after line: _MATCH - Leia Organa_.

“Something happened to Leia,” Millie said. “Bring up one of those feeds.”

Rey tapped one. A clip of shouting people. Then, Ben’s mother staring straight at the holocam: _My father was Darth Vader_.

Rey sucked in a breath.

“Kriffing _hell!”_ Millie said. “Ben’s grandfather is _Darth Vader?”_

Rey frowned. “But…how? I thought Leia’s father was Bail Organa.”

Millie was silent a long moment, watching the holo clip. “I have a feeling Ben thought so too.”

~oOo~

They dropped out of hyperspace before the other freighter did. The _Millennium Falcon_ was, after all, the fastest ship in the galaxy. Then it was just a matter of shutting down everything but life support and waiting.

They sat in the darkness lit only by the Eriadu’s distant sun and the lights of the control panel. A blip appeared on the sensor screen. Millie, slouched in the pilot’s chair, sat forward.

“There it is.”

Rey jumped up.

Millie held out an arm, stopping her. “You know what to do, right? Do _not_ hit it.”

“I’m _not_ going to hit it.” Rey ducked under her arm.

The deck thrummed as Millie fired the engines. An unfamiliar whine came as shields came up. Rey ran along the corridor and slid down the ladder into the cannon turret. The gunner’s chair swallowed her. She brought the firing controls and targeting screen close and gripped the triggers.

The freighter was a blinking dot out of range, growing larger as Millie brought the _Falcon_ closer. The targeting screen blinked orange as it came into range. Rey swung the guns around, bringing the ship into the center of the targeting area.

Millie’s voice boomed over the comm, harsh and powerful: “YV freighter. We have you in our sights. Lower your shields and prepare to be boarded.”

Rey took that as her cue. Moving the guns just off target, she sent a volley of cannonfire off the freighter’s bow. The freighter made a twisting dive, trying to evade. The cannons chuffed and spat more bolts under and ahead of it, cutting off the maneuver. The ship slowly came around.

The comm crackled with the freighter captain’s voice. “We’re only a cargo transport. We’re carrying recyclables. Nothing you’d want.”

“Except for your passenger,” Millie said, still in that harsh voice. “He knows who he is. Let him come aboard, and you’re free to go.”

The comm went silent for several long minutes. Rey opened and closed her fingers, her hands sweaty on the triggers.

Finally, the comm came to life again: “The passenger agrees to come aboard. Prepare for docking.”

The other freighter drifted closer. There was a jolt and a clunk as docking clamps engaged. Only when she heard the hiss of air pressurizing the airlock did she scramble out of the gunner’s chair and up the ladder.

**Ben**

Ben had never shouted at Rey. _This_ time, though—

Rage still stormed through him. He couldn’t loose _that_ on her.

The port side airlock slid open. Ben stepped in, brows down, mouth hard, ready to flay Rey for her crazy, supremely chumheaded decision to play _pirate_ when she came after him.

He pulled off his helmet. Behind him, the docking mechanism whined as the _Falcon_ uncoupled from the other freighter. The engines thrummed and the deck shifted under his feet as they pulled away.

A fast thump of running footsteps sounded around the curve of the corridor. Rey burst into sight and stopped, fists clenched and breathing hard.

“Rey,” he growled.

She launched herself at him, screaming curses. His helmet and satchel went flying when she hit him.

“You left me! How could you? _How could you?”_

She kept screaming as she punched every part of him she could reach. She got in two or three good hits before he managed to catch her wrists. She started kicking then, going for shins and knees and groin, wherever she could hurt him most.

Ben wrestled her backward, pinned her to the wall with his body, trapped her legs between his. He was a foot taller and weighed almost double what she did. It was no contest.

She still screamed and cursed and writhed like a wild animal. The Force buffeted him. The panels over the hidden compartments under the deck shook and rattled. One popped up with a bang. A light exploded, then another.

“Rey, stop!” he said through gritted teeth.

He didn’t know if she heard him. He didn’t think she did. She still fought, heaved, twisted, trying to throw him off. He set his jaw and held on. Her curses turned incoherent.

Her distress and fear and pain beat at him through the bond so powerfully he couldn’t tell if it was hers or his own. She was sobbing so hard she couldn’t breathe. She sagged in his grip.

He lifted her in his arms. She didn’t try to fight him now, only curled in on herself, still sobbing. He became aware of tears tracking down his own cheeks, his own ragged, broken breaths. He carried her to the common area and sat, holding her in his lap. Pressing her head to his shoulder, he rocked her like the child she still was.

“I’m here, I’m here.”

The painful, heaving sobs slowly turned to ordinary weeping. Her hands clutched desperately in the front of his tunic. “Why, Ben? Why did you leave me? What did I do? Please don’t go. If you leave me, I’ll die, I know I will.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and strained her close. “It isn’t you. It’s me! _Me_, do you understand? You shouldn’t be near me!”

She sniffled against his shoulder. “But _why?”_

“Because I— I’m— He’s—he—” He couldn’t bear to look at her. He bent his head, pressed his face to her hair. “He was my _grandfather!”_

She suddenly straightened in his hold. Her hands caught his face and raised it. He opened his eyes to find her face inches from his, her eyes wide and snapping with amber fire.

“I don’t care who your kriffing grandfather was! You’re _you._ You’ve always _been_ you. You always _will_ be you! Whoever your family is doesn’t matter.”

“But I— I can’t— If I stay, I might—”

“Might what?” she demanded.

“I might…hurt you. Pollute you. Defile—”

Her grip tightened and her eyes narrowed. “Has Snoke been talking to you?”

Ben closed his eyes again in answer.

“What’d he say?”

It was too painful to think about. He didn’t want to speak the words.

“Tell me,” she insisted. “If you’re going to _leave_ me, you better tell me.”

“He said…it’s…my destiny.”

“That isn’t how the Force works,” she snapped. “You _told_ me that isn’t how it works. The Force lays everything out. We decide what to do.”

He opened his eyes to gaze at her in misery. “I was wrong. My parents knew it. They tried to keep it from me. They tried to put me on another path. And now—” He took a shuddering breath. “Now there’s nowhere else to go.”

“That’s a load of bantha crap.”

He gripped her arms. “Don’t you understand, Rey? _My grandfather was Darth Vader_. Do you know what he did? Do you?”

“Yeah. The most hated man in the galaxy. You taught me history, remember?”

“And I’ve taught you—everything I’ve taught you—” The words didn’t want to come. “You’re so strong. I’ve been corrupting you all along, teaching you to accept the dark.” His stomach twisted. “_Embrace_ it—”

“Because it’s just part of the Force.” Rey broke in. “What’s wrong with that?”

He shifted her off his lap, turning away from the surprise and hurt on her face as he did. “I can’t teach you anymore. I shouldn’t be near you.”

“Why? Because of Darth kriffing Vader?” she shouted, jumping to her feet. “Are you going to suddenly turn into him just because now you know he was your grandfather?”

“I might!” he shouted back.

She narrowed her eyes. “You try to leave me again, I’ll just follow you again!”

He glared at her. “Even if I go to Snoke?”

She glared right back. “Go ahead. You find Snoke, I’ll kill him.”

He choked out a shocked, humorless laugh. “It’s too late. I’ve already corrupted you.”

She glared at him, her face wet and blotchy with tears yet hard and stubborn. “I don’t care. We’ll get him out of your head or I’ll kill him.” She shrugged.

Millie tromped in. For the first time, Ben noticed the pulse of the hyperdrive through the deck—they must’ve jumped to lightspeed.

“Do you two have things straightened out?” she said.

Rey didn’t break from his gaze. It was his own that finally fell.

“Did you find a route to Tython?” she said.

“A possible one,” Millie answered. “It won’t be easy.”

Rey stomped away. “Let’s see if it works.”

**Rey – Tython**

Rey hadn’t really understood what an abandoned hyperspace lane was. Now she did. The trip through hyperspace was _grueling_. When they dropped back to realspace, she closed her eyes and sagged back in her seat a moment before leaning forward to peer around Ben’s broad form in the pilot’s seat.

Tython was a blue world marbled with whorls of white clouds. Two large moons orbited it—one brilliant white, the other dusky dark, both faintly haloed by atmosphere.

Rey watched Ben as he silently guided the Falcon toward the planet and into its atmosphere. He was doing things the way he usually did, but he felt…wrong. All dark and shut down, like a crashed ship crumpled up so bad you couldn’t even shine a light inside. Like he’d given up.

She knew what happened when people gave up. She’d seen it plenty on Jakku. Scavengers who just let themselves starve to death, or fall, or go off into the Sinking Fields, never to be seen again. She’d seen them poison themselves with spice or spirits.

She set her jaw. That wasn’t going to happen to Ben. He’d taken care of her all these years. Now it was her turn to take care of him.

“Where do we land?” Millie said.

Ben didn’t answer.

Rey reached out through the Force. It was like grabbing a live power coupling, so…_much_. Like seeing Takodana for the first time after Jakku. Like tasting fresh fruit after nothing but rations.

She pointed to a vast swath of pale tan. “There.” She didn’t know why, just that it was where they needed to go. “Land there.”

“Nice, level terrain,” Millie said. “After that trip, _something_ ought to be easy.”

When the Falcon set gently down, Rey was already waiting at the hatch. Ben was with her because she’d grabbed his hand and made him follow.

He roused himself enough to speak. “What are we doing here?”

“We’re looking for places where the Force is balanced,” she reminded him patiently. “We’re looking for a way to get Snoke out of your head. The Force is really strong here. Can’t you feel it?”

He just dropped his gaze to the deck and shook his head.

He’d shut himself off from her. She couldn’t feel what he was feeling. She could only see the way he kept his distance, the way he avoided her eyes. It hurt.

Rey hit the hatch controls. The hatch slid up and the boarding ramp hummed down, revealing a gently undulating plain of windswept sand that reached to the horizon. The sky was the color of palest jade.

She turned to Millie. “I think you better wait with the ship. Make sure nothing got damaged.”

Millie’s optics swiveled back and forth between Rey and Ben.

Ben bristled. “I won’t do anything to Rey.”

“Huh,” Millie said. “I thought that’s what you were worried about.”

Rey grabbed Ben’s hand and towed him through the hatch. “Let’s go.”

They walked down the boarding ramp and onto the sand. It was early morning here, sunlight shining low and level, highlighting every dip and swell of the terrain. The slightest breeze blew, daylight warmth breathing across night-cool ground. Even after so many years on Jakku’s wastes, the silence was vast, almost oppressive; as if nothing lived here. Like nothing never had.

She took a step, the sand sliding silently under her foot, then another, tugging Ben after her by the hand. Strange shapes shimmering in the distance drew her.

The silence, complete and isolating, grew heavier. Rey looked around, searching for the source of her discomfort before she realized—not only were their steps silent, she couldn’t even hear her own breaths.

She stopped short, gripping Ben’s hand hard. “Ben. I can’t hear anything.”

She couldn’t hear her own voice. Ice splashed through her. She spun, gripped both his hands.

Confusion played across his face. His lips moved, but no sound came out.

She clapped her hands to her ears. “I can’t hear!”

His lips moved again, but she still couldn’t hear what he was saying.

She started to panic. “What happened?” she shouted, hoping that would make a difference. “What’s wrong?”

Ben gripped her hands tight. Finally, for the first time today, he opened himself. His mind brushed Rey’s. Desperately, she reached out to him.

“I can’t hear, either.” She couldn’t hear his voice—the words were only in her mind. “I don’t think it’s us. I think it’s this place. It’s absorbing sound somehow.”

“Can—can you hear me now?” she asked.

“Not your voice. Only in my mind. We’ll have to talk like this, mind-to-mind.”

Her galloping heartbeat began to slow. Okay, at least this meant he had to stay open. That was a good thing.

His curiosity was getting the better of him—she could feel it. That was good too.

Rey was used to walking on sand. Ben wasn’t. He was heavier and sank deeper, slowing them down. She was panting—silently—by the time they reached the strange shapes she’d seen.

They seemed to be sculpted of sand. Some were the familiar swells or crescent shapes of dunes, but others… Others didn’t look like they could possibly be made of sand. The nearest was taller than Ben, corkscrew shaped.

Curious, she touched it. Dry. How could dry sand make that kind of shape—

A word whispered into her mind: _Light_.

Snatching her hand back, she looked up at Ben.

“It wasn’t me,” he said into her mind.

He touched the shape by him. This one was shaped like a fountain, sprays of sand arcing from a central base.

Through her connection to Ben, Rey heard: _Dark_.

She caught her breath.

A shape a little distance away dissolved as if in a powerful wind—except the breeze was still light. Sand gathered an arm’s length away, rising into a fan-topped column. It should’ve hissed the way sand did when it moved. It didn’t.

A shadow fell across them. Rey spun to find another shape had formed just behind them. This one was squat and round with a depression in the middle. Ben’s hand tightened on hers. She turned just in time to see more sand forming itself into a wide curl, like someone holding their arms wide to corral them.

More sand rose around them, closing them in. Rey raised a hand, pushed at the nearest, more human-shaped than the rest.

_Two are one,_ whispered into her mind.

“Ben?” She could feel in her throat that her voice would’ve wavered if she could hear it.

He raised his own hand, laid it on the curl of sand looming over them.

_One in the Force_, came through their linked minds.

“Whatever they are, they’re alive,” Ben said. “Aware.”

Something like a spiky pincushion rose under her hand. Gingerly, she touched one of its sandy spines. The voices came faster, one after another. She couldn’t tell which shape they were coming from—or if the voices came from all of them.

_Dark and light._

_Bonded together._

_In the Force._

_In balance._

“Are they talking about _us?”_ Rey whispered silently.

One shape tattered away in a nonexistent wind. Another gathered to replace it.

_Wounded._

_Broken._

_Incomplete_.

Ben’s gaze instantly shuttered.

Rey realized they were talking about him.

_Both damaged_.

“But I—” Were they talking about her, too? _She_ wasn’t broken and incomplete.

_Heal_.

_Mend_.

_Make whole_.

The shapes around them all collapsed, becoming only drifts of sand. It began to whirl around them, faster, higher, until it was a blurred wall spinning high above their heads. Ben grabbed her, pulled her to him, pressed her face to his chest. She felt him reach for the Force. Nothing happened. One arm released her as his body tensed. She couldn’t hear it, but she smelled ozone and felt the flash of heat as his lightsaber ignited.

Abruptly, the spinning wall of sand fell away, slithering across a stone floor with a hiss. Ben’s lightsaber hummed menacingly. His breaths and hers rasped loud in the still, cool air. Rey raised her head from his chest.

They stood in…a cave? But a cave should be dark. Shouldn’t it? This place was lit by some diffuse, unidentifiable source.

Rey looked around wildly. “How did we get here?”

Ben tightened his grip on his lightsaber, his other arm still around her. “Stay close.”

The drifted sand on the floor swirled again, forming itself into another shape. It was the one that looked a little human—taller than Ben, hunchbacked, its blank, oval face turned toward them.

_Be taught_, it whispered into her mind. _See. Learn_. _Grow_.

“What—” Rey began, her voice echoing.

The cave vanished.

She was on Jakku. Rey stumbled backward, fear uncoiling in her chest.

Unkar Plutt held a child’s thin arm in his meaty grip. The child screamed and struggled as her parents walked away without a backward glance.

The child was her.

“No—” Rey said.

The vision disappeared, replaced by another.

The same child, a little older, stood with a woman aged and hollowed by hardship and spice. Niima Outpost’s whoremaster, Melo Odrus, counted credits into the woman’s hand. With a grin that showed missing teeth, she pulled her hand from the child’s and walked off with a happy bounce.

Rey’s stomach twisted.

Another vision: the same child, this time with a man who had Rey’s dark hair and high cheekbones. She looked around. She’d seen the place once—Tuanul, one of the Sacred Villages on Jakku. The man held the girl’s hand as he spoke to a tall Abednedo about teaching her about the Force.

The vision changed again, this time showing a wailing baby, abandoned on the sand.

Another—herself at the age she was now, crawling through a wreck, her safety line trailing behind her into the dark.

Yet another: her at Luke’s temple, struggling with his teachings. Ben was so distant, never touching her, scarcely speaking to her. It all felt so _wrong_…

Next she was in a ship with a man she’d never seen with her own eyes, yet knew. She was little again, wary and nervous, but Han Solo’s gruff voice was gentle: _My son sent me to find you and get you off Jakku_.

One more—herself throwing Unkar Plutt’s thugs around with the Force. Teeth bared like a wild animal, she seized one with the Force and lifted him into the air as he thrashed and clawed at his throat.

Vision after vision, each a different version of her past. She breathed hard, struggling to shut her mind, to bring herself back to the cave with Ben.

There was something…something coming. Something she couldn’t see, didn’t dare see. She caught a glimpse of flames and smoke, heard a snatch of a child’s screams.

“No,” she gasped. “No, _no_.”

She fled inward. Darkness blotted out the fire. Pain and fear drowned the screams.

**Ben**

Visions gripped him: Himself with his father in the _Millennium Falcon_, dodging laser fire. With his mother, Ben standing tall and straight in a long coat and formal trousers, the signets of Alderaan flashing on his fingers.

He quickly realized the visions were of his futures.

He knelt, masked and cloaked in his Kylo Ren garb before the throne of some maimed and decrepit creature.

He flew an X-wing strafing some kind of installation on a snowy planet while TIE fighters stitched the air around him green with laser fire.

He slaughtered men with his lightsaber, the dark side howling around him as it engulfed him with cold hate and hot rage.

Cloaked and masked again, the lightsaber in his hand now red as he chased a fleeing figure through green, shadowy woods.

Sitting cross-legged, eyes closed in meditation as all the galaxy’s lives swirled around him, nudged and guided by his merest thought.

Another image: himself and a grown Rey hand in hand, gulfs of air and an endless cityscape unrolling around them. They raised their hands, each a mirror of the other, and the Force held back the huge ship hurtling down on the city.

His father’s face, lips parted and eyes wide in shock and pain, his skin stained red by the glow of the lightsaber impaling him. The next instant, he tumbled into an abyss.

Ben struggled, trying to break free. “No. _No_.”

Pain and fear shook him. It took a moment to realize they weren’t only his own.

He grabbed hold of them, following them like a lifeline out of the visions, finally breaking free back into the cave.

He was on his knees. Rey was on her knees opposite him, tears streaming down her face. Ben became aware of the moisture on his own cheeks.

She gave a cry and flung herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck.

“Ben,” she burst out. “Are you okay? I felt you. You were hurting so much. I had to help you—”

He released her, set her back and searched her face. “_You_ were hurting. I needed to help _you_. What—” He didn’t know if he wanted to ask the question. “What did you see?”

Sniffling, she wiped her face with the back of one hand. “Things that could’ve happened to me on Jakku.” She wet her lips, then wiped the streak of tears from his cheek. “What did you see?”

“My future,” he whispered. Remembering his father’s face the instant before he fell, Ben shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut. “Possible futures. Good…” He took Rey’s hand from his cheek. “…and bad.”

“I saw my past.” She frowned. “You saw your future…”

“The sand entity said we should learn,” Ben said. “You, something from your past. And me—”

“What did you learn?”

Shaking his head, he gently set her back and stood.

She got to her feet too, watching him worriedly, then looked around. “That sand…thing. Where’d it go?” She shuffled away, searching. Suddenly, she stopped. “Ben, look.”

Something in her tone made him go to her. She was looking down at—

A pool? Yes, a pool of water, perfectly round, here in a cave under a parched desert. There was a mosaic on the bottom—two interlocking circles, one made of chips of black stone, one of white. Where they overlapped, the colors were reversed, the black circle with a slice of white, the white with a slice of black.

Rey studied it, brows crooked. Her face abruptly cleared. “It shows what you told me! Dark and light—they’re part of each other. They’re…they’re…”

He saw it, what she saw in the symbol. “Interlocked. Connected. Neither can exist without the other.”

“Yes!” She grabbed his hand. “The dark side _isn’t_ evil. It just _is_. It’s what _people_ do that’s good or bad.” She took his other hand, planted herself in front of him. “How can you think you’ll ever be evil? Have you ever done anything evil?”

“There’ve been times I wanted to.” He dropped his gaze. “I almost have.”

She shook him. “Doesn’t everybody? If that makes you evil, then everybody is evil.”

That stopped him.

“You said you saw bad _and_ good things,” she went on. “Nothing _has_ to happen. It’s what you decide to do. It doesn’t matter about who Darth Vader was. It doesn’t matter what Snoke says. It’s up to _you_ to decide.”

A short time ago, he would’ve dismissed her words as wishful thinking. But those visions, those possibilities, light as well as dark… Each was possible. Darkness was no more foreordained than another possibility.

He let out a long sigh, like a suffocating coil had finally released him. “You’re right.”

She snorted. “Yeah, I’m right. I’m with you every day. You’ve never done anything evil.”

When had anyone had faith in him? When had anyone trusted him?

He turned so she wouldn’t see how deeply she touched him. He left his hand in hers, though. “We need to find a way out of here.”

The sand on the floor slithered as if in a stiff wind. _Find the portal. Open the way_.

It feathered away into individual grains.

He exchanged a look with Rey, hitched one shoulder in a shrug and reached out through the Force. The next moment, he felt her do the same.

He sensed the cavern and tunnels and chambers stretching all around, the layers of stone over their heads, the desert, now blistering hot, above it. As far as he sensed through the cavern system, he couldn’t sense a way to the surface. Then—_wait_…

Rey gasped. “Ben! Look!”

He followed her gaze to the pool. Concentric ripples tightened, then turned to shivering dimples, to leatherlike wrinkles then back to fleeing rings. He blinked.

“It just started doing that! When we used the Force!” she said. “I bet—”

She took a step, lifted her foot, set it carefully on the surface. With a shriek, she toppled forward and disappeared into the water.

Ben didn’t even think. He leapt after her.

There was an instant’s confusion, like a plunge into deep water—flashes of heat and cold, light and shadow, a sense of tremendous pressure. The next instant, he was windmilling his arms for balance as he stood in water that didn’t even reach his ankles.

He wasn’t wet; or rather, only his boots were. Rey was looking down herself as she were just now figuring out the same thing.

“Kriffing hell!” she spluttered. “What was that?” Then, squeaked, “Where the kriff are we?”

“Don’t curse, Rey,” Ben said automatically, looking around.

Wherever they were, they were nowhere near the desert anymore. They stood on crumbling, weed-grown pavement at the top of some sort of pinnacle. Beyond, the green of treetops rolled away in waves as far as he could see. Rising around them in various stages of decay were eight pillars or obelisks. The lowest was a knee-high pile of rubble. The tallest rose above Ben’s head and was wound with a vine that bore nodding flowers of violet so deep it was almost black. The flowers turned toward him as if he were the sun. He lifted his hand to one and it exhaled a rich, sweet scent on the crisp air.

Rey had crouched to cup tiny, starlike flowers that sprouted from the lowest pillar. A high, faint chime sounded when she touched them.

A brilliant smile spread across her face. “Listen!” She brushed a hand across the flowers.

Ben’s own lips rose in a smile. “They sound like the bells people on Chandrila ring to celebrate the first snowfall.”

Rey stood, looking past him. “Oh!”

Ben turned. Behind him, a dusky moon hung in the jade green sky, a dimly visible fat crescent.

“It’s like those two pillars hold it up,” she said.

He turned back to her. The pale moon rose over Rey’s left shoulder, between the ruined pillar and the next one over. His gaze flicked to the pool. Interestingly, it was the one thing perfectly preserved in the ruins of this temple, a duplicate of the one in the cavern with its mosaic of dark and light interlocking circles. He suddenly understood what they represented.

“The moons,” he said. “Dark and light.”

Excitement built in him as he looked around. White flowers and dark…

“Dark and light,” he repeated wonderingly. “The people here were venerating the balanced Force!”

Joy and relief swept him so strongly his head spun. The dark side _wasn’t_ evil. It truly wasn’t, not if the people here had held it equal to the light.

Rey drifted to a pillar less weathered than some. “There’s something carved into the rock.”

Ben lifted a hand to the nearest stone. There were indeed marks—curving lines and circles…like the patterns on the floor of the Sith shrine.

“Star maps,” he said.

It made sense. Structures like this all across the galaxy were astronomical observation points.

He pulled a comm from his belt. “Millie, are you there?”

There was a long enough pause to make him begin to worry if they were even still on Tython.

The comm flashed to life. “Where the kriff are you? You disappeared! I’ve been scanning for you for the last half hour!”

“I have no idea,” Ben admitted. “Follow my comm signal.”

“Kriffing hell!” Millie barked. “You’re halfway around the planet! How the kriff did you manage that?”

Rey grinned and said loud enough for the comm to pick up her voice, “Don’t curse, Millie.”

Returning her grin, Ben smoothed a hand over the designs engraved in the stone. “When you get here, I’ll need you to record some more maps.”

“I’m not navigating us through any more abandoned hyperspace lanes,” Millie said. “I hope you know that.”

Ben felt lighter than he’d felt in a long time. The dark wasn’t evil. _He_ wasn’t evil. “What’s wrong, Millie? No sense of adventure?”

“Not the kind you Solos put me through.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big shoutout to Wookiepedia for lots of good ideas for Tython.


	20. Ben - Age 24/Rey - Age 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is growing up... and Ben doesn't realize just how much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have a Kylo Ren moment! Rowrrr!
> 
> Let the pining begin...

**Rey - _Millennium Falcon_**

Rey circled Ben, her practice sword raised. His tight, sleeveless shirt strained across his chest showed the play of the muscles of his arms. A light sheen of sweat gleamed on his pale skin. He tossed his hair out of his eyes, but strands stuck to his cheeks and neck. Day-old stubble darkened his face.

He gave a contemptuous twirl of his blade. “Come on, Rey. Going to circle me all day?”

Shaking herself, she feinted toward him, ducked back, turned and slashed from the side. His blade slid down hers before she spun away. He caught her with a backswing.

“Ow!” she yelped.

He rocked back to a ready pose. “You’re off your form today. What’s wrong?”

She rubbed her ribs where he’d connected. _I can’t stop looking at you_, she thought. Her face went hot. “Nothing’s wrong. Don’t I get an off day sometimes?”

His brows crooked with worry. “Are you sure? You’re flushed.”

Dropping his blade to his side, he stepped close and laid a hand on her neck, then her cheek. Goosebumps spread across her skin. Closing her eyes, she leaned into his touch.

His hand disappeared from her cheek. “You don’t feel hot,” he said quickly. “Have Millie check you out anyway.”

She opened her eyes. He was looking away from her.

His gaze met hers again. “I don’t want anything happening to you.”

There was a strange, giddy sensation in her stomach. Maybe she _was_ getting sick.

“Okay, Ben.”

They put away their practice blades and went out. Ben ducked into the ‘fresher as they passed. The bond closed along with the door. Rey continued on into the main hold.

Millie had the access panel in her torso open and was tinkering with something inside—she was always tinkering, restructuring her architecture, uploading new programs.

Rey hopped into the med bed. “Can you run diagnostics on me?” she asked. “I’ve been feeling funny.”

Millie clicked her access panel closed, rose and lumbered over. Rey lay back as Millie switched on the diagnostics panel.

“What do you feel?” Millie said.

“Chills sometimes,” Rey said. The diagnostics beeped softly as they scanned her. “Sometimes my stomach feels funny.”

“Nauseous?” Millie asked.

“No, more like…” Rey raised a hand. “A little like when you’re standing somewhere up high.”

“I don’t have a stomach,” Millie reminded her dryly. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

Rey wrinkled her nose. “Sort of…_swoopy_. Fluttery.”

Millie switched off the diagnostics. “How long have you been experiencing this?”

“A while. I’m not sure.”

“Continuously?”

Rey pushed up on an elbow, frowning thoughtfully. “No. Only…sometimes…”

She thought of the times it had happened lately. This morning, sparring. Last night, Ben’s soft voice in the dark of the crew quarters, wishing her good night. When he leaned past her at dinner to put a plate in front of her, the brush of his arm against hers, his voice by her ear.

“With Ben…” She trailed off, confused.

Millie studied her a moment that stretched on long enough to make Rey squirm. “You’re in love with him.”

Rey just stared at her. The words didn’t make sense.

“I’ve noticed your heart rate increases and your pupils dilate when he’s near. These are human physiologic responses to fear. Since you obviously aren’t afraid of him—or much of anything else I’ve seen—it has to be attraction.”

“Attraction?” Rey repeated blankly.

“Sexual attraction.”

“That’s…that’s…”

Rey knew about sex. It was hard not to on Jakku. She knew for sure men liked it. She guessed women must too. They _seemed_ like they liked it those times she saw. Except the girls at the brothels never seemed very happy, and they got more than anyone else.

At Maz’s last time, Tera had told her things about boys—men. Rey had ignored most of it. She didn’t care about boys. The only one she ever wanted to be with was Ben—

She sat up, gripped the edges of the med bed tight enough to hurt. “Don’t tell him, Millie,” she whispered. “_Please_.”

“Not a good idea,” Millie said. “It’ll cause all kinds of problems and misunderstandings. You should’ve seen Han and Leia snapping and bristling like a couple of Bothans in heat. Emphasis on the ‘in heat.’”

“If he knows…” She squeezed her eyes shut. “He might not want me around anymore.”

“From what I know of Ben Solo, more likely he’ll blame himself.”

“For what? For being patient and kind? For caring what happens to me? For being so handsome?” She closed her mouth.

Millie chuckled, a strange chuffing sound through her vocorder. “You have it bad.”

Rey dropped her head in her hands. “Ben will think I’m just a stupid kid. I couldn’t stand it.”

Millie made a considering noise. “Socially, you’re considered too young on most planets. And Ben too old. Not all, though. There are human cultures that would consider marriage and children acceptable.”

Rey’s face went hot again thinking about the mechanics. Something low in her belly tightened. The _thoughts_ were somewhere between embarrassing and morbidly fascinating—her and Ben, doing _that?_ The sensation in her belly… Well. That was a whole other thing.

“What about Chandrila?” she asked cautiously.

“The age of consent on Chandrila is seventeen,” Millie said. “And Ben would still be too old. Sorry.”

Rey covered her face again and groaned.

“Well?” Ben’s voice said. “Are you okay?”

Rey scrambled down off the med bed. Ben stood by the hatch toweling off his hair, barefoot and in his undershirt.

Swallowing on a suddenly dry throat, Rey put on her best Jakku face. “Woman stuff.”

Millie heaved a sigh. “You could say that.”

Rey shot Millie a quelling look. “Because that’s what it _is_.”

“Okay,” Ben muttered. He turned and escaped back into the corridor.

“It’s going to be a rough three years,” Millie observed.

“I can do it.” Rey set her jaw then whispered, “I have to.”

**Ben – Cantonica**

Ben didn’t miss the sneers the _Millennium Falcon_ received at Canto Bight’s spaceport. Even Rey noticed.

“We need to clean up the ship’s hull next,” she muttered, scowling at the shiny sloops and yachts and corporate shuttles. Even the freighters that brought the food and luxuries needed in a place like Canto Bight were trim and glossy.

“If they don’t like the _Falcon_,” Millie said, thumping along behind them, “they can suck bantha ass.”

Rey snorted a laugh. “That’s right.” She was as protective of the ship as his father ever was.

Ben put a hand on Rey’s shoulder. “Fuel first, if we’re going to Ahch-To.”

It was one of the planets on the star chart they'd found on Tython, but it was way out at the edge Unknown Regions.

She rolled her eyes. “I _know_.”

Ben sensed her carefully through the bond, hoping she wouldn’t feel it. She’d been acting strangely lately, watching him when she didn’t think he wasn’t looking. He’d suspect she was afraid he’d leave her again, except he didn’t sense fear or worry. What he sensed felt more like…yearning. But for what?

Her irritation faded when they left the spaceport for the town proper. The casino gleamed on a hill overlooking the artificial sea. Hotels and shops and cafes spilled down the hill’s skirts like so much overwrought embellishment.

The look on Rey’s face was of awe. “Is that where we’re going?”

“No. We’re going to Cheapside.” At her questioning look, he explained, “This place is a playground for the rich and well-connected. Up there.” He waved a hand at the casino and hotels.

People who might recognize Leia Organa’s tall, dark, awkward-looking son.

Rey nodded, following his unspoken reasoning. “And I bet you can’t wear your mask in a fancy place like that.”

There was something deeply satisfying about having someone understand him so completely.

“Not without attracting more attention than I want.” He looked around at the warehouses and repair depots bordering the spaceport. Even those were trim and tidy. “The money still flows downhill, though.”

Rey grinned. “The losers who want to recoup?”

Behind his mask, Ben’s lips quirked. “Nerfs to slaughter.”

The warehouses gave way to low-rent gambling halls. The greasy smell of cheap fried food drifted on the air. Laughter drifted out of open cantina doors. The people on the sidewalk and in the speeders whooshing past were a step or two up from the Rim worlds— low-rent gamblers, tourists on holiday who couldn’t afford the rarified air of the main casino. Ben tipped his mask up at the pink and red flashing signs advertising a bordello. Probably a few predators and con artists, too.

He put a protective hand on Rey’s shoulder again.

She tilted her head to look up at him. “You know I can—”

Ben sighed. “Take care of yourself. Yes.”

A strange look came over her face, as if she suddenly realized something for the first time. “But I don’t have to with you.”

Bowing his head, he gave her shoulder a squeeze.

They turned into a gambling hall that looked a little more respectable than the rest. The blinking and flashing, beeps and clinks and whirrs and whistles of the gaming machines was almost overwhelming. People of every species milled and crowded.

Rey hung back to examine the machines while Ben changed credits for house coin at the cashier. He gave her a handful. Millie followed her to the machines.

“Hey!” a harsh voice called. A towering, neckless Tarsunt bouncer lumbered over. “No droids in here!”

Millie turned slowly, giving him a good view of her blaster-shot torso. “You want to throw _me_ out?”

“She stays with the girl,” Ben said.

The Tarsunt looked between Ben and Millie. “Droids tamper with the machines,” the bouncer rumbled.

Millie cocked a fist on her hip. “So, other sentients never tamper with the machines?”

Rey looked up at her innocently. “Did you want to play, Millie?”

“That’s not the point.”

“I know. But if you don’t want to play, you can just stand nearby, right?” Rey turned to the bouncer. “Right?”

Ben watched the interchange with some amusement.

The bouncer muttered and grumbled. “Fine. But she gets near ’em, she’s out.”

“They’re all rigged, anyway,” Millie said.

“Okay!” Rey said brightly over her as the bouncer’s heavy brows went down. “We can do that!”

He opened his mouth, no doubt ready to change his mind.

“Agreed.” Ben said before he could speak.

The bouncer grunted. “I’ll be watching.” He gave them one last glare and stomped off.

Ben resisted the impulse to give him a shove with the Force. With great maturity, Rey stuck out her tongue at his retreating back, made a flouncing turn and wandered through the whooping, whirring, flashing machines before finally choosing one. Ben watched her a while. With her instincts, he was fairly certain that it would hit soon.

He turned and wound his way through the throng toward the back of the casino. The noisy machines gave way to gaming tables—the uvide table’s spinning wheel, the hazard toss table’s clapping and cheering crowd. At the very back were the card tables—zinbiddle and Dantooine double-hand and sabacc.

A woman stood at the back wall, watching. Tattoos marked her cheekbones and the bridge of her nose.

Ben approached and showed his credit counter in one black-gloved hand. “I’m looking for the special game.”

The woman was almost as tall and muscular as he was, with dark hair twisted into a topknot. She glanced at the display on his chip, nodded and took him to a door. As he stepped through, another man followed him. Ben scanned his mind: a card sharp. Behind his mask, Ben smiled.

The room inside was much like any other card den he’d been in since he was a boy—the air thick with acrid smoke, the scattering of tables with players hunched around, the low mutter of voices, the slap and ruffle of cards.

The man who’d entered after him settled at the same table Ben did. There were nods of acknowledgement, then the dealer began flipping cards in front of each player. Scanning the minds of the others as he glanced at his cards, Ben settled into familiar routine.

This game was crooked. If he hadn’t been able to hear the thoughts of the dealer and the card sharp across from him, the fact that he kept winning hands would’ve told him. Ben kept raising his bets the way any mark would.

They were about to fleece him. Ben studied his hand, weighing strategy.

“How about we make the stakes a little more interesting?” the card sharp said. He was well-dressed, though his coat was open and his neckcloth loosened. “Wager something…personal.” He grinned, showing prominent teeth. “How about the little girlie?”

In the man’s mind, Ben caught a glimpse of Rey’s brilliant grin by the gaming machines. Aggression prickled down his back.

“_What?”_ he growled through his mask.

The man kept grinning. “Come on, why not? You’re on a roll, man. Worried your winning streak will—”

Ben raised a hand. The man’s voice disappeared on a squeak. He jerked out of his chair and across the table. Coins and drinks flew. The other players jumped up, shouting.

Ben slowly loomed to his feet, dragging the other man up with him with the Force. He thrashed and clawed. His glossy shoes with their unworn soles danced on the table, scattering the remaining coins.

“You touch the _little girlie_,” Ben snarled, “you even _look_ at her, I’ll rip out your guts and feed them to you. One…bite…at…a time.” Fingers crooked, he squeezed a little tighter with each word.

The man gaped and clawed at his throat. The shouts and crash of overturned chairs around him were so much background noise.

“Do you understand me?”

Eyes bulging and lips purpling, the man nodded frantically.

A door crashed open behind him. The shouts were louder, more commanding. Heavy footsteps thundered. Ben turned. The tattooed woman, the Tarsunt and a horned, sharp-toothed Devaronian barreled toward him. Still holding the man in the air with the Force, Ben thrust out his free hand and shoved them back. They went tumbling. He threw the man after them. He was gasping and coughing too much to do more than squawk hoarsely when he landed on top of the Devaronian.

The woman scrambled to one knee, pulling out a stunner.

Ben snatched it away, crushed it and dropped it to the floor. “Don’t worry,” he grated through his mask. “I’m leaving.”

He expected someone to try to stop him. No one did, everyone cowering back as he stormed across the room and through the door.

Rey was already hurrying toward him across the casino. Millie jingled behind her with a huge bucket of coins.

“Cash that in,” he told Millie. He took Rey’s arm and turned her back around.

She had to trot to keep up with him. “What happened? I felt—”

“Never mind.”

He looked down at her, seeing for the first time the pretty young girl she was. That any man would think of her the way that _slug_ in the card den had… He clenched his jaw.

Her brows crooked, no doubt sensing his seething rage. “Ben—”

“We’re leaving,” he bit out.

“Now?”

“Yes, _now_.”

The sooner they got away from this place, the better.

**Ben – Ahch-To**

Ahch-To was perfect—thinly populated. The only settlements were on islands in archipelagos scattered across the restless oceans.

The Force thrummed through him as the _Falcon_ dipped into the atmosphere, enfolding him like welcoming arms. Closing his eyes, Ben let out a long breath, the anger that had sparked and roiled in him ever since Canto Bight flowing away.

“Better now?” Rey said from her seat behind him.

Ben nodded.

“Now will you tell me what happened?”

“No.”

He could feel her frustration and worry. “Did you find out something _else_ about your family?”

“No.” This barrage of questions and guesses had been going on the entire trip. “I’m not going to tell you, Rey. You might as well stop asking.”

“Well, did you kill someone?” she snapped.

He spun to face her. “Not quite.”

She eyed him as if trying to decide if he was serious. Either way, she wasn’t intimidated. _Nothing_ intimidated her. Fondness swelled in him.

Working the copilot’s controls, Millie muttered something that sounded like _rough three years_.

“Millie,” Rey said, warning.

Ben thought about asking what that was all about, then decided Rey would just use his curiosity as leverage to get answers to her own questions.

He guided the ship across heaving, glittering seas toward an island that rose like a prow from a lacy skirt of waves. The place was almost all rocky slope, a mountain peak rising out of the water, but there was a small shelf on the southern end of the island. Ben set the _Falcon_ gently down.

A stone stairway set into the mountainside wound upward, disappearing into mist. Birds squawked, invisible somewhere high above. Waves hissed and boomed, filling the air with spume heavy with the smell of salt. Ben didn’t wear his mask, but he was grateful for his padded tunic and cloak.

Rey clutched her arms over her bulky jacket and shivered. “Brrr.”

Ben started up the steps first. A moment later, Rey bounded past him, quickly disappearing into the mist.

“Rey, wait!’ he called.

He caught up with her in a village of domed stone huts. The sun was tattering the clouds here, peeking through before withdrawing again. She stood in the middle of a small court paved with moss-edged stone. Gathered around her were squat figures robed and cowled in white homespun. She didn’t look worried, but he could sense her wariness.

The creatures turned and exclaimed when he appeared, several crowding around him. Their faces were wrinkled and leathery, their eyes behind wide, lipless mouths. Their feet were birdlike.

“What are they saying, Ben?” Rey asked.

He couldn’t understand their language, but he skimmed their thoughts. “They’re wondering…if we came to teach…or to learn.”

Rey tilted her head. “Teach?”

Ben “listened” a while longer. “This was once a place of learning. We—you and I—are complete in the Force. I think that makes us appropriate teachers.”

“Can you tell them we want to learn?” Rey said.

Ben wet his lips, then very gently, tapped at the mind of the creature who looked older than the rest. She made a surprised noise much like the birds swooping above, then cocked her head, waiting. He pressed his query on her.

There was much babbling and waving of hands. The elder took his sleeve and tugged him, pointed to another set of moss-grown stairs.

He half-expected the creatures to escort them, but he and Rey climbed the stairs alone, Rey scampering past him again. He followed the echoes of her footsteps into the mouth of a cave and up a short flight of steps.

He found her looking down at a pool. Joining her, he saw another mosaic, this one made of smooth, rounded pebbles. It depicted an individual of a species he’d never seen before in a meditation pose, half dark, half light, against contrasting backgrounds of dark and light stones.

“It’s like the one on Tython.” Rey pointed. “There are the moons, dark and light.” She looked up. “Is he holding a lightsaber?”

“The Prime Jedi.” At her confused look, he explained, “Those little nun creatures were thinking that when they saw us—‘Prime Jedi.’” Excitement bubbled up. “The Jedi once honored both sides of the Force. When did that change? And why?”

“Do you think the _Force_ changed?” Rey asked.

Ben shook his head. “The Force is eternal. Unless Force-users changed what they did with it…” he murmured.

Sunlight suddenly streamed through a gap that opened on what seemed to be nothing but blue air and drifting shreds of gauzy mist. He stepped through, onto a shelf on the mountainside. Far below, the water seethed. The sea wind flicked and fluttered his hair. Rey followed.

Closing her eyes, she faced the fleeting sunlight. “The Force…it’s so _strong_ here. Like the wind. Like sunlight. Like everything.”

Ben closed his eyes, too. Their bond flowed between them like a tide, a skein of darkness and light that ebbed and flowed, spreading outward, part of the Force as far as his senses could reach. Rey’s thoughts purled like darting silver fish just beneath his awareness.

_My boy!_ Snoke’s voice slipped into his mind. _Where are you? I’ve never sensed you so strongly!_

Ben’s eyes popped open. How— Rey was right beside him! How could Snoke reach him?

Rey’s eyes were round. “What was that?” she whispered.

_Someone is with you_, Snoke said. _Your little student?_

Emotions fled across Rey’s face like cloud shadows: shock, worry, anger.

“Is it Snoke?” she whispered.

He gave a sharp nod, just a downward jerk of the chin.

_I can hear you, child_, Snoke purred. _Can you hear me?_

Ben gave her a frantic shake of the head.

Her brows gathered in a thunderous scowl. “I hear you.”

_I’ve sensed you before, I think. Many years ago. A little lost child, wandering in the dark_—

Rey cut him off. “Leave us alone. Leave _Ben_ alone.”

Ben clamped down on impending panic. “Control, Rey,” he snapped. “Remember our discussion.”

She eyed him narrowly and growled, “I am.”

_Ah, child, so full of darkness!_ Ben could hear the smile in Snoke’s voice. _Lovely. Perfect! So powerful! You must both come to me. What we could do_—

Even as open as he and Rey were to each other, Ben didn’t expect it—she lunged into his mind.

Her hate and fury rolled over him like a storm, blinding and overwhelming.

_Get out, get out, get out!_ she shrieked into his mind.

She was like a wild animal, slashing and tearing at the dark coils that slithered through his mind that were Snoke.

Snoke roared in shock and pain. Ben sensed him gathering himself—

He gripped Rey’s mind, thrust her out, snapped the bond shut, slammed up his mental shields. Snoke’s snarls fell silent.

He came back to himself on the windswept shelf on the mountainside, breathing hard.

Rey breathed hard too, fists clenched and teeth bared. “Why’d you do that? This was our chance to get rid of him!”

He seized her shoulders and shook her. “What’s wrong with you? He would’ve killed you!”

“I told you I’ll kill him,” she snarled. “I mean it. Let me in, Ben. We can get rid of him.”

“He was ready to destroy you. Didn’t you sense it?”

“I don’t care—”

“No,” he broke in. “That’s not how we’re doing it.”

“He was _right there!_ I could hear him! I could _feel_ him! If both of us—”

“You’re just a kid!”

She stiffened.

“You don’t know—what he does—” He spluttered, choking. He thought of her tormented and manipulated, pushed and harried into doubt and resentment and distrust. “My whole _life_—”

“Maybe I’m _just a kid_.” Her voice shook with fury. “I’ll do it myself. I don’t need your help, anyway.” She snapped her arms up, broke his hold and slammed herself against the closed bond.

He gritted his teeth against the assault. “You can’t get to Snoke without _me_. And I won’t let you kill yourself.”

She just stared at him, trembling. “We could’ve done it, Ben. Even though I’m _just a kid_.”

She turned and marched back into the cave, disappearing into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey thinks Ben is *hot* 😛 Ben is just oblivious... for now.


	21. Ben - Age 25/Rey - Age 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get awkward between Rey and Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments give me great ideas. Thank you!

**Ben – _Millennium Falcon_**

Ben had made a mistake with Rey on Ahch-To. He knew it. He’d tried to apologize. He’d tried to explain. Rey wouldn’t talk about it, but she was…different. Not hurt or angry or sad—not quite. But what he sensed through the bond was still a sort of sad pain.

Ben waited until she was busy with one of her endless projects refitting and repairing the _Falcon_. This time, she was installing new inertial dampers to keep everything inside the ship from becoming projectiles during heavy maneuvers.

He made his way forward and settled into the pilot’s seat beside Millie. The blue of hyperspace whirled beyond the viewport. Ben checked their course, checked status. He knew he was stalling.

He took a breath and said, “I need your help, Millie.”

Servos whined as she turned her head and sat back. “Did I hear you right? _You_ are asking a _droid_ for help?”

He gave an annoyed huff. “It’s not you. I have trouble with droids.”

“I never knew.”

He clenched his jaw. She wasn’t making this any easier. “You aren’t present in the Force,” he explained. “You’re sentient. But I look at you, and it’s like you aren’t there. It’s unsettling.”

Millie made a considering noise. “This is you trying to explain why you have trouble with droids.”

He nodded once.

“Since that makes about as much sense to me as I must to you, I guess we have an understanding. Let me guess what you need help with. Your misunderstanding with Rey?”

There was something about the way she said “misunderstanding” that made him give her a sharp glance. He _wished_ he could sense her through the Force.

Millie waved a hand. “Don’t look at me that way. It’s obvious.”

“I’ve tried to explain,” he went on before he could change his mind. “I was trying to protect her.”

“Oh, _big_ mistake, underestimating Rey.”

“I don’t. But this time—” He wasn’t going to explain Snoke to Millie. “I couldn’t risk it. Couldn’t risk _her_.”

Millie sat back again. “What is it you want me to do?”

This was ridiculous, asking the droid to carry messages. He forced out the words anyway.

“She won’t talk about it. I’ve tried. Explain to her. Maybe she’ll listen to you.”

“Tell you what I’ll do.” Millie swept out a hand in a magnanimous gesture. “Nothing.”

Bristling, Ben drew himself up. “Why not?”

“Because explaining isn’t the problem. The problem is the way you think of her. The way you treat her.”

“I—”

Millie overrode him. “You treat her like a kid. She’s not an adult, but she feels the same things an adult does.”

Ben ran a hand through his hair, thinking back to himself at that age. He’d wanted to be useful. To be respected for what he could do. Instead, he’d been shipped off, every choice taken away from him.

He blew out a breath. “Okay.” He got to his feet, then hesitated. “Thank you.”

Ducking his head, he hurried out before Millie could say something sarcastic.

**Rey**

Working helped. If Rey was working, she wasn’t around Ben. If she wasn’t around Ben, she wasn’t admiring his broad shoulders and watching the way his big hands moved and wondering what his lips would feel and taste like if she kissed him. If she wasn’t around Ben, she didn’t have to remember that no matter how much she loved him, he didn’t feel the same because she was _just a kid_.

Pipes and wires snaked around her in the maintenance pit, neat and color-coded after a few years’ efforts. Rey sensed through the bond for him. It only made it worse; she knew that. But she couldn’t help trying to guess what made him feel whatever it was he was feeling. Right now, he was worried and unhappy.

Sitting back on her heels, she fiddled with the connector clamp in her hand. She didn’t like it. What was making him worried and unhappy?

Ben was coming her way, a burble of disquiet through the bond, a ripple through the Force. Rey thought about pretending to be busy but hopped out of the pit when she heard his footsteps, thump, thump, thumping on the deck. It seemed like Ben kept getting _bigger _all the time. Sometimes she wondered if he was as heavy as Millie.

He gave a little smile when he saw her. Her heart turned over and her own lips turned up. He only ever smiled for her. When he did, it was a special gift. She treasured his rare laughter even more.

He settled beside her at the edge of the pit, close enough she could feel the heat from his body and smell the warm, comfortable scent that was _Ben_. Her belly fluttered and something lower coiled hungrily. She leaned into him so their shoulders touched, slid her hand to the small of his back.

Ben shifted away, leaning back on one hand. The fluttering in her stomach fell like a shot bird. Her throat tightened. She shut herself off from the bond before he could sense it.

He must’ve sensed enough; he gave her a worried, sideways look. “How’s the project going?”

She looked down at the tool in her hands and shrugged. “Okay. Fine.”

She could feel his eyes on her. She kept hers down. _He doesn’t even want to touch me anymore_. The thought hurt.

“Do you need parts?” he said. “We’ll reach Elphrona soon. We can see if the trading post there has what you need.”

She swallowed hard. “I might need some more connectors.” Thankfully, her voice came out steady, if a little too soft. “The mounting bracket I have won’t work. I’ll need a different one.”

They sat in awkward silence a while, staring down into the maintenance pit. She shifted uncomfortably. Maybe she should just go back to work. She stayed where she was, beside Ben.

“Do you want help?” he asked suddenly. “I know there isn’t enough room down there for both of us,” he rushed on. “But I can hand you tools.”

Her throat ached again, for a different reason this time. She blinked hard, making sure there was no suspicious moisture in her eyes. “Sure, Ben. I’d like that.”

For a few hours, it was like it’d been before, working together as smoothly as the left hand with the right.

**Rey - Elphrona**

Rey was in her usual seat in the cockpit behind Ben and Millie when they came out of hyperspace in the Elphrona system. It was a triple star system, but two of the suns were just superbright stars spinning around their larger sister. Ephrona was a brown-and-green mottled ball, more brown than green.

Rey sensed tension building in Ben. She hesitated, then touched his arm. “What’s wrong?”

He pushed out a breath. “Nothing.” He hitched a shoulder dismissively. “Last time I was here was with Luke.”

She sensed him through the bond, trying to pinpoint the source of his unease. “Did anything—”

“Nothing happened,” he said. “Well, something did. We were searching for Jedi artifacts in the old temple. We had to chase off some relic hunters. They thought we were trespassing on their territory. Luke made it clear that Jedi artifacts belong to Jedi.”

To her surprise, Rey found herself bristling. “You _were_ trespassing on their territory. If you’d done that to me, I’d make sure you were sorry.”

Millie barked a laugh. “I bet you would.”

Ben didn’t glare the way she expected. Maybe looking at things from a different perspective.

“Did you get a good haul?” Rey asked a little too sweetly.

He had the grace to look embarrassed. “A couple of holocrons. Scrolls so brittle they crumbled to dust. A cache of lightsabers, nothing much left of them but corroded metal and the kyber crystals.” Drawing himself up, he said defensively, “They wouldn’t’ve been able to do anything with the holocrons, anyway. And they didn’t have any business with kybers.”

“Except for what they could get for them.”

“Sell _kyber crystals?”_ Ben said in horror.

“Whatever it takes to put food in your belly,” Rey shot back.

Deflating, he turned back to the controls. “I hope to find more. Maybe we’ll find a crystal for you.”

Surprise and excitement chased off her indignation. “For _me!”_

“Maybe. Don’t get your hopes up.”

“Assuming orbit,” Millie said.

Ben turned back to work the controls to bring the _Falcon_ in for a landing.

The trading post on Elphrona was bigger and more respectable-looking than Niima Outpost. Rey had her staff, but between Millie and Ben’s big, masked, black-clad form, no one would give them any trouble. The marketplace throngs easily parted for them.

The planet was the last stop before the wilds of the Unknown Regions, and the market was full of things she’d never seen before. Even the species were new. There was one that looked human, but with blue skin and red eyes. Three others, wearing barbaric furs and necklaces made out of teeth, had a cone-shaped head with eyes on stalks that stuck out to the side.

A group of four had three eyes and four arms. Long ropes of white hair trailed down their backs.

Rey could feel them through the Force. It seemed they could feel her, too. As they passed the group, they turned to look curiously at her and Ben. She sensed their surprise and interest. Ben put a hand on her shoulder and steered her quickly away.

“Force-sensitive,” he said when they were out of earshot. “Could you feel it?”

“Was _that_ what that was?”

His helmet dipped in a nod. “We can sense each other. A ripple in the Force. The way you and I can sense each other.”

“I thought that was because of our bond.”

“Our bond only makes it stronger. Clearer.” He strode along a few steps. “And reaches much, much farther.”

“But I’ve never felt it before. Except with you.”

“There aren’t many of us left.” His voice came out low and harsh through his vocabulator.

The bustling marketplace was full of bright cloth and bawling voices, the savory smell of roasting meat, the sweet aroma of baking cakes. Rey inhaled a deep breath, her mouth watering.

“I’ll find us a speeder,” Ben said. “We’ll need one to reach the temple ruins in the mountains.” She couldn’t see his smile behind his mask, but she could sense it. “Get yourself something to eat.”

“Okay,” Rey said.

She headed in the direction of the food, Millie stumping along with her.

She tracked down the cakes (dense and shining with a tart-sweet glaze), devoured two and bought three for Ben.

Licking her fingers, Rey scanned the market. “We should find a speeder to fix so we have our own.”

“Supplies first,” Millie said.

Rey heaved a sigh but got down to business.

There were trinkets and food and exotic clothing, but the trading post didn’t have much in the way of parts or hardware. She found a handful of connectors, but they were the wrong size. A bracket she might be able to use was a lost hope. She wandered deeper into the market, Millie following.

The Force rippled. Looking up from a pink quartz carving that the vendor swore was from the Jedi ruins, Rey expected to see the three-eyed aliens. They weren’t there. Frowning, she scanned the shopping, haggling crowd. The ripple grew stronger. Rey put down the carving and turned away from the jabbering vendor.

A woman with brown hair pulled back in a ponytail stopped a few paces away. Rey’s attention snapped to her. The ripple in the Force was coming from _her_.

She smiled. “Hello. I couldn’t help overhearing. These are artifacts from the temple ruins?”

“Yes, yes!” the Duros vendor babbled. “Retrieved under the most dangerous of circumstances!”

The woman didn’t take her eyes from Rey. “You’re looking for Jedi relics?”

“Maybe,” Rey hedged, scavenger’s old habits coming to the fore. Never show your hand. Wait to find out what the other party wants first.

Millie’s servos whirred as she turned her head, silently following the exchange.

The woman’s smile turned a little regretful. “You usually won’t find the genuine article in places like this.”

The vendor puffed up in outrage. Rey paid little attention. She was feeling more ripples in the Force. Three more figures lingered a short distance away—a short, dark, powerfully-built man, another man, much slimmer, and a horned Zabrak woman. They were pretending to look at the booths by them, but Rey saw the dark man glance her way.

“Are you curious about the Jedi?” the woman said.

Rey returned her attention to her. “I’m curious about a lot of things.”

She couldn’t sense much from her; like Ben when he had his mental shields up. The woman was dressed like any traveler—jacket, trousers, sturdy boots, wide belt—

With a lightsaber hanging from it.

Her gaze darted to the others, the two men and Zabrak woman. The familiar cylinders hung from their belts, too.

Rey went cold. _No,_ she told herself. _Be calm_.

She had to stay cool. Focus. Just like Jakku—another scavenger angling for her haul, a fuzzed-out junker swinging a knife or blaster around.

“I’m sorry. My name’s Jaena.” The woman was watching her. She must’ve seen Rey looking at the others. “My friends and I have been studying the Jedi for a while. If you like, we can tell you anything you want to know.”

The other three began to approach. The stocky man gave her a friendly smile.

_Ben has to stay away_. The thought beat at her with her pulse.

She turned to Millie. “Can you find Kylo? Tell him take his time. I’ll be busy a little while.”

Millie’s head turned back and forth. “I don’t think—”

“We won’t be far,” Jaena interrupted. She gestured. “There’s a refreshment booth over there.”

“It’s okay, Millie,” Rey said. “He’ll just be bored. If he gets bored, he’ll get into trouble.” Turning to Jaena, she rolled her eyes. “He’s _always_ getting into trouble.”

She didn’t know how much Millie could interpret human facial expressions. Could she read the desperation in Rey’s eyes? Did the way she talked about Ben make her realize there was something wrong?

“I’ll go find him,” she finally said.

“If he gives you problems,” Rey said, “Take him back to the ship.”

Millie hesitated. Rey stared at her, her mouth smiling while she pleaded with her eyes.

“There better not be trouble,” Millie finally said and strode off.

Jaena turned to lead the way. The other three fell in behind.

“Is Kylo your brother?” Jaena asked.

“Friend.” Rey knew how it worked. The closer you stayed to the truth, the less chance of kriffing things up. “It’s just my job to take care of him. I’ve been doing it forever.”

“He doesn’t have a family?”

Rey shrugged. “Somewhere.”

The stocky man fell into step on her other side. “What about you?”

“Somewhere,” Rey said.

He and Jaena shared a look.

_Uh-huh_, Rey thought. Ben had told her the Jedi took kids away from their homes and families. They probably thought they could take her.

_Not me,_ she thought. _You won’t get anything over this girl from Jakku_.

She’d get rid of them, and she and Ben would get out of here.

**Ben**

He’d finally found a speeder to rent. Unfortunately, the owner insisted on accompanying it. Ben was close to using Force persuasion. He really needed to bring Rey along to these transactions. She was better at bartering than he was.

Mille came stumping up. Automatically, he looked for Rey.

She wasn’t there.

Ben reached through the bond. He could barely sense her. What little he could sense was a strange combination of determination and alarm.

“Where’s Rey?” Forgetting the speeder, he started toward Millie. “What happened?”

“She’s talking to some people,” Millie said. “She wants you to stay away.”

Ben was already striding in the direction he sensed Rey. “What _people?”_ His voice came out with that strained edge.

Millie matched his pace. “Two women and two men. They said they’d tell her about the Jedi.”

Ben stopped like he’d run into an energy barrier. He felt like he had, sizzling shock running through him. _Oh, no. No_…

His heart felt like it was beating too fast. Breath came short. “Did they say any names?”

“The woman talking to Rey said her name was Jaena—”

“Fuck!” Ben shouted. Fucking Jaena from Luke’s temple. Who were the other three? Was _Luke_ there? “_Kriffing hell!”_

People turned to stare. He took one running step.

Millie’s hand clamped on his shoulder. “Rey doesn’t want you there. She said to go back to the ship. She’s got it handled. Let her handle it.”

“They’ll know she’s Force-sensitive,” he growled. “They won’t let her go!”

Throwing off Millie’s hand, he launched into a run. People who didn’t get out of his way, he shoved with the Force. He vaulted over a repulsorcart laden with boxes, ignoring the curses that rose in his wake.

There would be no hiding from the Jedi. His Force signature would give him away. The best he could hope for was to keep them from knowing about Kylo Ren and the _Millennium Falcon_.

He ripped off his helmet, flung it into the tidy stacks of fruits and vegetables of a produce stand. Shouts and a rolling tumble of fruit came in his wake. He clawed his cloak off, let it fly free. Two children kicked a ball in the aisle between booths. Ben thrust out a hand, lifted them out of the way and let them down, squealing, behind him.

Over his own heaving breaths, pounding steps and thundering heartbeat, he heard the thump of Millie’s feet behind him.

Rey was just ahead. There were four other Force signatures with her. Ben’s hand dropped to his lightsaber. _No_. Things couldn’t be allowed to go that far. He snatched his hand away and clenched his fist.

There they were, turning at the sound of his running footsteps, the black wave of his presence in the Force: Jaena. Char, Eethlin. And Embry. Rey was already on her feet. A searing combination of fear and fury came through the bond. The other four got to theirs, stepped away from a table covered with glasses and mugs.

Jaena’s face went from hard to surprised. Her brows went down.

“_Ben Solo_.” She snatched her lightsaber from her belt and ignited it.

**Rey**

Rey had been able to feel Ben coming, a black wave through the Force. She cursed. Millie was supposed to keep him away! What was he doing here?

He barreled into sight, Millie thundering behind him. _He wasn’t wearing his mask_.

“_Ben Solo_,” Jaena said and grabbed her lightsaber. The pale blue blade shot out with a menacing hiss.

Rey’s heart crowded into her throat.

_Kriff that_, she thought and slung her staff off her shoulder.

Just as she swung, an arm grabbed her across the collarbones, jerked her back. The tip of her staff whooshed in front of Jaena, barely missing her sword arm. Jaena whirled, hand outthrust. Invisible Force punched Rey in the chest. The air went out of her in a whoosh.

Ben snarled, ignited his lightsaber and lunged. Jaena spun back to face him. Two more lightsabers ignited in a snarling hiss of plasma. The man holding Rey was shouting as he dragged her backward, away from the slashing beams of blue and green. Rey jackknifed. His arm slid up under her chin and she bent her head and bit him as hard as she could. He gave a yell and released her.

Shouts came from around them. People ran every which way. Blaster shots whistled past—Millie, firing the blasters incorporated into her arms. The Zabrak woman caught the bolts on her blade, batted them aside. The dark man thrust out a hand and sent Millie flying.

Wheeling her staff, Rey dove into the fight. She caught the slim man behind the knees. He went down with a yell, his lightsaber flying from his hand. Jaena was locked with Ben. Rey charged. His eyes leapt to her and he raised a hand. Jaena spun the same moment, her lightsaber a vicious, ice-blue arc. Force hit Rey again, flung her back. She had an instant to register horror on Ben and Jaena’s faces before she hit the ground. The breath went out of her a second time. Pain hit the next instant.

Rey looked down. Her shirt was slashed. She couldn’t understand what was smoking under it.

**Ben**

Ben dropped his lightsaber. The next moment he was kneeling by Rey, no memory of the steps between. His fingers scrabbled frantically at the burned edges of her shirt, slashed across the top of her chest.

It was just the shirt. It had to be. He’d pushed her back in time. That charring—it was just the shirt.

The white gleam of ribs peeked through flesh burned black. The stink of burned cloth and flesh choked him. He’d pushed her back, but not in time. The tip of Jaena’s blade had still caught her.

His chest heaved. The whole galaxy was crushing down on him. Rage and fear threatened to tear him apart.

“She only had a stick!” Everything prismed behind tears. “She can’t even use the Force!”

Jaena’s breath caught on a sob. “I didn’t mean to—”

“Ben?” Rey’s voice came out small and childlike. “Am I going to die?”

He fought to keep from sobbing himself but felt tears cold on his cheeks. Dashing them away, he smiled and stroked the hair back from her face. “No, sweetheart. Of course not.”

“We’ve got bacta in our shuttle,” Embry said. His hand came to rest hesitantly on Ben’s shoulder. “Let us treat her.”

“_We_ have bacta,” Ben snarled.

Embry’s hand tightened. “Enough for a lightsaber wound?”

Rey’s eyes were wide and terrified. With a sharp nod, Ben gathered her up.

She gasped. Her face twisted and she whimpered. “It _burns_.”

“Shh,” he soothed. “We’ll get some bacta on it soon.”

Eethlin hurried over, took Rey’s dangling arm and arranged it across her body. She looked up to meet Ben’s eyes. “I’m sorry,” she murmured before stepping back.

Cradling Rey to his chest, Ben strode off. A gawking, murmuring crowd had gathered. They scuttled back out of his way. Embry fell into step beside him. Char whispered somewhere behind him. There was the sound of muffled weeping.

The shuttle was a different one from when Ben had been at the temple. Embry guided him to the medbed in the cabin. Ben carefully laid Rey down. She whimpered again. Tears tracked down her temples into her hair. He knelt beside her and started working the fasteners of her shirt. Embry leaned over with vibroshears.

Ben rounded on him. “_Back_.”

Damned if Embry was going to look at Rey’s chest, medical necessity or not.

Eethlin slipped between them, taking the shears from Embry. “Let me. I’ll take care of her, Ben.”

Ben suddenly realized _he_ didn’t want to be looking at Rey’s chest, either. He pushed hurriedly to his feet. He could feel how strained the reassuring smile he gave Rey was.

Jaena stood by the shuttle’s hatch, her eyes wide and hands pressed over her mouth.

“You’ll pay for this,” Ben growled.

“If you hadn’t—” Char began.

“Shut up, Char,” Embry snapped. “This isn’t the time.”

“It’s through the muscle of her upper chest,” Eethlin said. “I’m putting bacta on it, but it’d be better to get her back to the temple for treatment.”

“No!” Rey wailed. “Don’t let them take me!”

Ben moved back to the medbed, positioning himself so he could only see her face. Her hand clutched at his tunic.

He gently took it in his. “They’ll be able to take better care—”

“No!” She thrashed, struggling to sit up. “Ben, don’t—”

“You can come, too, Ben,” Embry said.

“They won’t be going anywhere with you,” Millie said.

Everyone turned to look at her. Until she spoke, Ben hadn’t realized she was there.

“How exactly do you expect this to go?” she said. “Do you think he’ll be meek and compliant after this?” She gestured at Ben and Rey.

“Yeah,” Char said. “We’ve got the girl.”

Millie raised her arm slightly—a clear threat, considering her blasters were still deployed. “Assuming your ship is still in any condition to get off this planet.”

Ben shook his head. He would go. For Rey, he would go.

She must’ve read it in his face. The fear and pain there twisted to fierceness. “I won’t go,” she quavered. “You can’t make me. I’ll get away.”

“You won’t be going anywhere for a while, girl,” Char said in a tone artfully between snide and kind.

“What do you think, Eethlin?” Embry said. “Will bacta be enough?”

“If she was my…” Eethlin darted a glance at Ben. “…little sister, I’d want her in a better equipped medbay.”

Rey’s eyes on him were huge and pleading. Trusting that he’d take care of her but afraid of what he’d choose. Her chest rose and fell like a bird’s.

A memory flickered in his mind: an argument going on over his head, an injured bird, a tiny ball of green and blue feathers in his hand. A trillo.

Suddenly he remembered all those years ago as a boy on Chandrila. The trillo had hit the window of his mother’s office. He’d cupped it in his hands and reached out with the Force—

He smiled at Rey. Holding his hand over her wound, he closed his eyes and submerged himself in the Force.

It was a much, much bigger undertaking than a tiny stunned and bruised bird. Rey was a coil of pain and fear, the wound a sparking, red and black gash in her Force energy. Gently, he wrapped his power around her, smoothing and soothing. He gathered the Force as he did for any other effort—brilliant white, cool against the black, burned flesh. Somewhere far away, he heard Rey gasp.

He let himself fall into the shape of her, tracing muscle and blood vessels, fascia and skin. _Here_, was wholeness and health. _There_, the blaring wrongness of the wound. He could feel the searing pain across his own chest, feel the way every breath made it flare. His heart raced with hers. Deliberately, he slowed it, calmed her fast, shallow breaths.

The Force held a resonance of how she should be. Using his own body as a template, he showed hers the way it was supposed to be.

He drew the Force to the wound like a sculptor molding clay, smoothed sundered edges together, coaxed muscle to knit, blood vessels to rejoin, skin to regrow. The Force flowed through and around him, around Rey, breathed gently through their bond. He opened his eyes.

Under his hand… He frowned.

There was still an angry red scar, as if the wound had been healing a month. But it was _closed_.

“Kriffing _hell_, Ben,” Embry breathed. “When did you learn to do _that?”_

Ben didn’t bother answering that there was a lot he could do they didn’t know. Because they hadn’t _let_ him.

Eethlin was staring at him, her dark amber eyes wide. She quickly turned and pulled a covering over Rey.

Rey sat up shakily, pulling at the cloth Eethlin was trying to cover her with. “Let me see! Will I have a scar?” She sounded excited about the idea.

“If you keep treating it with bacta, it should be fine.” Eethlin’s voice was unsteady.

Jaena was looking more scared than before. Even Char looked worried.

Rising to his feet, Ben faced Embry. The shorter man’s throat bobbed in a swallow, but he didn’t step back.

Ben put a hand on his shoulder. “Thank you.”

He turned back to Rey. Eethlin steadied her as Rey swung her legs out of the bed. She was wearing an oversized tunic that showed the wound, a hot red slash that ran from her right shoulder to above her left breast.

Ben bent and lifted her before he could begin to get angry. Her lack of argument about being carried told him how weak and vulnerable she felt. He started for the hatch, Millie thumping after.

“Wait,” Char said. “You’re letting them go? You know Master Skywalker—”

“I’m not going back,” Ben broke in. “Ever. Tell Luke that.”

Millie stepped in front of him, forcing Char and Jaena to move aside. Pausing by the cockpit, Ben reached out with the Force.

Sparks spat from the controls. An alarm wailed and fell silent. Smoke coiled up from the control panel and drifted into the cabin, acrid and stinging.

Ben turned to Embry. “Now you can tell Luke it was my fault.”

Embry grinned. “It always was, wasn’t it?”

With Millie on guard, Ben carried Rey out.

**Luke – Ossus**

Jaena paced the width of the temple, shafts of light moving across her. “He’s gone to the dark side, Master Skywalker,” she said, breathless. Her arms were crossed tight over her chest. “He’d’ve killed us all if that girl hadn’t been injured—”

“You drew on him first, Jaena.” Embry’s voice echoed sharply in the dim chamber. “He didn’t even have his lightsaber in his hand.”

She whirled on him. “Charging us like he did, all in black like a Sith? You felt how dark he was. You’re damned right I drew first!”

Luke ran a hand down his face. “What about the girl?”

“Ben said she can’t use the Force.” Embry slid a disapproving glance at Jaena. “She didn’t have a lightsaber.”

“You know I didn’t mean to hit her!” she flared. “I felt someone behind me. What would you expect me to do in a fight?”

“Not attack an unarmed girl.”

“She had that stick,” Char put in. “She wasn’t afraid to use it.”

Luke had a suspicion she’d used it on him.

“First thing she did when the fight started was try to disarm Jaena with it.” Embry rubbed his arm where the girl had bitten him.

“You said she was protecting Ben?” Luke tried to imagine it—a young girl, and Ben’s looming, towering self. He’d probably put on weight and muscle over the last six years, too. But if the girl was willing to bite Embry in a fight, he supposed she wouldn’t hesitate to protect Ben. Luke wasn’t sure whether to be appalled or admire her.

“She told that droid to keep him busy,” Jaena said. “We thought she was talking about a child.”

Char snorted.

Jaena flung up her hands. “I didn’t know she was with Ben!”

Embry had an admiring half-smile on his face. “She’s smart. Thinks fast on her feet.”

“No doubt,” Luke murmured. If she was the girl from Jakku, she’d have to. “Eethlin? What do you think?”

Of all of them, Eethlin was the most neutral. Luke was aware of where loyalties lay in this group.

“Ben hasn’t gone to the dark side.” Her voice was quiet but firm. “He used Force healing on the girl.”

Luke’s brows shot up.

Jaena looked away, frowning.

“And that girl wasn’t about to come with us, no matter what,” Eethlin went on. “There’s something between her and Ben. Something I’ve never seen before.”

A prickle brushed up Luke’s neck. “What was it?”

“It was like…a connection. I could sense it, but when he healed her, that’s when I could really feel it.” Eethlin made a graceful gesture. “The Force flowed back and forth between them.” She shook her head. “Have you heard of anything like that, Master Skywalker?”

The prickle turned to a chill trickle. Ben’s young voice came back to him: _The light, can you feel it? It’s out there_.

Luke paced. For the first time, he doubted. As much as Ben scoffed at the will of the Force, this felt like the Force at work. Snatching Ben away when Luke was ready to confront him. Driving Ben to search for a girl hundreds of light years away. The Force was so strong with him. What if—

What if Ben was more connected to the Force than Luke ever gave him credit for?

Luke turned to face the four Jedi silently waiting. “I want to find those two. We need to find out what this connection between them is. What it means.” He fixed Jaena with a pointed look. “We won’t get anywhere with them if they feel threatened—or feel the other one is threatened.”

She dropped her gaze. “Yes, Master Skywalker.”

“I’m glad you tended to the girl,” Luke said more gently.

Embry looked mildly offended. “We couldn’t do anything else.”

Luke nodded. “That went a long way to repairing goodwill. As did letting them go.”

Char made a noise as if he’d choked off some rash comment.

Luke raised his brows at him.

“Char.” Embry rubbed his forehead. “I know you never liked Ben, but do you really want what would happen if you tried to force him to do anything?”

“I know _I_ wouldn’t look forward to seeing the results,” Luke said dryly.

One thing he’d learned—never underestimate his nephew. Or what he was capable of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I played with some plot points from The Rise of Kylo Ren. I know the timeline isn't quite right, but since this is an AU, I guess that makes it okay.
> 
> So, yeah, you can tell I think Force healing comes from the Force. Not from the Force-users own life energy. If it were to work that way, everything the Force-user did would have to come from their life energy. And I think we have ample evidence that isn't the case.
> 
> Did you catch the Brightfolk's cameo appearance?


	22. Ben - Age 26/Rey - Age 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The misunderstandings Millie predicted come true as Ben realizes what he feels for Rey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up, dear reader. We have a rough ride ahead.
> 
> **CW: ATTEMPTED SUICIDE.** If you want to skip it, stop reading at Snoke's speech, "_You nearly murdered your parents in their bed..._ and continue after the scene break.

**Rey – Ord Mantell**

Rey swept the curing lamp back and forth across the _Falcon’s_ hull. The freshly applied coating changed from dull, dirty grey to a shimmering, pearly luster innocently called Evening Mist.

_Because any ship with this coating is as hard for sensors to track as mist_, the Gran supplier had said, laying back his floppy ears and showing his small, square teeth in a grin.

Between its souped-up hyperdrive, transponder aliases, and military-grade weaponry and shielding, a stealth coating seemed like a reasonable addition to the _Falcon’s_ collection of questionably legal or outright illegal modifications.

Rey felt eyes on her. She looked up just as Ben, applying the coating on the other side of the ship, looked away.

She sat back on her heels, staring hard at his lowered head. This had been going on for _months_. It was worse right after she was injured—he kept watching her like she was a piece of crystal tottering on a shelf. After a couple of months, she’d finally jerked down the collar of her shirt to show him the thin, silvery line that was all that was left of the wound.

Ben had gone red to the ears.

Rey raised her face shield. “What, Ben?”

He shook his head, sweeping the sprayer back and forth.

She pressed her lips tight. He was like this more and more lately—withdrawn and uncommunicative. Flashes of guilt escaped him sometimes.

She sighed silently. “You’re watching me again.”

He did look up at that. His eyes flashed above his filter mask. “I’m not allowed to look at you now?” He went back to his sprayer. “Sorry.”

She sat still a minute, trying to sense him through the bond. She couldn’t. “Come on, Ben. What’s wrong? I know something is.”

He shook his head again.

“You won’t talk to me?”

“Nothing to tell you.”

She dropped the curing lamp with a clatter. “Stop saying that! If you’re mad, say so! If you think—” her throat closed. Clenching her jaw, she swallowed hard. “If I’m more trouble than I’m worth, tell me!”

He jerked up his head, stricken. “No, never. Why would you say something like that?”

She jumped to her feet. “Maybe because you won’t talk to me anymore! Maybe because you’ve got yourself shut off all the time! Because you act like you’d rather be alone!”

Dropping the sprayer, he stood too. “Rey—”

“What?” she demanded.

He pulled off his mask, ran a hand through his hair. “It’s not you.”

“Then what?”

His gaze fell again. She clenched her fists, fighting to impulse to go over there, grab him by the front of his shirt and shake whatever the problem was out of him.

She pushed out a breath. “You still feel guilty, don’t you?”

“No—” He hitched one shoulder. “Not much.” He met her gaze across the width of the ship. “It’s nothing you’ve done, Rey. Isn’t that enough?”

She stood breathing hard. She loved him so much. She’d do anything for him. Anything to see him smile, anything to make him happy. And it seemed like he was only getting unhappier.

She pulled her face shield back down. “I guess it’ll have to be.”

She picked up the curing lamp and went back to work.

**Ben**

Things just kept getting worse. Bad enough Rey was almost killed because of his stupidity. A few centimeters. A few more kriffing centimeters, and Jaena’s blade would’ve cut straight through her aorta, and Rey wouldn’t be here. Three or four Jedi wouldn’t be, either.

Ben didn’t even want to think about life without her, but he couldn’t stop dwelling on it. A life with nothing left but Snoke… The thought made him physically sick.

He’d been having nightmares filled with hate and rage, where he strode through fire and darkness and screams; where he cut down everything in sight, brutal and merciless.

How could he tell Rey _that?_ She was a young girl. It wasn’t her job to comfort and reassure a grown man. His choices weren’t her responsibility.

He pulled on tunic and gloves, cloak and helmet. Today they felt like a premonition. Like that last day with Luke, the sense of stepping off an edge, tumbling forward with no way of going back. He shuddered.

He called to Rey as he came out from under the _Falcon’s_ hull. He knew she heard him—he could sense a strange combination of annoyance and sadness at the sound of his voice. Her curing lamp cast a halo of light in the dimness of their berth. She didn’t stop, didn’t pop up her head or call back to him. Ben sighed and made his way into town.

He was more careful gambling here. Ord Mantell had a reputation as a base for the Black Sun syndicate; the mob likely took a cut of every game on the planet. It wouldn’t do to draw too much attention.

He drew attention anyway: a woman approached with a drink, smiling. Ben scanned the surface of her mind. _Those shoulders, mmm. And his hands! My gods, how I’d love them on me_. He caught an image of his gloves engulfing bare, full breasts, of himself, masked and clothed, surging over her—

Going hot, he snatched himself back. His groin tightened. He swallowed on a suddenly dry throat.

He didn’t understand it. He should be frightening, with his helmet and harsh, modulated voice and all his black. But this kind of thing _kept happening_.

He became aware that she was speaking to him: “…a drink?”

Usually, he ignored the women who approached him or repelled them with a growl. This one, he studied through his mask. Full lips painted a dusky maroon, high cheekbones. Tip-tilted eyes— brown, not hazel. Dark hair bobbed at the jawline. Freckles faintly dusted her nose. His erection grew painful, straining against his trousers.

“Yes,” he said, his voice deep and menacing through his vocabulator. He folded his cards, ignoring the jeers and hoots of the other players. Gathering his winnings, he stood.

The woman smoothed a hand down his arm and slid her hand into his. Without thinking about it, he tightened his grip. She glanced up with a low chuckle and wound her arm through his, molding herself to his side. Heat poured through him, tightening his chest.

“My apartment isn’t far,” she murmured, stroking his side with the backs of her fingers. “I’ll make you something…_special_…there.”

Ben caught another image: her head bobbing up and down in his lap.

“I’m sure you will,” he rumbled.

~oOo~

_Well, well_, Snoke’s voice purred. _How **interesting**_.

Hunching his shoulders, Ben didn’t reply.

_I should have guessed. Perhaps it speaks of my age that I didn’t_.

Ben could tell from Snoke’s smug pleasure that he knew what Ben had been doing.

_How very awkward_, Snoke said, chuckling. _To discover exactly why the Jedi forbid connections_.

“Leave me alone,” Ben said. “It’s none of your business.”

_But my boy, you’ll be in such need of advice. I can hardly, in good conscience, abandon you_.

Ben clenched his jaw. “I’m not a _boy_. I don’t need advice.”

_No, you aren’t. And your little apprentice is no longer a child, either, is she? What will you do now?_ Snoke faded from his mind.

The _Falcon’s_ boarding ramp was up when Ben returned—Rey was asleep. He didn’t bother with a code, just touched the controls with the Force. The ramp whined down, then back up again behind him. He pulled off his helmet, tucked it under an arm. The ship was quiet. Even Millie was shut down, recharging for the night.

Ben moved quietly along the corridor. The door to the crew quarters rolled up with a rumbling hiss. Rey stepped out, wearing one of his undershirts. The shirt came halfway to her knees and threatened to slip off one slim shoulder. He stopped short.

She rubbed her eyes. “Ben? Is everything okay? It’s late.”

Guilt rolled over him like a wave. He dropped his gaze. He couldn’t look at her.

His voice wouldn’t come. Gripping his helmet hard, he shut the bond tight and cleared his throat. “Nothing’s wrong.” The sense that he’d betrayed her choked him. His gut clenched with shame. “Go back to sleep.”

He shifted his weight. It was painful, _painful_ to keep standing here while she stared in confusion, him unable to look her in the face. He fled blindly down the corridor.

He found himself at the end of the corridor on the other side of the ship. He stepped into their training room and shut the door. As soon as it locked behind him, he flung his helmet across the room. It hit the padded wall with a hollow thump, fell and rocked on the deck.

Ben knotted his hands in his hair. _He wanted Rey_. That was what Snoke had slyly implied. That was what was behind his tryst with a woman who reminded him of her. A 26-year-old man, and he _wanted_ the teenage girl who depended on him, who _trusted_ him. Who relied on him to guide and protect her.

“What’s wrong with you?” he gritted through his teeth. “How _could_ you?”

How sick could he be? Out of all the dangers she faced, _he_ was the worst. _He_ was the one always near, whether she was awake or vulnerable in sleep. _He_ was the one she couldn’t escape.

He felt like he was going to be sick. He braced hands on knees, breaths heaving. He clawed for calm. “Stop,” he told himself. “Just stop.”

_You haven’t done anything_, he reminded himself. _You will control yourself_.

He wouldn’t—would never hurt her. He cared for her too much—

Everything inside him fell, like toppling over an unseen edge. He _loved_ her too much.

Love. What kind of love imposed itself on a vulnerable young girl?

The door controls flashed—Rey trying to open the door.

“Ben?” Her voice came muffled through the door.

He straightened and stared at the door. He had the bond shut tight. He couldn’t feel her, but her worry and confusion shivered through the Force.

“Open the door, Ben.”

He slid down the wall and put his head in his hands. No. He couldn’t open the door. He couldn’t face her. He couldn’t bear for her to look at him and realize he was no different than the predators he’d saved her from on Jakku.

Snoke’s voice broke in on him: _I see you finally realized it_.

Ben jerked his head up. How…? Snoke shouldn’t be able to talk to him. Not with Rey near—

But he had the bond shut. Shut so tightly he was completely cut off from her.

_Why such anguish, young Solo? You mean the girl no harm, and she’s hardly a child. Ripe and lovely_—

“Shut up,” Ben growled.

_Come now. You’re far too old to be shy about such things. Haven’t you cared for her? Provided for her? You’ve given her comfort and safety she never would have known if not for you. She should be grateful to you, and willing to show it_.

“I said shut_ up_.”

_Who would know? Who would judge you? Not I. What have you raised her for, if not for this? There’s no shame in wanting. No shame in plucking the fruit you’ve spent years nurturing_.

Ben thrust to his feet and paced, snarling like a caged animal.

_Look at you_, Snoke purred. _Wanting so badly you can’t bear to lay eyes on her. How long will you be able to resist with her beside you day after day? Seeing her sweet curves, catching a whiff of her scent, feeling the warmth of her skin when she’s near_—

Ben roared.

_She wears your clothes. Do you think she touches herself to thoughts of you? Do you suppose she cries out your name when she comes? Does she imagine your hands on her, the way that woman did tonight? Does she dream of riding your cock the way that woman did, moaning, her breasts bouncing?_

To his horror, Ben’s groin tightened. He bit his tongue until he tasted the tang of blood.

_Or perhaps she’ll be shy. Perhaps she’ll pretend shock and surprise while secretly wishing to be conquered. Women can be so teasing that way_.

His throat closed even as his erection throbbed. “No! I would never—”

_Would you not? Are you certain? It seems some part of you thinks otherwise._

Ben snatched up his lightsaber and ignited it. The blue blade shot out with a vicious hiss “Shut up, I said. Shut up, _shut up!”_

**Rey**

Ben was shouting inside. Rey banged on the training room door. “What’s happening, Ben? Open—the— kriffing—door!” She punctuated each word with another bang.

The bond was shut tight. It was horrible, like finding a limb gone. She couldn’t feel anything from him, but his emotions shivered through the Force, ragged as dull knives.

Something was very, very wrong. Leaning her head on the door, she closed her eyes and pushed against the bond, trying to break through.

She might as well try to wrestle herself. She reached out through the Force—

And recoiled. Dark tendrils coiled and writhed at the edge of her reach. She’d felt them before. She knew what they were. Snoke.

Her eyes popped open. _He_ was doing this. Whatever was wrong with Ben, Snoke was behind it. She knew it just like she’d known about the steelpeckers that ripped that kid to pieces on Jakku.

She turned to get her tools from the engine room to force the lock, then stopped. Getting that door open wouldn’t stop Snoke. Talking to Ben wouldn’t stop Snoke. And Ben wasn’t talking to her anyway.

Rage swept her, so hot it was hard to breathe. Only one thing would stop Snoke.

Killing him.

Rey strode to the crew quarters. She dressed first, then pulled Ben’s satchel out of the closet and threw it onto her bunk. She dug through her clothes, pulled out pants and tunics and a jacket and stuffed them all inside. She pulled open her drawer for underthings and personal gear. Ben’s shirt lay on her bunk where she’d dropped it when changing. After a moment’s hesitation, she jammed it into the satchel with everything else. A trip around the corner for her toolkit—she’d need a way to make money.

She lugged everything out to the common area. Millie was still on low energy mode in the corner by the engineering station. Rey went forward to the cockpit. Settling herself in the copilot’s seat, she wet her lips and took a breath. Her heart beat too hard. Her hand shook when she reached to switch on the holorecorder.

The light on the comm panel glowed blue: recording.

“I wanted to talk to you,” she began, “but I guess this will have to do. I’m going to find Snoke. I know he’s hurting you right now. He’s been hurting you a long time. It has to stop.” Her voice wobbled on the end. She swallowed hard, cleared her throat. “I’m going to kill him. It has to be me who does it. I know it’s not what we planned, but that’s not working. And I can’t keep watching him hurt you.

“So I have to leave. If you’re there, he’ll know. Don’t come after me, Ben. Don’t try to find me. Let me do this. For you. Because—” Her eyes and throat ached with tears. She imagined his dear face in front of her, his strong nose and brow, his eyes that changed from whiskey to jet depending on the light. Imagined saying the words that had been trapped and struggling in her for years. “Because I love you, Ben. May the Force be with you.”

Her voice cracked on the last words. She quickly shut off the holorecorder then sat back in the chair, breathing hard.

“What was that about?” Millie’s voice said behind her. She stumped into the cockpit. “Are you kriffing insane?”

Rey put on her best Jakku face. “If you heard, you don’t need me to explain.”

“If you don’t already realize how _little_ chance you have in succeeding, you should realize what it will do to Ben.”

Setting her jaw, Rey stood. “That’s why you need to stay with him.”

Millie smacked her head in a very human gesture. “So not only are you going on an insane quest, you’re going _alone_.”

“Ben needs you more. You know he does.”

Millie stood unmoving, looking down on her.

Rey took a step forward. “You can’t stop me.”

Millie put a hand on the back of the copilot’s chair and leaned over her. “Actually, I can.”

Rey glared up at her. “Not forever. Now let me past.”

She couldn’t _make_ Millie move. And Millie could stand there and block her longer than Rey had patience for.

Rey tried again. “He’s not happy, Millie. If I’m gone—” Her voice squeezed into silence. She cleared her throat. “It might be better if I’m not here.”

“I told you this would happen,” Millie said. “Do you remember?”

Rey nodded. “I know. That’s why I have to do it.”

Millie finally stepped aside. Rey slipped past her.

She slung her staff over her shoulder and picked up her gear. Turning to the hatch and the curve of corridor visible beyond, she tried to sense Ben through the bond again.

Nothing. Nothing but that gut-shrinking missing limb feeling. Even Ben’s raging emotions had fallen still.

Millie’s voice brought her back to herself. “Here. You’ll need this.” She held out a credit chip.

Her throat thick and aching, Rey slipped it into a pocket. “Take care of him, Millie,” she whispered.

She hit the controls to lower the boarding ramp.

**Ben**

Ben sat on the floor, his head hanging, his lightsaber dangling between his knees. Rey had stopped banging on the door some time ago. He wondered where she was...but he wasn’t going to open the bond to find out. He began to think he might never be able to open it.

_You may shout at me_, Snoke whispered. _You may hide from or deny it. You may lie to yourself, but it doesn’t change the truth_.

Ben didn’t answer.

_You want the girl. Take her. Where is the difficulty?_

“Because it’s wrong. She’s dependent on me—”

_So she is. All the more reason to give you what you want_.

Ben hit the ignition switch on his lightsaber. The blade spilled out. He thumbed the switch and it disappeared again. “Why are you doing this?”

_You’re in such pain. You deny yourself. You repress every impulse. It makes you weak, always holding yourself back. Keeping yourself down. You twist and cripple your innate strength. I wish to see you reach your full potential_.

“By betraying the trust of the girl I—” Ben bit off the rest.

_Love? There. There is your problem. Thinking of a young man’s natural urges in such terms. What is love but the desire to possess? The imperative to breed? _

Ben cringed at the words, disgusted by the idea of Rey as nothing more than—_that_. He thumbed his lightsaber switch: on and off. _Vsssht, Hhsssht_.

_There is no such thing as love. Trust is simply another word for willful dependence_. _Let go. See the truth_.

He turned the hilt in his hands. The blade leapt out, a shaft of brilliant blue, retreated back in.

_I know you, young Solo. You’ll resist. You’ll tell yourself pretty lies about manhood, about love and honor. But know this—all men are beasts_.

Ben spun the hilt again, bent his head to study it. The weapon was as familiar and comfortable as his own hand. The kyber hummed gently against his own Force energy.

_The oh-so-holy Jedi castrate themselves. They smother themselves so completely they’ve forgotten how to be human. How to **feel**._

Ben thumbed the switch again. The blade swept a blue arc through the air as he turned it.

_But you feel, don’t you, my boy? You feel everything with such intensity. Imagine what it will be like to restrain that. How it will begin to warp and twist you. How what seems abhorrent now may begin to seem reasonable, even right. All your protests forgotten as everything you repress finally bursts free, like magma from a volcano_.

Snoke was right. It was why he’d left Luke—because he refused to be made into someone who _didn’t care_.

_You nearly murdered your parents in their bed when you were only a child. What might you be capable of now?_

Ben curled in on himself as if he could protect himself from the pain, as if he could hide from the unspeakable memory. He turned his lightsaber. The emitter faced him. His thumb hovered over the activation switch.

Snoke’s attention shifted. _What are you doing?_

Ben smiled, cold and triumphant. “Making sure I never hurt Rey.”

_Wait—!_

Ben pressed the activation switch. Blue light burst from the saber’s depths, an explosion cracked. Heat struck him and slammed him backward into darkness.

~oOo~

Ben opened his eyes. A padded ceiling stretched an arm’s-length above him. His ears rang. His hands—they throbbed and seared with pain. He jolted upright.

Millie loomed into his view. Her hard hand on his shoulder pushed him back down. “Lie down. You’ve been injured. Your hands and chest are burned. You have a concussion.”

He lifted his hands. They were encased in transparent bacta dressings. His chest was bare except for bandages.

“There was an explosion,” Millie explained. “When I got the door open, you were on the floor, unconscious.”

He was in the _Falcon’s_ medbed. Squinting against a headache like a vibrosaw, he scanned the common area. “Where’s Rey?”

“She’s not here.”

He sat up again. The headache roared. “Where is she?”

Automatically, he reached out through the bond…

She wasn’t there. Not as far as he could reach.

He lurched out of the bed, staggered and caught himself on the edge. “_Where is she?”_

Millie pushed him back down again. “We need to talk about that.”

“What happened? Did something happen to her?” He struggled to stand again.

“She left.”

Ben sat, stunned. His head pounded. He must’ve heard her wrong. “What?”

Millie kept her hands on his shoulders. “She left. She went to find someone named Snoke.”

Everything in him seized up with horror._ No. No, no, no!_

With one violent motion, he broke Millie’s hold and stood. The world tipped and swayed. He staggered for the hatch.

“Ben, stop!” Millie said. “She’s already gone.”

He slapped the hatch controls. It took him three tries before it opened. He stumbled down the ramp. Gritting his teeth at the pain in his head, he reached out through the Force, through the bond again.

The busy life of the spaceport, the vivid bustle of the town beyond unfurled under his senses, thousands, tens of thousands of lives.

None were Rey.

Panic beat against his ribs like a frantic bird. He staggered another step then slumped against the ramp struts. His stomach heaved. He bent over and retched. Vomit splattered on the ground.

Millie was there again, dragging him back into the ship. “What part of ‘you have a concussion’ do you not understand?”

He wiped his mouth with the back of a hand. “Rey,” he croaked. “She can’t—”

“How many times have you told her she ‘can’t?’ Has it ever made any difference?”

To his horror, a laugh burst out. More laughter wanted to follow. He clamped his jaw tight, bent and braced his hands on the table in front of him, wrestling budding hysteria.

_Stop_, he told himself. _Breathe. Control yourself_.

_How? She’s gone!_

He blocked out the thought, focused on the dejarik table under his hands, the concentric rings of black and white squares. On the metal cylinder resting on it, its walls petaled outward. He squinted. _What_—?

“That’s what exploded,” Millie said.

His lightsaber. Ben fumbled for it with his bacta-swaddled hands. Everything rushed back: Snoke’s voice, the words that made him realize what he had to do. He’d turned his saber toward himself and activated it.

The kyber crystal was visible through the ruptured metal, a faint, stuttering glow marked by the dark line of a crack. The glow wasn’t blue…

It was red.

He’d _bled_ it. When he’d pressed the switch to drive his saber’s blade into himself, he’d infused the kyber with his pain. Instead of killing him, the crystal had shattered.

One more thing he’d ruined. Ben hung his head and gritted his teeth against a sob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry to do this to you. I imagine a lot of us are still feeling a little fragile after TRoS, but I promise we will have a happy ending. I won't put our beloved Rey and Ben through hell without giving them their reward at the end.


	23. Janshi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Ben sees the holo Rey left for him, he's determined to catch her and bring her back. Rey is just as determined not to get caught.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, guys, for the interesting discussion on the last chapter. I love hearing your thoughts.

**Rey - Age 16 - Takodana**

It had taken forever to find a ship where the pilot didn’t look her up and down like a nicely-prepared nerf steak. The courier shuttle Rey finally found was small, very, very fast and probably on Black Sun’s payroll, but a human girl didn’t appeal to the Ithorian pilot and mate—well, other than they’d planned to make money off her on both ends: charge her for passage, then also sell her when they met their contact.

She’d made short work of _that_ plan with her staff.

Rey strode along a well-trodden path. Trees reached branches above that blocked out the sky. There was only dim green light, the chill touch of moist air and the scent of rain-washed greenery.

Her mind kept wandering to Ben. She imagined him finding her message, the look on his face, what he’d do next—

Her chest and throat tightened. No. She had a job to do. She wouldn’t be able to do it if she kept torturing herself. She focused on the echoing calls of birds or animals, the hollow plop of water from wet leaves that dripped onto her shoulders and hair and down her collar.

Something…_shifted_. Rey raised her head. The sounds squeezed into silence. There was a sense of pressure that somehow wasn’t pressure. She sucked in a breath—

Ben suddenly stood in front of her, looking down at her in that intense way of his. Surprise crossed his face.

She took a step back. “How are you here?”

“Where are you?” he asked the same moment.

She reached for him the same moment he reached for her. The _Falcon’s_ crew quarters suddenly, inexplicably replaced the woods around her.

His eyes snapped up from hers, roved around her. “In a forest. Where?”

She gasped and snatched her hand back. “How did you do that?”

“The bond,” Ben said. “It did this before we were together. Do you remember?”

Rey started to shake her head, then she did remember the black-haired boy who appeared out of nothing. It had been so long—

Ben reached for her again. He had bacta dressings on his hands. “Where are you?” he asked again.

She stepped back, avoiding both his hand and the question. “What happened?”

He flicked aside her question with a jerk of his chin. “You have to come back, Rey. Why did you leave?”

“I told you why.”

His face darkened with anger. “You didn’t tell me anything,” he said. “You just _left_. Why would you do that? Why?”

“I left you a holo.” She could see on his face he didn’t know about it. “Did you think I’d go without saying anything?”

“You _did_ leave!”

“I’m going to kill Snoke.”

She might’ve slapped him. He stared openmouthed for a moment. “No! Rey, are you crazy? He’ll kill you!” He reached for her again. “You can’t. Please, come back. This isn’t something you can do.”

“Watch me.”

He closed his eyes and drew a breath. “Listen to me. You don’t know where he is. Even if you find him, how will you fight him? You can’t use the Force.”

“I don’t need the Force.”

“He’s been in my head as long as I can remember!” Ben burst out. “No matter where I am, no matter what I’ve done to try to get him out, he can still reach me. What will he do to you? Rey, _please_. Come back. We’ll find him. We’ll kill him together. Both of us.”

She shook her head. “That won’t work. You just said it—he knows everything you’re thinking. Everything you’re doing.”

“You think he won’t know you’re coming anyway? You think he won’t be ready for you? You won’t stand a chance,” he said harshly.

“There are a lot of people who thought I didn’t stand a chance against them. But I’m still here. Aren’t I?”

He suddenly looked close to tears. “Don’t do this. _Please_. I can’t—can’t lose you. I _can’t_.”

His emotion almost undid her. “I’ll get rid of him. Then I’ll come back. I promise.”

The desperation on his face was painful. “Rey—”

The sense of pressure eased and he disappeared. The sounds of the woods returned, the soft hoots and cheeps of invisible life in the trees.

Rey stood a moment, breathing hard and swallowing down tears.

**Ben**

The holo Rey had left for him flickered and collapsed. Ben sat back in the pilot’s seat with a huff and stared out the viewport at the permacrete walls of the _Falcon’s_ berth.

_I love you, Ben_.

He tried to decide if he misunderstood.

_I love you_.

He ran a hand down his face. Did that make it better, or worse?

_Worse_, he decided. It meant she wouldn’t give up trying to get to Snoke. He had to find her first.

He’d been able to sense her through the bond when they were both young. This time, he didn’t need to search through the galaxy for her. He’d seen the woods she was in when they touched.

Millie’s footsteps clanged on the deck. “Are you done? I already listened to that once. I didn’t want to hear it _four more times_.”

Ben rounded on her. “Did you know?”

She settled into the copilot’s seat. “Did I know she was in love with you? Or that you’re in love with her?”

His face heated.

She gave a dismissive wave. “I’ll never understand why you organics are so touchy about your reproductive drives. How is it any different than eating or survival?”

“Isn’t just _reproduction_.”

He wasn’t going to discuss this. Especially with a droid. He leaned forward to bring up the navicomputer and input coordinates.

“You’re going after her,” Millie said.

Ben just grunted. The bacta dressings on his hands made him fumble at the controls

“Even when she asked you not to.”

He looked up at that. “I’m not going to let her get herself killed. She’s on Takodana. We might be able to catch her.”

Millie stared at him. “She did not tell you where she was going in that holo.”

“No. I saw when I touched her through the Force.”

Millie held up her hands. “No, no, no. No Force. No seeing things through the Force. No _touching people_ through the Force. You’re going to fry my circuits.”

“We’re going to Takodana,” Ben said.

“Takodana. Whatever you say. Just don’t talk to me about the Force.” Millie batted his hands away and started the calculations for the hyperspace jump.

**Maz**

Maz got word of the altercation down by the landing field—two Ithorians, two human men and a girl. By the time her boys got there to settle things down, it was already over. Maz was amused to hear that Ithorians and the men were the ones left cursing and groaning in pain.

Maz waited curiously for the girl. When the Force rippled, she straightened, watching from her place by the bar.

Staff in hand and glancing warily around, Rey came in. Maz waited for Ben Solo’s tall figure to appear in her wake. When he didn’t, Maz was suddenly and absolutely certain something was wrong. She watched a while longer as Rey found a table and ordered food and drink. When the food came, she picked at it slowly.

Maz wandered over, pulled out a chair and hopped into it. “Where’s your other half?”

Rey’s mouth pinched and for a moment, Maz thought she wouldn’t answer. But no, that was Ben’s tactic. Rey had always been the talkative one.

“I left him,” she rushed out, then grabbed a piece of fruit and stuffed it in her mouth as if to keep any more words from coming out.

An ugly suspicion unfurled and Maz narrowed her eyes. “Why?”

Rey swallowed and her face got hard. “Somebody’s hurting him. I’m going to find them and stop them.”

Maz was rarely surprised. She was now. “Wait, wait. Start from the beginning.” Deliberately, she sat back with an encouraging gesture. “Who’s hurting him? What’re they doing?”

Rey had always seemed so bright and outgoing, but Maz sensed there were deep waters there rarely plumbed. She could feel the girl sensing her through the Force, trying to decide if she could trust her. Maz sat quiet and open, letting her.

Finally, Rey flicked a glance around to see if anyone was paying attention, then casually leaned an elbow on the table, not coincidentally bringing her closer to Maz. “He’s been doing it to Ben forever. Whispering to him. Telling him things to make him feel bad about himself, bad about other people.”

A prickle ran up Maz’s back. “Whispering to him…how?”

“In his head,” Rey said. “Ben can’t get away from him. He’s always there.”

Maz frowned. This wasn’t good. This was someone very, very powerful in the Force.

“Usually I can help,” Rey went on, “but…” Her jaw knotted and she glared across the room at nothing in particular. “Ben wouldn’t let me this time.” Her voice had lowered even more. “He locked himself in and wouldn’t come out.”

Maz knew when to speak and when to be silent. She sat and waited.

Rey’s gaze came back to her. “I could feel it, Maz,” she whispered. “Whatever he told Ben, it tore him up. It was like somebody stabbing him over and over. And he just took it.”

Maz suddenly understood. She reached out and took Rey’s fisted hand in her own. “Ben is protecting you, child. What’s happening to him, he’s trying to protect you from it.”

Rey snatched her hand away. “I’m not a _child!”_ she burst out. “_He_ thinks so, too, but I’m not. I’m just as grown up as he is!”

“Rey, when you’re older you’ll understand. When you’ve known someone since they were a little child, you still see that child even when they’re grown.”

Tears shimmered into Rey’s eyes. “Then he’ll _never_ believe I’m grown up! No matter how old I get.”

Another realization hit Maz: Rey was in love with Ben. Oh, she’d been devoted to him as long as Maz had known them; that was obvious. But this was something different. Something much deeper.

“Is that why you’re doing this?” Maz asked. “To prove you’re grown?”

Rey’s eyes narrowed and her fists balled again. “I’m doing it because I’m can’t stand watching Ben tortured by that kriffing parasite anymore. I’m going to find Snoke, and I’m going to make sure he never does it again.”

“Snoke!” Maz breathed. Absently, she folded up her lenses. That explained the power to pry into Ben’s mind no matter where he was. It explained the darkness that twisted through him.

She sat back, studying Rey. She’d always seen Rey’s brightness. She realized now it wasn’t the brightness of a shaft of sunlight through clouds. It was the brightness of a steel blade. There was a hardness and sharpness to it she hadn’t recognized before.

She wouldn’t talk Rey out of this venture. She’d left her beloved Ben to save him, and she’d succeed in her task or die trying. Maz only had to try to keep it from being the latter.

“All right,” Maz said. “But you need a plan. How will you find Snoke?”

For the first time, Rey looked uncertain. “I was hoping you might know.”

Maz made a thoughtful noise. “I hear about strange activity in the Unknown Regions. Shadowy organizations, unexplainable flows of credits. The cartels have some sort of interest there.” She gave Rey a sharp look. “But even I steer clear of cartel dealings. You’re better off going to Luke Skywalker.”

Rey closed up. “No.”

“He’s powerful,” Maz persisted. “If you plan to face Snoke, you’ll need powerful allies.”

Rey gave her a scathing look. “Luke knows about Snoke. He has since Ben was a kid. All he did was tell Ben to focus on the light.” Her lips pressed tight. “And make him ashamed of his darkness.”

Maz sat back. This…wasn’t what she expected. How could Luke fail Ben so miserably? How could he expect a boy to fight such an insidious presence, one he could never escape?

“Are you sure Luke isn’t hunting Snoke too?”

Rey shrugged. “If he is, he hasn’t found him.”

“And you think you can?”

Rey’s lips set in a hard line. “I have to.”

Maz tapped a finger on the table, studying her.

Rey narrowed her eyes. “And don’t think about trying to keep me here until Ben comes.”

Maz just smiled. Rey was instantly out of her chair.

“It’s hard to go anywhere without a ship,” Maz said.

The look on Rey’s face went from betrayed to furious.

“Good thing for you I know the Force at work when I see it.” Maz waved her back down. “Sit down, girl. I’m trying to help you.”

Even after the years with Ben, it was clear that deep down she was still a little wild creature. She eyed Maz warily before settling on the edge of her seat.

Maz could think of many, _many_ dreadful fates that could befall a pretty young woman forced to put herself in the hands of strangers.

Thankfully, Rey was listening. Maz didn’t know much of her history, but she had the sense Rey was no naïve waif.

“I thought I’d find a ship that needs a mechanic,” she ventured.

Maz snorted. “You can do better than that. You need a ship of your own.”

“I don’t have that many credits.”

“Credits won’t buy the ship I have in mind. But you have to find it first. It’s been hidden in the woods for…oh, I don’t know how long. Forever, it seems.” Maz waved a benevolent hand. “If you can get it flying, it’s yours.”

“Where is it?”

“What has Ben been teaching you all these years? Use the Force. Find the ship. Then come back and see me.” Maz hopped off the chair.

“What if Ben comes?” Rey said.

“Better hurry then,” Maz said and ambled back to the bar.

**Rey**

She didn’t have much time. She didn’t know if it was the bond telling her that, or just knowing Ben. She shut herself off from the bond anyway and started into the woods.

The ground was damp and spongy. Sunlight sprinkled her path like raindrops through the leaves, shifting and flickering. The air was heavy with moisture and the rich scent of growing things. Rey trailed her fingers over leaves, wandering deeper into the green twilight.

It was like Jakku—letting her intuition guide her toward what she was looking for. But instead of crawling through dangerous wrecks, she threaded through moss-grown tree trunks, over green-furred boulders and along tangled gullies murmuring with the faint trickle of water.

Eventually, that quiet little sense of _here_ made her stop, the way it had when she’d found her AT-AT. A large hump maybe three or four times her height reared in front of her, sloping down on each end to disappear into the undergrowth. She’d’ve thought it was a boulder, but it was far bigger than any of the others she’d seen and strangely regular in contour. She waded through the soft fronds and nodding leaves toward it.

A riot of mosses and mushrooms and tiny, spray-leaved grasses created a miniature garden on the mound’s surface. Carefully, she sank her fingers into the growth, cool and moist and springy. She closed her fingers and pulled. A patch pulled away with a soft ripping sound to reveal a surface like a beetle’s shell, iridescent green with metallic gold streaks.

Rey caught her breath. “Oh! Beautiful!”

She smoothed a finger along the glossy, faintly grooved surface.

Something rustled in the undergrowth. She snatched her hand back and spun. Leaves moved in a flurry to her right. Another flurry came from behind her. She slipped her staff off her shoulder and scrambled backward. A vine or root snagged her ankle. She went down with a yell, curled fronds and large, palm-shaped leaves closing over her.

Whatever trapped her ankle slid upward, twining over her calf. Rey wrenched to her feet, jabbing into the vegetation with her staff. Another vine—a _tentacle?_—whipped around her waist, caught her arm, restrained it to her side.

White panic flared. She shrieked, thrashing, when a mind brushed hers. Automatically, she snapped up her mental shields. It brushed her again, not an assault or a probe, but a gentle query.

Rey stopped struggling. The tentacles around her had stilled, holding her gently but firmly. Carefully, she lowered her shields and reached out through the Force. A consciousness reached back, curious, then the tentacles began drawing her toward the towering mound. She began to struggle again, but the grip was relentless. When she stood in front of the mound again, they stopped.

The curiosity was still there, now joined by request. She looked down at the shimmering patch she’d cleared and the request turned eager. She shivered. She should be fighting, flailing, doing everything she could to get away. She was scared, yes, her heart pounding so hard she could feel her pulse all through her body. But she didn’t feel threatened. Sinking her fingers into the moss in front of her, she pulled off another patch.

A bright blue gem the size of her head lay underneath. The sense of eagerness grew. The tentacles moved again, slithering over the skin of her wrists and hands. Another slid smooth and cool along her neck and collarbone. She jerked and gave a squeak of alarm. The eagerness she sensed grew to excitement and the tentacles slipped away, releasing her.

More erupted from the undergrowth. They writhed up and over the mound. Bits of moss and vegetation went flying, revealing more shiny green-and-gold surface, gently domed. Dotting the seam between the burnished upper surface and the dull grey plates that disappeared into fronds and leaves, more gems appeared, a line of them. _Eyes_. Rey could sense them studying her the way the tentacle had tasted her skin earlier.

She backed a step, alarmed in spite of herself. “What _are_ you?”

Maz hadn’t said anything about the forest harboring giant tentacled, many-eyed monsters.

The thing rumbled and shook the rest of its mossy covering off. For the first time, a word slipped into her mind: _Janshi_.

An aperture in the underside gapped open. A ribbed structure slid out. Rey watched nervously, then realized what it was—a _boarding ramp_.

“You’re a ship!” she whispered.

A ship with _eyes_. And _tentacles_. And—

“Your name is Janshi?”

A sense of impatient excitement nudged her. She hesitated. A ship that was…_alive? _Maz had sent her into the forest to find a _living ship?_

When she waited too long, a tentacle coiled around her middle again and pulled her, stumbling, to the boarding ramp. Warm, greeny-gold light illuminated the interior. Urged along by the tentacle, she put a cautious foot on the ramp. It was as firm and hard as any other ship’s ramp. The excitement she sensed shaded to approval and pleasure. When she took another step, the tentacle released her.

Rey blew out a breath and stood a moment, trying to calm her galloping heart. At last, she continued the ramp and into the ship.

It was like walking through something’s insides. The corridors were arched and ribbed. Hatches—valves? sphincters?—opened onto rounded chambers. Rey couldn’t resist the urge to touch. She expected squishy or slimy surfaces, but the walls were smooth and rigid. She moved forward, where she expected to find the cockpit.

If it was a cockpit, the space she found didn’t look much like one. There was no viewport, but there were two huge seats like benches. She had an impression of encouragement. Laying her staff down, she climbed up on one seat and sat on the edge, her legs dangling. This must be the way Maz felt in an ordinary chair. She scooted backward to meet the strangely cupped back, folding her legs so they wouldn’t stick straight out.

Rey looked around. No control panel. How—

Greyish-white tendrils waved down from the ceiling and out from the walls. Rey yelped and scrambled out of the chair. The tendrils stopped and curled up like the fingers of a child caught touching something forbidden. A sense of soothing brushed her nerves, the nudge of encouragement.

The tendrils didn’t come nearer, just curled and uncurled. The ends were flattened, like little tongues. She didn’t like them. She didn’t like the soothing, either, like the ship—Janshi—was trying to persuade her into something it knew she wasn’t going to like. She backed away, keeping an eye on the tendrils. A waved of desperate unhappiness washed over her.

She stopped. It felt too much like Ben—

Ben_. Ben is coming, remember?_

And if he caught her, he wouldn’t let her out of his sight again. There’d be no going to kill Snoke without him arguing and pleading and harrying and determined to go with her and ruining any chance of success.

Rey wet her lips and reached out a tentative hand. The tendrils eagerly descended, meeting her halfway. She took one, cool and slightly tacky, in her fingers.

An image burst in her mind: the forest, not just shades of green but also the warm glow of darting, scurrying life, the pulsing aura of electromagnetic waves, all in a sweeping panorama wider than anything she’d ever seen with her own eyes.

She snatched her hand back and the image vanished, giving her a glimpse of the tendrils that had coiled around her hand and wrist releasing her. Blinking hard, she panted. _She’d just seen what Janshi could see_.

This _was_ a cockpit—a control room. The tendrils were the controls, giving her access to the ship’s capabilities. No wonder there wasn’t a viewport. Why have one when the pilot could see though Janshi’s senses?

At the edges of her mind, the ship jittered with suppressed excitement and hope.

Was she going to do this? She edged back to the oversized bench. The tendrils drifted hopefully after her. She put a hand on the bench, then hopped up again.

“I can do this,” she whispered to herself. “I can do this.”

She only flinched when the tendrils reached for her again. They paused, giving her a chance to settle and ready herself, then slowly uncoiled and touched her.

Rey jerked again, then deliberately stilled. With a faint, tingling prickle, they pressed themselves to her temples and forehead, to the pulse points under her jaw and the dip where her spine tucked into her skull. Soothing warmth seeped into her, loosening tense muscles. Tendrils coiled around her arms, into the insides of her elbows and across the backs of her hands. The same warmth spread up her arms, into her chest.

Strength flowed into her, the sense of a huge, powerful body guided by a tiny spark of life at its center. They sat like that a while, sensing each other, the ship letting the pilot settle and calm, the pilot feeling the ship’s pleasure and satisfaction. It didn’t speak in words, but Rey found it easier to translate its thoughts that way.

Right now, it was thinking, _yes, good, calm_.

Rey stirred, resisting the impulse to jump up and run. Perception much larger than her own spread through her mind, almost overwhelming. “It’s…strange.”

_calm, good. happy_.

She could feel the ship was _very_ happy. Her heart beat too hard. It wasn’t strange—it was _terrifying_.

_calm, good_, Janshi reassured her. _fly_.

_Fly_— “Can you?”

The ship wiggled impatiently. She felt the strength in her body again, the way it felt to leap into the air and soar.

She did it. A rumbling purr vibrated through the ship/through her body. A powerful thrust burst outward/the muscles of her legs bunched. Leaves and trees blurred past. There was the thwack and snap of branches against the hull/her skin and the periwinkle sky and high-piled, bluish clouds of late afternoon reared around the ship/around her.

It was hard getting used to this shared perception: a combination of giddy elation and scrambling terror. When she tilted too far toward terror, the ship reassured her. It dipped and swooped and climbed, demonstrating until she grew confident enough to try some maneuvers on her own. It reminded her of when Ben had taught her to fly the _Falcon_, his big hands guiding her much smaller ones. It was that familiarity that finally allowed her to relax a little.

Maz’s castle wasn’t as far as she thought; then again, she’d been on foot, scrambling over fallen trunks and boulders. The lake beyond shimmered like hammered brass splotched with cloud shadow. They flew that way, the castle growing larger and more foreshortened. The landing field came into view, cluttered with ships of every description.

There was an open space. “Is it big enough?”

_good_, came back, and she could feel the way the ship/her body fit the space.

She thought of slowing down, turning to land neatly, gently; and it happened. The tendrils withdrew and she was back on the huge bench in the windowless control room.

Rey blew out a shaky breath. Her legs weren’t entirely steady when she slid to her feet. Janshi’s pleasure and pride warmed and buoyed her.

She patted the wall as she left the control room. “That…wasn’t too bad.”

Amusement rippled through the ship.

Maz was waiting for her. Of course she was. With Rey’s satchel and gear.

She smirked. “Looks like you have a ship.”

People had come out of their own ships—and from the castle, it seemed—to gawk. Rey turned, seeing Janshi in its entirety for the first time. Sleek, curving lines, beetle-green on top, dull grey plates underneath. The tentacles lay flat in grooves along its sides, extending beyond the ship’s gracefully pointed tail. The line of blue eyes glittered like jewels in the sunlight.

_Does it have engines?_ Rey wondered giddily. _Repulsors? How the kriff does it fly?_

“I think,” Rey said. “I think the ship has _me_.” She toyed with the strap of her staff, everything suddenly too much. “I don’t even know where to go,” she whispered.

Maz folded her arms. “I was going to talk to you about that. You should go to Leia.”

Rey frowned. “She sent—”

Maz waved her words away. “…Ben away. I know. But if anyone knows where to begin looking for Snoke, it will be her.”

Rey didn’t want anything to do with someone who could _send their own kid away_. She opened her mouth to argue again.

A very familiar presence suddenly pulsed through the Force.

“_Kriff_.” She looked up into the sky. “Ben is here.”

“There’s a base on D’Qar,” Maz said quickly. “Leia is —”

“D’Qar, right,” Rey repeated, scrambling for her satchel and gear. “Thank you.” She dropped to her knees to hug Maz. She didn’t remember her being so _small_. “For the ship. For everything.”

Max cupped one cheek in a long-fingered hand. “Rey, child—”

“Don’t you start, too.” Rey stood in one smooth movement. “I have to go.”

“Rey, wait,” Maz said. “In your bag. I put—”

At that moment, another ship lifted off, the rumble of its engines drowning out her voice.

Rey was already darting for her own ship. She gave Maz a frantic wave before she ran up the ramp and inside.

Janshi was vibrating in response to her own jumping nerves. Rey didn’t hesitate this time when the tendrils descended, just settled back in the too-large pilot’s seat and let them wind around and settle themselves on her.

The ship smoothly accelerated through the atmosphere. The heat and rumble of friction diminished then faded as they broke out into the black of space. Through Janshi’s eyes, Rey looked for other ships. Her view flickered, then a glowing orange shape appeared. She frowned, trying to figure out what it was, when Ben’s voice spoke in her ear.

“Rey. I know you’re there.”

She whipped around to look for him. She couldn’t see the cockpit. Instead, her view was of space, the glow of the other ship, and Takodana’s mottled, half-lit globe through Janshi’s multitude of eyes.

“Get in position for docking,” Ben’s voice said in her ear. “Or head back to the planet. I don’t care.”

She had no idea what passed for a comm on a living ship, but apparently she processed the signal as his voice beside her.

She didn’t bother answering, just swung the ship away from the _Falcon_ and accelerated. The purring hum that was Janshi’s propulsion system rose in pitch.

“We need to jump to hyperspace,” she told the ship. “Now.”

The _Falcon_ was gaining on them, the orange glow acquiring a rippling sheen of blue and yellow as it took on the _Falcon’s_ familiar disk shape.

Green bolts shot across the bow/in front of her face.

“I’m not bluffing, Rey,” Ben’s voice said. “I’ll disable your ship. Dock or land. You choose.”

Janshi’s surprise and anger echoed in her—or maybe she was only feeling what the ship did. A rumble quaked through its frame and a jet of blue plasma erupted.

“No!” Rey shouted, panicked. “Don’t shoot at him!”

The _Falcon_ pulled up, the plasma bolt narrowly skating underneath. The other ship rushed past overhead close enough that Rey caught a glimpse of Ben in the gunner’s turret. Janshi came around, lining up for another shot.

“Don’t shoot! Just jump to lightspeed! Do it!”

She knew nothing about this ship, what it could do, what it couldn’t. For all she knew—

Everything went black. Cold and pressure bore down on her. She felt simultaneously crushed and torn apart. She screamed, but no sound came out.

_calm! calm!_ Janshi’s insistent reassurance wrapped her, suffocated her terror.

As she suddenly disconnected from the ship, the cockpit took shape around her again. She sat shaking and crying, huddled against the back of the enormous seat. She scrambled up. The tendrils released her, but she could still feel Janshi’s distress.

She _couldn’t_ sense Ben anymore.

“Did you hit it? Did you hit the _Falcon?”_

She turned, turned again, _wishing_ for some way to see outside. She bolted from the cockpit, along the arched corridor. There were nothing but solid walls. Frantic, she reached out through the Force—

And met complete nothingness. Even the bond felt empty.

“_Did you kill Ben?”_ she shouted.

The ship’s distress beat at her even as it smothered her with calm. She slapped it away. Fear and horror thrashed in her middle. Clenching her fists, she stopped, closed her eyes and reached out with all her strength.

Nothing. Then…

A flicker through the bond. _Ben_. Somewhere far away now, but definitely Ben. A breath burst out of her and she opened her eyes again. Janshi fluttered at the edges of her mind, anxious and worried.

Rational thought began to return. That crushing darkness—it must be another way to move between star systems. Not hyperspace. Folded space, wormholes, pocket gates…something like that. She and Ben had studied a little astrogation together. She knew the concepts.

Rey leaned against the corridor wall. “I’m sorry,” she said to the ship. “I was scared. And—”

She thought of the burst of shock that had come through the bond when they fired on the _Falcon_. Her chest tightened.

Ben had only fired a warning shot. Janshi had fired for a direct hit.

He thought they’d shot to kill.

“You can’t fire on that ship. Do you understand?”

Janshi was confused. She felt a burst of outrage from the ship and remembered Ben’s threat to disable it.

“He’s my— The man on that ship. He’s…everything. You can’t ever hurt him._ Ever_.”

The ship was still confused, but she sensed acquiescence. It didn’t understand but would do as she asked.

Somewhere far away, Ben was in unhappy turmoil. Squeezing her eyes shut, Rey folded her arms tight and hugged herself.

**Ben**

The ship—thing—whatever it was Rey was on disappeared. Not the stretch-and-snap disappearance of a ship going to lightspeed. Just vanished. Gone.

So was Rey. He couldn’t sense her in the Force. Not in the bond. Ben shot to his feet, his heart hammering. He reached out with all his strength. Nothing. He took the ladder out of the gunner’s turret two rungs at a time.

Snoke’s voice broke in on him. _Pathetic. Have you no pride? First the girl abandons you without a word. Now she attempts to kill you_.

Ben stopped in the corridor He leaned against the wall, head hanging and fists clenched.

_Of course you know why_, Snoke went on. _She knows you want her. She fled the moment she realized. And for **this**, you’d have thrown away your life_.

“No,” he muttered. Rey loved him. He hugged her words to him.

_Oh, yes_, Snoke said. _After everything you’ve done for her, she left you in pain. Did I not tell you? Love is a lie. And what you feel for her repulses her_.

Ben shoved himself off the wall, glaring. “No!”

The Force pressed down, pushing away and silencing Snoke. Ben whipped around, knowing what it meant.

Rey sat with her face in her hands, seemingly unaware of his presence. Her shoulders shook, and there was a soft sound of sniffling.

Ben’s heart clenched. He crouched and smoothed the hair back from her forehead. Her surroundings appeared: she sat on the edge of a large, dish-shaped object. The walls around her were smooth, curving up to a rounded ceiling. Her head jerked up, her eyes wide on his.

“Why did you fire on me, Rey?” His voice cracked at the end.

“I told him to stop!” she blurted.

Ben drew his hand back and the _Falcon’s_ corridor reappeared. His eyes narrowed. “Who?”

“Janshi.”

“Who is Janshi?” he rumbled.

She gave him that look she did sometimes, when she thought he was being unreasonable. “My ship.”

He blinked. The sudden, unthinking jealousy fell away. “Your _ship_ shot at me…by itself.”

“It’s alive.” She glanced away. “I don’t have it all the way figured out yet.”

“I watched the holo,” he said.

She wouldn’t meet his eyes.

“Come back, Rey. You don’t have to do this.”

Her lips set in a hard line and she shook her head.

“We can do it together. You know we can. Snoke can’t get to me when you’re with me.”

Her eyes leapt to his, blazing. “He got to you when you were locked in the training room, didn’t he? You wouldn’t let me in. You shut me out and you wouldn’t let me help you. I begged and begged.”

Snoke’s words bubbled up through his throat like bile. Like poison. “He said love is a lie. It’s nothing more than _breeding_.”

She shot to her feet, quivering. “That’s why I’m going to kill him!”

Ben loomed to his feet, too, towering over her. “How are you going to find him? All I have to do is tell him I’m coming and he’ll make sure I get to him. How will you, by yourself?”

“The same way I find anything I want.” She glared up at him, not backing a centimeter. “The same way I found my ship.”

He scrambled for a way to convince her. “Don’t lie to yourself. The only way you’ll get there is with _me_.”

He could feel her anger and determination, but they were like a distraction, a shield against something else. He quieted his desperation, opening himself to carefully sense for it: hurt. Hurt, and sadness.

The look on her face was the one he knew from Jakku. “You should’ve thought about working together before you shut me out.”

The bond closed and she disappeared, leaving only the empty corridor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really, really wanted to have Janshi in Darkness, Take My Hand. Kylo refused to give up his Silencer, though, so it didn't work out.
> 
> Janhsi was influenced by a few things. The first is that I've always loved the idea of sentient inanimate objects. I've had sentient cars and books in some of my other stories. Another influence is from an A.E. van Vogt story I read as a kid called ["Enchanted Village."](https://www.prosperosisle.org/spip.php?article332#EnchantedVillage) (I had to do some googling to find the author and title.) The story is about a space explorer who gets stranded in an alien city. The longer he's there, the more the city adapts itself to him. The last and most obvious is Farscape's Moya. In fact, I used Moya for the moodboard for this chapter.


	24. Ben - Age 27/Rey - Age 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey meets Leia and is _not_ impressed, then Ben is driven to desperate measures.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's back to work for me this week, so I'm afraid the updates will be less frequent. I hope this extra-long chapter will tide you over for a bit. Thank you for all the love you've given me. Having you read my story and getting to hear what you think is such a thrill. I always appreciate it! 💖

**Rey - Janshi**

It was hard, keeping the bond closed. Exhausting. No—worse than that. It reminded Rey of a scavenger she’d heard about. Some wreckage had shifted and trapped his arm. He’d spent days trying to work himself free, hoping someone would hear his cries. He finally had to cut off his own arm to escape.

It had been a scary story when she was a kid. A warning: _be careful, be aware of your surroundings_. Now—

Now she knew what that man must’ve felt like. The desperation. The bone-deep pain.

She couldn’t help but slip when she was asleep, though. She thought Ben might’ve come to her a few times then. Once she dreamt that fingers brushed her hair, his voice whispering her name. Then even softer, “Come back.”

She’d started awake to the faint orange glow of the corridor outside her quarters. For a moment, she couldn’t distinguish between Ben’s sadness and longing and her own. It hurt even worse to shut herself off from the bond that time.

Maybe it was why she decided to start peeking. Open the bond for just a moment to check on him, make sure he was okay. He couldn’t find her that way, right?

She sat on the edge of her bunk, swinging her legs and trying to decide if it was too soon to peek again. Twisting the hem of her shirt between finger and thumb, she bit her lip and cracked open the bond.

It was like the Force was waiting to pounce. That sense of focused pressure came, squeezing out all sound but that of her breathing.

She scrambled to shut the bond again when Ben appeared in her bunk, almost too big for the space. If his knees hadn’t been drawn up, he would’ve been. He lay on his side, asleep, one large, bare arm folded at his waist, the other tucked under the pillow. Seeing him, she couldn’t bear to cut herself off.

His hair had grown; the messy black waves covered half his face. There were dark, bruised circles under his eyes that broke her heart. Rey fought the temptation to smooth his hair back, to lean down and kiss the corner of his mouth, relaxed in sleep.

Imagining his reaction if he were to wake up cured her of that wild notion. How shocked he’d be. Would he be angry too? Embarrassed? Horrified that his student thought of him that way?

She gathered herself to shut the bond again, then unable to stop herself, laid her fingertips on his arm in the lightest of touches.

His hand whipped up. He had her by the wrist before she could even think of reacting. She gasped and automatically pulled against his grip. His bunk on the _Falcon_ materialized around him.

He pushed up on one elbow and scanned her surroundings. “Where are you?”

She glared at him. “You weren’t asleep.”

“I was until I felt you here.” He sat up, not releasing her wrist. “You’re wearing my shirt.”

Her face heated but she raised her chin. “It’s comfortable. I like to sleep in it.”

He went right back to same question he started with. “Where are you?”

“In my bunk.”

His lips tightened in suspicion. “It looked like a big dish last time.”

“Janshi…changes things for me. Like my bunk.”

She rubbed a fold of the blanket between her fingers. It wasn’t woven, but a soft sheet of matted fibers he’d somehow extruded. And when she crawled into her bunk, it was always just the right temperature. Her quarters had a viewport now, too, a transparent oval that showed the glittering starfield beyond.

“He makes me food.” She wrinkled her nose. “It’s better than what I ate on Jakku.”

“Come back, and I’ll make sure you have real food.”

“Not until I kill Snoke.”

He snorted. “You’ll never find him.”

“I’ll find him.”

“How?” he jeered.

She cocked her head. “I went to Ilum.”

That got his attention. “_What?”_

“I remembered you told me about when you went, that Snoke knew about it,” she went on. “I was going to let them capture me the way you did, but they seemed more interested in shooting us down.”

“_Rey_—”

“Don’t worry. Janshi just pops into Slip when things get too hot.” ‘Slip’ was how Janshi thought of that crushing dark that passed for his version of hyperspace. “Then I started thinking, if they captured us, they might try to dissect Janshi. So I left.”

“Come back.” Ben sounded—and felt—half-panicked. “All I have to do is tell Snoke I’m coming to him. You won’t have to search for him.”

She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Ben, are you listening to yourself? Do you really believe if you show up with me, either of us will be able to kill him?”

“Rey, _please_. You’re going to get yourself killed. Just come back.”

“Stop saying that!” she flared. “You _want_ me to die?”

He recoiled. “No!”

“Then don’t tell me I will!” she said. “You don’t survive thinking that way.”

“No. You survive by not being _stupid_,” he shot back.

They glared at each other, breathing hard.

Ben closed his eyes and ran a hand down his face. “At least get help. Go to Luke—” She opened her mouth to argue and he held up his free hand. “Or my mother.”

She eyed him, suspicious, sensing through the bond. “Why?”

“If she knows Snoke is behind Ilum, she’ll want to do something about him. Tell her what we found when I went there with Luke.”

“She’ll help me just like that,” Rey scoffed.

He hesitated. “No. You’ll have to convince her. But you won’t have to face Snoke alone.”

She laid her hand on his where he still held her wrist. “I’m going to kill him, Ben. He’s hurt you for too long. He’ll keep on hurting you. It has to stop.”

His head drooped a moment, his hair hiding his face. “I know.” He looked up again. “Just…” He shook his head. “Please. _Please_. Don’t try to do it alone.”

The Force released them. Rey sat staring at the empty space in her bunk, her hand over where his had been.

**Rey - D-Qar**

Navigating Janshi had been a problem. The ship had its own charts, but they weren’t anything Rey could read. Once she’d picked up a basic navigation holo, Janshi very conveniently changed his to match hers.

The cockpit had a viewport now, too, transparent oval lenses like the one in her quarters that let her see out with her own eyes. The huge benches had shrunk and shaped themselves to fit her frame, the way her bunk had.

Connected to Janshi by the control tendrils (she almost didn’t flinch anymore when they descended on her), she studied the nav chart. D’Qar. Way out on the southern arm of the galaxy beyond the Mid Rim.

It did occur to her to wonder if it was a trap. If “go to my mother” meant Ben would be lying in wait for her, and either he or his mother or both would pounce the moment she appeared. Rey couldn’t use the Force; all they had to do was lock her up someplace tight enough she couldn’t escape.

The desperation she sensed from Ben didn’t rule it out. And actually, she wouldn’t put it past him. Somehow, she didn’t think it was a trick.

She blew out a breath. “Okay, Janshi. Let’s go to D’Qar.”

He’d been sensing her upset and unhappiness all day. Now that she was in the pilot’s seat and they were going somewhere, he said, _good. go_.

The darkness of Slip took them. He’d quickly learned that the sensations scared the kriff out of her, so now there was only blank nothing, none of that crushing, tearing suffocation, like something trying to eat her alive.

They blinked back into realspace. A pale green planet with a thin, rocky ring system filled the view. Heat signatures flared to life on Janshi’s sensors: ships scrambling to meet them.

She blew out another breath. “No shooting, okay? This isn’t like Ilum. If we shoot at them, they won’t talk to us. And I need to talk to them.”

_no fire,_ he said grudgingly.

They both anxiously watched the approaching ships.

“Let me comm them,” Rey said, then, “My name is Rey. I need to see Leia Organa.”

The ships were in visual range now, five X-wing fighters climbing up out of the soft blur of atmosphere. There was a stretched silence before someone finally blurted, “What the hell _are_ you?”

“I’m _human_,” Rey said, annoyed. “And I need to talk to Leia Organa. I have information for her.”

“We’ll escort you down,” came back after a briefer silence. “Can you land that…_thing?”_

Janshi was offended.

“That _thing_ is my ship,” Rey said. “And yes, we can land.”

“Follow our lead. Don’t deviate from our flight path or we will fire.”

Rey blinked. _Well. That was easy_. She frowned. Maybe too easy. When she thought about the _don’t deviate from our flight path_ part, she decided it really wasn’t easy at all, and she might be in trouble. She comforted herself with the knowledge that she knew exactly where to hit an X-wing to disable it… But there were five.

“Janshi, can you go into Slip in atmosphere?”

_anywhere_.

“Okay. Good.” She thought a moment. “But don’t unless I tell you. Or unless they fire on us.”

_not good_.

“I know. We’ll be careful.”

The X-wings guided them down through the atmosphere to the green swells of hills. Curls of mist lay like gauzy scarves in the dips. A landing field lay between grass-domed humps more regular than the surrounding hills—some kind of underground structures.

Janshi set down gently as the fighters landed around them. Rey swung out of the pilot’s seat and headed aft, to her quarters. There were pockets and niches for her clothes and other belongings. One sealed pocket opened to her touch only. She slid her hand in and withdrew the item inside.

It was a lightsaber—that was what Maz had put into her bag. Rey thought it must’ve belonged to a man; it was heavy and too big for her hand.

She’d handled Ben’s lightsaber before; this one felt strangely similar. When she’d first picked it up, she’d sensed something like startlement from the kyber crystal. It had quickly warmed, reaching out to her with a certain welcoming friendliness. She’d wondered then, as she had many times since, who it had belonged to and why it seemed happy to be with her.

She hefted it in her hand now. She could sense Janshi’s anxious attention.

“Don’t worry,” she told him. “I won’t light it. I promise.”

She’d made the mistake of igniting it inside the ship that first time. Janshi had _screamed_ in her head, terrified. She couldn’t blame him. If someone lit a fire in her guts, she wouldn’t be happy, either.

She clipped it to her belt, slung her staff over her shoulder and made her way to the boarding ramp.

She took a deep breath. “Okay. Don’t let anyone mess with you.”

_don’t touch_.

The airlock gaped open and the ramp extended. Rey marched out.

She didn’t like the armed and armored group that met her outside. She didn’t like all the staring people behind them.

A woman and a man stepped forward. Their blasters weren’t pointed at her—not quite.

“Your weapon, please,” the woman said.

Rey liked that even less. “You have your weapons. I’ll keep mine.”

The man made a sound like stifled laugh.

The woman didn’t find it funny. She brought her blaster up. “Your weapon. Now.”

Rey didn’t bother with her staff this time. She snapped the lightsaber free and ignited it.

After meeting the Jedi on Elphrona, Rey had pestered Ben to show her how to block blaster shots. She’d never actually _done_ it. She’d find out now if she could.

Blasters whined around her as safeties came off. Rey bared her teeth, adrenaline spiking through her. Janshi made a sound like sliding metal. Everyone jumped.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” someone shouted. “Stand down!”

A man in an orange flight suit waded into the tense scene.

“Commander Dameron,” the woman began.

“That’s a _lightsaber_,” said the man, Dameron. “The General will definitely want to see her.”

He turned to Rey. He was blindingly good-looking, with dark curly hair and a shadow of stubble on his face. He smiled, white teeth gleaming in his olive face. “Rey, right?”

She gave a short, sharp nod, still holding the lightsaber ready.

“We don’t know you, and I’m sure you understand we can’t take you to the General armed.”

Rey thought about it. “Then I can meet her here. You have your blasters.”

The woman guard spluttered. “You can’t— The General can hardly—”

Dameron started to say something when the Force rippled. A _lot_. Rey swung around. _The Jedi!_ she thought, her heart lurching into her throat.

“All right, everyone calm down,” a woman’s voice said, a little rough. “I’ll handle this.”

The whole atmosphere changed. The guards kept their eyes on Rey, but everyone else straightened. Rey followed their collective gazes to a woman whose fatigues and vest stood in stark contrast to her elaborately braided greying hair. A woman she’d seen on holos a hundred times.

Leia Organa Solo, Ben’s mother.

She was so _small!_ She came to about Rey’s nose. How did Ben come out so _big?_

She was like Ben in the Force, a thrum of power. Though Ben had said _she_ didn’t use the Force, either.

She stopped in front of Rey and looked her up and down. “You’ve grown since I saw you last.”

The crowd around them was suddenly, deafeningly silent.

“Saw me?” Rey repeated blankly.

Leia waved imperiously at the guards. “This young woman didn’t save my life to come assassinate me now. Stand down.”

The guards lowered their weapons and shuffled backward. Dameron’s brows were raised.

Rey realized she still held a lit lightsaber. She quickly deactivated it but kept it in hand.

Dameron looked between her and Leia. “Saved your life? When?”

“She left me the note telling me to run.” Leia gave a small, knowing smile. “Before the Napkin Bombing.”

Leia already knew who she was. Rey took a step back in alarm.

The older woman raised a hand, a clear command to stop. “I think we have a lot to talk about.” She glanced around at the goggling guards and ground crew and assorted pilots. “Not here. Come with me.”

Rey started to obey automatically, then set her feet. “Where?”

Leia turned slowly, brows raised. “Somewhere we can sit down comfortably and drink some caf.”

Rey eyed her, trying to sense her through the Force.

“You wanted to talk,” Leia said. “Isn’t that why you’re here?”

“Yes.” Rey started after her, fighting the instinct telling her to run.

She somehow hadn’t pictured being surrounded by so many people with blasters. _Well_, she told herself, _it would’ve been the same if I’d let them capture me on Ilum_.

At least here she got to keep her staff and lightsaber.

**Leia**

Leia led the way down into the dimness and subdued babble of the underground base, ignoring the way the voices quieted as they approached then rose up again in whispers after they’d passed.

The girl was all prickly wariness and tension, exactly what Leia would expect from someone who’d grown up in a place like Jakku. Leia’s lips quirked. Ben must’ve had his hands full.

But her presence in the Force! Leia could see how he’d sensed her halfway across the galaxy. The girl was like standing next to the sun.

The door to her office whisked open. Leia settled in one of the chairs drawn up to a small table, a wave of the hand inviting Rey to sit as well.

Rey didn’t sit, just stood gripping that lightsaber like a lifeline. Her eyes darted between Leia and Poe, who’d come with them.

“Poe,” Leia said in her smoothest Princess of Alderaan tones, “Could you ask someone to bring caf? And maybe a couple of those Gatelentan pastries Joph baked.”

Poe clearly didn’t want to leave her alone with this hair-trigger girl. She gave a reassuring smile and nod. Poe made an unhappy face but went out.

Rey relaxed a fraction, but still didn’t sit.

“Sit down,” Leia said kindly. “I won’t bite.”

The girl bristled but clipped the lightsaber to her belt, slung a competent-looking staff off her shoulder and sat. That lightsaber—

_No_, Leia thought. First things first.

“How is my son?”

Rey gave her a look she couldn’t decipher. “I came for information. I have information to trade.” She clamped her mouth shut.

Leia waited, keeping her face smooth and her posture relaxed. Rey glared—not directly at Leia, but still.

“Ben _is_ my son,” Leia finally said. “I think I deserve to know what he’s been doing and how he is.”

Now Rey did glare at her. “Why do you care? You _sent him away_.”

_Ah-ha_. If it were anyone else, she’d say it wasn’t their business. But this girl, who Ben had made a braid for that said _cherished_…

“I did what I thought was best for him at the time.”

“It _wasn’t_ best,” Rey shot back.

Leia couldn’t bring herself to be angry in the face of that kind of love and devotion. “I know that now,” she said gently. “I’ve known it for a while.” She paused, considering, then said, “Ever since he begged me to find a little girl on Jakku and rescue her.”

Rey’s mouth fell open in surprise. “He never told me.”

“My husband tried,” Leia said. “He couldn’t find you.”

Rey was suddenly flustered, looking everywhere but at Leia. The door opening to Kaydel with caf and food saved the moment. Poe hovered anxiously outside. In the bustle of plates and pots and cups, Leia excused herself.

“We need to make sure that girl stays put,” she said in a low voice. “I have a feeling she’s taking on more than she can handle.”

Poe nodded once. “I’ll take care of it.” He strode off.

Rey was eyeing the spread on the table like a hungry rancor. She waited as Leia seated herself and served. Leia could see Ben’s influence in her straight back and the hands politely clasped on one knee. Rey didn’t take her cup until Leia had first picked up hers.

_Oh, Ben_, she thought, swallowing down the sudden thickness in her throat. Although, she reconsidered wryly, Rey might’ve been waiting to make sure what she’d been served was safe.

“Where did you get your lightsaber?” Leia asked conversationally.

She didn’t miss the way Rey tensed. “Someone gave it to me.”

“I see. Do you know who it belonged to?”

“No. But it—”

Leia waited again.

“It seems…_familiar_,” Rey said.

More and more interesting. “It belonged to my brother, Luke. Before that it was his father’s.”

_Luke’s_ father. She still couldn’t bring herself to think of that _monster_ as having sired her.

Rey frowned. “Then how did—” She shut her mouth.

Leia took a sip of caf. “Luke lost it when he fought Darth Vader on Bespin.”

“Your _father_.” It was a deliberate hit—Rey was glaring again.

Sighing, Leia put her cup down. “I suppose Ben didn’t take the news well.”

“No. He didn’t.” Rey was vibrating with fury, her fists clenched on her knees. “How could you let him find out like that? On the _holonet_.”

“Let me guess. He flew into a rage. He destroyed things.” It briefly occurred to Leia how young Rey must’ve been when it happened. How had _she_ handled it? “Do you think he’d have taken it any better from me?”

The girl’s fury cooled to something chill and dangerous. “Do you know why he does that? Do you know what Snoke whispers to him when he’s upset and afraid? Do you know how he tortures Ben?”

Leia, was suddenly, inexpressibly tired. She rubbed her forehead. “He never would tell us.”

“He tells _me_. That’s why I’m going to kill Snoke.”

A laugh escaped her before she could stop it. Leia suddenly understood why Rey had appeared at a heavily-guarded military base, all alone. This girl, this _child_, would take on the whole galaxy for Ben’s sake. She had no idea how inadequate she made Leia feel.

“Sweetheart, if a teenage girl could kill Snoke, we wouldn’t be in the trouble we are.”

Rey drew herself up in all her young pride.

_Gods, what a daughter this girl would make. Better than any self-important noblewoman or heiress_. The thought popped unbidden into Leia’s mind.

“I have information for you,” Rey said again. Her voice held a princely formality. Leia could almost hear Ben—or herself—in it. “If you’ll tell me where to find Snoke.”

“I don’t know where to find Snoke.” Rey shifted and opened her mouth. Leia held up a hand to quiet her. “Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell you so you could go off and get yourself killed.”

Rey narrowed her eyes, obviously calculating. “What if I can get you close?”

Leia shifted tactics. She could only deal with this girl as an adult. She wouldn’t listen otherwise. “I haven’t offered you a fair trade. Why tell me anything?”

“Because Ben would want me to. He doesn’t want another Alderaan.”

It hit Leia like a punch, how much she’d discounted and slighted Ben. Every word from this girl showed her more clearly. “Go on,” she said.

The story spilled out. An installation on Ilum, in the Unknown Regions. Luke’s expedition there ten years ago, what Ben had seen.

“I was there a couple of months ago,” Rey said. “A whole wing of TIEs came after me. It’s more complete than what Ben described. There’s a shield around the whole planet now, but my ship can get inside it.” Rey leaned forward. “You bring your ships. I’ll get inside and get the shield down so you can attack.”

“And then you’ll…what?” Leia said. It actually wasn’t a half-bad plan.

“Someone there will know where Snoke is. I’ll find out.”

Leia nodded. If she agreed, it would keep the girl with them while they worked out a solid plan. By the time they implemented it, she might be convinced to listen to reason.

“I’ll ask you to accept my authority,” Leia said. “An operation like this won’t work with everyone off on their own agenda.”

Rey didn’t like it. That was clear enough. “How long—”

The sound of some sort of commotion echoed through the base. Rey was instantly on her feet, her staff in hand, looking in the direction of the noise.

“Janshi—” Her brows went down. She gave Leia one scathing look and bolted for the door.

**Rey**

Leia called behind her as Rey ran through the base. Most people got out of her way. A few shouted and tried to intercept her. A wild scream and some swipes of her staff put a stop to that. The sound of blaster shots echoed down into the dim, root-grown space.

Rey pounded up the stairs. A couple of guards came down, blasters drawn. She slammed the butt of her staff into the belly of the man in the lead. When he doubled over, she knocked the blaster out of the hands of the one behind and swept his legs out from under him. She leapt over both of them and charged out into the blinding brightness of the landing field.

Guards crowded around Janshi, blasters drawn and jittering back and forth as if searching for a good shot. Somewhere beyond them, a man was screaming. Rey saw why when he swung into view over their heads, two of Janshi’s tentacles wrapped around him.

_Kriff!_ She ran for Janshi, ignoring the shouts and pounding footsteps behind her. The man appeared above the guards’ heads again. It was Dameron.

Janshi was _hissing_ as he slung him around. The guards didn’t dare fire for fear of hitting him.

The ship’s furious voice burst in her mind: _don’t touch. DON’T TOUCH!_

Rey’s own fury burst through her. They’d tried to do something to Janshi. Damn them!

She shoved through the guards. “_What did you do to my ship?”_ she shouted up at Dameron.

Dameron didn’t answer, only screamed curses.

Rey spat a few curses of her own. “Put him down, Janshi.”

_touch! no good!_

“I know. But I want to talk to him.” She was aware of the mutters behind her. Janshi plunked Dameron down none-too-gently. With him in front of her, the guards wouldn’t shoot her, either.

He stumbled backward, his handsome face pale and sheened with sweat. “What the kriff is it?”

Rey got in his face. “What did you do to him?”

“I just— We were only trying—” he stammered.

“Trying to keep me from leaving,” she finished for him. “Well, I am. Do _not_ try to stop me.”

Recovering with admirable speed, Dameron gave her a jaunty grin. “Don’t be too sure about that.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Rey saw the guards taking aim at Janshi.

“Don’t!” She jumped in front of them, arms outspread. “He’ll fire on you!”

From somewhere behind her, a woman’s voice said, “I got it, Commander Dameron.”

All at once, Dameron shouted, a blaster popped, Janshi hissed. In the same instant, a tentacle whipped around Rey’s middle and snatched her backward. She had a confused view of Dameron tackling a guard, blaster shots going wild. The next moment she collided with something soft that went, “Oof!”

A black-haired woman in drab coveralls grabbed for Rey the same time Rey grabbed for her. Janshi was still dragging her, propelling her up the boarding ramp. With Rey’s hands fisted in her coveralls, the woman was dragged along, too. The two of them tumbled inside. The boarding ramp retracted with a slither and the hatch snapped shut.

“Hey!” The woman scrambled backward, crab-wise.

_Hostage_, a cold, ruthless part of Rey’s mind said, the part from surviving nine years on Jakku.

“Go!” she shouted to Janshi. “Get out of here!”

“It’s pretty hard when you _shut _the_ hatch!”_ the woman shouted back, obviously thinking Rey was talking to her.

Janshi’s engines whined. Rey sprang to her feet and darted forward. She heard the woman scrambling again behind her but didn’t bother looking, just slid into the cockpit and piled into the pilot’s seat. The woman’s voice and some thumping came from back by the hatch. There was a lurch and a swing as the ship went airborne.

“Get up here and strap in,” Rey yelled back to her.

Nothing but sky was visible outside the viewport as the ship climbed. Orange and yellow flared in Janshi’s view as the X-wings below fired their engines.

“Rey.” Leia’s voice came over the comm. “Return to base. You have one of our personnel on board—as I’m sure you know. Bring her back and you’re free to go.”

Rey snorted. That was no kind of deal. She was already free to go.

The woman charged into the cockpit. She rocked back when she caught sight of Rey in the tangle of Janshi’s tendrils. “What,” she blurted, “is _that?”_

Rey reached around, grabbed her by the front of her coveralls and slung her into the other seat. Despite the bulky coveralls, she was about Leia’s size, so it wasn’t hard.

“Controls,” Rey said.

Janshi extruded straps over both of them, hugging them to the seats. The other woman yelped.

“Stay there,” Rey snapped.

Leia’s voice came again. “Rey, you should know kidnapping is a high-level crime. I may not be a member of the Senate anymore—”

“Ben taught me a little about law,” Rey broke in. “Like vandalism. What’s the other one? Oh. Yeah. False imprisonment. I think that’s a big one. How about cruelty to sentient creatures? My ship is alive.”

The black-haired woman goggled, then looked around the cockpit with an appraising eye.

“And hostage taking?” Leia shot back.

Rey grinned despite herself. It was a little like sparring with Ben. “Just to make sure you’ll think twice about firing on us.”

Leia’s sigh came over the comm. “Just bring Rose back and we’ll call it even.”

“Counteroffer,” Rey said. “I’ll drop her off somewhere. You can pick her up.”

“Hey, are you talking about me? You can’t talk about me like I’m not here!” the woman Rose said.

She was a few years older than Rey, with a round face and snapping black eyes.

“Your boss wants me to bring you back,” Rey told her. “But you’re stuck with us for a while.”

“Wait a minute,” Rose said.

The X-wings eased up on either side and above. The view through Janshi’s eyes showed another below and one behind.

“Rey—” Leia said.

“Let’s go, Janshi,” Rey said.

The comm cut off as they went into Slip.

**Ben—_Millennium Falcon_**

Rey was angry—Ben could tell that much. He hacked and slashed and lunged through sword forms, resisting the impulse to pummel the walls.

Something hadn’t gone well. He should’ve known. He should’ve _known_ better than to send her to his family. They hadn’t wanted the child of their own blood. How could he have expected them to care for Rey?

Snarling, he gave the wall a whack. The sharp _clack_ and the jolt up his arm was satisfying. He did it again, imagining his lightsaber in his hand instead, the glowing red gashes it would leave in the metal. He could do it. He could…

But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t destroy anything Rey had spent so many hours lovingly restoring. He stood breathing hard, his hair in his eyes.

The Force bore down on him. He snapped his head up just as Rey appeared. Her eyes leapt to his, blazing, and he knew he was in trouble.

“You knew, didn’t you?” she said from between her teeth. “You _knew_ she’d try to keep me there. That’s why you sent me to her!”

His stomach plummeted. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—lie to her. He _had_ hoped his mother would keep her—one way or another.

He reached for her. “Rey—”

She slapped his hand away. “I’m not a kid! Stop—” She shoved him. “—treating me—” She shoved him again. “—like one!”

Grabbing her by the arms, he leaned over her. “I don’t want you killed!”

She shrugged out of his grip. “You don’t get to decide what I do. You don’t get to be the only one who watches out for someone. You don’t get to be the only one—” She stumbled. “—the only one who—” She stammered again. “—who c-c-_cares_.”

His chest constricted. “I know.” His voice came out hoarse.

“No. You don’t. You think as long as _I’m_ safe, everything else is okay. Well, it isn’t. And I can’t stand to see it anymore.”

He gazed at her bleakly. “What do I do, Rey? Tell me what to do. Anything, I’ll do it.”

Tears swam in her eyes. One fell free, tracked down her cheek. “Nothing, Ben. There’s nothing you can do.”

The Force shivered and released them. Ben stared at the empty air for…he didn’t know how long. All he could think of was Rey. All he could feel was the terror and desperation that clawed at his insides.

If she’d left him because she wanted her freedom… Well, he could bear that. Not well. Not gladly. But he’d at least be able to console himself that it was for her happiness. But this— _This_ was worse torture than what Snoke ever inflicted. Because she was doing it for _his_ sake.

If—_when_ she died… He ground his teeth and gave a strangled groan.

When she died, it would be _his fault_.

Clenching his fists, he glared around. No. It wasn’t going to happen. He wouldn’t _let_ it happen.

_Well_, Snoke whispered, _shall I assume your latest attempt at reconciliation was rebuffed?_

An idea burst on Ben, a punch to the gut. He quickly snuffed it.

“She won’t come back,” he ground out. “No matter what I say.”

_My poor boy. To be so devoted yet always rejected. Your family. The child you rescued and raised. In the end, they always abandon you_.

The words hurt. Ben let himself feel the pain Snoke tried to stoke in him.

His breath caught on a sob. “Why?”

_You know why. Because they’re afraid of you. Afraid of your power. How can anyone begin to understand you?_

“Not Rey. She isn’t afraid. She understands.”

_Not enough, I fear. She left you, did she not? She turns away from your every plea_.

Ben hung his head, gasping breath after breath.

_You don’t need to be alone_, Snoke said. _My offer still stands_.

Ben’s heart leapt. _Yes_. He smothered the thought, letting his turmoil rage.

_Come, young Solo. Put an end to this useless struggle. Let me help you. Let me show you where your true strength lies_.

“I don’t know how,” Ben croaked.

_Go to Bal’demnic. I’ll find you there_.

Bal’demnic. Ben had never heard of it. “What will happen?”

_You must trust me, my boy. Meet me on Bal’demnic. Everything will be as it should_.

Ben heaved a shuddering sigh and nodded. “All right.”

_Good_, Snoke purred. _Very good_. He faded from Ben’s mind.

Ben glared at the practice room’s blank wall. “Yes,” he grated out. “Very good.”

**Ben – Bal’demnic**

Ben hadn’t expected Bal’demnic to be beautiful. Like Ahch-To, it was a blue world covered in oceans. Most of the landforms were clustered in the tropics, with endless pales beaches sliding into turquoise water or cliffs laced with white spume.

With Snoke’s direction whispering in his mind, he guided the _Falcon_ down to an island of steep, black cliffs. The dark side engulfed the ship like an exogorth’s huge, toothy maw. Ben shuddered as they set down at the edge of a collapsed sinkhole.

He rubbed sweaty palms on his trousers. His heart beat too hard. Millie turned to face him, probably picking up his physiological signs.

Ben set his jaw and straightened. “Wait here.”

“What am I waiting for?” Millie said.

He pressed his lips tight. “Me. Give me a few hours.”

He stood, helmet tucked under his arm. The lightsaber at his belt was repaired—badly. He’d had to make modification after modification to keep it from exploding again, but it was the one thing he took with him.

Millie cocked a fist on her thigh. “Uh-huh. I think I should tell you, Rey made me promise to take care of you when she left. Whatever you’re planning doesn’t seem like I’d be doing that if I let you go.”

He bent his head. Even then. Even then, she’d thought of him. “I know. But I have to do it. For her.”

With a whine of servos, Millie rose to her feet, as tall as he was and broader. “I can’t let you do that, Ben.”

He briefly closed his eyes. “I don’t want to fight you, Millie. You won’t win. And I want you to be able to leave if I don’t come back.”

Millie rocked back. “What?”

“Take the _Falcon_. Go wherever you want. To Lando. Back to my father. You’re free.”

“What are you planning to do,” she rumbled, “that you might not come back?”

“Meet Snoke. _Before_ Rey gets to him.”

She let out a hiss, a droid facsimile of a sigh. “That’s the first smart idea either one of you has had in a long time.”

Ben nodded once, turned and left the ship.

The sinkhole yawned open to darkness. Cold darkness smelling of wet stone breathed up out of it. He waited for Snoke to whisper more instructions, but there was only the distant echo of waves, as if the island itself was breathing, and the jumping tangle of his own thoughts. He didn’t allow himself to light on any one of them for long, keeping his attention on the Force around him, the keyed-up state of his body.

Huge blocks of stone circled the sides of the pit, like a gigantic spiral staircase. Ben started down, leaping from one block to the next as the circle of light above him shrank and dimmed. He snapped his lightsaber from his belt and ignited it.

The ragged red blade and crossguards snarled out, spitting sparks. He still cringed every time he saw it, a premonition of darkness he couldn’t escape. Red light crawled over black stone, creating an island of illumination as he descended. The Force pressed down on him, darker and darker. He cracked the bond open, just a little, but couldn’t sense Rey. As if so much darkness drowned even her light out.

The light of his blade picked out a smooth, curved shape below. Sliding down over the edge of another block, Ben studied it, trying to make out what it was. A ship, he finally decided—or part of one. The rest lay under more huge slabs of rock.

His panting breaths coming harsh through his mask, he finally reached the bottom. Jumbled rock, the crushed ship muffled under who-knew-how-many decades of grit, an uneven floor stretched beyond the halo of red light. His booted footsteps made a hollow sound as he walked forward, searching through the Force.

No one. No life, nothing—

Wait. Something. A presence so faint, he could believe he imagined it. Almost like an echo in the Force, a resonance of a memory of something long gone. Ben stepped forward, cautious, trying to determine what it was.

_“Ben Solo_.”

He stopped. Snoke’s voice.

_“Heir of the Chosen One. Equal in both the light and the dark_. _The one destined to make whole the wounded Force,_ _to wield power greater than any other. So many years ago I foresaw this_.”

Ben turned, searching for the source of the voice. It came from nowhere and everywhere around him, from inside his head and through his ears.

“_Welcome. I’ve waited a long time for this day_.”

Cold darkness rushed over him. With a shout, Ben raised his mental shields. Darkness seeped over, under, through them, like toxic gas. Darkness invaded him, snatched at his fluttering thoughts. Darkness swarmed across his vision, seeped into his cells. He struggled, panicking, tearing futilely at a disembodied essence with every bit of his power.

His consciousness was crushed, squeezed, pushed into deeps of drowning darkness. He clung to a word, a name, a glimmer of light the moment before it winked out.

_Rey_…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a cliffhanger. I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I know, I hate them too. But it was going to be a cliffhanger no matter where I put it, so I hope you'll forgive me.
> 
> Janshi is Rey's dragon. 🐲


	25. Rey - Age 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the bond goes silent, Rey begins to have strange, frightening dreams. One takes her to Luke Skywalker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience after that terrible cliffhanger. I will try not to do that to you again. 😉
> 
> We're approaching the timeline of The Force Awakens. I know a lot of us are hurting from the way things ended up in TRoS. Since this story is an AU, it will deviate from most of the events in the movies. Rey and Ben will never be enemies. Everything they do is motivated by their love for each other, even if they sometimes make the wrong choices.

**Han - Bespin**

Lando was waiting on the landing platform when Han landed his latest project ship, a Sienar shuttle. Sienar ships weren’t his favorite—the Empire and all that—but he had to admit they made some fine and very fast ones.

“_Something’s going on_,” Chewie rumbled in the copilot’s seat. “_Has he told you what?”_

“Nope,” Han said. “Guess we’re about to find out.”

Han went through the usual shutdown routine despite his curiosity and impatience. He’d been flying too long not to.

Lando strode straight up to them, his usual suave grin on his dark face. He gave Han a hard embrace and a harder slap on the back, then clasped Chewie’s arm.

“Glad you were able to join us, Chewbacca. How’s the family?”

“_They’re fine_,” Chewie grunted. “_Curious what the occasion is_.”

“He’s wondering the same thing I am,” Han said. “What’s with the sudden summons?”

Lando grinned again, but it seemed strained. “I have a surprise for you. Come on.”

Han expected to follow him into the city dome, but Lando led the way to an aircar. Han raised his brows and shrugged, but climbed in.

They swept up and around the dome, the sky beyond the color of one of Lando’s cloaks, blue trimmed with pale gold. Han wondered irreverently if that was why Lando had chosen to settle on Bespin—all the flamboyant colors.

Another docking platform came into view around the dome’s curve. Han gave the ship docked there the same assessing look he gave every ship he saw—

Then stared, squinting, trying to decide if it was what he thought it was.

Chewie lurched to his feet with a roar. The aircar rocked threateningly at the sudden shift of so much weight with such a high center of gravity. His eyes never leaving the ship, Han grabbed his arm and yanked him back down.

“Tell me that’s not what I think it is,” Han said, his voice much calmer than he felt.

“It is,” Lando said.

The car’s pilot neatly landed near the ship. Never taking his eyes from it, Han climbed out, his heart feeling like it would pound out of his chest.

The ship was the _Millennium Falcon_.

It was _beautiful_. Someone had coated it in a cool, pale, glossy grey with jade green highlights. There were no dents. No carbon scoring. The old, battered rectenna had been replaced with a low-profile sensor bar that looked like it came off an espionage sweep.

The boarding ramp was already down. In a daze, Han ascended it.

The inside was just as immaculate—as bright and clean as when Lando had the ship. A dining nook had been installed opposite the dejarik table. The loose wires and fidgety switches in the cockpit had been repaired and replaced.

Han wandered aft, barely hearing Chewie’s stunned mumbles behind him. The crew quarters had been divided into two private bunks, one with a curtain. And the engine room… Han stood, hands on hips, staring around. Every wire was in conduit, the conduit routed in neat, interlocking lines. If he didn’t know better, he’d think every modification ever made to the _Falcon_ had been part of its stock configuration.

“Maybe we should let the old girl get stolen more often.” The flippant words were belied by the awe in Han’s voice. He turned to Lando, who had silently followed Han on his inspection. “Where did you find it?”

“That’s…” A shadow passed over Lando’s face. “…a long story.”

Before Han could ask questions, he turned and led the way out.

Suspicion prickled down Han’s back. “You did all this, didn’t you? How long have you had her?” He waved a hand to take in the _Falcon_. “If you brought me here just to rub my face in—”

Lando turned to face him. “I didn’t do it.” He set a heavy hand on Han’s shoulder. “Ben did.”

He said it so gently Han didn’t make sense of the words for a moment. “Ben.”

“And Rey. When Ben was here years back—they had the _Falcon_ then. It was in bad shape. I offered to trade another ship, but they wouldn’t give her up.”

Han was only half-listening, his mind racing ahead, putting pieces together. It felt like those times a deal went bad, scrambling to keep ahead of whatever disaster was crashing down around him. “Where is he?”

There was no shadow now—Lando looked outright grim. “That’s what we need to talk about.”

Han grabbed him by the arm. “_Where?”_

Han was on the edge of…something stupid, he didn’t know what. A heavy, furry hand landed on his shoulder, snapping him out of it.

“_Let’s hear what Lando has to say_,” Chewie rumbled.

“So tell me,” Han snapped.

A bodyguard droid clomped out of the dome toward them.

“Remember L3-37?” Lando said.

Han gave an impatient wave. “Yeah, yeah. What about Ben?”

“I’m getting there,” Lando said with the first show of irritation Han had seen. “This is L3—_was_ L3. Her name is MLE-3 now—Millie. Ben and Rey got her out of the _Falcon’s_ navicomputer.” He turned to the droid. “Do you want to tell him what happened, or shall I?”

“I’ll tell him.” Millie’s head swiveled to Han. “Ben went to meet someone named Snoke.”

Han went cold. “What?”

“You know who it is?” Lando said.

“Yeah, I know.” He ran a hand down his face. Questions tumbled through his mind. He seized on the most pertinent. “What happened?”

“We went to Bal’demnic,” Millie said. “Rey left two years ago to look for Snoke. Ben wanted to get to him before she did.”

Han held up a hand. “Wait. Rey, the little girl from Jakku?”

“Don’t ever let her hear you say that,” Millie said. “This is the girl who decided to go kill Snoke—by herself.”

Han tried to imagine it. He couldn’t.

“Ben told me to wait a few hours for him,” Millie went on. “I waited a lot longer than that—until Imperial shuttles and stormtroopers showed up.” She paused. “One of the advantages to being a droid—they didn’t pay me much attention once they knew no one else was on the _Falcon_. I was able to get out of there.”

After all the sticky situations he’d been in over the years, after all the times he’d stared down the barrel of a blaster, Han wasn’t prepared to find himself stumbling with shock and horror. Chewie gripped his arm with one huge, powerful hand, held him steady. Now he knew why Lando had insisted Chewie come: he’d known Han wouldn’t take the news well.

Han was hanging onto his composure by his fingernails. He struggled to find his voice.

Chewie rescued him. “_What about Ben?”_

“He’d gone down into a cave,” Millie said. “The Imperials brought him back out.”

“Prisoner?” Han asked roughly.

“No. In fact, they seemed to be treating him very respectfully.”

Han spun away, one hand braced on his hip above his blaster. “They would,” he growled. “Snoke’s been after him for 28 years.” He looked at Lando. “I’m going there. I’m taking the _Falcon_.”

“Millie and I already went,” Lando said. “It’s the first thing I did after she told me what happened.”

“I don’t care. I’m going.” Han glared and said again, “I’m taking the _Falcon_.”

Lando gave a wave that would’ve been magnanimous in another situation. “Take her. But under one condition—you take care of her the way she should be taken care of.”

Han flinched. The implication was clear: the way he should’ve taken care of Ben.

Meeting Lando’s gaze, he nodded. “I will.”

It was the last thing he had of his son’s.

**Rey - Janshi**

_Darkness like deep water, suffocating and drowning. No light, nothing but the vain struggle to break free. A voice pressing against the eardrums, thick and hollow and oppressive:_ _**Be still. You know how useless it is**_—

Rey gave a cry and jerked upright, her heart trying to claw its way up her throat. She looked around, placing herself: the warm, comfortable cocoon of her bunk, faint orange light filtering in from the corridor.

She hunched over, elbows on knees.

“Rey?” Rose’s sleepy voice, coming from her bunk. “Y’ okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” Rey slid out of her bunk and groped for trousers.

A long silence, then, “Did you have another nightmare?”

It was strange. After Jin’x, Rey never had another female friend. And she’d certainly never guessed that her hostage would become one. But when it had come time to drop Rose off somewhere, Rose hadn’t been interested in being dropped off.

_I have **got** to study this ship_, she’d said. _Think how much it will help the Resistance be if I can apply some of this tech!_ _I’m guessing Janshi might be related to purrgil. Or maybe genetically engineered from that species. He has the tentacles, the ability to travel through hyperspace_…

Which led to an argument about the differences between Slip and hyperspace. Rey hadn’t exactly been impressed with the Resistance, but Rose’s enthusiasm for Janshi and mechanics won her over.

Avoiding Rose’s question about her dream, Rey pulled on trousers and said, “I’m going to go see if I can get that holo projector connected to Janshi’s neural network.”

The lights in the crew quarters brightened slowly; Janshi knew too quick a change hurt human eyes.

“Rey.”

She sighed and turned. Rose was up on one elbow in her bunk, glowering. For having such a cheerful face, Rose had a good glower.

“Was it about Ben again?” she pressed.

It had been such a relief to talk about Ben to someone. Someone who understood. Not that Rose didn’t tease her when Rey talked about how kind and patient he was, how he watched out for her. The way his eyes changed color with the light, and how she wanted to run her fingers through his hair and how _good_ he smelled. But at least Rose didn’t think she was stupid for feeling that way. Apparently it was…normal.

Rey looked down at her bare feet, fiddling with the hem of Ben’s shirt. It was beginning to get threadbare, almost see-through in places. She didn’t know what she’d do when it finally fell apart.

“Where is he, Rose?” she whispered. “It’s like he just…disappeared.”

But she was the one who shut herself off from the bond first. When she’d opened it again…

Ben was gone.

Her throat closed and tears ached at the backs of her eyes.

Rose rolled out of her bunk and padded to Rey. Taking her hand, she drew Rey to sit down next to her.

Rose draped a comforting arm around her shoulders. “What was it this time?”

Rey closed her eyes. “Darkness. Suffocation and struggle.”

“Maybe it’s just…” Rose hitched a one-shouldered shrug. “You know. A regular nightmare.”

Rey shook her head. Rose listened about the Force and their bond, but she didn’t really understand. How could she? It was like trying to explain sight to a blind person. And Rey wasn’t the teacher Ben was.

“I have nightmares about things that happened.” And she still had plenty of those: Mashra with one side of her face caved in. Steelpeckers and screams and blood in the dark. And one of a ship crashing into the desert that always, _always_ made her sob herself awake. “Not things that never happened.”

But the crashing ship hadn’t happened. Had it?

Rose nudged her with an elbow. “Come on. Let’s get a snack. Get your head out of that place. That always helps me.”

The light along the corridor brightened as they made their way forward. Rose shuffled around the small galley, eventually sitting down with two plates. Rey ate out of habit, not paying attention to what it was. (Never turn down food. You might not get more for a while.)

Rey suddenly stood. “We should go—”

Rose caught her arm. Teeth bared, Rey wheeled around. Rose instantly released her and raised her hands in surrender, looking a little taken aback. She’d gotten on the wrong side of Rey’s survival instincts once or twice. It occurred to Rey—she _never_ felt that way with Ben.

“I’m sorry, Rey. It’s just that you can’t keep _going_. The galaxy is a big place. You have no idea where Ben is.”

Rey opened her mouth to argue that she _did_ know where Ben was, that she’d _always been_ able to tell where he was because they were bonded through the Force. She couldn’t. She’d been jumping around the galaxy for months, following the instinct that had always led her to what she needed to find.

Except now, it didn’t.

She slumped. “I know,” she whispered.

She didn’t look at Rose, but she could feel her sympathy. The silence stretched, not comfortably. Rey wondered if she was supposed to say something.

“You talked about refueling Janshi,” Rose finally said.

_hungry_, Janshi said sadly.

Rey instantly felt bad. “We need to do that. Janshi says he’s hungry.”

Rose shook her head. “I will never get used to that.”

“Ben could hear everyone’s thoughts. Well, except mine. We had to go into each other’s minds for that.”

Rose was giving her a look she couldn’t decipher. What Rey felt through the Force was horror. A strange, hollow, heavy feeling crept up on her: _I’m different. **We’re** different, Ben and I_.

Rose had become her friend, but there was something…a gap, no, a _gulf_ between them that friendship could never cross. What she could do—what Ben could—made other people afraid. Made people wonder what they might do to _them_. Being around Ben all the time, Rey hadn’t understood that. Now, she did. No matter how much she liked someone, no matter how much they liked her, she was still _other_. Foreign. Strange.

Like a flash of blinding light, Rey realized what life must’ve been like for Ben growing up. Sudden loneliness—his, her own—swept over her, worse than anything she’d felt on Jakku. Because even on Jakku, Ben had been there through the bond, as inseparable as her shadow, nestled snugly in the back of her mind. A surety that she wasn’t alone.

Tears threatened again. She clenched her jaw and choked them down. She wouldn’t cry in front of Rose.

She cleared her throat. “It wasn’t as scary as it sounds.” She was glad at how calm her voice came out.

She drew breath to explain more, then suddenly realized—Rose hadn’t _said_ anything about it being scary.

“I’m sorry I woke you up, Rose. If you want to go back to your bunk, I’m okay. Janshi and I will check out places he can feed.”

There was another moment of uncomfortable silence, and Rey knew she’d made a mistake.

“Okay,” Rose said.

Rey gave her a smile, half apologetic and half reassuring. “Sorry. That dream…” She shrugged.

“It’s got you on edge. I understand.” Rose smiled back and made her way out.

Blowing out a breath, Rey slumped again. Rose had been trying to make her feel better, and Rey had just dismissed her. Ben would’ve understood. He would’ve understood if she needed to be left alone, or if he needed to pry out whatever was bothering her.

The loneliness swamped her again. She rubbed her eyes. How could you be lonely when you weren’t even alone?

**Rey - Jiruus**

The dreams continued. Rey got good at not waking Rose when she slipped out of her bunk after waking from one.

There was still that sense struggle against a suffocating weight, but the darkness was broken now. At first it was only glimpses of shape and movement. Then the shapes gradually took form: the white skull faces of stormtroopers. Views of planets and starfields through huge, triangular viewports. Cringing, fearful men and women in dark uniforms.

And Snoke’s voice, always whispering, always pressing against the consciousness like a wind that never stopped. _This is your birthright, my boy. Here is your destiny. This is what you were born for, what was always meant for you_.

One night, there was a face she’d seen more than once: a pale, sour-faced redheaded man. Snoke’s voice issuing orders: _Go to Ossus. Destroy the Jedi_.

A towering wave of horror and fear, sudden struggle more desperate than ever.

And Snoke’s laughter. _Don’t tell me you object! After all that was done to you there?_

Rey jolted awake in the dimness, her heart hammering. She sat up, ran a hand through her sweaty hair. The dream’s fury and desperation wouldn’t leave her. She slid out of her bunk, stumbling to Rose’s.

“Rose!” she hissed. “Wake up!”

“’M awake!” Rose pushed up on her elbows. “Wassa matter?”

“Time to drop you off. Tell me where.”

Rose squinted and rubbed her eyes. “Now?”

“_Right_ now.”

Rey strode forward. She heard Rose scrambling behind her, cursing as she fumbled on clothes.

Janshi already sensed Rey’s disturbance. _danger?_

“Yes. We’re going.”

“Where?” Rose came hopping behind, pulling on a boot.

“_I_ am going to Ossus. _You’re_ going somewhere the Resistance will pick you up.”

As Rey slid into the pilot’s seat, Rose plopped into the other chair, still wrestling with her boot.

She narrowed her eyes. “What’s on Ossus?”

Janshi’s tendrils descended. Rey settled in as they attached. “The Jedi temple.”

“Oh, no,” Rose said. “You’re not getting rid of me after telling me that.”

“It’s not safe.” Rey pulled down the collar of her shirt to show the scar. “They gave me this.”

Rose blinked. “They— What? No.”

“They drew on Ben. He didn’t even have his lightsaber in his hand.”

Rose held up her hands. “Don’t tell me. You got in the middle of the fight.”

Rey didn’t bother answering. Janshi’s engines thrummed as she studied the nav chart.

“Where do you want me to take you?” she said.

Rose folded her arms and firmed her chin. “Ossus.”

Rey shot her a look and opened her mouth to argue.

Rose held up a finger. “One—Luke Skywalker is General Organa’s brother. I’m going as her representative. Two—” She dropped her hand. “You might need help. At least a witness, if things go bad,” she added when Rey started to argue again.

Rey studied her a long moment, then nodded once. Real gratitude welled up in her. “Thanks,” she said, awkward.

She set Janshi’s course. He powered away from Jiruus, where he’d been feeding on clouzon gas. The planet’s teal and turquoise crescent fell away, abruptly replaced by blank nothing as the ship entered Slip.

“I don’t know what to expect,” Rey said to Rose and Janshi both. “They might try to keep me. But don’t fire on them. Not unless we have to protect ourselves.”

“If you’re that worried,” Rose said, “why go at all?”

Rey pressed her lips together. “Because it’s what Ben would want.”

Rose knew better than to argue with that.

**Rey - Ossus**

Rey could feel the Force the moment they Slipped out above Ossus. Like Tython or Ahch-To, Ossus was another Force-powerful planet. If it hadn’t been the site of Luke’s Jedi temple, it would’ve been another place she and Ben would visit for research.

She half-expected contact of some kind, but Janshi’s sensors didn’t show anything as they entered the atmosphere.

It was a strange, blotchy world; vast tracts of barren tan and brown and grey dotted with the green and blue of oases. Janshi’s senses found life in one of the oases. As they descended, the stepped pyramid of the temple gradually resolved itself.

Rey turned to Rose. “Are you sure about this?”

Rose rolled her eyes. “Sure I’m sure, dummy.”

Rey grinned. It was such a Rose thing to say.

There was a small landing pad amid the trees. Janshi set down beside the shuttle already there.

Rey touched her lightsaber at her belt and slung her staff over her shoulder. Rose holstered the blaster she’d picked up on one of their stops. Rose was proficient with it, but she disliked using deadly force as much as Rey did.

“Just so you know,” Rey said, “a lightsaber can deflect blaster bolts.”

Rose’s brows shot up and her lips parted.

“If it comes to it, you’ll have to shoot them in the back.”

Rose didn’t like it, but she gave a firm nod.

There was a welcoming party when they descended the boarding ramp. Rey recognized Luke from Ben’s description. Ben’s friend Embry was there, stocky and dark, and another man, tall and pale and devastatingly good-looking.

“Whoa,” Rose said in an undertone, her wide-eyed gaze on the pale-blond man.

Rey almost smiled.

Embry’s eyes widened. “Rey?”

Beside her, Rose shifted. Rey could feel her questioning glance.

Luke’s sharp blue gaze darted between them, then past her. “Where’s Ben?” His voice was a little rough, like Leia’s.

Rey didn’t waste words. “I came to warn you. Someone is coming to kill you. You need to leave.”

Rose sucked in a breath. “You didn’t tell me _that!”_

Rey just turned to re-board Janshi.

“Wait!” Luke and Embry said at once.

She turned back, her hand going to her lightsaber. Luke’s gaze flicked down, following the motion.

His eyes widened. “Where did you get that lightsaber?”

Rey bristled. “It’s mine,” she said, louder than she meant to. “Someone gave it to me.”

Luke raised his hands. The tension around them went down. “Never mind about the lightsaber, then. Just tell me about Ben. And who’s coming to kill us.”

Rey eyed him, her hand clenched on her lightsaber’s too-large hilt.

“We won’t hurt you,” Embry put in. “I promise. Not again.”

“Rey,” Rose said quietly. “You need to tell them _something_.”

Rey pushed out a breath. “There’s nothing to tell. I don’t know where Ben is. Snoke ordered someone to come here and destroy you. He was on a ship. The bridge looked like an Imperial star destroyer’s.”

Rose whipped around. “Kriff, Rey! _Imperials? _When did you find that out? We have to tell the General!” She turned back to Luke. “I can contact her, Master Skywalker. Your sister, General Organa. You can go to the Resistance. If there are star destroyers—”

Luke raised a hand and Rose sputtered to a stop.

“And you know this…how?” he asked Rey.

“I dreamt it,” Rey said defiantly.

Rose made a small choking sound.

“Come to the temple—” Luke began.

“The last time I went somewhere with someone in your family,” Rey broke in, “they tried to sabotage my ship.”

“It’s true,” Rose said, still agitated. “I was supposed to help.”

Luke ran a hand down his face. He dropped his hand and visibly drew up calm. It was an uncomfortably familiar mannerism—Ben did the same thing sometimes.

“Rey. Please,” he said. “I understand you have reasons to distrust us. But you can’t expect me to evacuate the temple based on a dream.”

Rey shrugged. “I don’t expect you to do anything. I gave you a warning. You can stay or go. It doesn’t matter to me.”

“I think it does,” Luke said. “You wouldn’t be here if it didn’t.”

Even if Ben hadn’t taught her how to play sabacc, she already knew from her years on Jakku if someone called your bluff, you either doubled down or folded. Rey _hated_ folding.

“Please, Rey,” Embry said. “Ben was our friend—mine and Maseo’s.” He gestured at the pale man. “We’re worried about him.”

All her hostility drained away.

Luke must’ve felt the change in her attitude, because he said, “Is Ben with Snoke? Did he leave to go to him?”

“No!” Rey burst out, outraged. “What’s wrong with you people? Why do you always think the worst of him? _I_ left _him_.”

She didn’t miss the way Embry and Maseo studiously avoided looking at Luke. Anger flared. Ben hadn’t been exaggerating what he told her about his years at the temple.

It made her more determined to prove to them how much Ben was worth. “I left to find Snoke,” she flung at him. “I’m going to kill him.”

Maseo opened his mouth to say something. Embry elbowed him and muttered, “She tried to disarm Jaena with a staff.”

Maseo shut his mouth with a snap. “Oh.” He narrowed his eyes. “_Oh_.”

“You didn’t tell me _that_, either,” Rose muttered.

“You _said_ don’t tell you,” Rey pointed out.

Luke seemed to be quietly weighing everything he heard. “You have a connection to Ben, is that right?”

Rey gave one, sharp nod then faltered. “I did. I…I can’t sense him anymore. I can’t _find_ him.”

“But you’ve been dreaming of him?”

The darkness, the suffocation and drowning, the struggle… That couldn’t be happening to Ben. It _couldn’t_.

“I don’t know,” she said stubbornly.

“But you were sure enough to come here to warn us,” Luke said. “Even though you don’t trust us.”

She glowered.

“If they’re coming to attack us, Snoke will come too,” Luke said. “Stay here. We’ll help you.”

Rey recognized a con when she heard one. “Snoke won’t come. He’s a coward. Only a coward would torture a _little boy_. Someone who can’t fight back.”

“I’ve been looking for Snoke, too.” Luke held out a hand, took a step closer. “Rey,” he said gently. “Ben is with Snoke. That’s where the dreams are coming from. Stay with us. You can help us find them both.”

Ben’s pleading voice abruptly surfaced in memory: _All I have to do is tell him I’m coming. He’ll make sure I get to him_.

Realization burst on her. Rage flared in its wake, so hot and sharp it was hard to breathe. “And when Ben was with you? He could’ve led you to Snoke then, couldn’t he?”

Luke stilled, his hand still outstretched and mouth open.

“You weren’t so eager to get rid of Snoke then,” Rey went on relentlessly. “You just wanted to blame Ben because he couldn’t keep him out.” Her hand on her lightsaber shook. The grip bit painfully into her palm. “You _let_ Snoke torture him. You didn’t do anything to help him.”

“You don’t understand,” Luke said. “He had to learn—”

“I understand,” Rey broke in. “I understand that you turned your back on him. You didn’t care enough about him to save him from Snoke.”

She was vaguely aware of Rose’s horrified gaze on her. Rey didn’t care. She didn’t care that she was snarling accusations at the great Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master.

“You failed Ben,” she spat. “I won’t.”

She spun and stormed back to Janshi. Luke called after her. She ignored him, half waiting for them to use the Force on her and not caring.

She was still shaking with fury when the boarding ramp retracted and the hatch closed with a hiss.

Rose touched her shoulder “Is that true?” she asked in a soft voice. “They—they didn’t help Ben?”

Rey had to breathe a moment before she could speak in a halfway normal tone of voice. “I didn’t hear him denying it. Did you?”

Rose shook her head. “But…why not? They’re _family_.”

Rose was close to her sister, Paige. Close enough to make Rey feel the absence of her own family.

“You know who his grandfather was,” Rey said harshly. “That’s all they saw. Not Ben. Not who he is. They never saw him for himself.”

Rose’s brow wrinkled. Distress and confusion poured off her in waves. “Master Skywalker won’t help General Organa, either. Will he?”

Rey stomped forward. “Ben said Luke didn’t care about that other Death Star being built.” She threw herself into the pilot’s seat. “I don’t know _what_ Skywalker cares about. Nothing, as far as I can tell.”

Rose slid into the seat beside her. “I need to contact General Organa. She needs to know what’s happening. She can bring the fleet.”

Rey snorted, Janshi’s control tendrils nestling on and around her. “Because of a dream? If Skywalker didn’t believe me, why would Leia?”

Rose hesitated at that. She shook her head. “I think he did. I have to tell her anyway. Let her make the decision.”

“Okay,” Rey said. “You’ll have to let Janshi connect to you to use the comm.”

Rose swallowed hard and nodded. Janshi’s wasn’t happy with the idea, either, but his tendrils waved toward Rose. She squeezed her eyes shut then flinched as they fixed themselves to her temples.

Rey launched the ship while Rose contacted the Resistance. Through Janshi’s eyes, she saw the three Jedi still standing below, rapidly shrinking as the ship ascended.

“I need to get back to the Resistance,” Rose said.

“You believe me?” Rey said, surprised.

Rose gave her a disgusted look. “_You_ believe it,” she said. “I might not understand all the Force stuff. But I know when someone goes to meet someone they don’t trust, it’s serious.”

Rey studied the nav chart for likely planets. “Bal’demnic is close. And it’s supposed to have a small spaceport. Your people can pick you up there.”

Rose touched her knee. “Come with me, Rey. Luke Skywalker was right about one thing—if Ben’s with the Imperials that are coming, you can _find_ him.”

Rey struggled with her distrust. Ben wouldn’t attack the Jedi. She _knew_ he wouldn’t…even if she hadn’t dreamed of his horror.

“I’ll think about it.” She set the course for Bal’demnic.

**Rey – Bal’demnic**

Rey caught her breath the moment they landed on Bal’demnic. Rose was trying to talk her into coming with her to the Resistance. Her voice faded in the overwhelming sense of _Ben_.

“He’s here,” Rey whispered.

Rose stopped mid-sentence. “Who?” Her eyes went wide. “Ben?”

Rey was already looking through Janshi’s sensors, comparing the view to the holo of Bal’demnic’s terrain. “North. He’s somewhere north.”

She blinked her surroundings back into focus. Rose was watching her, worried.

“I have to find him, Rose.”

Rose nodded sadly. “I know. When you do…” She seized Rey’s hand. “You know where to find me.”

Rose folded her into a hug. Rey hugged her back awkwardly, hoping it was the right thing to do. It probably was, she thought. Ben had hugged her when she was little.

She went with Rose to the boarding ramp where they shared another hug.

Rose let her go but kept hold of her hand. She gave Rey her best glower. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

Rey smiled a little. “You sound like Ben.”

“I wonder why,” Rose said dryly. At last, she let Rey go and descended the boarding ramp.

She watched out the cockpit viewport until Rose turned to wave goodbye.

~oOo~

When Rey was little, Mashra had told a story about a man who descended to the Dry Lands to beg the return of his wife, lost to a fever. The King of the Dead had been so moved by the man’s courage and devotion he’d agreed to let him take his wife back to the world of light and life.

Rey clung to the story as she descended into the darkness of a pit. Blocks of stone around its rim led down, like an enormous spiral staircase. She scrambled across each one and clambered down each drop-off faster than she probably should, but how could she go slower? Ben was here!

She didn’t let herself think of what he might be doing at the bottom of a dark hole.

She knew there was something wrong the moment she reached the bottom. Rey tensed, lowering her lightsaber into fighting position.

Silence pressed down on her. She turned a slow circle. The wreckage of some kind of ship jutted from under a rockfall. The dust and grit on the floor had been scuffed by a multitude of feet. Recently.

Her breaths sounded loud, so loud in the dead, cold air. “Ben?” she called.

_Ben? Ben?_ echoed back to her, mocking

He was here. She was sure of it. The sense of him was so strong she expected to see him step out of the darkness into her circle of light, his dark eyes reflecting the blue streak of her blade, his pale skin made paler by the cool light.

Something breathed past her, an answering echo, a wisp of emotion, the memory of a word called out in despair: _Rey_.

She stood still, breathing, sensing outward through the Force.

There was nothing. Nothing but silence and darkness and the chill, lifeless smell of stone.

The lightsaber wavered and drooped. Rey dropped her face into her hand and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With her upbringing, Rey doesn't know how to people very well. 🙁 I didn’t really plan for the first interchange between Rey and Rose to go the way it did, but it suddenly came out how lonely and isolated she’ll be without Ben, no matter who she’s with. This was one of the things that tore me up about TRoS, because the writers clearly didn’t think about the implications of Rey’s power. Even though they explicitly state it—TWICE. Once when Rey herself says, "No one knows me." Then again when Poe asks Finn, “Can she do that to us?” They don’t follow through with what killing Ben does to Rey. 
> 
> There are some implications for canon here that I never thought of before writing Rey's interchange with Luke. I haven’t read all the Rise of Kylo Ren comics yet, but based on the movies, Luke knew Snoke was influencing Ben. Why did he never make an effort to save Ben? Luke could’ve done what Snoke himself did when luring Rey to the _Supremacy_—he could've used Ben as bait to get to Snoke. Rey doesn't get really angry until she realizes this.


	26. Rey - Age 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of time and options, Rey returns to Ahch-To to learn what she needs to find and kill Snoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter, but it felt right to end it here.

**Rey - Sibensko**

It was like Jakku all over again. One foot in front of the other. One day at a time. Find a lead, a rumor, a whisper about stormtroopers or star destroyers, go follow it up. That’s all it ever was, though—a rumor.

Except for Ossus. The Jedi temple on Ossus was a smoking hole in the ground when Rey went back. She wondered if Luke and the other Jedi had taken her warning and left. She hoped so. She liked Embry, and he and Maseo had been Ben’s friends.

She stared out Janshi’s viewport at the marbled blue globe of Sibensko. Rumor called it a starfighter base, with whispers of TIEs, but nothing rose from the water when they breached the atmosphere. Janshi’s sensors showed nothing but an abandoned underwater structure.

A sense of time running out pricked her. Her dreams were full of rage and hate, disgust and desperation.

She clenched her fists on her knees. She _hated_ Snoke. Hated what he’d done to Ben. Hated what he was doing. She imagined meeting him. Beating him with her staff until he was nothing but a mass of red pulp and splintered bone. How she wanted to tear at him with her bare hands as he screamed—

She stilled. _Snoke screaming_…

She’d heard him roar in pain and fury once—when she and Ben were on Ahch-To.

Frustration and discouragement wisped away. She brought up navigation and directed Janshi to Ahch-To.

**Rey – Ahch-To**

Mist was greying the twilight when Rey landed Janshi on the same shelf of rock Ben had landed the _Falcon_ all those years ago. That was the year she realized she loved him, that she’d do anything for him.

Remembering how the damp cold had chewed right through her, she changed into heavy trousers and bundled into a jacket before stepping off the boarding ramp onto slick stone. She made her way up the ancient, moss-grown stairs a little more carefully than she had five years ago.

The stone huts were unchanged, empty but still tidily maintained. She paused, searching for the little white-robed caretakers, but none appeared. She blinked away mist beading on her eyelashes. At last, she turned to the stairs that led farther up the island’s steep, green slope. The air was dimming fast, but that strange sense of _hurry, hurry_, drove her up into blank mist.

The cave at the top was a dark, empty eye socket. Rey climbed the shallow steps, stepped through mist like a gauzy curtain. There was no blazing shaft of light to shine inside this time. The opening that led onto the windswept shelf was an opaque grey window that let in only enough light to prevent her from tripping. Drops plopped hollowly into the mosaic pool at the cave’s center. She walked over to peer down into it, her booted footsteps echoing just as hollowly.

The strange, seated figure was barely visible at the pool’s bottom, just a blurred shape in black and white stones.

“Young Rey.” The voice echoed, coming from nowhere and everywhere. “Welcome.”

Rey spun, ignited her lightsaber with a snap and hiss of plasma. At the very edge of the blue light, a figure stood.

She hadn’t sensed anyone. The fine hairs on her neck prickled. “Where did you come from? Who are you?”

He stepped forward, into the shivering blue light. He was very tall, much taller and thinner than a human. His face, almost skeletal, was misshapen, one eye lower than the other, the cheek ridged and roped with scar tissue. A jagged cleft twisted from the top of his bald head to the middle of his forehead, an old, ugly wound badly healed. Rey took a better grip on her lightsaber, but he stopped beyond reach and folded his clawed hands into the loose sleeves of his robe.

“Where?” he repeated. “Why, I’ve always been here, child. You’re clever. Do you not recognize me?”

Her gaze darted to the figure in the mosaic, the one that looked so much like the being in front of her. She lowered her lightsaber, just a little. “You’re—”

He bowed his head. “The Prime Jedi. Yes.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Where were you before?”

“Oh, I was here, watching. The time wasn’t yet right.”

“Right for what?”

“For you to learn what you must.”

Rey snorted. Everyone wanted to keep her. “I don’t have time. There’s someone I have to find. Soon.”

The Prime Jedi’s lips lifted in a smile that showed small, square teeth. “Snoke, perhaps? Oh, yes,” he said when she caught her breath and took an involuntary step back. “I know all about your quest. Just as I know all about you.” His smile didn’t waver. “More than you know about yourself.”

A sense of foreboding trickled down her back like cold water. She ignored it. “I’m not here for riddles.”

She turned for the opening to the rock shelf.

“You won’t hear Snoke this time,” the Prime Jedi said.

Rey whirled. “How—?”

“But I can tell you where to find him.”

“Where?”

He gave that mysterious little smile again. “All in good time, dear child. No sense in sending you off on an errand you’re incapable of fulfilling.”

She bristled. “That’s what everyone says. You’re all wrong.”

“I’m not wrong,” he said. “But if you’re so certain, by all means, go board your ship. Spend another year or two vainly wandering the galaxy. It will most certainly be too late then.”

“Too late for what?” she demanded.

“You know.” He turned and moved back into the darkness. “That was your first lesson, young Rey. Look for the answers to your questions within yourself.”

“Wait a minute,” she said. “How do you know who I am?” She took an aggressive step after him when he kept walking. “How do you know about Snoke?”

He only melted into the cave’s darkness.

Rey glared after him then stepped out onto the rock shelf and opened herself.

No voice came whispering into her mind this time. There was only the wet, heavy air quickly darkening to night.

~oOo~

The Prime Jedi was waiting for her again in the cave of the mosaic pool, that knowing smile on his misshapen face. The black of an open, sleeveless coat contrasted with the creamy robes beneath. Somehow, Rey had expected his eyes to be colorless, or yellow, but the morning sun streaming through the opening showed them a bright, clear blue.

“One day,” Rey said. “That’s all you get.”

“Ah.” His voice held a combination of pity and amusement. “Snoke didn’t come to you at the meditation stone after we parted?”

“I’m serious. I won’t waste time here. I can’t.”

He gestured toward the opening. “Then let us begin.”

Rey eyed him a moment. She couldn’t sense him any more than she’d been able to sense Leia or Luke; the mark of a Force-user, she supposed.

“What are you going to do?”

“Why, teach you, dear girl. I would chide you for distrustfulness, but I know it’s your nature.”

“It’s how I stayed alive,” she shot back.

“Then you must decide how far you’re willing to go against your instincts for the knowledge you seek.” His smile deepened, sparkling in those mismatched blue eyes. “This is your second lesson.”

She raised her chin. “I’m not afraid.”

He led the way out onto the bright, windy shelf, chuckling. “No? Then come. Sit there. Cross your legs.”

Glaring, she folded herself onto the flat stone, still cool and damp from the night’s mist.

“Close your eyes,” he crooned. “Reach out.”

Rey gave a disgusted huff. “You’re not teaching me anything I don’t already know.”

“Indeed.” He raised a hand, opening it to show a shard of rock resting on his elongated palm. “Call this to you.”

She dropped her gaze. The familiar vague panic clawed at her insides. She dodged it the way she always did—she reached for anger. “I didn’t come for Force lessons. You said you’d tell me where to find Snoke.”

“You believe you can defeat a being who can reach across the galaxy into a mind,” he mocked. “Yet you’re incapable of moving such a tiny thing?”

“I can’t use the Force that way.”

“Why? Have you ever asked yourself that?”

She set her jaw. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t. Ben says—” She cut herself off. She didn’t want to talk about Ben. Not to this creature. “Not everyone uses the Force the same way. Everyone has different strengths.”

“And you have so _much_ strength, do you not? This is the third lesson—recognizing how you limit yourself. Can you guess the fourth?”

Rey shook her head. Unease coiled through her belly.

He nodded. “Then reach out,” he said again.

This time, she did as he said.

It was like when she and Ben were here: the Force clear and vivid and restless, as if the planet were the focus of all the galaxy’s life. Bright and active, living and growing. She let herself sink into it, out over the frothing, heaving ocean with its abundance of life, down through the heavy stillness of the island’s peak and into its depths—

“There’s something,” she said. “Under the island. A place. A dark place. It’s cold…”

“Yes. Powerful darkness.”

“It’s calling me…”

“It offers something you need,” the Prime Jedi said, his voice smooth and pleased. “You must go.”

Rey opened her eyes. He looked as pleased as he sounded. “Where?”

“That is part of your journey—to find the answers you seek.” He stepped back, gestured toward the cave. “Go. I will be waiting.”

She slid off the stone and back into the dimness of the cave, that pull still drawing her. The stairs up the mountainside passed in a blur. She crossed the island’s windy ridge, only thinly clothed with hardy grasses. Where the slope began to fall again, she paused. The chill of her vision sliced through her again, the glimpse of a dark, hungry maw. It reminded her too much of that hole on Bal’demnic, the darkness breathing from its depths.

She didn’t like this game the Prime Jedi played with her. Knowing things he shouldn’t. Teasing what he knew while telling her nothing. She should go. Head down the stairway she’d just passed, get back on Janshi and—

And what? That was why she was here, wasn’t it? She didn’t know where to go. And she was running out of time.

Setting her jaw, Rey began to descend the slope, pretending not to notice the way the sun’s warmth suddenly seemed to falter, the way shadows crept hungrily from the feet of stones.

Soon enough, the sea boomed and hissed ahead. She scrambled down a small drop-off onto slick, grey stone littered with seaweed. Rock spires framed the heaving sea, and in the foreground, the round hole she’d seen in her vision, fringed with slippery weed.

A greeny shimmer in the darkness suggested water. On hands and knees, Rey leaned forward, searching for a way down.

She didn’t know whether she slipped on the weed or if something pulled her, but the next moment, she plunged into freezing water. She thrashed upward toward the light, dragged herself, sputtering and streaming salt water, onto a shelf of rock.

A shaft of light from above illuminated the water’s gently breathing surface. In front of her was a rock face, uncannily smooth. _Yes, here_, something whispered at the back of her mind.

She raised her hand, touched fingertips to the cool, faintly reflective surface. “Let me see,” she whispered. “Show me where to find Snoke. Please.”

A shadow appeared on a surface that no longer seemed to be rock, but frosted glass. It approached, its gait and shape suddenly, achingly familiar. Tears pricked at her eyes as it grew closer, larger, clearer. The shadow of a mane of wavy hair gradually defined itself around the head.

“_Ben_,” she whispered, and the frosted opacity melted away.

It wasn’t Ben. A shaggy-haired man bent over her, familiar and yet not. His hands cupped her face. “You’re my brave girl, aren’t you? You’re not afraid of anything, so I know you can be brave now.” The man’s voice went unsteady at the end. He stopped, cleared his throat. “Mister Plutt promised to take care of you while we’re gone. It’ll only be a little while, I promise.”

Rey shook her head, confused. The cold damp and smell of saltwater were gone. Jakku’s sun glared on barren ground. The ramshackle refueling station and drooping fence of Niima Outpost’s landing field shimmered in the heat.

The man straightened and walked to a waiting ship. At the boarding ramp, he stopped and turned. “Wait for me, sweetheart,” he called. “I’ll come back for you. I promise.”

The boarding ramp closed behind him. Rey’s arm hurt where Unkar Plutt held it. She looked up at him, a mountain of quivering flesh that towered over her. His huge mitt of a hand gripped a child’s thin, dirty arm—_her_ arm.

A whimper came out of her in a child’s voice: “Don’t leave, Dad.”

The ship’s engines fired, two bright blue circles on the landing field. The noise hurt her ears. The wind blew stinging grit in her mouth and eyes. The ship powered upward, the roar of its engine diminishing as rose.

Fear gripped her until she couldn’t breathe. “Come back!” she yelled, jerking against Plutt’s hold. “No! Come _BACK!”_

“Quiet, girl,” Plutt snarled and shook her.

She jerked and thrashed, trying to break free. Plutt just held tighter. The ship shrank as it climbed, blue circles of its engines dwindling into bright dots against the white sky.

“_COME BACK!”_ she screamed, her throat raw.

She reached out a hand. He couldn’t leave her. He _couldn’t_.

Suddenly, the blue dots of the ship’s engines hung still in the sky. The engines howled, fighting the grip of an unseen force.

Rey still held out her hand, wishing with all her strength for the ship to come back down.

It _did_ come down. Fast. Too fast, falling with all the speed the Force could give it. She snatched her hand back.

The ship plowed into the surface. The ground shook under her feet. Dust spewed in a pale plume, then an orange-and-black ball of fire burst.

“_NO!”_ Rey screamed.

She fell to her knees on cold, wet stone. The heat and glare of the desert were gone, replaced by cold darkness that froze her to the heart.

She crumpled in on herself. “No,” she sobbed. “No, no, no…”

The word dissolved into sobs so wrenching she couldn’t breathe. She wanted to curl up small enough to disappear into herself. She wanted to press herself into the stone until it swallowed her whole.

A hand smoothed her wet hair back from her face. “Poor child. I knew this lesson would be the hardest.”

Rey struggled to form a word. Her lungs and tongue and lips wouldn’t work. “Why?”

“Exactly,” the Prime Jedi said. “That was the fourth lesson—why you limit yourself. Why you hold yourself back from your true strength.”

She shivered so hard she thought her teeth would crack. She couldn’t breathe. _She couldn’t breathe_. “I k-k-k-killed them! My own _parents! _I _killed_ them!”

“You did,” he agreed.

She wrapped her arms around her middle. It couldn’t have hurt more if someone had sliced open her belly and her entrails had come tumbling out. She doubled over her knees and rocked, gasping. “I waited,” she wailed. “I _waited_ for them to come back. How could I kill them?”

“Your fear and desperation enabled you to access the power of the dark side of the Force.”

She knotted her fingers in her hair. She felt like she was flying apart. Is this what Ben felt when he’d learned who his grandfather was? This pain, this sickening self-loathing? She deserved everything that had ever happened to her on Jakku. Every hungry day, every cut, every blow. She deserved them all.

“If I knew…” she gasped. “If I knew… Ben should never have taken me away from there.”

The Prime Jedi crouched beside her, stroking her hair again. “That’s it. Open yourself to the dark side. It’s the only way you will you succeed in your task.”

Rey raised her head. His face was swimming and blurry through her tears. “What?”

“To consume, possess, destroy,” he said. “This is the power of the dark side. This is the power you must wield. The same power you wielded when you were a child. If you come to Snoke with nothing more than your love and light, you are doomed.”

She stared at him, bewildered and bleeding inwardly. Slowly, a strange calm settled over her. Her agony and horror fell away, draining into some dark place within her. It was like the chill of the wet cave—the chill of the knowledge of what she was capable of—had sunk through to her very core. Her thoughts were clear and precise, like the moment of a fall into an abyss.

She rocked back onto her haunches, wiped her face with the heels of her hands. She couldn’t fly apart yet. She had something left to do. She still had to save Ben from Snoke. “Yes.”

The Prime Jedi unfurled a clawed hand in front of her. Rey put hers into it. He straightened to his full, imposing height, pulling her to her feet.

“You are unfettered now,” he said. “No longer blinded by pretty lies. But you’ve no need condemn yourself, child. Your parents were filthy junk traders, who sold you for drinking money.”

The words should’ve hurt. They didn’t. They were the simple truth. And she was something so much worse. She simply nodded, accepting.

“You see what you were capable of as a small child, unaware then of what you were doing. Think what you can do now. Through knowledge, you gain power. There is no good without evil. There is no light without the dark. Do you understand now?”

“Yes,” Rey said, calm wrapping her like a bandage, holding everything together. “I understand.”

She drew a hand down her body. Moisture steamed away from her skin and hair and clothes, leaving her dry and warm. Her heart pounded dizzyingly. She stared at her hand as if it belonged to someone else.

It was something Ben had done once, explaining how he did it and how it worked. He’d only watched her anxiously with equal parts hope and dread. He knew better than to ask her to try it. 

“Very good.” The Prime Jedi beamed. “You will find your quarry on Ilum. Go now. Hurry. As you said, there is little time to waste.”

Rey nodded, bent her knees, and with the Force, launched herself up and into the circle of light above.

The Prime Jedi’s voice echoed up from the darkness: “May the Force be with you, young Rey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know many of you have been waiting for Rey to remember what happened to her parents. It was never going to go well. A quick reminder that Ben spent years teaching Rey how to use the Force, though she would never use its physical aspects.


	27. Ilum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey confronts Snoke on Starkiller Base.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hang onto your seat, gang. Some bad stuff goes down in this chapter. If you can stick with me, I promise I'll make it right.
> 
> I am so, so sorry I took so long to update. The words have been slow in coming, and this chapter had a lot of crucial stuff. It was hard getting it just right. I have parts of the next chapter written already, so I hope it won't take as long next time.

**Rey - Ilum**

Janshi knew something was wrong even before she boarded.

_hurt?_ His worry bubbled around her.

Rey skated the thin ice that overlaid her agony. _Choke it off, _she told herself_. Push it down. One foot in front of the other_.

“I’m fine,” she said. “Don’t worry.”

_go_, Janshi said.

“Yes.” She brought up navigations. “To Ilum.”

_bad place_. _hurt_.

“Come out of Slip near the surface. They won’t know we’re there this time.”

_good_.

“Do you still have the comm code Rose used to contact the Resistance?”

_yes_. Janshi activated the comm.

“This is Rey of Jakku. I want to talk to General Organa.”

“What are you doing with this code?” The woman’s voice was shocked and angry.

“Does it matter? I have it. Just tell General Organa I’m here.”

The comm went silent. Rey would’ve thought they’d broken the connection except for that open channel.

“Rey.” It was Leia’s voice, businesslike as ever. “Where are you?”

“Ilum. But not yet. I will be. This is your chance to do something about it. I’m going to get the shields down.”

“Rey, we can’t just—”

“Ben is there. With Snoke.”

There was dead silence. “How do you know?”

“I just know,” Rey said grimly. “Ask Luke.”

“Rose told me about Luke,” Leia said. “He and I haven’t been on speaking terms.”

At Rose’s name, Rey’s throat tightened. “Then she told you— You know I’m right. I’m going to kill Snoke and get Ben out of there.”

“If I send our fleet,” Leia said, “it will be for one purpose—to destroy that base. Your mission will be your own. I can’t guarantee help. I’m sure you understand. I can’t risk uncounted lives for the sake of one or two.”

Rey ground her teeth. _This is your son!_ she wanted to shout. But she knew now—parents didn’t always care what happened to their kids.

“I don’t need the shields down for my mission,” she said coolly. “I have no problem getting in and out.”

Leia sighed heavily. “You drive a hard bargain. I guess I’ll have to talk to my brother after all. Remind him what he owes us.”

Rey gave a firm nod. _Finally_. “Tell Rose—” Her voice broke unexpectedly. “Tell her I miss her. And to take care of herself.”

“I don’t like the sound of that, Rey. What are you planning?”

“What I told you—I’m getting Ben away from Snoke. Whatever it takes. He deserves to be free.”

“Rey…”

She steeled herself for another attempt to talk her down. “Yes?”

“Thank you,” Leia whispered. “Thank you for caring for him. For believing in him.”

Leia’s words shook her. “How can I not? He’s the best person in the whole galaxy.”

“It took you to make the rest of us see it,” Leia said. “May the Force be with you.”

The connection ended.

~oOo~

Janshi came out of Slip in the heart of white mountains speared by black trees. He skimmed the terrain, past sheer rocky faces, along ravines, over snowy slopes, until his eyes caught a structure rising from the ground. Rey piloted for a nearby forest, letting the ship slide and swerve through the close-packed trees to settle under them. Janshi nestled into the snow, using his tentacles to bury himself to the eyes.

Rey stood at the top of the boarding ramp, icy chill breathing into the ship’s interior. “If I don’t come back, get out of here,” she told Janshi. “I don’t want them hurting you.”

A rush of anger colored with alarm brushed her. _come back_.

“I plan to. With Ben.” She smiled a little at the thought of him, of having him here, on her ship. Free.

Janshi calmed, but a shiver went through the ship’s frame. _come back_, he insisted.

Rey put a hand on the wall’s smooth, faintly warm surface and shuttered her mind. “I will.”

It was a long walk to the structure they’d seen. The trudge was tempered by a building excitement, the kind she used to feel just before finding a good haul.

Her shoulders prickled as she tromped, shivering, across the snow. She kept scanning the brilliant, crystal-blue sky for the dark shapes of TIE fighters, the blazing white snowfield for the approaching shapes of speeders. Nothing. Even when she reached the structure and laid a hand over the lock of the door she’d found, even when the door swept open with a touch of the Force, still nothing.

She shook her head in disbelief. Were they so confident in their planetary shield that they didn’t bother with additional security?

She moved carefully, silently through the corridors beyond. She could feel Ben near, as sure as the beat of her own heart. Everything in her yearned toward him. She closed her heart and mind to the sense of him. If he was with Snoke, he couldn’t help her. Anything he knew, Snoke would know.

She glanced at the sector marker at the end of one corridor: _Level 3, Sector 16_. When she heard the tromp of boots, she flitted into another corridor. She pressed a hand to another locking mechanism and slipped inside when the door opened.

It was a control room of some kind. The display panels revealed it to be a water filtration and delivery system. Rey frowned, dredging up memories of the star destroyers she’d crawled through when she was a child. This was no star destroyer, but one thing she’d learned about Imperial design: it was standardized. If the lower-priority controls were here, she should be able to find the high-priority systems several levels down—and several degrees more secure.

She sensed outward, found the corridor outside deserted, and slipped out again. A lift took her downward, into the heart of the facility. It was much more difficult now, the patrols more frequent, the techs and officers going about their business more numerous.

The control room, when she reached it, was occupied. Around the corner in another corridor, she popped open an access panel. Quickly but carefully, she began disconnecting and rerouting circuits.

Sparks spat and the lights went out, plunging the corridor into darkness. Shouts echoed. The next moment, red emergency lighting flickered on. More shouts and the sound of running boots came. She ducked into the shadows, waited for the stormtroopers that appeared to clatter past then slipped out behind them.

The control room door was open now. The techs who monitored the shields were out in the corridor talking to a security detail. Narrowing her eyes, Rey gave a little _push_ against their minds with the Force: _Look over there_. They turned and moved down the corridor.

She slipped into the control room. Opening another access panel, she quickly studied the switches and circuits inside. The dim red light made things more difficult, but not impossible. She’d worked for years in bad light. She still could.

She disconnected the shield status sensor first. It wouldn’t do any good to get the shields down if they knew it. With a careful fingertip, she traced the array of circuits for the shields themselves. She needed something both hard to find and hard to fix. There. The power converter nexus. Biting her lip in concentration, she touched the Force delicately to crush the field power controller and polarizer.

**Luke - Ilum**

The shuttle drifted dark beyond the planet’s sensor satellites, everything but life support powered down. The faces of the Jedi inside were lit only by the distant light of Ilum’s sun shining through the viewports.

The secure channel on the comm crackled to life. “She’s got the shields down,” Leia’s voice said. “Are you ready?”

In the copilot’s seat, Eethlin nodded and brought systems online. Engines and shields powered up with an ascending whine. In the cabin, the others stirred, checking weapons and belting in.

“Ready,” Luke sent back. “We’re heading in.”

“May the Force be with you, Luke,” Leia said.

Luke switched off the comm. “May the Force be with us,” he muttered under his breath.

**Rey**

Voices and footsteps sounded outside the control room. Rey pressed herself flat to the wall by the door. _Don’t look, don’t look_, she sent through the Force. When the techs stepped into the room, she slipped out behind them. A half a squad of stormtroopers stood outside, their backs to her. She froze until they began to move, waited for them to get ahead, then silently followed.

Far enough behind to remain out of sight, she stayed behind the stormtroopers. They met another group and stopped. Rey stopped too. Voices echoed faintly along the corridor, then both groups turned and came back toward her. She turned, sensing outward. More coming from the other direction.

Adrenaline shot through her. She opened a door with the Force and slipped inside.

It was a supply room. Crates and containers and cases on shelves. She scanned for a hiding place, her gaze traveling up the shelves—

_The ceiling panels_, she thought with a burst of hope. The troopers outside were converging on her. She pressed against their minds—_go away, go away_—

The door whisked open. Stormtroopers poured in with their grinning helmets and dark, slanted eyepieces. Rey froze. The whine of blasters engaging sent cold prickling over her skin.

She could blast them away with the Force. She could make them let her go. She could—

A towering figure in chrome armor pushed forward. “Ah. You must be Rey,” the trooper said in a woman’s smooth, contralto voice. “You’re to come with us. The Supreme Leader requires your attendance.”

Rey didn’t fight them when they took her lightsaber. She didn’t fight them when they put her wrists in restraints. Why should she? They were taking her exactly where she wanted to go. The weaker and more helpless they thought her, the better for her.

The chrome stormtrooper captain and a security detail marched her into a lift. It lurched and slid upward. Her sense of Ben grew stronger and clearer as she went. Rey’s heart beat so hard she was afraid they’d be able to see her pulse jumping in her throat. The lift doors opened and they steered her out.

The chamber was huge and dim, the walls raw stone. A transparisteel window in the ceiling high above let in a shaft of bluish light that illuminated a long aisle of stone polished to a glossy sheen. A black throne stood on a stepped dais at the end. Someone sat on it, but the light from behind cast the occupant into shadow. She could only make out a large, dark, hunched shape. _Snoke_, she thought and clenched her jaw. The stormtroopers, one holding each elbow, marched her forward until she stood in the light.

The trooper captain went down to one knee, her black cloak pooling around her like a second shadow. “Supreme Leader, the scavenger.” She held out Rey’s lightsaber like an offering. “Her weapon.”

The troopers holding her elbows shoved Rey to her knees. Everything in her shouted, _Ben, Ben! Ben is here!_ She could feel him, but where? She refused to look, didn’t even dare open her mind or the bond, keeping her eyes fixed defiantly on the shadow on the throne.

Rey’s lightsaber flew from the captain’s hand. A flash of movement, and the shadow swallowed it.

“Very good.” The voice hissed around the chamber like the whisper of a dead soul. “Leave us.”

“Yes, Supreme Leader.” The chrome trooper gathered up the others.

Their booted footsteps receded behind her. Rey pushed to her feet, awkward in the restraints. She wouldn’t kneel to this creature. The Force touched her, and the restraints fell away.

Goosebumps prickled across her skin. She stared at the shadow that was Snoke, imagining crushing him to a pulp with the Force. _Not yet, _she told herself. _Wait_.

“Come closer, child,” the voice purred. “Let me see you with my own eyes.”

Rey throttled her glee—and the eager image of her hands closing around the throat of the parasite that had tormented Ben all his life. She let her eyes dart once around the vast room, searching for him.

The adrenaline coursing through her made everything sharp and clear: the blue light spilling down around her, reflecting on the floor in front of her; the chill, still, dead air; the smell of stone faintly tinged with the ozone smell of an igniting lightsaber; the tap of her boots with each step she took.

“I’m not the one hiding in shadows.” Her voice cut the cold air. “What are you afraid of?”

The figure on the throne chuckled. “Should I be afraid of you?”

He loomed to his feet, impossibly tall on the high throne. Light sheened across the dome of his head. He came forward, step by step down the dais, his cloak flowing behind him like a shadow.

She stopped. He took the last step down, into the light.

Rey staggered back.

It was Kylo Ren’s helmet, his black cloak and padded tunic. A wave of dizziness rolled over her. _No. No, no, no_…

She snapped open the bond. Ben wasn’t there. His end of the bond was as blank and dark as it had been for the last three years.

She clenched her fists, willing her heartbeat to slow. “Who are you? Take off that mask.”

“What do you think you’ll see?” he mocked.

“The face of my—” She bit back the rest.

“What? Brother? Friend? Your _beloved?”_

_Do it_, the vicious, feral corner of her mind said. _Do it now_.

With the Force, she snatched her lightsaber from where he held it loosely his gloved hand. She ignited it. The blue blade leapt out with a hiss and a menacing hum.

“The face of a monster,” she snarled, raising her weapon.

He lifted gloved hands. The respirator disengaged and he pulled the helmet off.

Underneath was Ben’s face. Those were Ben’s big hands in those gloves. His solid shape under that tunic. His eyes were _yellow_.

“_Ben?” _she whispered and lowered her lightsaber.

The smirk that twisted his lips was full of cruelty. “Ben isn’t here, dear child. He gave himself to me when you left him. Shall I tell you why?”

Rey shook her head. It was like a nightmare. But she already knew how real nightmares could be.

“You drove him to it. Just as you drove him to this.” He ignited his lightsaber. With a snarl of sparks, it erupted into a crackling red blade, two smaller jets near the hilt.

She raised her weapon automatically, ready for a strike. It didn’t come. “What happened to your lightsaber?”

“_You_ happened, dear Rey. Ben meant to kill himself. To protect you. From _himself_.”

The voice was Ben’s, yet not. Ben’s voice had never had that sneering, taunting tone. Every word tore at her, ripped another piece out of her.

Her lightsaber shook in her hands. She found herself gulping breath after breath—not sobs. She was too horrified for that. “He would never.”

He held up the spitting, snarling blade as if admiring it, then deactivated it. “He did. He held the hilt like this…” He pressed the hilt to his middle. His thumb hovered over the activation switch. “…and pressed the switch—”

Rey leapt forward. “No!”

He paused, cocked his head. “No? Why not? You may as well have pressed that switch yourself that day. When he was at his lowest and most desperate, you left him. _Abandoned_ him.”

Tears ran down her cheeks. “I didn’t know! I never would have—”

But she’d killed her parents, hadn’t she? Was leaving Ben when he needed her most any different?

“Still, he came to me for your sake,” the monster went on relentlessly. “To _protect_ you when you finally reached me. As we knew you eventually would.” He spread his arms wide. “Here I am. Will you kill me now?”

She kept shaking her head. _Snoke. It’s Snoke_. Except it was also Ben. How could she kill him?

“I know you’re there, Ben,” she whispered, pleading. “Fight him.” She took a step forward. “I’ll help you.”

His lips turned down. “What help can you give him? He has everything he was destined for. Everything I foresaw has come to pass. The Chosen One’s heir is mine. Soon the galaxy will be as well.”

In that moment, she felt Ben stir through the bond. She felt his anguish and terror, his fierce determination.

“No—!” Snoke snarled.

Ben’s eyes cleared, the feral yellow draining away to show familiar clear brown. “Rey,” he ground out. “He’s in me. Darth Tenebrous. He—took me. His essence—on Bal’demnic. Only one way—to get rid of him.” He shook as if his muscles weren’t entirely under his control. His sword arm swung wide as if to throw his weapon, but his gloved hand clenched it tight. His gaze went to her lightsaber, then rose to her eyes. “Do it—now. While I—hold him.”

Her face was wet and cold with tears. “No, Ben. I can’t.”

“You have to. For me. I can’t—fight him. He’ll—”

He thrashed and twitched, his face contorting. Rey watched, horrified, but Ben regained control.

“He’ll make me kill you,” he gasped. “Destroy my light—” His jaw snapped shut and he arched.

“I can’t!” she shouted. “I can’t kill you, too! _I won’t kill everyone I love!”_

The Prime Jedi’s voice suddenly whispered in memory. _Open yourself to the dark side_. _It’s the only way you’ll succeed in your task. _

The answer burst on her. Snoke—Darth Tenebrous—couldn’t fully possess Ben until the light in him was snuffed out. And when he fully possessed him—

The parasite would be fully present. He could be destroyed.

All her own anguish disappeared. She dropped her lightsaber to the floor. The blade retracted and it hit with a clink.

She stepped forward, reached up and took Ben’s dear face in her hands. “I know what to do, Ben,” she whispered. “Trust me to have the strength to do it.”

She saw the moment he surrendered—to her, to the parasite in him. His eyes turned yellow again. He grinned, a savage baring of teeth she’d never seen on the face of her Ben. “Pitiful child. Did you really think you could free him?” He brought the hilt of his lightsaber around.

She caught his hands, gripped them tight. “I said I’ll kill you, Snoke, Darth Tenebrous, whoever you are. I promised.”

“You’ll die foresworn, then.” His hand jerked under hers. The lightsaber between them ignited with a snarl of plasma. The blade punched through her—she smelled the reek of charred meat and burning bone. Just as the pain hit, she lunged through the bond.

She threw every bit of her hatred for the monster that had tortured Ben all his life through the bond, every bit of her horror and digust for what she’d done to her parents, all her fear of what she was capable of doing to someone she loved.

The thing in him screamed in shock and pain, lashed out with the Force and into her mind. She fought it with all the ferocity nine years on Jakku had given her, ripping, tearing, shredding the dark essence infecting Ben like some foul disease.

Her life was draining through the hole in her chest like water. _No, no, not yet!_ she cried silently, desperate. She threw all her power, the last of her strength at the thing.

The world was growing blurred and faded and distant. For an endless moment, the cloud of darkness wavered, tattering, then it swarmed forward. Just as it closed around her, cold and suffocating, another darkness rose behind it. Laced through with red rage and flashing like lightning with the living Force, it swept like a black sandstorm over the vile thing attacking her.

She was a child on Jakku again, watching a colony of steelpeckers fall through a hatch into light-pierced darkness. Screams sounded. White flashed and red spattered against endless, drowning darkness. A voice called, _Rey!_ In desperation and agony, then blank nothingness engulfed her.

**Ben**

_I know what to do, Ben_, Rey had promised him. Fear spiked through him, then Tenebrous seized him and thrust Ben back into the smallest corner of his mind, smothering him in darkness. The next moment Tenebrous’ hold on him wavered, then fell away.

Rey stood in front of him, the feral snarl he hadn’t seen in years on her face. Her hands gripped his face painfully and her _power_—

Her power surged into him through the bond, stronger than he’d ever sensed in her before. Tenebrous shrieked as she tore at the undead Sith’s dark essence, her own power just as dark with hate and pain.

Even tattered, the Sith’s essence rose to smother her the way he intended to smother Ben. _No_, Ben snarled silently. _You won’t touch her!_

He ripped into Tenebrous. His love for Rey lancing like lightning through the Force, Ben struck, slashing, burning Tenebrous to nothing.

Ben stood panting. He was free. His mind was clear. No poisonous, insidious darkness. No whispers. Everything in him leapt up—

Rey’s hands fell from his face. Her eyes closed and she slumped. He caught her as she fell, carrying her to the floor. Instantly, he reached through the bond.

She wasn’t there. _She wasn’t—there_.

“Rey!” he shouted.

The smell hit him first—the stink of burned meat. His heart pounded into his throat. The world telescoped, agonizingly bright and clear and focused on her. On the smoking hole in her chest. On his lightsaber, lying on the floor by his knee. On the empty place in the Force where she should be. On the cold blankness at the other end of the bond.

“No,” he breathed. He gathered her limp form to him, cupped her head to hold it to his shoulder. The throne room blurred and prismed through tears. “No, no, no…” He chanted it over and over as he rocked her. “Don’t leave me. Not now. You can’t.” He clutched her tighter, squeezed his eyes shut. Tears ran hot down his cheeks. “You can’t leave. You can’t leave me, Rey. Do you hear me? I won’t let you.” His voice came out tight and strange. “I won’t let you!”

He loosened his hold, cradling her in one arm as he laid his hand on the wound in her chest. Closing his eyes, he reached for the Force.

There was no life to heal. There was no memory of wholeness to restore. She had no presence in the Force. He reached again, more insistently. The Force was there—

Rey wasn’t.

He had to reach her.

He threw himself into the Force, straining outward with all his strength. The galaxy of life that made the Force shimmered around him. He pushed further.

Darkness shivered beyond, like a negative of the gleam of sunlight at the edge of a forest.

“Ben,” a voice said. It seemed to come from all around him. “What are you doing?”

He snapped back into himself. A tall man in Jedi robes stood by him. It took Ben a disoriented moment to notice the blue shimmer around him, to feel his presence thrumming through the Force.

Ben clutched Rey’s body protectively. “Who—” he began, shocked, then recognized him from holos he’d seen as a boy: hair as shaggy as his own, but light instead of dark. “Grandfather?”

Anakin Skywalker crouched by him. “She’s gone, Ben,” he said gently. “You can’t bring her back.”

Ben was shaking. Tears still poured down his face. “I can. I _will_.”

“You can,” Anakin agreed. “But you’ll kill yourself doing it.”

“I don’t care.” He took a breath, then another. “I _killed_ her.” His voice broke. He lowered his face to Rey’s hair, weeping silently.

“You’ll destroy yourself when she gave everything to save you? You’ll bring her back only to leave her alone again? Is that what you want for her?”

Ben lifted his head, horrified. “_No_,” he breathed.

Anakin reached out a hand, laid over Ben’s own where he covered Rey’s wound. “More than anything, she wanted you to be free. She wanted you to know the same happiness you gave her. She wanted you to finally have the chance to live your life. Let her go, Ben. Give her what she wanted.”

“I can’t.” The words forced their way through his throat like broken glass. “I’ll give her anything. Everything. But I can’t—I can’t let her go.”

Sighing, Anakin bowed his head. “I won’t let you throw your life away. Not when you finally have a chance to live it.”

**Rey**

She drifted in darkness. There was no pain, no fear, no struggle. Nothing but blank emptiness, restful and still.

A light shot past, trailing a silver streamer. Another spun into a corkscrew. Soon the darkness was shot through with sparks and whorls and streaks of silver, like thoughts given shape. She spun through them aimlessly.

There was no up or down, no near or far, no here or there, but there was…_being_. Awareness. She was able to feel when she was no longer alone. Slowly, with great effort, she focused on the presence with her. It took on the shape of a man in worn jacket and trousers and battered boots.

“How are you, Sparkle?”

The voice was familiar, one she’d heard in dreams as long as she remembered. The face wasn’t. She still knew who it was.

“Dad?”

He grinned, a mirror of her own grin, and took her hands.

“Look at you,” he said. “You grew into more than I ever imagined.”

She looked down at their joined hands. His were warm and roughly calloused, like hers.

The stillness and peace shivered, shattered. “I killed you.”

He sat, pulling her to sit beside him—there was something to sit on now.

He sighed. “You were so little and so scared, Sparkle. You only wanted us back.”

The tears came now. “How could I kill you if I loved you?”

She dropped her face in her hands. Sobs shook her.

“The people you loved and trusted most in the galaxy were leaving you all alone. You didn’t know what you could do. I did.” He rubbed a soothing hand on her back. “I let you down. I didn’t take care of my girl the way I should have.”

“Did you really—” The words stuck in her throat. “…sell me?”

“The spice had its claws into your mama. I didn’t know how bad until it was too late and she was in deep with Unkar Plutt. Plutt was going to kill you unless I paid him. That’s why we left you—to make the credits.”

Rey squeezed her eyes shut. That made it even worse, what she did.

He tightened a hand on the back of her neck, grounding her. “You an’ me, we both have it. The Force. But what you have, and what I have—it’s like a star destroyer to a landspeeder. I was going to take you to one of the Sacred Villages, let them teach you.” He shook his head. “I waited too long. Don’t you see, Sparkle? What happened—that was my fault, not yours. You can’t let it destroy you.”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“It does,” he said gently. “You have to go back. You’re not supposed to be here. Not while you’re still connected there.”

She wrapped her arms around herself. “I don’t want to go back, Dad. I _can’t_.”

He sat quietly a while, a comforting hand on her back. “He’s trying to bring you back,” he finally said. “Can’t you feel it?”

Slowly, Rey became aware of a change: now there was a _here_ and a _there_, and _there_ was pulling at her like increasing gravity. It took more and more will and effort to remain in this place. The pull increased, dragging at her. Clenching her fists, she braced against it.

“He thinks he killed you,” Dad said.

“He didn’t!” she burst out. “I knew what I was doing. It was the only way to kill that that—that _thing_ in him.”

“You need to tell him that,” Dad said. “Before he kills himself trying to bring you back.”

Rey shot to her feet. “No!”

The pull was almost irresistible now—almost. She could still fight it if she wanted.

“Dad, I—I don’t deserve— How can I—”

He took her hand again. “You have to forgive a terrified little girl.”

She bowed her head. “I don’t know…if I can.”

“You can. I know it. You would if she was your own little girl.” He stood, pulled her into a hug then set her back to kiss her forehead. “I love you across the galaxy and back, Sparkle. Always have. Always will. Remember that.”

Her lips curved in a shaky smile. “I love you across the galaxy back a hundred million times, Dad.”

She let herself fall into the gravity that towed at her. The streaks and spirals blurred past her and she plunged into blank darkness.

**Ben**

Ben glared at his grandfather’s ghost. “You won’t stop me.”

Anakin shook his head. “You’re a Skywalker, all right.”

Ben threw himself into the Force again. His grandfather’s presence loomed up, blocking him, holding him back from the darkness at the edge of life. Ben snarled, ready to fight, then pure Force power joined his.

Rey was gone, but the bond wasn’t. Just as she’d sent her own power through it to attack Tenebrous, Anakin funneled their combined power through to the other end of the bond. There was a sense of immense effort, like trying to shift the orbit of a small moon. Entropy, inertia, every law of the universe resisted him—everything but the bond, seeking its other half.

Slowly, slowly, the balance began to tilt. The weight he pulled lessened. All at once, it was rushing toward him. The fierce brilliance that was Rey exploded into the Force again.

Overwhelmed, disoriented, Ben blinked back into the throne room. Rey’s body still lay in his arms, still lightsaber-pierced. Anakin’s hands covered his.

His grandfather’s head jerked up, Force power roiling in his eyes. “Heal her, Ben. Hurry. While we have her.”

Ben sucked in a breath, his lungs starved for air as if it had been a long time since he’d breathed. When he closed his eyes and reached for the Force once more, it flowed readily into Rey’s body.

Anakin’s power thrummed around them as Ben guided his own into healing her. Force energy swirled under his hand and into her wound. He coaxed her tissues to mend, closing the gash that pierced her through. He persuaded her heart to beat, blood to pump. Her terrible stillness faded, replaced by the pulse and hum of life. Color returned to her wax-pale skin.

Rey’s eyelids flickered, then opened. “Ben.”

He didn’t know if he’d lifted her up or she pulled him down. He only knew that he strained her to his chest, his fingers tangled in her hair, her arm looped around his neck. Her lips against his were the sweetest thing he’d ever tasted, the feel of her slim body pressed to his like fitting a piece into place he never knew was missing.

**Rey**

Kissing Ben was better than Rey ever imagined. It was like floating through the Force again, but this time all existence revolved around Ben—the feel of his lips on hers, soft and insistent, his breath in her mouth, his fingers in her hair holding her fast. His scent surrounded her, dizzying yet comforting. His arm anchored her to his big, solid body. The bond hummed between them; she didn’t know where he ended and she began, only shared joy and relief and wholeness.

She loosened her hold on his neck and tunic. He relaxed his hold on her at the same time. She wiped at the tears that streaked his cheeks.

His eyes roved over her as if drinking her in. Unexpectedly, he grinned. It transformed his whole face, shining joy breaking through a lifetime of torment. Laughing, she surged forward to capture his lips again.

She became aware of the sounds outside the throne room before he did—shouts, the pop and whine of blaster shots, the thunder of running footsteps.

Instinct took over. She called her lightsaber to her hand and rolled to her feet. Ben was on his feet beside her the next instant. The blades of their lightsabers shot out in the same moment, hers with a smooth hiss, his in a spitting snarl of sparks.

The doors exploded inward. Smoke boiled through. Ben raised his hand. So did Rey. The green and blue streaks of lightsabers glowed through the smoke. The Force rippled and Luke Skywalker stepped out, flanked by eight or nine other Jedi.

Rey recognized the woman who’d sliced her at the market on Elphrona. Raising her lightsaber, she bared her teeth. The bitch wouldn’t slice her this time.

Luke’s eyes went to the throne rising behind Ben and Rey, then settled on Ben’s spitting red blade. The other Jedi wore various expressions of shock and confusion and fear.

Luke’s lips went flat and his face closed. He gestured sharply at Ben’s lightsaber. “What’s that?”

“We killed Snoke.” Rey’s voice rang sharp and clear. Luke needed to focus on what was important.

“Darth Tenebrous,” Ben corrected. “Also Rugess Nome. _Snoke_.” Ben spat the hated name.

Luke’s gaze suspiciously swept the throne room, clearly expecting to see a body.

“He intended to seize and become the Chosen One when he appeared,” Ben went on. “His apprentice, Darth Plagueis, ruined his plans.”

Luke caught his breath at the name. The other Jedi shifted uneasily.

“Plagueis held the secret to eternal life…” Luke breathed.

“He thought he did,” Ben said. “Tenebrous didn’t tell him everything. He survived as an essence in the Force on Bal’demnic.” Ben’s tone was calm, but Rey could sense his tension and watchfulness—he was expecting a fight. “He was still strong enough in the Force to reach me.”

Luke narrowed his eyes. “Why?” he drawled. “You’re not the Chosen One.”

“I’m the Chosen One’s heir,” Ben said. “Equal in the light and the dark. But Tenebrous miscalculated. To possess me, he needed me completely dark. And lost access to my power in the light.”

A few of the Jedi were shifting apart. Rey shifted away from Ben, too, gaining fighting room.

His gaze flicked to her. She caught a flash of pain and guilt before he shut himself off. “Rey, go.”

She didn’t take her eyes off the Jedi. “I’m not leaving you.”

“Yes, you are. There’s no place for you here.”

“I’m staying—”

“I’m Supreme Leader of the First Order!” Ben shouted suddenly. His eyes were wild. His voice was tight and strange, his gloved hand clenched on the hilt of his lightsaber.

Realization hit her. “You can stop it. This Death Star.”

“Not with you.” His jaw set and his face closed. All but his dark eyes, aching with some emotion she couldn’t name. “You come from nothing,” he gritted out. “You’re nothing.” He gave a little shake of the head as if to emphasize the point. “You don’t belong with me.”

Breath burst from her. The pain hit an instant later, like the moment his lightsaber had punched through her. Everything in her spun, disbelieving. “Ben—”

“Go!” he roared.

She could feel him through the bond, wild and furious… And absolutely, completely sincere.

She backed a step, then another, her lightsaber shaking in her hand. The pain twisted, ignited into rage. “I should never have come,” she hissed. “Tenebrous turned you into exactly what he wanted.”

She turned and ran for the doors. The Jedi woman who’d cut her before raised her blade. Rey would slash her way through if she had to, but the woman fell back.

Lightsaber in hand, Rey kept running. She still couldn’t escape the pain.

**Luke**

“You heard what she said.” Raich tightened his grip on his lightsaber. “He’s turned Sith. He admitted it!”

A few minutes ago, Luke would’ve argued. After what Ben had said to that girl—

“Leave while you can.” Ben’s voice was flat. “I’m giving you the chance.”

Raising his lightsaber, Luke settled into a fighting stance. The other Jedi did the same.

“I can’t do that, Ben.”

A glowing blue figure shimmered into existence between them. Luke stared. His father. As he had been before he became Darth Vader.

“Is there nothing he can do to prove himself to you?” Anakin said harshly.

“He’s proven what he is,” Luke growled.

Ben stirred aggressively.

Anakin just shook his head. He swept a glowing, slightly translucent hand down himself. “Look at me. Are you so blinded by your fear of what I was?”

Luke faltered back, his lightsaber lowering.

“I turned back to the light for your sake, Son,” Anakin said. “Tenebrous’ hold on him kept me away all these years, but I’m here now. I stand by my grandson.”

“I don’t want to fight you, Luke.” Ben said. “Any of you. You won’t win. Not against me, not with the entire might of the First Order against you. I don’t want your deaths on my conscience.”

“Would a Sith show mercy?” Anakin said. “You reject half the Force, Luke. Ben embraces the Force in its entirety. The way I did. He is my heir the way you never could be.”

The words hit hard. After all the years of study and striving, after the struggle to return the Jedi to their place in the galaxy… Anakin, a manifestation of the Force, was telling him he’d been wrong all along?

Luke drew himself up but deactivated his lightsaber. “After what you just did to that girl, Ben, I hope it’s worth it. She was willing to take on the galaxy for you.”

“He defied death for her,” Anakin said.

Luke’s guts twisted. “That’s how Sith use their power.” 

Ben clenched his jaw. “‘_There is no light without the dark__,_’” he quoted. “Not Sith. Only the dark side.”

“And the light side to heal her,” Anakin said. “Balance. Yoda and Obi-Wan refused to see that.”

With a lift of the hand, Luke commanded the other Jedi to stand down. Uncertain, confused, they deactivated their lightsabers.

“I don’t trust you, Ben, but I trust the Force.” Luke nodded at the ghost of his father. “That’s the only reason we’re leaving you alive today.”

He turned and walked out, leaving the Supreme Leader of the First Order alone in his throne room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the fakeout. Just a chapter or two to go, I think. Somebody has to slap some sense into the Skywalkers before they get their shit together. 😉


	28. Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The First Order offers to open negotiations with the Resistance while Han Solo works a deal of his own behind the scenes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't thanked you in a while for reading and for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I'm excited to read every comment and am so grateful for your support! 💗

**Han - Takodana**

“So.” Han leaned an elbow on the bar and swirled his drink. “What’s this all about?”

Maz looked grim. “Have you seen the holos? About the First Order?”

“Eh.” Han made a dismissive gesture. “I leave the politics to Leia.”

“Hm,” Maz said.

She slid a palm-sized holo projector between them and activated it. A holo of a cloaked and black-garbed figure sprang up, the face covered by a mask with menacing chrome rings around the eyes.

“This,” she said, “is the Supreme Leader of the First Order. He calls himself Kylo Ren.”

Han made a face. “Going for the Darth Vader look, huh?”

Maz pushed the holo projector directly in front of Han. “Funny you should say that. Since they’re related.”

“Who—” Han began. The rest dried up on his tongue. “No.”

“Yes,” Maz said.

Han ran a hand through his hair. It took him a moment to gather himself. “You brought me here to tell me _my son_ is the new Emperor of a second Empire?”

“Mmm.” She cocked her head thoughtfully. “I thought you’d rather hear it from a friend. Also, I need a favor.”

Han was not liking where this was going. “Yeah? What?”

“Rey of Jakku is here. Alone.”

“Rey.” He eyed Maz warily. “What’s she doing here?”

“Repairing ships for a living. Making some illicit modifications on the side.” Maz paused, watching the holo of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren. “She isn’t happy.”

“If she’s half as unhappy as I am right now, I guess not. What’s the favor?”

Maz switched off the holo. It collapsed in a blue glitter of static. “This place is crawling with First Order operatives since she came. They’re good—most of my clientele don’t guess what they are. But there have been…incidents.”

Han was beginning to get the picture. “Let me guess. Some pushy types who get a little too handsy with a pretty girl end up with injuries they’d rather not discuss?”

Maz gave a huff of a humorless laugh. “Something like that. They’re bad for business, Han. If I know what they are, others will find out soon enough.”

“You could always send her away. The watchdogs will follow her.”

Maz gave him a disgusted look. “_You_ could talk to Leia. There’s obviously more going on here than either of us knows.”

Han sighed and rubbed his mouth. “All right. I’ll see what I can find out.” He swigged his drink and stood. “Do you want me to talk to Rey?”

“She won’t even talk to me.” Maz frowned, thinking. “Not yet. Find out what you can. Then we’ll know what to do.”

“Supreme Leader Kylo Ren,” Han muttered, shaking his head. “Thanks for telling me, Maz. I’ll be in touch.”

**Han – D’Qar**

Being General Organa’s husband (and a former Rebellion general himself) had its perks. For one thing, he could drop in on meetings without anyone making more of a stink than he could handle—including the General herself.

Han could hear Leia’s voice before the door even opened. The moment it did, she turned and looked up at him. Luke sat opposite her, arms crossed, looking angry and disgusted.

“Negotiations!” she burst out. “The First Order wants to open _negotiations_ with us!”

Han leaned against the wall. “I always thought negotiations were a good thing.”

“With a fascist dictatorship in possession of _another_ planet-destroying weapon? What is there to negotiate? Our surrender? The dissolution of the Senate?”

“Has he already stated terms?”

Leia narrowed her eyes. “You know who we’re dealing with. How?”

“I have my sources, sweetheart. So has he threatened to _use_ their planet-destroying weapon?”

“No,” Leia bit out. “Only told us how they expect the galaxy to be run.” Her attitude told him it was something she couldn’t fight.

“Such as?” Han said.

She drummed her fingers on the table. “It doesn’t matter. It’s the _principle_.”

“So tell this unprincipled old scoundrel.”

She gusted a sigh and glared at him. “The First Order will allow the New Republic to continue _under its aegis_,” she spat, “as a central government with a uniform set of laws. Slavery will be outlawed throughout the galaxy. The spice trade will be regulated and taxed. Taxation will be sufficient to guarantee all galactic citizens the basic dignity of food, housing, education and healthcare.”

Han laughed. “That’s your son, all right.”

Luke frowned. “You wouldn’t laugh if you’d seen him, Han. He’s not what you remember.”

“Probably not,” Han agreed. “He also wants to talk before using his planet-killer. That has to count for something.”

“He can’t be trusted,” Luke said. “He’s turned his back on everything the Jedi believe. He had even before he left me.”

“You were never going to make a Jedi out of him, Luke,” Han said.

“Han, you don’t understand—” Leia began.

“I understand better than you think, Princess. I should’ve fought harder when you two cooked up that plan. You’re never going to fit Ben into that box. You mangled him before trying to do it.”

“He’s _Supreme Leader_ of the _First Order!”_ Leia said, indignant. “You think I’ll stand back and—”

Han overrode her. “You raised him to be a prince. Well, he is one. Why are you so horrified?”

Leia stopped, her mouth open.

“You didn’t see what he did to that girl,” Luke put in. “It was…” He pressed his lips to a flat line. “…inexcusable.”

“Rey?” Han snorted. “Come on, Luke. You expect me to believe Ben would do anything to her?”

“He told her he was Supreme Leader, and she was nothing. He told her he didn’t want her there.”

Han rocked on his feet, light dawning. “Huh.”

“’Huh?’” Leia burst out, more indignant than before. “That’s all you’re going to say? ‘Huh?’”

“For now, yeah.” Han looked between their outraged and angry faces. “What’s your problem? Why are you so ready to think the worst of him? He got rid of that Sith. What else do you want him to do?”

Leia got that cool stillness that was more dangerous than any shouting. “He’s _blackmailing_ us. They’re offering perfectly reasonable terms while controlling a military force unimaginably more powerful than our own. What comes next? How long until they decide to dismantle our democracy?” She pushed a breath through her nose. “The New Republic will never submit.”

The anger that swept him caught Han by surprise. He pushed off the wall. “Listen to yourselves. You’re both so _comfortable_. It’s all just ideas and words for you, isn’t it? You have no idea what it’s like to have to sell yourself to some predator so you have a hope of living another day. No. You’d rather go to war. You’d rather see millions of people killed than make sure some poor kid has a meal, a safe roof over their head and hope for something better someday. All so you can congratulate yourselves that you’re the defenders of ‘freedom.’ Let me tell you—there’s no freedom in starvation and fear and hopelessness.”

Leia looked like he’d slapped her. She stood, reaching for him. “Han—”

He held up a hand, stepped out of her reach. “No. I’ve heard enough. Go ahead and turn Ben down. Start your war if that’s what you want. I have things to do.”

**Han – Bespin**

Lando was on the docking platform to meet Han when he descended the boarding ramp, Bespin’s ever-present winds flaring his cape dramatically. He scrutinized the _Falcon_ with an appraising eye before he greeted Han.

“You’re taking care of the _Falcon?”_ Lando said sternly.

“Better than I take care of myself,” Han said. “I lost her once. I won’t take her for granted again.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Especially after—” He gave an uncomfortable shrug.

“Ben.” Lando nodded in understanding, then finally clapped Han on the back. “I should warn you, we have some First Order security types here. The First Order has requested we host negotiations with the Resistance.”

Han raised his brows. “Requested?”

“Formally,” Lando said. “With a down payment for the use of the facilities.”

“Good.”

The door to the dome opened with a soft _whoosh_. Lando shot him a sly, sideways look. “I didn’t want you to have any unpleasant surprises this time.”

Han huffed a laugh. “No dinner with Vader with a chaser of carbonite freezer? Thanks.”

“Any time,” Lando said. They walked along the bright, crowded corridors in silence. When they were alone, he said, “You’ve seen the holos?”

“Yeah, I’ve seen the holos.”

“You know that—”

“My son is Supreme Leader of the First Order? Yeah.”

“What the _hell_, Han?”

“That’s what I’m here to find out,” Han said. “Is L3 still with you?”

“Millie. Yes.”

“I need to talk to her. There’s one thing that’s bothering me about all this—how Ben ended up with Snoke.”

“She told you—”

“She told us what happened. What I want to know is _why_.”

Lando took them to the observation deck at the top of the dome. Bespin’s vivid clouds streamed and curled beyond the transparisteel dome while the busy life of Cloud City milled below. Millie eventually joined them, turning heads as she tromped to their table.

The chair creaked threateningly when she settled into it. “Still haven’t gotten around to providing furniture suitable for droids,” she grumbled.

Lando sighed. “We discussed this, Millie. Droids don’t need to sit.”

“Doesn’t mean we don’t want to.”

Lando shared a long-suffering look with Han.

“So, Millie, would you, uh, like a drink?” Han said awkwardly.

“You’re trying to wheedle me,” she said. “Why are you trying to wheedle me?”

Han leaned forward. “On Bal’demnic—did Ben tell you his plan? Why he went there?”

“Of course he did. I wouldn’t have let him go otherwise.”

“And?” Lando said.

“Rey left the year before to find and kill Snoke. Ben was going to meet Snoke before she got to him. He said he was doing it for her.”

Han pushed out a breath and leaned back. “Right.”

Lando’s brow wrinkled. “He gave himself up to Snoke—”

“To protect Rey,” Han finished.

“What else?” Millie said. “Ben always protected her. It was the first thing he thought about.”

Han was getting more and more excited. He pushed to his feet. “One more favor, Lando. When are these negotiations taking place?”

“In nine days.”

“Good. I’ll have time to pick up Chewie, check things out.”

“Han,” Lando said. “What are you planning?”

He grinned, feeling lighter—and righter—than he had in a long time. “I’m going to show the Skywalkers they’re not as smart as they think they are.”

**Rey – Takodana**

Rey was elbow deep in the wiring of a sloop’s deflector array when someone banged on the hull. She jumped and almost hit her head on the ridge of the access tube.

“Hey!” a man’s voice called. “Are you the mechanic?”

Muttering a curse, Rey wiggled out and dropped to the ground. She looked the man up and down. He was tall, with a craggy face and silvering hair. He wore a battered flight jacket.

“That’s me,” she said, not bothering to hide her annoyance.

He looked her up and down in turn, squinting. “You look young.”

“You wanted something?”

“Huh,” he said, still squinting at her. “Yeah. I need you to look at my ship.”

She turned back to the open access panel. “When I’m done with this job.”

“I’ll pay you extra. I got somewhere I need to be, and I’m running behind.”

Turning back around, she crossed her arms. “How much extra?”

He gave a charming grin. “Name your price.”

The grin was made her decide to push it. She _hated_ when someone tried to con her. “Double my normal rate.”

He rubbed his jaw. “I want a quote, first.”

She smiled thinly. “I thought you had somewhere you need to be.”

“I have to see how bad I need to be there, first.”

Rey snorted. “Let’s see what you have.”

Chattering all the while, he led her through the ships scattered across Maz’s landing field—transports and shuttles, even a small cruiser. Ray only paid half-attention to what he was saying. There was a certain shiftiness about him; but then, just about everyone she dealt with was shifty.

She had her lightsaber. And the Force.

“We’re getting gas leaks in the hyperdrive,” he said. “Think you can fix that?”

She bristled. “I can fix anything.”

“That’s what they said, but…” He shrugged.

She shot him a look. “You _want_ me to raise my price?”

He held up his hands in surrender. “No offence, kid.”

“I’m not a _kid_. Where’s your ship?”

He jerked his chin. “There. At the edge of the woods.”

Rey looked—

And stopped dead. It was the _Millennium Falcon_.

She clenched her fists. “There’s nothing wrong with that ship.” She aimed a glare at the man. “There better _not_ be anything wrong with that ship.”

“It’s not my fault. The guy I got it from—”

She rounded on him. “Who did you get it from?”

“Some smooth-talking old—”

“Stop.” She held up a hand. “I don’t want to know.”

Rey stormed to the _Falcon_ and up the boarding ramp.

“Hey, wait—” he said.

She stomped along the corridor, scanning the ship as she went. Everything looked fine, but if they were having trouble with the hyperdrive—

The man’s footsteps thumped along behind her. She sensed his shiftiness change to satisfaction.

The engine room door rumbled open. Everything here, too, looked good. She walked straight to the maintenance pit, hauled off the cover and dropped inside.

The man bent to watch her, hands braced on knees. “See anything?”

“Someone’s made some sloppy solders on the sensor wires leading to the power core.” She let out a breath. It wasn’t as bad as she feared. “That could make your systems show a gas leak when there isn’t one.” She pulled herself out of the pit, stood and dusted her hands. “As long as I don’t find anything else wrong—”

A hum rising to a whine filled the engine room as the repulsors and thrusters engaged. The landing gear retracted with a hiss of hydraulics and a thump. There was a lurch as the ship swept airborne.

Rey ignited her lightsaber. “Put this ship on the ground. Now.”

Holding up his hands, the man backpedaled. “Whoa, kid—”

She advanced on him, lightsaber raised and ready. “Put it on the ground, or I will.”

“Wait, Rey. I can explain.”

He knew her name. She kept backing him toward the engine room hatch. “Explain.”

“I’m Han Solo. Ben’s father. I just want to talk to you.”

_Ben_. Her heart stammered and her lightsaber lowered a notch. She narrowed her eyes. “So you kidnapped me.”

“Yeah, well…there’s a reason for that. Like I told you, I have somewhere I need to be, and I’m running late.”

They were out in the corridor now, Han Solo still backing away. “You _left_ him,” Rey said. “With _Luke_.”

Defending Ben was automatic; she couldn’t stop it any more than she could stop her heart from beating.

“Biggest mistake of my life. And that’s saying something, believe me. That’s why I’m here now. To fix things.”

That got her attention. “How?”

“Can we just—” He stopped, but still held his hands up. “Put the lightsaber down. You don’t need it.”

“You _kidnapped_ me. I think I do.”

“All right, I kidnapped you. Let’s forget about that for a minute.” Carefully, he lowered his hands, palms down in a calming motion. “I just want to talk, okay?”

Rey thought about it a moment. “No,” she finally said.

He gusted an exasperated breath. “No wonder Ben loves you. You’re as stubborn as he is.”

It was like he’d punched her. “He doesn’t love me!” she shouted. “He told me to go away!”

Without warning, tears rushed out. She clenched her jaw and turned away, horrified and ashamed.

Han’s face softened. “Oh, kid,” he said.

He stepped closer, put a tentative, awkward hand on her shoulder. Pulling away, she deactivated her lightsaber. She’d never be able to hurt Ben’s father, anyway.

“There’s something you need to understand,” he said. “About men. I’m a man, so I know what I’m talking about.”

She kept her face turned away, struggling to stop crying.

He didn’t try to touch her again, but he stayed close. “When a man loves a woman more than anything else in the galaxy, more than he loves his own life, he’ll do anything for her. Even if it’s the last thing he wants to do, he’ll do it. As long as he knows she’ll be safe.”

Rey finally looked up at him. “What?”

“Ben didn’t tell you to go away because he didn’t want you. He told you because he wants to protect you.”

“How do you know?” She meant to sneer. The words came out as a plea.

“Because I know my son. I know what you mean to—”

“_Han!”_ a voice roared in Shyriiwook. “_Get up here! We have company!”_

Han spun and darted for the cockpit.

Rey was after him without even thinking. “It’s probably my ship,” she panted.

They skidded into the cockpit just about the time a bolt of blue energy went sizzling past the viewport. Janshi zipped past overhead the next moment.

“What the _kriff_ is that?” Han piled into the pilot’s seat. “Chewie, get a lock on it.”

The Wookiee in the copilot’s seat reached across for the weapons controls. Chewie? Ben’s uncle Chewie?

“No!” Rey knocked his hand away. He snarled. “It was just a warning shot,” she said. “He knows never to fire on this ship.”

“He _who?” _Han demanded, shoving the _Falcon_ into an evasive swoop that had Rey hanging on to the pilot’s and copilot’s seats.

“My ship. Janshi,” she said. “He must’ve sensed I was angry when you took off with me.”

“_Sensed _you—” Han began.

“_Another ship_,” Chewie rumbled. “_Closing fast_.”

Rey leaned over Han’s shoulder to study the sensor screen. “Allanar light freighter.” She frowned. “Jev Balak’s’ ship. What’s he doing here?”

“Who,” Han said, his voice strained, “is Jev Balak?”

Rey shrugged. “He’s a slicer from Arkanis. I keep seeing him around. It feels like he’s watching me.”

Han and the Wookiee exchanged a look. “Uh-huh,” Han said. “I hate to tell you this, but he probably _is_ watching you.”

The comm blinked to life. “Corellian freighter. You have aboard an individual under First Order protection. Return to Takodana immediately.”

Rey stared at the comm, stunned. “What?”

“Yeah, he’s been watching you,” Han said, grinning crookedly.

“_Course plotted_,” Chewie growled.

Han pushed the slides. The stars beyond the viewport stretched and spun into a swirling blue tunnel.

Han leaned back in the pilot’s seat. “Sloppy,” he commented. “I’m willing to bet ol’ Jev loses his job after this.”

Rey was watching Chewie as he worked the copilot’s controls. Something about him niggled at the back of her mind, a strange sense of familiarity…

“I’ve seen you before,” she said slowly.

The Wookiee turned. The bright blue eyes in the shaggy face on a level with her own made her even more sure.

“_On Jakku_,” Chewie said. _“I asked you to come with me, but you didn’t understand me_.” He cocked his head. “_You understand me now_.”

Rey’s face heated. “I learned Shyriiwook after that. In case you came back.”

Han turned in the pilot’s seat. “Ben was with Luke then. He knew you were in trouble, so he sent me to get you. Chewie found you…” He shrugged. “He couldn’t talk to you, and we had no way of knowing who you were before the local boss decided we were a problem he needed to get rid of.”

Rey sank into one of the jump seats. “Leia told me… It’s true?”

Han nodded. “I think Ben must’ve been about seventeen. A couple of years before he left Luke.”

“When Mashra was killed.” Tears ached at the backs of her eyes. “Ben sent you. He left people to watch me. He really does…” _Love me_. She couldn’t say it aloud. It was too close to her heart, too much vulnerability.

“Yeah, kid.” Han sighed. “He does.”

Realization unfurled like a flower. “He doesn’t know you went to Jakku,” she whispered. “I kept trying to talk him into going home. He always said his family didn’t care about him.”

Han squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. “He would. Maybe…” He met her eyes again. “Maybe with your help, we can show him different.”

**Han - Bespin**

Han was not expecting what he found in orbit above Bespin when they dropped out of hyperspace. Two or three First Order ships, sure. Something low-profile, like a command shuttle, maybe an ambassadorial corvette. But a whole fleet of star destroyers? No.

“Kriff,” he muttered.

“Corellian freighter,” boomed over the comm. “You will surrender immediately. Disengage your weapons and prepare to be tractored aboard.”

“So much for a quiet entrance,” Han grumbled.

“_They’ve launched TIEs_,” Chewie grunted.

Sure enough, a cloud of black dots swarmed toward them.

Rey popped out of the seat behind them. “I’ll man the guns.”

Han waved her down. “They’re not going to fire on us. Not with you aboard. They’re just trying to intimidate us.”

As if to give the lie to his words, green bolts of laser fire streaked past in front of them. The TIEs roared past, swung around and clustered around, trying to herd them. Han pulled the _Falcon_ up than dove back down again. The TIEs swerved to evade.

“Corellian freighter—”

“Yeah, yeah.” Han switched off the channel.

“Don’t you damage this ship!” Rey shouted.

“Just getting us some breathing room,” Han said. “She can take a little bump like that.”

The shields of the TIE in front of them flared white and yellow as a streak of blue energy hit it. Another shot hit the TIE to the left.

“Janshi!” Rey gasped.

Sure enough, an unidentified ship showed on the sensors. It dove in, popped off a shot and streaked away again.

“And here I thought you were all alone,” Han said.

The comm blinked back on, the secure channel. “What the hell are you doing, Han!” Lando barked. “Trying to start an intergalactic incident?”

The shields flared as they entered Bespin’s atmosphere.

“Just get me landing clearances, Lando. I’ll take care of everything once I’m down there.”

“You’d better,” Lando warned. “I’m not interested in hosting another occupying force.”

Rey’s ship—what the kriff _was_ that thing?—had gotten the TIEs to back off. Han powered for the docking platform Lando assigned.

**Ben – Bespin**

The secure comm in Supreme Leader Kylo Ren’s helmet clicked on: “_The ship carrying the girl is heading toward your location. It may be an assassination attempt, Supreme Leader. Shall we intercept?”_

The same moment, Rey burst into being in the Force. Ben shot out of his chair. Ignoring the exclamations and questions and flurry of motion around him, he strode to the door and out of the conference chamber.

“No,” he growled into the comm. “I’ll take care of it myself.”

He didn’t have to ask where she was—he could feel her. The brightness of her presence soothed his agitation. Through the bond, he sensed excitement and worry. No fear or anger. That—and the description of the ship that had taken her—were the only things that kept him from slashing a path of destruction to her.

His personal security clattered behind him, tense, nervous and very much on alert. People ahead scattered to get out of the way, leaving a churning wake of curiosity and fear as they passed.

Captain Phasma, with another security detail, flanked the door to the docking platform. At the lift of Ben’s black-gloved hand, she keyed open the door.

He stepped out into chaos. The _Millennium Falcon_ sat on the docking platform, enveloped by writhing tentacles attached to…

_Rey’s ship?_ It must be. Somehow, he never expected it to have tentacles, or a line of eyes like gleaming blue jewels, or to hiss like an enraged dragon. TIEs howled past overhead. The rest of Phasma’s security had the _Falcon_ surrounded, blasters wavering back and forth between it and the tentacled…_thing_.

The _Falcon’s_ ramp lowered. With a disgruntled grumble and rattle, Rey’s ship withdrew its tentacles. Han Solo descended a moment later and approached Ben. Dozens of blasters trained on him.

Han stopped and grinned, that lopsided grin that meant he didn’t give a damn about the uproar going on around him, or the fact that he’d caused it.

“Your Supremeness.” Ben barely noticed the sarcastic title. Han’s voice was rougher than the last time Ben had heard it, his hair greyer and his face more lined. “I’ve got something for you.”

Ben could feel exactly what that _something_ was: Rey. He commanded his security to stay back with the flick of one hand.

“Supreme Leader,” Phasma protested.

“Wait for my orders.” Ben strode to the _Falcon_.

His father fell in behind.

Rey’s voice hit him the moment he stepped on board. “No. No! I don’t want to! He’s angry—”

Han caught Ben by the shoulder when he surged forward.

Ben whirled. “What are you doing?”

“Your life has been kriffed up enough, kid,” Han said. “I’m not going to watch you kriff it up more.”

So many emotions pummeled him, Ben couldn’t speak.

“I brought her so you could talk to her,” Han said. “And don’t lie to her.”

“I’ve never—”

“You have,” Han interrupted. “At least once.”

Clenching his fists, Ben breathed hard. Finally, he nodded.

The hatch rolled up and he stepped into the common area. Chewie restrained Rey with one huge arm around her waist, her feet futilely kicking the air.

“Everything under control?” Han asked wryly.

“_She was losing her nerve_,” Chewie grumbled.

“I was not!” Rey said.

Chewie put her down. Ben pulled off his helmet and tucked it under one arm, drinking Rey in.

She was thinner. There was a tightness around her eyes and mouth he didn’t like, as if she’d been in pain. Through the bond, he felt the same confusing welter of emotions that churned in him. Strongest was anxiety.

Chewie stopped beside him, bent his head and rumbled, “_She thinks you’re angry at her_.”

“No, I—” Ben shook his head. “Never. I could never be.”

Chewie set a heavy hand on his shoulder. “_Make sure she knows that_.”

The door hissed shut, leaving him alone with Rey.

She stared at him from across the room, chin up and jaw tight. He didn’t miss the quiver of her lips before she firmed them.

It was the first time he’d really been able to look at her, his eyes and mind clear and all his own, since she left three years ago.

Even dressed in worn and dirty shirt and pants, she was beautiful. He could allow himself to see it now. Her trim, clean lines, her clear hazel eyes, her dark hair pulled up in a messy topknot. Everything in him clamored to move closer, close enough to see the freckles he knew dusted her nose; take her hands, calloused and scabbed with work as they were and pull her into his arms so he could feel the beat of her heart against his. Instead, he bent his head, breaking from her gaze.

“I’m sorry.” His voice shook even on the two short words.

That seemed to take her aback. “For what?” The words came out sharp and aggressive.

Pain and remorse took his voice. He could only touch the hilt of his lightsaber in answer.

Her gaze flicked to his hand. Her defiant belligerence softened. “I had to make sure Snoke—Tenebrous—was all there. That he wouldn’t slither away somewhere to hide before I could destroy him.”

“You died, Rey!” Ben shouted. “I—I—I killed you!” His helmet fell to the floor with a clash as he buried his face in his hands. “I can’t— You can’t— I’m not safe to be near. If I could do _that_…to _you_—”

Her fingers touched his, gently coaxed his hands down. He couldn’t pull away—not from Rey—but he kept his face averted, his eyes fixed on the floor.

“I knew what you were going to do. You told me, remember? I wanted you to.” She took a shaking breath. “I went back to Ahch-To. I saw—” She stopped, swallowed hard. Grief and guilt came through the bond. “I killed my parents, Ben.” Her mouth tightened and she mastered herself again. “They were leaving me. Flying off in a ship. I held out my hand…” She lifted a hand, demonstrating. Her arm fell again. “The ship crashed.”

Everything came together. Of course. _Of course!_ That was why she refused to use the Force. Why she descended into blind panic any time he tried to make her.

She was looking past him, into that long-ago horror. “I had to pay—” Her lips trembled. “—for what I did.”

Without deciding to, he pulled her into his arms. “They deserved it,” he growled. “How could they? How could they have left you like that?”

It took her a few false starts before she managed, “They didn’t deserve to _die_.” Her voice went high at the end and she shuddered, her shoulders shaking with suppressed sobs.

Ben held her tight and murmured to her, rubbing soothing circles on her back.

“I didn’t want to come back. After you— After,” she said in a broken voice. “How could I—be with you—after doing something like that to someone I loved?”

“Like what I did to you?” he reminded her.

She pulled back to glare up at him. Her eyes swam with tears. “It’s not the same! That wasn’t you!”

“And you were a terrified child who didn’t understand what she was capable of.”

Her head drooped again. “That’s what my father said. When I was…gone. He told me what happened. He gave me a reason to come back.”

Ben’s heart beat hard in his throat. “What?” he whispered.

She raised a hand to his cheek. “You. He said you were pouring out your life to bring me back. He said it would kill you.”

“I’ll give anything for you, Rey. Everything. Even my life.” He wiped her wet cheek with his thumb.

She pushed back, palms flat against his chest. “So which is it, Ben? You told me before I don’t belong with you.”

“You don’t. You belong with a man who’ll keep you safe. Who you don’t have to be afraid of. Not with a—”

“Shut up, Ben.” Her hands knotted in the front of his tunic and shook him a little. She gave him a look that was pure _Rey_, jaw set, eyes blazing. “If you don’t want me, tell me, because I don’t want to be with you then. But I’m not a kid anymore. You don’t get to decide things for me.”

He swallowed hard, feeling like the rest of his life hinged on this moment.

“I want you more than anything in the galaxy,” he whispered. “More than anything in my life.” Words were so weak. He sounded so trite and stupid. He tried to push everything he felt for her through the bond, through the Force. “Join me, Rey. Be my—”

The door whooshed open on a very smug-looking Han Solo. “I told them, give me ten minutes, everything’d be straightened out.”

Ben glared at him, fighting the urge to toss his father back through that door with the Force.

"Ben," Rey murmured and stroked his cheek.

Han jerked his head toward the door. “Come on. You’ll need to do some housecleaning when we go out there,” he muttered leading the way out into the corridor. “Everyone but Luke and Leia.”

Ben nodded and replaced his helmet.

He hadn’t expected “everyone” to be literally the entire negotiation party plus their respective security. Phasma’s majestic chrome figure dominated her security team. The Supreme Leader’s personal security guarded the _Falcon’s_ boarding ramp, keeping at bay Hux and the other generals, Luke and the Jedi, and Leia and Admirals Ackbar and Statura—and some hotshot fighter squadron commander named Dameron who was too full of himself for his own good.

“Leave us,” Ben commanded. “General Organa and Master Skywalker, you may remain.”

Both Leia and Luke bristled.

“Supreme Leader,” Hux began to object.

“Yes, General Hux?” Ben purred.

Hux straightened, his pale gaze flicking curiously to Rey’s scruffy figure behind Ben. “We shall await your pleasure in the conference chamber, Supreme Leader.”

Ben bent his head, scanning the minds of the retreating group. Curiosity and a little outrage but nothing more worrisome. His personal guard stationed themselves on the other side of the door, ensuring privacy. Ben pulled off his helmet again.

As soon as the door closed on the last of them, Leia rounded on his father. “You can’t do this, Han. You can’t just drag one of the negotiating parties off when the galaxy is on the verge of war—”

“Princess,” Han interrupted. “Maybe I’m not royalty. Maybe I’m not a Senator. Maybe I don’t have the Force. But I was running cons when you and Luke were a sucking babes. Believe me when I tell you, what you have here isn’t a negotiation. When the other side has all the cards and you got a whole lotta nothing, it’s time to run a con.”

Ben couldn’t help but enjoy the sight of his mother rendered speechless. Shock chased outrage across her face, then her features finally settled into the shrewdness he knew meant trouble for anyone unfortunate enough to underestimate her. “You think that’s how it is, huh?”

“Sweetheart, I _know_ that’s how it is.” Han propped hands on hips, all Solo swagger. “Here’s how it’s going to go. His Supremeness here is going to offer peace terms.” He gave a dismissive wave toward Ben. “You can hash out the details. But he’s an enemy leader with a planet-killing weapon. You need an edge of your own.”

Ben bristled but kept quiet, waiting to see where this was going.

“So what _you’re_ going to do…” Han stabbed a finger at Luke. “…is insist the Jedi girl you’ve been training in secret for years goes along to keep an eye on him.”

All eyes went to Rey. She had her Jakku face on, but she blinked in surprise.

“You—” Han stabbed the finger at Leia. “Will be glad for the chance to avert another war not even thirty years after the last one ended. One that would give us all another Alderaan—or two or three before we manage to destroy the weapon.”

Luke and Leia wore expressions of shock and thoughtfulness.

“I don’t hear anyone asking Rey’s opinion of this plan of yours,” Leia said. “Rey, are you in agreement?”

She raised her chin. “Yes.”

Ben realized that he’d taken Rey’s hand at some point. Stroking her knuckles with a thumb to get her attention, he slanted her a questioning look. The brilliance of her smile was all the answer he needed.

Han smirked. “And if Vader’s own grandson gets together with your Jedi—”

“Dad!” Ben blurted.

He sensed Rey’s own embarrassment through the bond.

Han wasn’t finished. “Your new daughter-in-law has the Force, and she’s also the best damn mechanic I’ve seen in years.” He fixed Rey with a gentle gaze. “If you love my son half as much as you love my ship, you’re not gonna get a complaint out of me.”

Leia eyed Ben. “Were you in on this?”

Ben shook his head. “No. This was all Dad’s idea.” He turned to his father. He hesitated, then grabbed him and pulled him into a hug. “Thank you.” His voice came out rough.

Han thumped his back. “Any time, kid.”

They broke apart awkwardly.

Leia folded her arms. “I don’t know whether to be comforted or not.”

“You’ve got a son who’s a Skywalker _and_ a Solo,” Luke said dryly. “I don’t think you should be comforted.”

Ben grinned—he couldn’t help it. He could sense Rey struggling, then a grin of her own broke out.

“Okay, you two,” Han said. “Sabacc faces on. No one will believe how deeply _painful_ this agreement is to all parties if you walk in there looking like that.”

Ben shifted into Supreme Leader Kylo Ren mode. “The First Order holds the upper hand. My generals will never agree—not until I explain how much more powerful the First Order will be when I seduce the Jedi girl to the dark side.”

Silent laughter rippled through the bond.

Luke stiffened in alarm.

“Don’t start, Luke,” Leia sighed.

“If you think anyone could ever convince Rey to do anything she doesn’t agree with—” Ben began, offended and irritated at his uncle’s stubborn narrow-mindedness.

Luke held up his hands in surrender. “I’ve seen her in action, Ben. I don’t think there’s anything in the galaxy that can intimidate her.” He gave Rey a polite nod. “If you’ll excuse me for saying it.”

Rey shrugged. “It’s true.”

Han clapped Ben on the shoulder. “Okay, kids. Showtime.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a reminder-- Rey has met Leia and Luke, but she hasn't met Han before.
> 
> Except for in _Solo_, Han is always getting caught in his own schemes. I figure he'd have to be pretty smart to have survived all those years by his wits. I loved getting the chance to show what he can do when he decides to.
> 
> We finally, FINALLY got through the bad stuff. There's just an epilogue left after this. Thanks so much for staying with me through all the angst!


	29. Ben - Age 30/Rey - Age 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey get married, but there's still much to straighten out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are at the end. Be warned: it's a L O N G chapter. I hope the fluff and romance make it worth the wait. Thank you for all your kind words, your kudos, your bookmarks and subscriptions, and most of all, for reading! I can't begin to tell you how much I value every one. Writing is so much more fun when I get to hear what you think. 
> 
> For those who ship GingerRose, I have a teeny bit of a tease for you. 😉

**Rey - Ilum**

There were hot springs on Ilum, brilliant turquoise eyes wreathing steam into the chill air. Frost made ferny patterns on the overhanging rocks. Soft fronds of greenery nurtured by the moist warmth tumbled down to the water from crevices.

Veiled by steam, Rey and Ben floated chest-deep in the mineral-rich water. Rey’s fingers tangled in Ben’s wet black hair as they kissed, her legs wrapped around his waist. He gripped her hips, pulling her in as they rocked together in the water.

She could never get enough of him; the feel of his big, solid body against hers, his warm scent that meant _home_ and _safety_ and _comfort_, the velvet of his tongue against hers, the way his big hands moved so gently and lovingly over her. His skin tasted of salt and minerals when she broke from his mouth to nip along his jaw. He groaned, tipping his head back. When he pulled her more firmly onto him, driving him deeper, sparks exploded through her.

She tightened her legs and arched. Sensation unfurled through every point of contact—breasts and belly, her bottom where his fingers gripped her, her groin where they met, her core where he moved. The bond was fully open; his pleasure fed hers, hers fueled his. She burst into white steam when release rushed over them, a blast of heat and light, a thrumming through the Force.

When she came back down, she felt unaccountably heavy, sagging over Ben’s broad frame. The touch of cold air on wet skin made her eyes pop open.

The water barely reached Ben’s hips now. The overhanging rocks wept rivulets of melted ice.

He laughed. “We’re going to have to work on that, sweetheart. The lights in my chambers keep exploding, too. The maintenance crew is growing terrified.”

She dropped her face into the crook of his neck and giggled. “Sorry.”

He gave her butt a playful squeeze and let her slide down his body into the water. “That’s what happens when you wouldn’t let me teach you all those years.”

She scrambled out of the pool and dove for a towel, tossing Ben one when he followed. Even under normal circumstances, it was always a shock going from the hot water to the icy air. He grabbed another towel and rubbed her until her skin turned rosy and the goosebumps faded, then wrapped her up tight. He tucked her against his side as they settled at the edge of the pool, watching the water slowly seep upward in whorls of heat through fissures in the rocks. It would be too hot for a while, until the surrounding air cooled it down again.

It was a stolen moment of closeness, one he never neglected to snare for them.

Rey leaned her head against his shoulder. “Do you think it will work, Ben?”

He nodded firmly. “It gives everyone a reason to agree. Not to say some extremists—”

“Hux?”

“He had Tenebrous whispering in his head for years, too, promising him greatness. Now the voice is silenced, and he’s confused and adrift. I’m the Supreme Leader who was revealed to him, but things aren’t working out quite the way he expected. Hux won’t like it,” he admitted. “But he’s despised by most of the old guard. As far as they’re concerned, he rose without merit, and his toys are more important than First Order principles. He might be a rabid cur, but he’s mostly toothless.” Ben gave a cagey smile that reminded her of Han. “Or soon will be.”

“I still think you should kill him.”

Ben shrugged. “If he gives me a reason. And if I can’t find somewhere appropriate to direct his energies.”

“Then there’s Luke,” Rey said glumly.

Ben kissed her still-damp hair. “Luke hasn’t been happy with me for years. At least I know he won’t try to kill me.”

Rey grunted. “He’s always trying to get me to tell him if you’re using the dark side. I don’t like it. Like he’s looking for an excuse to do something.”

Ben stroked her hair. “He’s afraid. Darth Vader was his father. Luke had to witness the evil he did before he accepted the light again. He worries how much of that is in him.”

“I know. But I still hate the way he thinks of you.”

“We’ll have to work on convincing him. Right after we finish with the New Republic.”

Sighing, he leaned back on his elbows. The muscles of his chest and belly rippled under his pale skin.

“The First Order was never the problem, Rey. It’s a symptom. A handful of old generals licking their wounds in the Unknown Regions and reminiscing about the Empire’s glory days could never have brought the First Order to power, no matter how many minds Tenebrous whispered into. It took the people of many worlds watching comfortable senators squabble over power while poverty and corruption and exploitation flourish, while crime cartels operate with impunity and the rich and powerful pull the levers of government to make themselves even richer and more powerful. If the Senate refused to see the real needs of real people, they had to turn somewhere else.”

“And the First Order promised order,” Rey said. “A government strong enough to fix places like Jakku.”

Ben’s lips set. “Places like Jakku shouldn’t exist,” he said harshly. “Mothers shouldn’t have to turn to spice out of hopelessness. Fathers shouldn’t have to sell their children.” He took Rey’s hand, kissed the fingers then held it tight. “Children shouldn’t have to grow up hungry and alone.”

“I always thought that’s just the way things are,” Rey said. “I didn’t know they could be any different. Not until you showed me.”

“We can try. We can show a better way and hope to persuade enough people it’s in their best interests to go along.” He stood, pulling her up with him. “Come on. We have an audience with the First Senator to prepare for.”

Quickly pulling on clothes and bundling into lined boots and parkas, they made their way up the rocks to the ledge where Janshi guarded them.

**Ben**

Ben had made improvements to the throne room. It no longer looked like a lair for something old and diseased.

The raw stone walls had been coated in a substance that reflected the light pouring through the transparisteel dome high above. Lights climbed the buttresses spaced along the walls. The First Order emblem was inlaid into the polished floor. Half emblems like rising suns ran in a repeating pattern along the base of the walls. The vast space was bright and elegant, an audience chamber suitable for galactic politics.

And Rey preferred the brightness.

She stood at his shoulder now in her Jedi robes. _That_ part, she didn’t like. The entire Skywalker clan hadn’t been able to budge her on the issue. Han had finally taken her aside for a quiet few minutes. When she returned, she’d crossed her arms, set her jaw and said, “I won’t wear white.”

She wore a mist-colored tunic and robe the color of storm clouds. A necklace with a green Shoroni sapphire nestled at her collar, in the notch between her collarbones—a gift from Ben. He wore his usual black, but his tunic was a brocade whose pattern shimmered silver when he moved. Fine silver threads interwove the fabric of his cloak.

He looked down from this throne on the party on the dais in front of him. The First Senator in her dark blue gown looked powerful and regal despite her petite size. The Senate had quickly decided that Vader’s daughter would give them their best advantage with the First Order. And of course, there was the little matter of her having averted the deployment of a new planet-destroying weapon.

The braids in her silvering hair said _courage_ and _steadfastness_. Ben smiled a little behind his mask, wondering if the statement was directed at him. Various New Republic emissaries ranged down the steps behind Senator Organa, and behind them, their honor guard. Luke and several Jedi stood to the side, ostensibly as Rey’s representatives. The Supreme Leader’s own elite guard lined the chamber, his generals at parade rest on either side of his throne.

“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, Madam Senator.” Ben’s voice filled the chamber, deepened by his vocabulator.

“We could scarcely refuse, Supreme Leader.”

Ben could hear the irony in his mother’s words. “Of course not.” He couldn’t help needling her a little. “I have a proposal. I intend to take the Jedi, Rey, in marriage. This will serve as a symbol of the joining of the New Republic and the First Order.”

Tumult broke out in the chamber. Everyone started talking and exclaiming at once. Guards tensed, hands twitching toward weapons.

Leia stiffened. “If you think you can just take this girl—"

Luke strode forward. “Impossible! Jedi are forbidden connections!”

Ben held up a black-gloved hand and the uproar quieted. “To show my goodwill, we will decommission Starkiller Base.”

This time, it was his generals that exploded.

Hux was the loudest. “Supreme Leader! You can’t possibly—”

Ben lifted a hand again. Hux froze, his mouth still open mid-protest.

“I can and I am,” Ben said mildly. “I can hardly threaten our new members with destruction. It would be counterproductive.”

He scanned the minds in the room: shock, outrage, consternation…and some slowly dawning respect. _Good_.

Leia’s eyes narrowed. “Rey, you have a say in this.”

She stepped forward, her chin raised. “Supreme Leader Ren and I have already discussed it. I want peace and prosperity for the galaxy. I’ve accepted his proposal.”

“Rey,” Luke shouted. “You can’t!”

“I can and I am,” Rey said, deliberately echoing him, Ben thought.

“Can’t you see?” Luke pleaded. “He’s seduced you to the dark side!”

The generals quieted, their thoughts turning quickly from shock to approval.

_Perfect_, Ben thought. If nothing else, his uncle was predictable.

“If the dark side means peace,” she said, her voice ringing clear and strong, “then yes. I’ve been seduced.”

“Peace.” Luke snorted. “At what cost?”

She laughed. “Trillions of lives saved. Credits that will go toward building instead of destruction. I grew up having to bargain to survive, Master Skywalker. This one’s a steal.”

That silenced everyone.

Leia was the first to break it. The speculative gleam in her eye told Ben she knew what he was doing…even if she didn’t agree with his methods.

“The New Republic is a democracy.” _Unlike the First Order_, she implied but didn’t say. “I’ll have to bring your proposal to the Senate for debate.”

Ben bowed his head. “I have no doubt you’ll be able to persuade them. I’ll expect your answer within…say, a standard month?”

He could sense his mother calculating. “I was going to say I can’t make any promises. Under the circumstances, I think I can.”

Ben rose, his cloak swirling around him. “I look forward to it.”

He turned and offered Rey his arm.

She cast a glinting look up at him, the corners of her mouth twitching as she struggled to repress a smile. “Supreme Leader Solo,” she murmured for his ears only. “That was the best long con I’ve ever seen.”

Ben had the advantage of his helmet—he grinned.

When Rey slipped her hand into the crook of his arm, he swept down the steps and out of the chamber.

**Ben - Coruscant**

The wedding was held on Coruscant. The New Republic saw the location in the old Jedi Temple as a gesture of respect to the bride. The First Order considered the former Imperial Palace the most appropriate venue for the marriage of their Supreme Leader.

Sitting behind Rey in a bright room whose tall windows looked out on the Coruscanti skyline, Ben was braiding _eternally beloved_ into her hair. A jeweled hair clip that had belonged to his grandmother waited on the table beside them.

Rey was already in her wedding dress. The bodice left her strong shoulders bare. Lace sleeves covered her scarred arms.

She kicked at the skirt sprinkled with glittering stars of crystals, frowning. “Are you sure I can fight in this?”

Ben muted his end of the bond so she wouldn’t feel his amusement. “If the Jedi can fight in robes, I’m sure you can fight in a divided skirt.”

“_You_ drop your cape when you fight.”

“So it doesn’t hamper my swing.” He leaned forward, kissed the tip of her ear. “Besides, I don’t think you’ll need to fight.”

“I heard that part about anyone having objections,” she said darkly. “If anybody says anything, I’ll fight.”

“They’ll never believe you’re a reluctant bride if you do. You’ll have to let me do the fighting this time, sweetheart.”

She gave a grunt of acknowledgement. “I still don’t like it.” She sat quietly a few minutes while he braided her hair. “Too many people,” she muttered.

“I know,” he soothed. “Just think—when we leave Coruscant this time tomorrow, we’ll be husband and wife.” He leaned forward again to whisper in her ear, “My Empress.”

She frowned again. “Are you trying to scare me off?”

He laughed softly. “Is that possible?”

She just turned and gave him a look over her shoulder. She faced forward again. “Nobody else better call me that.”

“No one ever called my father ‘Prince Consort.’ I think you’ll be safe.”

Rey tried out the title. “Prince Consort Han Solo.” She snickered. “No. He’d die first.”

Ben gave the ends of her braid a tug. “I do _not_ want that alternative for you. Maybe Lady Rey. Can you live with that?”

She snorted. “It’s better than ‘Madam Jedi.’ I’m no Jedi.”

“Lady Rey it is.”

She sat mostly quiet, fidgeting only occasionally as he finished her hair. He fastened a necklace around her neck that matched the hair clip, a cabochon emerald in a spray of opals.

Coming around to stand in front of her, he took her hands, pulled her to her feet and held her arms out so he could look at her. “Beautiful.”

She pulled her hands from his to run them across his shoulders and down his chest. His black tunic glittered with the silver thread in the weave. His cloak was a lustrous black.

“Mmm, gorgeous.”

He gave her a skeptical look.

“You don’t think so?” she said.

“My ears…my nose…”

She kissed the tip of his nose then stood on tiptoes, pushed back his hair and kissed one ear. “Are perfect.” She eyed him mischievously, then took his face in her hands and kissed his mouth.

There was a knock at the door. The lock snicked as the door was pushed open a crack. “My lord, my lady,” said the soft voice of Ben’s personal assistant. “It’s nearly time.”

Ben raised a hand to slam the door with the Force.

Rey caught his wrist and pulled back from the kiss. “Thank you, Mitaka. We’re coming.” The door clicked closed. “Stop terrorizing your staff,” she said to Ben.

“I don’t terrorize them. Mitaka is always nervous.”

She raised a brow. “I wonder why.”

Changing the subject, he offered his hand. “They’re waiting.”

Giving him a him a look that said she knew exactly what he was doing, she took his hand and let him lead her from the room.

~oOo~

There are as many different wedding traditions as there are cultures. In some, the bride is dragged screaming from her home; in others she fights other women for the honor of claiming her man. In yet others, bride and groom fight each other, the outcome afterwards to be determined by the winner.

Since this was to be a marriage of equals (although most of the galaxy didn’t see it that way), the Supreme Leader of the First Order and the New Republic’s Jedi walked hand-in-hand between the throngs of witnesses that filled the old Jedi Temple’s Great Hall. A New Republic honor guard strode ahead, the Supreme Leader’s elite guard marched behind in their black-and-red armor. Holocams darted above and ahead of the procession.

Rey held Ben’s gloved hand in a death grip. “Too many people.”

He sensed more than heard her words. Her lips were set in a tight line—she looked every bit the unwilling bride. Giving her hand a reassuring squeeze, he smiled behind his mask.

Ben’s head throbbed with the effort of scanning so many minds, all focused on him and Rey. It was a perfect setting for an assassination attempt, though agents for both governments as well as Coruscanti security forces were interspersed throughout the crowd.

At last, they reached the final row of guests, the highest-ranking dignitaries. Leia and her entourage and Luke and his Jedi were there. They might’ve been there for a funeral instead of a wedding. Every one of them looked as grim as Rey.

Ben let his amusement tickle Rey through the bond. She glanced at him, startled, then followed the tilt of his head to the glum group. A snort of laughter slipped out before she caught it. Everyone near enough to hear looked, their gazes full of pity—they thought she’d sobbed. That only made her struggle harder with laughter, her shoulders hunched.

Ben squeezed her hand hard. When she squeezed back, he struggled not to break out in laughter himself.

The officiant stepped forward. Ben had to exert every bit of control he’d learned to school his face. Rey’s laughter bubbling through the bond didn’t help. Taking a long breath and biting the inside of his cheek, he pulled off his helmet and handed it to a guard.

When his face was revealed, there was a collective intake of breath. Rey cast a glance up at him that said _Told you so_ before facing forward again. She clenched her lips, still trying not to smile.

Ben barely heard the words of the ceremony, his awareness full of Rey beside him, the pressure of her fingers on his, the light, bright scent of her, her brilliance through the bond. Suddenly, there was flutter of nervous laughter around them. He realized he’d been staring at her, rapt, when he was supposed to reply to the officiant. He’d completely lost track of the ceremony and had to pluck the words from the officiant’s mind.

The ceremony included an exchange of tokens. He and Rey had decided on their lightsabers. He unclipped his and offered it.

“What is mine, is yours,” he said. He wanted to grin like a fool.

She took his weapon and offered hers in return. The kyber in it brushed him in recognition.

“What is mine, is yours,” she said in turn.

At last it was finished. He pulled her to him. She raised her face for his kiss, closing her eyes demurely. Under cover of his cloak, she ran her hands up his chest. When his lips touched hers, she ran her tongue over them. Heat unspooled through him, gathering in his groin.

“Rey,” he murmured, warning.

“I want to go,” she murmured back. “Now.”

He pulled back, ran a gloved thumb down her lips. “Soon.”

Ben hadn’t even thought about it, but the little burst of shock from the people nearest made him recognize the dominance of the gesture. After a flustered moment, he realized it fit the parts they were playing: the conquering emperor and his captured bride.

Rey wasn’t as quick to catch on. She questioned him with her eyes.

“Later,” he said. “I promise.”

Witnesses and dignitaries swarmed around them.

**Rey**

Rey found herself pulled away from Ben and into Leia’s embrace.

“Are you all right?” Leia said in her ear.

Ben knew she didn’t like crowds of people around her. Rey wasn’t going to show that vulnerability to anyone else.

“Happy,” she answered. “And tired.”

Leia released her. “He isn’t the same Ben you fell in love with.”

Rey bristled, but kept her tone light. “Yes he is. Only now he comes with an empire.”

“He should’ve renounced it. Joined us.”

She didn’t realize Luke was there until she heard his gruff voice. Both she and Leia turned to look at him. The disbelief on Leia’s face had to match her own.

Rey couldn’t keep quiet. “Hux would love that.”

“I know the alternative. But—” Luke made a frustrated gesture. “He’s on the wrong side! All the good he could do—”

“He _is_ doing good.”

“Don’t you see, Rey?” Luke pleaded. “This is how the dark side works. It shows you your deepest desires. It shows how power can achieve them. If you’d let me teach you, you’d understand.”

Rey had had enough. “Ben isn’t—” She barely kept herself from saying, _He isn’t your father_. “—his grandfather.”

Ben was suddenly there, probably sensing her anger. His fingers curled around her waist, warm and comforting through the fabric of her gown. Reassurance came through the bond, and a flicker of Ben’s own anger—whether on her behalf, or if he’d heard what Luke said, she didn’t know.

“Luke,” he said quietly. “I’d like to show you something I found the last time Rey and I were here. May I?”

For a moment, Rey thought he’d refuse. The other Jedi stood behind him quietly, waiting for his decision. Leia stood by, watching and listening.

“Show me,” Luke finally said with no good grace.

“I guess I’ll go along to make sure everyone stays on their best behavior,” Leia said wryly.

Ben led the way out of the great hall. Rey fell in with the Jedi: Maseo and Embry, the Zabrak woman who’d taken care of her when she’d been injured, and a tall Ithorian. Ben glanced back once and seemed content with her place flanked by his two old friends. With the Supreme Leader’s guards tromping along behind, they made a conspicuous spectacle as they moved through the crowd. Rey supposed the unplanned diversion was giving the various security forces fits.

Embry leaned close enough to speak quietly. “Congratulations. Since no one else is saying it.”

Rey gave a small smile. “Thank you. Everyone else thinks I’m a blood sacrifice to the First Order.” She glanced between them. “They came, didn’t they? Like I said.”

Maseo looked grim. “They did. The temple is gone. Everything was burned to the ground.”

“I’m sorry,” Rey whispered. “I know who led them. Kylo Ren. No wonder Luke is so mad.”

Maseo pushed out a breath. “You should’ve seen him when he realized who was behind that mask.”

Rey looked at one, then the other of them. “It wasn’t Ben. You know that, right?”

Embry rubbed the back of his neck. “Anyone could’ve been behind the mask. And I don’t want to argue with a Force ghost.”

“Master Skywalker finds that red lightsaber Ben carries just as hard to argue with,” Maseo said.

It sounded like an old argument. She wasn’t sure who arguing what, but she didn’t like it.

Maseo chuckled softly. “Don’t look like that. We’re not going to stab Ben in the back.”

“Not unless you want to die,” Rey said with flat sincerity.

“Don’t tease her, Maseo,” Embry said. “She means it. She jumped into the middle of a lightsaber fight with a stick to defend Ben.”

Maseo grew serious. “What I mean to say is that we believe you. After you left Ben on Ilum, the Force ghost of Anakin Skywalker wouldn’t let us fight him. We won’t fight him now, as long as he doesn’t give us a reason.”

“Are you looking for one?” Rey challenged.

Maseo and Embry exchanged a look.

“You know,” Embry said, “I think everyone is worried about the wrong person in this marriage. Rey’s the one more likely to take you apart if you cross them.”

She bristled, then a grin crept up on her. “You’re right.”

They laughed quietly, earning curious glances from Ben and Luke ahead.

Ben took them down through the temple, stairway after stairway, level after level. Finally, they came to a corridor lined with doors of dark, ancient wood. Ben extended a hand. The Force rippled.

A crushing, grinding noise filled the air and a segment of the stone floor slid away. Darkness yawned beyond.

“There’s no light past this point,” Ben said. “We’ll need to use our lightsabers.”

Luke’s gaze was locked on the black hole. “The dark side is down there. In the _Jedi Temple_.”

Rey didn’t let herself roll her eyes. “I’ll go first.”

Leia also took Luke’s measure. “I’ll go with her.”

Rey stepped forward. She still had Ben’s lightsaber from the ceremony. Pointedly holding Luke’s eyes, she ignited it. The red blade extended in a snarl of sparks. She held it upright, blazing against the dimness, then descended into the dark.

At the bottom of the stairs, she and Leia stepped onto a black, glassy floor glittering with quartz crystals. Three walls sloped together to meet at the top.

The murmur of voices and tap of footsteps sounded in the stairway, then Luke appeared, his own lightsaber held overhead. Ben and the Jedi followed, the green and blue lightsaber blades gleaming on glossy surfaces and sparkling off the crystals in the floor. Ben held her blue lightsaber. The hilt fit his hand perfectly.

Looking around, Luke stiffened. “This is a Sith shrine! It was supposed to have been destroyed thousands of years ago!”

“As you see, it wasn’t,” Ben said. “Even at the heart of the Jedi Order, the Force tries to retain balance.”

Luke drew himself up in outrage. The other Jedi moved to surround them. Rey lowered Ben’s weapon, not in a fighting stance, but ready to move into one if she had to. Leia touched her elbow. When Rey darted her a glance, she gave a slight shake of the head. Rey relaxed—but only a little.

“Do you feel it?” Ben gestured downward. “Below. Not dark, not light. Just the Force.”

That broke through Luke’s suspicion. His eyelids drooped and his eyes unfocused. “I feel it.”

“I found a navigation chart to Force-powerful worlds here,” Ben said. “Even Snoke was surprised.”

“The one that only worked when we both touched it,” Rey said.

“Yes.” He pulled off a glove and held out his hand to her. “I want to try something.”

Ben wanted to do something with the Force. Something that would probably require taking their eyes off Luke and his Jedi.

Turning to Luke, she demanded, “Are you going to do anything?”

Leia folded her arms. “They won’t do anything, Rey,” she said firmly.

Luke shot his sister a disgusted look. “No.” His lips twisted, not a smile, but not quite a grimace, either. “I’m not eager to start a war, believe it or not. Especially when Ben is the only thing that stands between us and Starkiller Base.”

Rey decided she was glad Leia was there. Luke might’ve been more of a problem if she wasn’t. Rey nodded once, crossed to Ben and took his hand.

He smiled and squeezed her hand. Reassurance came over the bond as he opened himself to her. “Reach out…”

Opening herself in return, she felt what he did: the blaze of light above them with the core of darkness at its heart. And beneath that, a pulse and flow of power like a great underground river. Joining her power to Ben’s, she reached for it.

Like when Ben had opened the stairway, the hiss and grind of rock filled the chamber. Rey’s eyes popped open.

At the center of the shrine, a circle of the black floor was gone, turned into a ring of glittering rubble. Revealed was a mosaic of smooth stones: two interlocking circles, one made of black stones, one of white. Where they overlapped, the colors were reversed, the black circle with a slice of white, the white with a slice of black.

“Ben!” Still holding his hand, she dragged him to it. “It’s the mosaic we saw on Tython! The one of the balanced Force!”

Luke and the other Jedi stared. Leia had a speculative look in her eye.

“Rey and I found planets where the balanced Force was once revered,” Ben explained. “Both the light side _and_ the dark. Coruscant was one.” He gestured to the mosaic. “Tython another.”

“And Ahch-To” Rey said, growing more excited. “We can take them to Ahch-To, Ben. If the Prime Jedi is there—”

“Prime Jedi?” Luke said sharply.

Rey turned to him, eager. “He told me where to find Snoke—and Ben. He—” She faltered, the vision in the mirror cave swallowing her. Ben’s hand smoothed down her back, soothing. She took a breath. “He helped me find what I needed to free Ben.”

“The Prime Jedi is the founder of the Jedi Order. I searched for the original Jedi Temple. I didn’t find it.” Luke gave Ben a look of grudging respect. “You were busy while you were gone.”

“We’ll show you,” Rey said. If they could convince Luke that half the Force wasn’t evil…

He might be willing to believe Ben wasn’t what he thought.

Luke looked around at the other four Jedi. Rey couldn’t read the Ithorian’s face, but Maseo and Embry and Eethlin looked interested.

“I’d like to see this, Master Skywalker,” Maseo said.

Luke gestured back up the stairs. “Lead the way.”

**Ahch-To**

Janshi reached Ahch-To before Luke’s shuttle. While they waited, Rey spent a pleasurable hour with Ben in their bunk.

“Getting a head start on the honeymoon,” Ben said with a smirk as he unhooked the fasteners of her dress. He gently peeled it from her body inch by maddening inch, kissing each bit of newly exposed skin as he went.

He left the emerald and opal necklace on.

She was still wearing it when Janshi alerted them to the incoming shuttle. They scrambled into clothes as it landed. When they met him, Luke raised his brows and looked from one to the other of them. Rey hastily tucked some loose strands of hair back into her braids. She could feel Ben’s smug amusement through the bond.

Her face went hot. “I’m going to see if the Prime Jedi is here,” she mumbled and dashed up the stone stairway.

She had to stand for a moment at the top of the steps leading into the cave, blinking while her eyes adjusted. She walked in. The distant sound of the sea echoed in the dim space, then the _plink_ of water falling into the pool.

“Hello?” she called.

“Well done, child.” His voice came from all around her again. He stepped out into the light, tall and misshapen, still wearing his Jedi robes in shades of grey. “I knew you would succeed at last.”

Lowering her head, she whispered, “I only wanted Ben to be free. I didn’t care—” Her voice wouldn’t come. She swallowed hard. “What happened to me didn’t matter.”

The Prime Jedi cupped her jaw with a clawed hand. “You had crippled yourself, young Rey. Now, you are whole. You see, pain gives strength.”

Luke’s voice came from behind her. “That’s a tenet of the dark side.”

Dropping his hand, the Prime Jedi smiled, showing his small, square teeth. “Indeed it is. The evil that possessed Ben Solo would not have been destroyed without it.”

Luke strode into the cave, the four Jedi and Ben following.

“Darth Tenebrous would still have me now,” Ben said. “Hux would’ve deployed Starkiller Base’s weapon. Trillions would be dead. The New Republic would be gone. You and my mother would be in hiding, deserted by a fearful galaxy.”

“And now we’re supposed to join the First Order,” Luke said harshly. “Join the dark side. _Willingly_. With open eyes.”

The Prime Jedi cocked his head. “You fear the dark side. You fear the darkness in yourself.”

Luke’s jaw set. “I’ve faced it before.”

“The dark side showed you are your father’s son.”

Luke looked away.

“Or did it show you that you could become what he was meant to be?” the Prime Jedi said. “The Chosen One. The one who would bring balance to the Force.”

“The dark side—”

“Is part of the Force,” the Prime Jedi interrupted. “Do you despise half the Force?”

“Well, I—” Luke mumbled.

The Prime Jedi stepped forward, into the light that spilled over the mosaic pool. “Millennia ago, Jedi revered all the Force—the light, the dark. Balance. Then came the Great Schism. Some were convinced of the rightness of the light side. Others were persuaded of the power of the dark. We fought to keep the balance…” He gestured to his scarred, deformed face. “We failed. We were driven out. And ever since, there has been strife. The light sweeps away the dark, then the dark rises once more to crush the light, the cycle repeating over and over again, endlessly.”

Ben glanced at Rey, excitement bubbling through the bond. She listened eagerly. She hadn’t understood what the Prime Jedi was showing her when she came last time. She only wanted to find Snoke and kill him.

“We fled into hiding to protect our knowledge until the day the Force would once again find balance,” the Prime Jedi went on. “Eventually, a child was born for the purpose.” His mouth turned down. “The darkness he held made him distrusted and spurned by Jedi who valued only a warped and twisted view of the light, while the whispers of the Sith corrupted and misled him.”

“Because he refused to accept the Jedi ways,” Luke said.

“Because he was driven to the dark,” the Prime Jedi said. “By inflexibility. By intolerance. By the same, narrow, straightened view of the Force you hold, so certain of your goodness and rightness you are blinded to the great harm you do.”

Luke rocked back as if he’d been struck.

“The Force tried again, another child of your line equal in both the light and the dark. And again the Jedi and Sith sought to thwart the will of the Force for sake of their own power.”

Ben listened, silent, but Rey could feel the churn of his emotions through the Force. She slipped her hand into his. His fingers tightened on hers almost painfully.

“I never—” Luke began angrily.

“Not for power, no,” the Prime Jedi said more gently. “You’re the son of the Chosen One. You tried to counter the Sith’s long efforts the only way you know how. But the damage had been done, the balance tilted too far to the dark. The Force acted once more. It created a child born in the light and bonded her and Ben Solo, hounded to the dark like his grandfather before him. Light and dark, one in the Force.” The Prime Jedi gestured to Rey and Ben where they stood hand-in-hand on the other side of the mosaic pool. “Will you break what the Force has made? Will you refuse the will of the Force when it has been demonstrated to you again and again?”

Luke slumped, shook his head. “No. I’ve thought—” He looked at Ben. “The night you left, I meant to confront you. I—” His hand went to his lightsaber, then fell. “I was afraid. Of what I saw in you. When I went to your hut, you were already gone.”

A prickle ran up Rey’s back. _At least I know Luke won’t try to kill me_, Ben had said. She wasn’t so sure now.

“I asked myself then if it was the Force at work,” Luke continued. “I wondered again when Eethlin told me about your connection to Rey, and realized it was her light that you sensed across the galaxy.”

“The Force lays everything out,” Ben said. “It’s up to us to decide what to do with it.”

The Prime Jedi gave Ben a little bow of the head. “And that is the lesson. The light side isn’t good, and the dark side isn’t evil. Our choices and actions are what make good or evil.”

“You’re saying a lifetime of study is worthless,” Luke said. “That everything I was taught, everything I learned was wrong.”

“There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.” The Prime Jedi’s voice echoed commandingly through the cave. “There is no fear, there is power. I am the heart of the Force. I am the revealing fire of light, I am the mystery of darkness; in balance with chaos and harmony, immortal in the Force.”

Even Ben stepped back. Rey could feel it, too—there was real power in the words.

The Prime Jedi’s voice resumed its usual tone. “Learning never ends, Luke Skywalker. Knowledge takes new forms and leads in new directions. You spent your life searching for the truths of the Jedi. I have waited thousands of years for the student to appear.” He paused, studying Luke. “I have the ancient Jedi texts. Would you like to see them?”

Luke perked up. “I’ve been searching for them.”

“I know,” the Prime Jedi said. “Come. I’ve kept them safe in the hollow of a uneti tree on the other side of the island.”

Luke hesitated, clearly torn between the temptation and his suspicion of Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.

“Embry and I’ll keep an eye on Ben,” Maseo said. “We already have a lot of practice.”

Ben drew himself up, offended.

Rey elbowed him. “Fair enough.” She slipped her arm through his. “We have a party to get to, don’t we?”

He looked down at her and his face softened. “Yes.”

“Then come on. We have to make sure they don’t get drunk and get in a fight.”

Ben made a sour face. “True.”

Rey grabbed his hand and, in a most un-Empresslike way, dragged him out of the cave and down the steps, laughing as he stumbled and sputtered behind her.

**Ben – Naboo**

“Oh!” Rey said when the stepped off Janshi. She looked around at the gleaming lake, the graceful, cylindrical towers with their green domes, the perfectly sculpted trees and hedges, the marble colonnades. Her eyes shined. “It’s beautiful!”

“It was my grandmother’s retreat when she was Queen of Naboo. It went back to the Naberrie family when she died. My mother’s cousin deeded it back to her.” Ben bent his head and whispered, “We can swim in the lake when the guests have gone.”

Her eyes still shined, but for a different reason this time.

He took her hand and led her up stone steps to the villa.

The Supreme Leader and his lady were fashionably late to their wedding banquet. If some noted that their clothes weren’t those they’d worn at the wedding, or that the bride’s braids were entirely different than they had been during the ceremony, or that she was sporting a love bite only visible when she turned her head a certain way, they were discreet enough not to mention it.

“Rey!” a woman’s voice called.

They both turned just as a compact, round-faced woman barreled up, grabbed Rey and pulled her into a hard hug. Laughing, Rey hugged her back.

“I’m so happy for you!” She set Rey back and looked her up and down seriously. “When I heard you were marrying the _Supreme Leader_ of the _First Order_, I thought—” Turning to eye Ben, she dropped her voice to a whisper. “I didn’t know it was _him!”_

Rey laughed again and took Ben’s hand. “Ben, this is Rose Tico, my friend.”

Rose squinted up at him. “You’re huge!” She turned back to Rey. “You didn’t tell me he was huge!”

Ben choked on a laugh.

“He’s always been huge, ”Rey said, bumping him with a hip. “I’m used to it.” 

“The General says I’m supposed to bow to you. Supreme Leader and all that.” Rose frowned. “I don’t know if I want to do that.”

“What happened to Hays Minor…” Rey said in a low voice. “That wasn’t Ben.”

“I know,” Rose said. “He was still with you when it happened.”

“We’re rebuilding,” he said. “I’m sure a visit can be arranged.”

Rose looked between him and Rey. “You know, Rey, this is…weird. I mean, the _First Order_…”

Rey pushed out a breath. “I know. Leia explained things?”

Rose looked insulted. “I’m in the military. Before that, I was in the Underground. I know how to keep my mouth shut. Everyone here does. The ones that don’t…” She shrugged. “They’re not here.”

Rey made a show of looking around. “No Poe Dameron?”

Rose giggled. “The General told him she couldn’t guarantee what you’d do if he showed up.”

Rey had told him about their attempt to waylay her on D’Qar. He didn’t tell her that was exactly what he’d been hoping for. He wasn’t surprised that Commander Full-of-Himself Dameron wasn’t a match for her; he _was_ surprised that she’d managed to skitter out of his mother’s grasp.

Rose grabbed Rey’s hand. “The General’s been looking for you. Come on.”

Rey snagged Ben’s hand as she was towed off, dragging him after her. It wasn’t a good look for the Supreme Leader. He lengthened his stride until the two women were trotting after him. Rey gave him an annoyed nudge through the bond. He nudged back and she gave a muffled snort of laughter.

His mother and father stood together at a stone railing overlooking the lake. Han’s hand was on Leia’s hip, his head bent to listen to something she said. Sunlight gleamed on the water beyond, haloing them in liquid light.

Ben stopped, bringing Rey to a stop beside him. She slanted him a questioning glance.

He whispered, “I never—hardly ever saw them like that.”

She slid a hand to the small of his back. “They love each other. I can feel it.”

He took a shuddering breath. “Yes.”

Rey put a hand on his chest. “They love you, too.”

Old, familiar pain twisted in his chest.

She brought her hand to his cheek, turned his face to her. “They both told me what you did. They said you begged them to go find me on Jakku.”

His throat tightened. He squeezed his eyes shut.

Her fingers tightened on his jaw. “They came, Ben. Han and Chewie. Chewie tried to get me to go with him, but I couldn’t understand him.”

Ben opened his eyes. “They found you?” He clenched his fists.

“Some of Unkar Plutt’s thugs came…” She took his fist, held it in both her hands and worked the fingers to loosen them. “They locked me up and told me to keep quiet. There was blaster fire. A lot of it. When they finally let me out, they were bragging about running the Wookie and his partner off.”

Ben breathed hard. He didn’t know who he wanted to kill first—Unkar Plutt or his father, for giving up so easily.

“Ben,” Rey said sternly. “You’re not listening. I couldn’t understand what Chewie said to me. And I sure wasn’t going to give some stranger my name. They didn’t know it was me. I could’ve been anywhere on the planet.”

Some of the fury drained out of him. “Unkar Plutt,” he said, “is due for replacement. I’ll assign a First Order administrator to Jakku when we return to Ilum.”

“Overdue, from what I saw,” Han said. “If any place needs cleaning up, it’s that crappy ball of dust.”

Ben looked up to see his father. Beside him, his mother, straight and regal in a gown the color of rich wine, raised a brow.

“Thank you for joining us, Supreme Leader.” Her tone was perfectly polite, perfectly balanced between genuine thanks and reproach.

Ben bowed his head formally. “I’m pleased to, Madam Senator,” he said in the same tone.

Rose had slipped away when things got serious. She edged cautiously near.

“Yes, Rose?” Leia said.

“Um…excuse me, General, Supreme Leader sir, but… Rey? You have to see this.” Her eyes pleaded.

Ben sensed excitement, but no alarm.

Rose held out her hand. A small holoprojector rested on her palm.

Rey turned to her instantly. “What is it?”

Rose took a breath and rushed out, “You’ve blown up the holonet.”

She turned on the holo. A Twi’lek reporter was breathlessly covering the wedding. The chyron on the holo blazed: **_SUPREME LEADER IN LOVE_**.

The image shifted to him and Rey at the ceremony. He was looking down on Rey like she was every bright light in the galaxy.

Heat crept up his neck into his face, burning to the tips of his ears.

“There’s more,” Rose said just as breathlessly as the reporter.

Ben couldn’t tell if it was tension or barely suppressed laughter in her voice.

The holo rippled and another replaced it. It seemed to be a talk show, the three hostesses bantering and remarking on another recording of the wedding ceremony. The opening shot was of Rey. Her lips were pinched tight and her eyes downcast. The cam pulled back until both she and Ben were in the frame. As Ben removed his helmet and handed to the guard, the cam zoomed in on his face. The chyron on this one was: **_Reluctant Bride? WHY???_** The clip looped again and again: his helmet coming off, the zoom to his face.

The next holo was of two polished-looking academics. The shot behind them was of Ben brushing a gloved thumb down Rey’s lips. Her eyes were wide and pleading.

“The gesture isn’t only symbolic of dominance of the bride,” said the male of the pair, “but of the entire galax—”

Rose clapped a hand over the projector. “No, wait. That’s the wrong one.” She fiddled with the controls. “_This_ one.”

This time it was two young human women. One had startlingly pink hair shaved on one side of her head. The other’s hair bloomed around her face in bright yellow corkscrews. The image between them was the same the academics had been discussing.

The pink-haired girl moaned, “Please, Daddy.”

The other clasped her hands shyly under her chin and breathed. “_Yes_, Alpha.”

The first girl pulled dramatically at her collar as if ready to rip off her shirt. “_Take me_, Supreme Leader Ren.”

Ben felt like his face was on fire.

Rey choked then broke out laughing. Clutching his arm, she doubled over, laughing until she couldn’t catch her breath. Rose clung to her, laughing just as hard.

Ben's lips twitched in the beginnings of a smirk. His father was grinning enough for both of them.

His mother looked like she was hovering somewhere between disgust and amusement and not finding a satisfactory place to land.

“How is it,” she said, “that in an hour, you can undo everything I’ve spent forty years fighting for?”

Han chuckled. “You have to admit it’s great publicity.”

Rey’s laughter quickly died. “What have you been fighting for?”

Leia opened her mouth then hesitated. “I was going to say ‘freedom.’ But I was recently lectured on the relativity of freedom.”

She glanced at Han. He studiously declined to meet her eyes.

“Ben wants the same things you do,” Rey said with an edge.

Leia sighed. “Rey, the Supreme Leader and I are going to be arguing a lot. If we don’t, we’ll be suspected of collusion.”

“And you don’t approve of my methods.” Ben suppressed a grin. “This is my cue to stalk off in a huff. No, Rey,” he said when she started to turn. “Stay with your friends. There’s Maz.” There indeed was Maz…in a glittering gown of green and gold. “I’ll join you soon. I have to test the temperature of the generals.”

He bent and gave the back of her hand a lingering kiss, giving her a look of promise through his lashes. It was heated enough to bring a blush to her face.

He drifted through the party, scanning minds and sensing moods. Things were lighter than he expected when compelling members of the First Order and the New Republic to mingle in close proximity.

It might’ve been the open bar. It might’ve been the knowledge that Naboo was the homeworld of Emperor Palpatine. It might’ve been the current Queen of Naboo (a second cousin as it happened) and her entourage chatting warmly as she drifted from group to group.

All those might’ve helped, but it was Rey that made the difference. He could sense her light spreading over the entire villa, brightening everything it touched. Just as her presence had held his darkness at bay for twenty years, it softened the darkness Tenebrous had bred in others.

He noticed Hux looking in Rey’s direction with interest he didn’t like. Ben dipped into his mind. Hux wasn’t focused on Rey, but _Rose_.

Using a touch of the Force, Ben moved unnoticed to the other man’s side and said, “I’m sure my lady can introduce you.”

To Hux’s credit, he didn’t jump, though Ben felt the flash of his alarm.

“To Resistance scum?” Hux sneered. “Hardly.”

His thoughts included Rey in that description. Ben’s fingers twitched with the urge to Force-choke the general. But it would ruin the wedding banquet, and that would make Rey unhappy.

“You’re right,” he said in a thoughtful tone. “She looks like the type to bite if you tease her.”

Hux shot him a look and sniffed. “She wouldn’t dare.” He gave a little bow. “If I may, Supreme Leader?”

Ben lifted a hand in dismissal. Hux took two glasses from a passing serving droid, glided to Rose and spoke. She looked up at Hux with a too-neutral expression, then with suspicious hesitation, took the glass he offered.

Rey, talking to Maz nearby, narrowed her eyes at him from across the terrace. Ben just nodded back at her. Imagining Rose publicly taking Hux down a peg or two, he smiled.

**Leia **

Leia would’ve preferred a party of only close friends and family. Unfortunately, it wouldn’t be seemly to exclude half of a new alliance.

The First Order generals, stiff in their high-necked uniforms, looked utterly out of place in the graceful gardens and marble terraces of Varykino. She couldn’t help feeling their presence an intrusion on her birth mother’s estate, no matter the occasion.

Ben, speaking with one now, seemed just as out of place in all his black. She tried to reconcile this towering, formidable man with the gangly boy who’d followed her like a silent shadow. It was a strange experience. Unsettling. Like watching a stranger who’d stolen her son’s body and reshaped it into something barely recognizable.

The shadow she’d always sensed in him, as a boy, as a _baby_, was gone. He smiled. He _laughed_. When had he ever laughed before? She tried to bring his laughter to mind and couldn’t.

No, her son hadn’t been stolen. For the first time in his life, he was free.

She let—no, _made_ herself forget who and what he was. She made herself forget Darth Vader and the Empire and see only a man in love with his soulmate on his wedding day. A man thrust into unexpected power who was taking something dark and ugly and striving to remake it into something better.

And after all, she was Vader’s daughter, wasn’t she? She’d taken part in her share of dodgy maneuvers to secure a just end.

_And I am who I am_, she thought. Even before she knew her true heritage, she wanted something better for the galaxy. Ben was Vader’s grandson, but he was her son first. Hers and Han’s…and she wasn’t naïve enough to believe Han hadn’t taught him a few tricks behind her back.

Han, watching beside her, put a hand on her waist. “What do you think, Princess? Will it work this time?”

The attendees moved in their own little clusters, First Order and New Republic. Ben and Rey moved between them, sometimes together, sometimes separately; always seeming to share a common center of gravity. When Ben wasn’t touching her—their hands linked, Rey’s arm looped through his, his large hand at her waist—they shared a glance, a smile across the space between them. The sheer love that shined in his eyes when they lighted on Rey disarmed her.

Leia sighed. “A war didn’t work. Maybe this will.”

“Mmm,” Han rubbed his hand up and down her side. “It’s not defeat. You know that, right? It’s a long con any bilker would be proud to pull off.”

“Only question is, who’s running the con?”

Han grinned. “I better not answer that, sweetheart. Not when everyone’s getting along so well.”

She reached up and tugged his hair. “Scoundrel.”

“Your Worshipfulness.” He bent and kissed the corner of her mouth. His hand slid down to her hip. “Got anywhere to be later?”

**Rey**

The guests had retreated to their various lodgings in Theed, graciously welcomed by Queen Soraiya. Only the descendants of the Naberrie line and their spouses remained at the villa.

The moon Veruna, nearly full, turned the lake to beaten copper in a sapphire setting. The water was much, _much_ cooler than Ilum’s hot springs.

Ben held Rey in the water, one strong arm under her hips, the other supporting her chest. She kicked and splashed.

“Not like that,” he said. “Stroke with your arms, like you’re digging in sand.”

She spluttered when she got a mouthful of lake water. “Sand holds you up!”

“So does the water, if you don’t fight it. I’ll show you.” He maneuvered her until he held her cradled her in his arms. “Now stretch out. Relax.”

Centimeter by cautious centimeter, she did as he said, letting her head fall back as his arms supported her. The sensation of her hair waving and swaying in the water was strange. Currents swirled over her skin, warm and cool. One arm drifted outward. Ben’s chest moved against the other with his breaths.

“I’m going to let you go now,” he said. “Stay just like that.”

The support of his arms disappeared. She sank a little, but—

“I’m floating!” She took a breath and floated upward. When she exhaled, she sank.

“It’s like the Force,” Ben said. “Flow with it, and it’ll carry you.”

Her ears were underwater, so his voice came muffled. She gave a breath of a laugh. The sky stretched overhead, indigo near the moon fading to star-glittered black. Currents nudged and carried her.

Ben moved with her, guiding her with a touch, always by her side. “Now kick.”

She did, splashing. Her kicking feet propelled her forward.

“There.” He grinned. “You’re swimming!”

He turned her upright and showed her how to tread water, then lifted her legs into a crawl.

Swimming, Rey decided, was harder than walking through sand. She paddled back to where she could touch bottom. Mud squished between her toes as she walked back to the shore. When Ben didn’t follow, she turned back to find him gazing at her with an awestruck expression.

All at once, he surged out of the water. Drops scattered in a spray of amber. His skin gleamed like copper in the moonlight. Catching her in his arms, he spun her around. She clung to his shoulders, squealing.

He set her on her feet again. “You look like a water spirit rising from the lake.”

“You look like everything I always wanted.”

They dried each other off and settled on a grassy patch. Tiny waves lapped at the shore. Some creature called, its voice echoing across the water. Insects clicked in the trees around them.

Leaning back in Ben’s arms, Rey sighed; the quiet was a relief after a _very_ long day. His relief echoed hers. They sat in contented silence a while, Ben drawing soothing patterns on her bare thigh.

“What do you think everyone is doing in Theed right now?” she said.

Ben considered. “I’ll guess they’ve been discreetly separated into different hotels. Although random meetings in the entertainment district remain possible.”

“About that,” Rey said and turned to face him. “I saw what you did to Rose. Sending Hux after her. How could you?”

He smirked. “I’m encouraging fraternization.”

“He probably has whips and chains in a room somewhere.” She shuddered.

“Rey!” He gave her a squeeze. “How do you know about things like that?”

“Rose showed me this holo series called Master of the Galaxy—”

“Maybe Rose is the one who likes whips and chains.”

Rey narrowed her eyes. “How do _you_ know about things like that?”

He gave her a long look. “I’ve been seeing people’s sexual fantasies since I was twelve years old.”

“Oh.”

Very gently, he wrapped a big hand around her throat. “Do _you_ like whips and chains?”

She went hot from her armpits to the top of her head. “Ugh. No!”

He gathered her wrists in one hand behind her back. “You like it when I do this.” He set his mouth to her neck until she squirmed. He thrust up with his hips while holding her down. “And this.”

“I’ve thought about doing that on your throne,” she said breathlessly.

He laughed softly and darkly. “We can do that. You’ll wear a pale dress. I’ll pull the top down to your waist. Your arms will be trapped in the sleeves and your skirt bunched up around your waist so you’re bare to me.”

Heat unspooled through her, tightening down low. “And what about you? What will you wear?”

“Everything,” he whispered in her ear. “Even my helmet and gloves.”

She shivered.

His hands began to rove over her. “What else have you thought about?”

She squirmed. “Lying in the grass under the sun and wide open sky while you take me. Or maybe I’ll ride you. Either one is good.”

“We can’t do that on Ilum,” he said thoughtfully. “We’ll need another throne world. A green, beautiful one.” One hand roamed along her thigh. “I already have worlds competing for the honor. I’m waiting for a New Republic world to join the race.”

Thought was fast unraveling. “But whichever you choose…” She closed her eyes and sighed. “…the others will resent.”

“You’re full of good ideas tonight,” he murmured as he brushed his lips down her neck. “Tell me what you have in mind.”

“Someplace that doesn’t belong to anyone. Like Tython.”

“We’d have to reopen…” He kissed her neck. “…the hyperspace lanes.”

She tangled a hand in his hair. “I think there’s a reason Tython was hidden. It needed someone who could understand what it was. What it meant.”

He shifted her so he cradled her in one arm, his eyes so full of love she thought her heart would break. “What does it mean?”

“Everything is whole. Things aren’t broken and wrong anymore.” She gave a frustrated growl. “I’m not explaining it right. I feel—”

“I know. I feel it too.” He cupped her face, kissed her tenderly. “The Force brought us together for a reason.”

“I thought you didn’t believe in the will of the Force,” she teased.

“If the Force gave me you, I’m willing to reconsider.” He lowered her to the grass, braced himself on one elbow. "You have no idea what you've done for me, Rey." His eyes held that deep intensity they got when he was pouring his heart out. "Even when you were small, you kept me sane when I was being torn apart. You made me feel worthy. You gave me hope when I had none."

Tears pushed up so hard and fast she couldn’t speak. She lunged up, wrapped her arms around him and squeezed as tight as she could.

Finally, she managed, "I think I'd have survived Jakku. But that was all it would've been—survival. Just one day after another with nothing better to hope for. Waiting—" Her voice squeezed into silence again. She swallowed hard. "For someone who would never come back. Then you came... and you gave me _you._ And you're the best thing in the whole galaxy. "

He strained her to him just as tightly as she had. "_Rey_..."

Through the bond, she could feel his devotion and overflowing love. She’d loved him for so long. That love had changed year by year, but one thing never had: she’d always wanted to be with him forever. That wish was granted today.

She wriggled in his grasp, suddenly needing to be _closer_.

“Ben? I'm thinking… We're under the moon and a mostly open sky. Maybe we can start with that."

He gave a shaky laugh and relaxed his arms. There was a suspicious gleam of wetness in his eyes. "Would you like that, sweetheart?"

Tipping her head back, she gave him a sultry look through her lashes. “_Yes_, Supreme Leader Ren. _Take me_.”

With a growl, he descended on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for staying with me through all the years of angst! Although this story was much grimmer than what I usually write, Ben and Rey's characters don't suffer nearly as much as they do in canon. It was interesting to see how they developed under each other's influence. Ben is much lighter and more balanced than Kylo/Ben in [Darkness, Take My Hand,](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14194050) not having Luke's attempted murder to push him almost completely to the dark side. And Rey, removed from Jakku ten years earlier, gets a much broader range of experiences than just the struggle to survive. She'll always have that survival instinct, but she's more civilized and educated.
> 
> Most of all, I got great satisfaction out of giving Ben and Rey the happy ending they deserve, along with a balanced Force and a galaxy at peace. The way things should be.
> 
> May the Force be with you, dear reader.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like this fic, you can find my original fiction under my [real name](https://books2read.com/ap/xekamn/Kathlena-L-Contreras) and my [pen name](https://books2read.com/ap/p8vwKx/K-Lynn-Bay).


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